omg i got a message from someone one the site i do my fan fic... some one likes it! yay~
okie... on to another! * trumpet*
~peace
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
loki fan-fic coming off.... HORRID
long time no talk...ok... so i saw the avengers movie FINALLY... and it was kick ass. just awesome <3 so i decided to do a fan fic, about who? Loki of coarse. but the stupid site i'm doing it on WON'T FRIGGIN WORK -__-
loki. that is all.
~peace
~peace
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
happy place
ever been told "go to your happy place" ? i have... and i just want to share ti a little bit.
Imagin a world where the whether is perfect, not too hot, not too cold, not to dry or too humid... and its either dusk or dawn, casting everything in a pretty cool or warm color. there are flowers everywhere, open field of just soft cool grass.... and you can run and dance and just be free. There is also a forest, with swirling mist... I run through the forest, my bare feet touching the ground and then in the air again. the trees almost seem to shift just to enhance my fun. I can swim in a waterfall and see anyone i wish. amermaid maybe, in the crystal water.... Or my protector/teacher/friend? the one that i know is always in the back of my mind?
Nature... with the sweetest music playing.... usually something by celtic woman... and its just all fun and peace....
If you haven't guessed, while in my happy place i am an elf, so i can hear the trees and animals... nature's voice...and comfort.. haha
weirded out yet? yes? ok then i think i'll leave you be. i'll just go to my happy place and escape this worlld for a moment :)
Imagin a world where the whether is perfect, not too hot, not too cold, not to dry or too humid... and its either dusk or dawn, casting everything in a pretty cool or warm color. there are flowers everywhere, open field of just soft cool grass.... and you can run and dance and just be free. There is also a forest, with swirling mist... I run through the forest, my bare feet touching the ground and then in the air again. the trees almost seem to shift just to enhance my fun. I can swim in a waterfall and see anyone i wish. amermaid maybe, in the crystal water.... Or my protector/teacher/friend? the one that i know is always in the back of my mind?
Nature... with the sweetest music playing.... usually something by celtic woman... and its just all fun and peace....
If you haven't guessed, while in my happy place i am an elf, so i can hear the trees and animals... nature's voice...and comfort.. haha
weirded out yet? yes? ok then i think i'll leave you be. i'll just go to my happy place and escape this worlld for a moment :)
magical wishes
Ever wish you could be a magical creature? ever daydream you rode a dragon or unicorn? Well when i was little i use to ride a unicorn. She had pretty white hair, a rainbow horn, and big blue eyes.
When i was home i use to run around the house, daydreaming that i had magic or that i was a rock star. (still do sometimes, but SHHHH!!! lets not tell the world that ;) ) I would have power over fire or i would combine the 2 and pretend my singing could do things.
But one of my favorite things to dream... was being a mermaid. Or siren as some people see them. I would pretend i was one every time i got to go swimming... i was either a mermaid and i would splash and play and just enjoy the feel of the water, or i was human and i would swim with the merfolk. But i remember the feeling of just...peace... when in the water and wishing i could live in it. Just say "fuck you" to daily life and disappear under the waves into a world of beauty and mystery.
and that, my friends, is what i still long to do.
When i was home i use to run around the house, daydreaming that i had magic or that i was a rock star. (still do sometimes, but SHHHH!!! lets not tell the world that ;) ) I would have power over fire or i would combine the 2 and pretend my singing could do things.
But one of my favorite things to dream... was being a mermaid. Or siren as some people see them. I would pretend i was one every time i got to go swimming... i was either a mermaid and i would splash and play and just enjoy the feel of the water, or i was human and i would swim with the merfolk. But i remember the feeling of just...peace... when in the water and wishing i could live in it. Just say "fuck you" to daily life and disappear under the waves into a world of beauty and mystery.
and that, my friends, is what i still long to do.
shame
well.... i have been busy lately (not that anyone cares), and i somehow ended up with a boyfriend. yup. a lesbian with a boyfriend. how did this happen? well, lets just say that i've been very insecure and lonley and down... and he was determined to make me give him a chance. He i sweet, romantic,....and nothing against him, but he is such a GIRL. i'm female, yet i'm the boy in the relationship... which wouldn't be so bad if he was a girl.... and idk. To make things worse, i'm startuing to "lez out".
and when i say "lez out" i mean, my gay side is coming out, no matter how much i don't want it too. As with every boy i have dated, things will go fine and then BOOM! i'll get hit with revulsion, not really at them, but at myself. thoughts like "how can i be doing this?" "what the hell is wrong with me?" and this time, i feel so much guilt and shame.
guilt that i'm going to hurt him. i tried to tell him i m gay, but he was so determined. why did i give in and give him a chance? no we both will get hurt. And he says he is "falling for me".... its only been a week. But i told him i'd give him a chance.... so i did. And i knoew what would happen, and its happening now. life is a bitch sometimes.
Shame. why do i feel shame? because of the guilt? because i'm dating a guy when i KNOW i'm gay. idk. but i feel ashamed to say i have a boyfriend. i don't like how it sounds. and that everyone can see i have a boyfriend and they think i'm just a liar...that my being gay was just a show, when i know its not. Me dating this guy... if anything is more of a show of me trying to feel normal..and i just feel....so much fucking shame... :/
and when i say "lez out" i mean, my gay side is coming out, no matter how much i don't want it too. As with every boy i have dated, things will go fine and then BOOM! i'll get hit with revulsion, not really at them, but at myself. thoughts like "how can i be doing this?" "what the hell is wrong with me?" and this time, i feel so much guilt and shame.
guilt that i'm going to hurt him. i tried to tell him i m gay, but he was so determined. why did i give in and give him a chance? no we both will get hurt. And he says he is "falling for me".... its only been a week. But i told him i'd give him a chance.... so i did. And i knoew what would happen, and its happening now. life is a bitch sometimes.
Shame. why do i feel shame? because of the guilt? because i'm dating a guy when i KNOW i'm gay. idk. but i feel ashamed to say i have a boyfriend. i don't like how it sounds. and that everyone can see i have a boyfriend and they think i'm just a liar...that my being gay was just a show, when i know its not. Me dating this guy... if anything is more of a show of me trying to feel normal..and i just feel....so much fucking shame... :/
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