whoo...

well, i need to talk a little bit on two things.
one: i need to work on my energy work. i still suck at it and this last time, i tried drawing my friend's back pain into my hands and then releasing it to heal within the earth... my hands were stinging for a good 5 minutes afterward. so i need to work on that a bit... i still am not able to do anything major. I feel the effects of the energy work every now and then when i do it, but the people i'm trying to help don't feel and better. :/

two: my friend jacob. Jacob is a guy friend of mine that i flirt with for fun. we both flirt and we both know thats all it will ever be since he is a guy and i'm a lesbian. we both have fun. He likes to mess with me by leaning in as if he is going to kiss me and then pull away at the last minute. this is usually fine except earlier today he hugged me (his is a GREAT hugger) and he acted like he was going to kiss my neck. As usual i figured he's just fucking with me, but maybe i imagined it, but i swear i felt him actually kiss my neck.  plus a teacher was coming and this teacher knows i'm gay, yet if he saw me and jacob he might think we were actually doing something or that we are together and i really don't want that to happen. I don't want people to think that i'm just going through a gay phase, because i have already had to fight that battle, i don't want to have to do it again.

i still feel my face heat up when  i think about it >.< haha

whoo...

challenge accepted

So my aunt has challenged me to read the new testament, so that if i ever end up in an argument that the person is quoting scriptures at me, i can quote them back.
honestly, i find this a good idea, as a gay pagan , i think being able to use the bible as a tool the way Christians can is smart.
I've used the bible as a reference before, and was able to win the arguement when the other person couldn't think of anything to conmbat me with, so i think that
a - its a good reference
b- it will help my understanding of christians
c- its a challenge i can do

Blind date is on!

Ok so... my mom has stressed me out beyond belief. I have to figure out  a way to get from my house to the prom that is 45 FREAKING MINUTES AWAY.... and then back to town to the movie theater and then a ride from the theater to home.... joy. the prom is next weekend..... so this week has gone down hill with stress up the wa-zoo. but...

saturday i still get to go on the blind date!!! My friend chandler won't be coming, but she says the girl i'm meeting will be there. So now we just have to come up with a time and a certain meeting point. I'm thinking the farris wheel and i just need to know the time!

so this girl, lets call her K, knows what i look like; chandler showed her a pic of me (i have no idea what pic it was.... so for all i know it looked like crap >.< ) and told her about me. i don't know what chandler told K, but she said it was all good.

From what i know of K, i havn't seen a pic of her, she is slightly taller than me, red hair, green eyes, really pretty, smart, likes art, and acting, and literature.... she sounds awesome.

here the thing... we are both shy. LOL. i will either be really shy or really yper.... either way i have no idea what to do or say or anything!! haha... this is my first ever blind date! i'm excited :3

now here is the big question: what do i wear?

better mood

nothing cures a bad mood like getting work done :)

on a hopeful note, i might be going on a blind date Saturday at the dogwood festival!!! with a girl named Kelsey... and she sounds amazing! But my friend Chandler, who is supposed to bring her might nt be able to go... so it all depends on if chandler can find a ride and if Kelsey is willing to meet me  *bites fingernails*

well, i hope for the best! :) i'm so excited!


i got a lot of work done in my lirary sciences class... a project that is supposed to take all week, took me about 3 days :3


and as far as i know i don't have nay homework (AP exams studying can be done in class :P ) so that means i get to watch the Silence of the lambs documentary i found!! :D

Fine.

Have you ever tried so hard to fit in, only to be ignored? And it seems the more you try to fit in the less you actually do? well i have tried so hard to fit in with these girls in psychology, they are smart, nice, funny, confident, and the "leader" is artistic and awesome. But i am all but invisible to them. yeah i can talk to them a little one on one, but together? they are so focused on eachother that i'm not even there.

Why even bother opening my mouth, even when it contributes to the convo!, when i'm going to be brushed off. Well i have had it. enough. i am a awesome person too, i'm smart, kind of artistic, proud of who i am... so why am i not good enough? these girls are everything i want to be... why won't they include me? why am i not cool enough?

well fuck it. fine. i'm done trying.

but it hurt knowing i'm not good enough...
my best friend (who is just as awesome as the other girls, but more quiet... she pays me a little more attention than them. a little. when i need to really talk, she'll listen.) says that they would miss me and notice if i wasn't there because then they would feel like something was missing. but i doubt it.... they wouldn't even notice.

so. fine. 'm fine with it. i just have to stop trying to fit in and just... not cry. i'll just find something else to do since i can't talk with them, even though they are my"friends".

fine.