Sometimes When You Don’t Know What to Say
Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer
It’s because to try to describe this feeling is
to render it instantly dull, flat.
It’s like when you see a rock on the bottom
of the river—all shimmering and bright—
but the moment you bring it to the air
to share it, what seemed precious
becomes cloudy, mundane, a dumb lump,
the stuff of filler in a suburban parking lot.
And so you learn to be quiet, to let your syllables
float away like dry leaves. What is heaviest
stays. Does not wash away. Is polished by friction, years.
Sometimes you meet others in the river. What shines
shines. Together you stare, stunned by the damn beauty.
Maybe you hold hands. Watch the light as it plays.
**
Honestly I feel like this poem speaks volumes. I feel like it actually speaks to some fears I have about the future in both the life style (nomadic) and career (spiritual companion and care provider) I want to pursue.
the first half of the poem speaks to my fear. What if I chase this path and when I finally obtain it... the reality is different and less fulfilling than what I had seen from a distance? What if my pretty shimmering rock is actually cloudy and mundane once I have it in my grasp? Will I forever remain feeling dissatisfied with life and longing for a sense of freedom, belonging, and comfort that I will never have?
I get signs from my gods, guides, and ancestors that I am on the right path and to remain dedicated and moving forward... but they have also lead me down paths before as a means of teaching me what is not meant to be. What if this is just yet another long trail that leads me to another Tower moment?
Then he second half, to me, speaks to the beauty of of spiritual companionship. The first few sentences speak to the training and discipline that goes into developing yourself as a companion. If anything the analogy of the rock changes for me in the second half. the rock becomes knowledge - the heaviness being importance and what is truly relevant and the white noise is what drifts away. The river is life and admiring whats in it from the outside lets you see the beauty.
Then the end... the shared moment and presence is spiritual companionship in action. " Together you stare, stunned by the damn beauty. Maybe you hold hands. Watch the light as it plays." This is why I want to pursue this. I want to have more beautiful rocks in my river. I want to share them with others. I want to step out of the neo-capitalist city and even find the damn river to start with.
but then...what if its not nearly what I envision it to be?
