Self esteem

In talking with my primary spirit guide, we talked about one of the biggest obstacles in my spiritual growth… I am supposed to be connecting with the god Cernunnos. This God wants me to live more authentically to myself, and that will better enhance my life, my spiritual practice, and make me grow stronger magically.

The issue is, I do not feel safe to truly be my authentic self, because I attract too much attention when I am too authentic. This attention is unwanted, and often has a negative effect on my emotional mental and physical well-being.

So I asked him how do I work on this self esteem issue so that I can better connect with Cernnunos, and progress spiritually…. Without having to wait for my life partner to show up and make me feel safe?

This was his advice:

- Dancing burlesque played a part in your authenticity, confidence, and self-esteem back in North Carolina. While the time of performing has passed, you should examine what it was about burlesque that strengthened you and helped you truly express your authentic self… Then find a way to bring that into your life now. (36)

- continue working on your laundry list of unfinished business in the mental and emotional realm with therapy. This includes childhood trauma, relationship, trauma, routing out the cause of the feelings of unworthiness. You can’t make progress forward with things holding you back, actively.  (65)

- actually rely on the spirit community that you have. You hesitate to ask and feel unworthy of receiving. ask. There are those that would give unconditional giving, you just need to be vulnerable enough to allow it and ask for the help. pray to the gods when you need them, don’t just suffer alone. They don’t know what’s going on in your life if you don’t talk to them, so talk to them and don’t be afraid to ask for help. (46)

- you need to change the way you think about yourself and take on new perspectives when it comes to yourself. It’s the difference between working out because you hate your body and working out because you love your body. That point of view shift will be paramount. The belief that you are lesser, that you are weak, that you are alone, that you are unworthy… This You need a new perspective. (43 & 56)

- if you feel things shifting and changing, don’t fight it. Don’t slip back into old patterns, don’t think about the dangers, just embrace it and go with it breaking down the structures that keep you from living authentically will take time. You will need to take it down brick by brick, when you get tired or scared and want to hide behind the walls, don’t let yourself do it. Do the opposite and take a jackhammer. (64)

- - lighten up! This is some thing that should be joyful and fun. You will have more luck with this in playfulness and goofiness then you will seeing it as a chore. This is not some mountain to take down. Look at it in its simplest form. This is an adventure, not a struggle.

hinduism discussion board

 Interestingly, I find the idea of selfless action to be in line with the Taoist concept of non-action. Selfless action being about doing something for the purity of the duty itself, not because you have attchment to the results and non-action being acting in line with the universe without forcing a particular outcome. This parallel is driven home in Chapter 2, verse 47: "You have the right to work, but never to the fruit of work. You should never engage in action for the sake of reward, nor should you long for inaction." Its interesting as this is all about how one's mental state is while doing something, not in the action itself. 

"Nishkama karma is not “good works” or philanthropic activity; work can benefit others and still carry a substantial measure of ego involvement. Such work is good, but it is not yoga. It may benefit others, but it will not necessarily benefit the doer. Everything depends on the state of mind. Action without selfish motive purifies the mind: the doer is less likely to be ego-driven later. The same action done with a selfish motive entangles a person further, precisely by strengthening that motive so it is more likely to prompt selfish action again. (pg 53)"

I would argue that Krishna abandoning his divine state and reincarnating in human form every so often to guide humanity would be a form of Nishkama Karma. Chapter 4, verse 7&8 : "Whenever dharma declines and the purpose of life is forgotten, I manifest myself on earth. I am born in every age to protect the good,to destroy evil, and to reestablish dharma." 

On the one hand he is taking action because life is out of balance; which one might take to mean he is invested in the outcome. However I didn't interpret this as a "I want good to win so I am getting involved!" I see this more in the way that Ma'at was maintained in Egypt - he is not acting out of a personal desire but rather out of  a duty to maintain balance.  Following one's duty, regardless of outcome, because it is one's duty. 

(I see why Krishna is compared to Jesus often, and why when missionaries first tried to bring Chrisitanity to India Jesus was seen as anaother Avatar of him.)

Final papers....

 I have 3 final papers. 

2 (both 7-8 pages; one with a presentation) due April 13th. Meaning one I need to do the 7th - 11th and the other I need to do the 31st - 4th. 

THE PRESENTATION IS DUE MARCH 3RD. FUCK THATS A TIGHT TURN AROUND. Write paper Monday and Tuesday. Presentation on Wednesday and submit. 

1. Background and community contexts of the care you offered. Be mindful of confidentiality.
2. The main issues of pastoral and spiritual care involved. Consider the topics of race, class, gender, and/or sexuality. --> Forigivenes vs revenge. Why he can't seem to move on even though he has won. 
3. Your theological reflection on the care you provided. --> Forgiveness. Lilithian perspective. 
4. A possible care plan for the person or the community you provided care for.  ---> Chord cutting ceremony and Therapy recommended

Meaning I need to do the short one (3-4 pages) - THIS WEEK. I should do it tomorrow...

https://unitedseminary.instructure.com/courses/1528/assignments/10351

• Consider intersected issues of spiritual care and social justice and provide the reasons why you have these interests.
• Describe the insights or new knowledge you have gained from the readings.
• Discuss what you have found disturbing or disagreeable in the readings.
• How have the readings affirmed or challenged your theological perspectives?
• How would you apply the sociocultural and global aspects in the readings to your practice of pastoral/spiritual care?

I'll just use the chapter I did about the queer community. 

links to read for pagan spiritual direction

•  https://samaracarecounseling.org/on-being-a-spiritual-director-and-clinical-psychologist/
• https://pilgrimsteps.org/spiritual-direction/
• https://www.patheos.com/blogs/naturessacredjourney/2021/02/why-we-need-pagan-spiritual-direction/
• https://www.waht.nhs.uk/en-GB/Our-Services1/Non-Clinical-Services1/Chapel/Faith-and-Culture/Paganism/#:~:text=Pagans%20believe%20that%20nature%20is,that%20is%20of%20this%20earth.
• https://www.tokeepsilent.me/what-is-spiritual-direction#:~:text=For%20my%20Pagan%20path%2C%20spiritual,dialogue%20about%20goals%20and%20reflection.
• https://braidedway.org/spiritual-direction-a-movement-towards-soul-wholeness/#:~:text=Spiritual%20direction%20often%20is%20a,the%20act%20of%20sitting%20meditation.

I want to fight paul.

 I want to fight the apostle paul. He can catch these hands. 

That being said his own words can be used against him. 

“- these things God has revealed  to us through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches everything, even the depth of God….Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit of God, so that we may understand the gifts bestowed on us by God. And we speak of these things in words taught not by human wisdom, butr taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual things to those who are spiritual…Those who are spiritual discern all things, and they are themselves subject to no one’s scrutiny.” 1 CR 2:10, 12-13, 15 

My take away? Listen not to the words of men and instead listen to the spirit of God and the knowledge it brings. 

Who wrote the bible? - Men. 

Do not follow the bible as anything more than suggestion  - it was written by Men. Supposedly enlightened men who are preaching from the knowledge they have been given by Spirit... take it with a grain of salt. 

Use your own spiritual discernment and you will be above anyone's scrutiny. 

pastoral care short paper #2

 Understanding a person’s context through a sociocultural and global lens is key in pastoral and spiritual care. The aim of this assignment is to broaden students’ interests in intersected issues of spiritual care and social justice. For this assignment, students can extend their presentation from Injustice and the Care of Souls or Postcolonial Images of Spiritual Care or choose other topics related to social justice and care from the reading materials. The paper should be 3 to 4 pages in length.

In this paper, students should address the following:

Consider intersected issues of spiritual care and social justice and provide the reasons why you have these interests.

• Describe the insights or new knowledge you have gained from the readings.
• Discuss what you have found disturbing or disagreeable in the readings.
• How have the readings affirmed or challenged your theological perspectives?
• How would you apply the sociocultural and global aspects in the readings to your practice of pastoral/spiritual care?

***most of my quotes will come from my presentation. Bring in the 4 pillars from Pastoral care textbook

Pastoral care final - notes

•  Classism... i tend to be a bit prejudice towards though in an upper class
• sexism ... i enheriently trust me less. however i try to remain as empathetic as possible to their struggles and try to make sure i don't cmpare them to the level of women... "its not the struggle Olympics" 
• sexism: I tend to have a overly protective initial emo0tional reaction to women i feel are forced into traditional or not healthy dynamics and roles 
• pagan perspective working with a former Christian turned atheist. 

intersectional  - where my iceburg crosses into his experiences and influences my care (above points)

life limiting belief that he had 

values, emotions, beleifs, coping -- identifying his 4 pillars  --- alcoholism 

wanting to be non religious... opening with a reading and then leading into questions of forgiveness, grudges, revenge, and being unable to let go. pleasure at one upping, etc. --- leading into different points of view - you don't owe anyone forgiveness. Then it turning to psychoology with narcassistic abuse and understanding the power dynamic and manipulation - cptsd and human nature. which also leads to his coping mechanism - alcoholism. weaing his drinks. dry january. he went 6 months and relapsed over new years. 

look at highlighted and dog eared pages for quotes