breathe again

okay, i can breathe again.

i found it.

it was in my first classroom.

all good.

all good.

i can relax again.

oh please help.

keeper of all that disapears
hear me now open your ear
the object lost (my phone) returns to me
this i will
so mote it be.


my phone is gone.
kayla never zipped up by bookbag when she gave me my wallet ad now my phone is gone.

or if i left it a class no one has seen it.


i've been calling it over and over and someone has it.
its rang twice before going to voicemail meaning somone hit "end"


please return the call.
please.

oh please someone help.

hahaha yes :3

so...so far, i've had a LOT of starring, 2 professors have told me they like it, and one girl actually told me "i like your face".

i've been called/told i look beautiful by 2 people.


and many of those starring eyes? if i look at them or in their direction? their shoes...or a tree...or chair...or friend suddenly become so much more interesting.... its like

"oh crap! she's looking! she'll steal my soul!!"

hehe.
hehehe.
hehehehe.

but for now i think i will just relax and enjoy this day :)

have a good day my lovelies!!!! <3 <3 <3

for tonight.... the veil is open, and everyone is out to play.

Halloween

Blessed Samhain!!!

Today marks the beginning of the thinning of the veil between our world and the spirit world....
people would dress up and make jackolanterns to scare away the spirits that threateed to take them away... it was a time to be respectful and wary....

but now its halloween,,, a time to have fun!

so me? i'll do both! ;D

so! my plans for the night.

first..go to school dressed as ^^^^

figure out which party i want to go to (the one with all gay people of whom i only know 3, maybe get to flirt with some girls or the one in which i only know 2 and will most likely get hit on by guys...)

then get home, take the stuff off my face, and get into my faerie costume.

then around suppertime i'll head over to kyle's place for dinner and a bonfire.

then  around 8 i'll head to whatever party. prolly stop by at work to say hi and grab some soda, since i won't be drinking alcohol tonight. 

then at the wee hours of the morning i'll either be driving hime..or crashing at one of the parties for the night. 

yay. 

but which party to go to?

experiences

soo......writing my novel of short stories is going to be a bit difficult.
almost all of the stories will be a bit erotic and since i am really inexperienced, i can only guess at stuff.

i don't have any experiences....

which sucks.

all my writing is guess work.

feminism

feminism: the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.

plans~

So i'm going to ECU tonight to check out a ghost hunt :DDDDDD

and then i'll stay and watch "As Above, So Below" at the theate on campus :3

yay~

*sigh* alright

Well, Bree seems to need space..... so there's that.
poor girl is very stressed, and a bit fed up with everything. i won't go into details (i honestly don't know anything) but if she needs space i won't pry.


Astarte, i feel like i'm being teased... opportunities popping up here and there... but at the same time granted my thoughts i've been having, i see also that you may be looking out for me.

but help her also please.
she is such an amazing person, and she;s in pain.
and if anyone can help her,
you are the goddess for the job <3

Character alignment

*** anything highlighted applies to my character

Chaotic Neutral vs. Chaotic Good

Chaotic good characters feel that each person must find their own way and should have total freedom to act in any manner they choose as long as they hurt no one else in the process. Chaotic neutral characters believe that everyone should do what they want, regardless of whether the actions are good or hurt others. Both will lie and cheat. The chaotic good character will cheat and lie to others only when good comes of it or to trick the evil. The chaotic neutral character will lie, cheat, and trick anyone to achieve his goals, whether that goal is amusement, power, or wealth. Chaotic good characters value the individual freedom of all creatures, while the chaotic neutral character values his own freedom, and doesn't care about the freedom of others. Chaotic neutral characters do not necessarily want others to suffer as a result of their actions, but do not care if others do suffer. They tend to behave in a good manner towards friends and allies, unless their friends and allies do not agree with them. Chaotic good characters never want others to suffer because of their actions, except those who are evil or deserve to suffer in their eyes. Chaotic neutral characters don't understand why chaotic goods are so concerned about others, while chaotic good characters feel that chaotic neutral characters are hypocritical in believing in their own freedom, but not necessarily in the right for others to have the same freedom.

Chaotic Neutral vs. Chaotic Evil

Chaotic neutral and the chaotic evil characters will disagree on the nature of freedom. Both value their own freedom above that of other beings, but the chaotic neutral character feels all creatures should be free to pursue their goals, for good or ill. They do not feel that others have the right to restrict them of their freedom, but the chaotic neutral character may restrict others. The chaotic neutral character may not be malicious in the liberties he takes. He will generally leave others alone, any evil they suffer because of his actions is incidental. Chaotic evil characters believe that freedom should only exist for those creatures strong enough to keep it. They will go out of their way to corrupt the good and destroy their works. They see no value in any individual's life, other than whatever value it has to gratify that particular chaotic evil character. Chaotic neutral characters are not concerned with life, but do not feel that others exist for their exploitation, necessarily.

Chaotic Neutral vs. True Neutral

Chaotic neutral and true neutral characters have a similar moral outlook. They tend to follow a morality of reciprocity, behaving altruistically toward benefactors and egoistically toward malefactors. Their difference involves their outlook on laws and society. The true neutral character wants to work within the law and will observe most customs and mores because it it in their best interest to do so. True neutral characters don't want to "rock the boat" but will on occasion if their self-interest is overwhelmingly served by breaking the law or flouting custom. The chaotic neutral character sees no value in laws, customs, or mores. A chaotic neutral character may appear to follow many laws, but does not do so because they believe in any inherent value to such systems. The chaotic neutral character believes in the pure freedom to pursue their own self-interest (and for others to pursue their own interests in the same manner). Although the true neutral character does not believe that the law should be followed all of the time, neither do they believe that laws are completely useless. They believe that chaotic neutral characters actually limit themselves by refusing to consider that sometimes self-interest can best be served by order in society. Chaotic neutral characters feel that true neutral characters limit themselves by paying lip service to laws and customs that they do not necessarily support.

Chaotic Neutral, Chaotic Good, and Chaotic Evil

Freedom means a different thing to characters of these three alignments. For the chaotic neutral character, freedom means the freedom for all beings to pursue their own self-interest without interference from authority. The chaotic neutral character realizes that there will be chances for both conflict and cooperation, but they will always seek to advance their own self-interest. They believe in the right of all beings to do what they themselves are doing (namely, pursuing self-interest). If others are advanced while the chaotic neutral character is advancing himself, this is fine. If others are diminished when he is pursuing his own interest, so be it. He will help people that help him and harm people that harm him. The chaotic good character believes that freedom means the freedom for each individual to find his own way to promote happiness and prosperity in the world. He feels that the best way to promote goodness and weal for all is to provide the most freedom. The chaotic good character wants everyone to enjoy the same right to pursue happiness as freely as possible. Chaotic evil characters believe that freedom means the freedom to take whatever action is necessary to advance the self. In the eyes of the chaotic evil character, an important way of maximizing personal freedom is to minimize the opportunity for others to pursue their own self-interest. Thus, the chaotic evil character wants maximum freedom for himself, but minimum freedom and power for everyone else. The chaotic neutral character wants maximum freedom for everyone to pursue their own ends (for good or ill). The chaotic good character wants maximum freedom for everyone to find happiness and prosperity.


so... My half elf "Elli" is chaotic nuetral... but leans toward chaotic good :)

creeped out

so...tonight at work..

well let me start off saying that i have regular customers. 2 of which are really sweet older gentlemen.... who always seem to be drunk (slurred speech, smell of beer, etc). They are friendly and harmless.

well tonight i was bringing in buggies from the parking lot when i saw them. I had been talking to one of the janitors of my store, who was walking away at the time when i saw them, and for some reason i felt... not that i was in danger... but i didn't want to be alone until the 2 men were gone, so i called him back. When they were all the way down the other side of the parking lot, i thanked him and he headed back inside.

so i continue to get some buggies and right as i was putting the 2 i had gotten with 2 others i had set aside, the 2 men were back. They came up from behind me, offering to take the carts for me. the taller one grabbed the side of my buggies while the shorter one stayed behind/beside me with his hand on my back.

they were too close. he was touching me. there was no one else in the parking lot that i could see. i got scared. I refused to stop and let them take my buggies and i walked as fast and forceful as i could to the store; then i went straight to one of the male casheirs and told him what had happened. i was freaked out.


now... i probably overreacted. maybe they just wanted to help me put the buggies inside, because well... i'm small and maybe it looked like i was struggling. but....he touched me. had his hand on my back. they werte too close. i felt trapped. cornered.

i was still freaked out when i left the store an hour later.
still moderately freaked when i was home.

nothing happened but i had red flags going off in my mind.
i was creeped out by the situation.

Aztecs

1.  What was the major subsistence strategy and types of crops grown for the Aztec Empire?
The Aztecs main crop was Maize and it was grown throughout their land. In higher regions one crop was grown per season but in lower elevations two could be grown. However ater the famine, maize was grown everywhere at all different times.  Other crops include beans, chilies, squash, cactus (used for many things such as clothes and alcohol), as well as cotton and cacao/chocolate.

2.  What type of class structure did a majority of Aztecs follow?
It was a hierarchical structure, one in which the position a person is born dictated their rank in life, although it was possible to move up. The major separation of classes was between "the commoners and nobility". These classes were easily separated by a many number or rules. Common people has to wear plain clothes that ended around the knees, while noble people could wear headbands, armbands, and facial jewelry. There were also political and economic differences; the nobles could own land and hold religious/public offices and they had better houses.

3.  In the areas of religion, expressive culture and the arts, which Aztec pattern was most interesting to YOU?
Although the human sacrifice is fascinating, what interested me more was the "animal counterpart" that was briefly mentioned. Many things the Aztecs/Mexica people did/believed did not surprise me, however, the nagual did. I wasn't expecting it and i find it to be a very intriguing idea. It makes me wonder all kinds of questions, especially since not much was said about them.

4.  In your opinion, what can we learn from Mexica culture?
They are taught from a very young age about rituals and ceremonies and how life is precious. This instills a sense of responsibility and teaches them to be aware of what they are doing. Honoring the gods gave them a sense of purpose and helps them to appreciate what they have because at any moment it could be taken away. I'm not saying that everyone should engage in religious rituals and become polytheistic, but we should learn from their dedication, responsibility, and their belief that nothing lasts forever and if we are not taking care to ensure the earth is cared for, then it will die. They believed that life/the world depended on their actions to survive, and in a sense that is still true today. What we do and how we treat the earth will determine how long it can survive. We should learn from their appreciation.

I just. ugh.

so i shared this on facebook:

and these are the comments that followed:

Friend: Because this analogy once properly thought through doesnt justify the argument...the appearance of another person is to the appearance of another person as the taste of gummy worms is to the taste of actual worms. sight is to sight as gummy is to actual worm wont match up in an argument. However, i DO think the question in question no pun intended, is ignorant. People should be able to like whatever they see fit without being questioned

me: its not about looks. in a sense it is about taste. being with a girl vs being with a guy is more similar to taste. so, trust me the analogy works.

my Grandmother: So have you "tasted" both to be able to compare?

me: yes ma'am, i have dated both

Grandmother: cool! :)

and then i added this:

The analogy is saying that if you date someone of an appearance (a girl who looks like a guy) then why not date the real thing, well, if you eat something of an appearance, why not eat the real thing? That is why the analogy works so well. Just because they look the same, doesn't make them the same. They are entirely different things, just like a male and female are. say a female is the gummy. just because she looks like a real worm, doesn't make it the same as a real worm. saying that we (lesbians) should just date a guy because we date someone that looks like a guy is the same as the analogy. 

possible solution

so. Laser eye surgery..or LASIK eye surgery could cost up to $3000 per eye.

depending on which tools are used and how bad the correction is.

my eyes are NOT that bad... so hopefully it wouldn't cost THAT much.


but hey....

if it works... then i might be able to still try out for the FBI.

Crushed.

so... i've had this dream... or goal.... or idea...

that since killers are so interesting to me, that i could become a FBI profiler.

yeah...no.

in order to become a special agent, which you have to be to become a profiler, you have to have 20/20 vision in at least one eye and no worse than 20/40 in the other eye.


yeha. meaning i can't go.

because of my eyes.

i want to cry.

how the fuck is that fair!?

i have to get fucking laser eye surgery if i want to be a profiler.

i want to cry.

What i like.

• using other people's ideas
• watching social documentaries
• the paranormal
• being playful/silly
• being able to laugh
• mothering people
• cats
• flirting
• reading
• writing short stories
• daydreaming
• dancing
• cuddling
• singing
• holding hands
• cats
• confidence
• helping other people love themselves
• loving other people
• anime
• dressing up
• poetry
• Criminal Minds's Dr. Spencer Reid
• Learning about serial killers
• cats
• animals
• rock music
• folk music
• being barefoot
• watching movies
• making youtube videos
• admiring the beauty that is everywhere
• faeries (especially elves and mermaids)
• fire
• water
• cats
• road trips
• festivals
• Halloween/Samhain (pronounced Saw-wen)
• holidays
• affection
• touching people
• hugs
• kissing

being me and being around other people <3

Basseri

1.  Why are domesticated animals so important to the Basseri? Please describe the type of anaimals that they use.

• The sheep and goats were used at the main source of food and money because they served as the source of meat, dairy, and dairy products. Donkeys and horses were ridden and Camels were used to carry belongings.

2.  Why is the institution of marriage so important to the Basseri?

• Marriage is important because it ensures political and economic benefits. The main reason marriage is important is that it forms connections with other families which are then nurtured to form a strong bond and create allies. This ensures that the nomadic way of life runs smoothly and less conflict arises. 

• I find it very interesting that in a culture where women have no rights, arranged marriages are enforced, sister exchange is not uncommon, and where the rules of levirate and sororate are followed (even if the individual protests) women are given compensation if the marriage ends in divorce. This was unexpected to me.

3.  Describe some of the major role expectations of the chief?

• conduct himself in the manner of someone with privilege

• live lavishly and give generously

• enforce taxes on his underlings

• invite tribesmen to his tent for a show of hospitality - this is done to gather intell. and to find out and then shape the public's image of himself.

• Organize migratory patters, settle disputes, allot pastures and act as the tribe's representative when dealing with outsiders. 

4.  In your opinion, what can we learn from the Basseri?

• The pain thing we can learn from the Basseri is respect. The basseri respect their environment and the animals in their care, killing/using only what they need. Being nomadic they have learned not to be wasteful and to be respectful of what they have. The Basseri also respect each other.  They do this because connections are so important in their culture, and the goal is to have allies. In order to do this they make it a point to be nice and do things for each other. This is an example that we should follow, especially with the way that our politics and interactions with other countries are going. We are making more enemies than allies at the moment. We should learn their respect.

Bree

We really need to get together sometime. she is so open minded and understanding... and beautiful and just talking to her makes me happy. I really want to see her,

there is a chance i could see her tomorrow, but until details are clear its up in the air.

and then i might see her halloween or the day after, depending on who she is with and where she stays.


:3

guys.

i have a crush again.

i havn't had an actual "crush - crush" (more than just thinking someone is cute) in a while.

this is a nice feeling

Anthopology discussion.

1.  Please describe 5 "good" outcomes of our reliance upon cell phones/I-phones/smart-phones.
a. Fast communication in emergencies (911 after an accident for example)
b. GPS (For those who have smart phones) for when you get lost
c. Cross country/Global communication - good for businesses
d. Economic benifits - with people so desperate to have the latest technology, they will always buy the newest and latest editions of the same thing. This encourages sales and thus brings in more money for business.

2.  Please describe 5 "bad" outcomes of our reliance upon cell phones/I-phones/smart-phones.

a. Instant Gratification - As we are able to get instant answers and questions/be able to talk to someone in an instant we are becoming used to instant gratification. This is a bad thing because the world doesn't work like that. As we start to demand instant gratification we lose patients and move on from thing that would be beneficial. An example would be someone who would rather watch the movie than read the book. Instant gratification, and it all starts with too much dependants on smart phones.

b.Social Isolation - ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7dLU6fk9QY ) < -PERFECTLY explains

c. Judgment - Although many would deny that they do it, there are people who judge one another by their phone. Weather its because they don't hae the latest addition, or because they don't have a smart phone at all.

d. Educational Isolation - In today's time more and more teachers are using the latest technology, including cell phones. I once took a science class where a activity was only possible if you had a cell phone that could scan a bar-code to open up the information needed. All students who didn't have a smart phone or iphone had to team up with someone else who did, accompanied by weird looks from the other students. Not everyone has the latest technology an by depending on it alone to have a class or activity isolates those who don't or can't keep up with the technological tidal wave.

3.  How does Julian Steward's Cultural Ecology theory relate to our Westernized society today?
Julian Steward's theory basically emphasized how the newest technology shapes behavior. That relates perfectly to Westernized societies because technology runs rampant and is always changing behavior. Since the rise of the cellphone people are becoming more recluse and less likely to talk to one another. It aids in getting information but dampens social contact. Always shaping behavior.

simon says (original short story)

She knew she needed to stop. Knew it was wrong. But it felt so good. She pretended to cough to hide the grin that she couldn't fight off her face. She was hiding in the ever growing crowd that was now consuming the street, but she didn't want to risk being seen, even for one moment by the police. This was victim number three, she had been elevated to serial, which explained the new faces examining her latest work. 

The FBI... how fun. Biting her lip she tried to see past the people blocking her view. The local police were doing their usual thing. Trying to keep civilian eyes from prying into the latest "tragic killing" of the Reaper. It was quite frustrating. When one creates art, it is meant to be shown. Meant to be seen. Sighing she dared to get a little closer. When she was finally able to get a glimpse of the body laying there, delicious shivers coarse through her body. Just one glimpse was all it took. She quietly slid behind as people pushed forward all trying to see. She walked away from all the noise, barely keeping her composure. 

When she turned the corner several blocks away, she collapsed against the wall of a building, breathing heavy. Sweet memories flooded her closed eyelids. The musical sound of screaming, sweet taste of fear. Again she shivered with delight.  Her breathing quickened as she re-saw her work. 

"Hello?" came a scared, quiet voice. So soft and pleasant. Soon it would be screaming. A chuckle threatened to escape her throat. The young woman was lying on the bed, tied to each corner by scraps of her very own shirt. Her name was Sarah. A redhead with very shapely breasts, which were now bare and hard due to the cool temperature of the room. Making them cold helped make them feel more vulnerable. 

"Listen...my dad, he is rich. He'll give you anything. Everything. Just let me go.." Sarah begged. Yes...Yes...continue. Beg. Whimper. She smiled openly when Sarah complied. Moving around in the shadow just out of the girl's view sent her into a frantic plea. The sound of her rising fear sent electric currents down her body, making her heated and ready. "Shhhh.... " she said teasingly. In truth she didn't want Sarah to be quiet. Just the opposite. Ahhhh soon the screaming....

Walking around behind the bed, still in the shadows, she grabbed another scrap of the torn shirt. No need for Sarah to see her face just yet. Once the girl was blindfolded, she began to whimper again. "Poor thing." she crooned, stroking the red head's soft face. there was water... tears. She couldn't resist, bending over she licked up the salty liquid. The girl had gone deadly still after hearing her voice. She winced when she felt her tongue touch her skin. 

so soft. Being so close to her was so tempting. Her breathing picked up as she looked over the girl. Her hands itched to touch. Her teeth ached... one, just one... No. She needed to enjoy this. Ever so gently she stroked the girl's torso, smiling when she began to struggle. Yes Sarah.... fight me she thought. She looked over to her side table, which held all her toys. What to use first? Grinning she took a small scalpel. It was such a tiny, sharp blade. Perfect.

"Sarah..." she crooned in a husky whisper, bringing out a sob from the girl. How delicate she sounds she thought, so quiet. 

"Please..." she begged again. "Alright." She said, ready to start. With a gentle hand, she dragged the scalpel down the girls face, not leaving a trace, but letting her know what was about to happen. More sobbs. not enough. She looked at those round breasts... and with a quick movement she made a small incision. Blood swelled from the cut and the girl began to scream as she licked it up. Warm and salty. The taste and the sound made her hot and she let out a quiet moan. More. 

She mounted the girl, loving the feeling of the girl wriggling under her. Take thing scalpel she made a thing, but long cut along the girl's torso, her eyes rolling back in pleasure as she listened to the begging and screaming. But this wasn't enough either.. she frowned as she looked down at the girl's buttoned jeans. A barrier which needed to go.Her tongue ran over the scalpel she held between her teeth as she lifted herself  and began to  unbutton the pants that separated her from the girl's smooth skin. 

"No!" Sarah yelled, fighting and bucking. She let her hand fly and slapped the girl, who fell silent, but her body shook with sobs as she undid and slid the denim pants down to the young woman's ankles. Setting herself back down she shifted back and forth, enjoying the sensation of skin on silk and skin. The dark blue silk panties were fine where they were. For now. She took the blade again and traced it up and down the girl's body and she kept up her shifting movements. Heat shot up and down her body, building up. She set her tool aside and let hr hands roam, enjoying the contrast between the hot blood running from the cuts and he cool smooth skin. 

Pleasure was humming through her making her breath hitch and she began rocking harder, grabbing the girl with her hands, her nails tearing into the soft skin of the girls upper arm, and causing the girl to cry harder. 

"Louder" she comanded. The girl attempted to comply...  only to be slapped in the face. 

"LOUDER" she roared, cramming herself against her, she grabbed her by the throat turned her head to the side. Just as she was about to climax she bent down and sunk her teeth into the girl's shoulder, making her scream in pain. It was that seductive sound that accompanied her into utter bliss.  

But that was only round one. 

"Ma'am?" came a concerned voice. She opened her eyes, swallowing hard. It was a young man, about twenty five. Same age as Sarah. He walked over to her, she bit her tongue to regain composure. Men did nothing for her, but reliving the beginning of her time with Sarah had her humming with electricity.  As he closed in he saw her remove her hand from her pants and straighten herself up.

Just knowing what she had been doing filled his eyes with lust. She smiled...men. ugh. but she was no different. Predators... always on the hunt. 

"Seeing death makes more happy to be alive.." she explained, giving him a come-hither look. He smiled and leaned close to her. "Can i help" he panted in her ear. Help? hell no... but she looked him up and down. She was still pulsing and needed her fix. She smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. Slowly Pushing him down she grinned at him and then trailed her other hand down her own body. His hands roamed up her legs and grabbed her hips as she unbuttoned her pants. 

"Can you follow orders?" she asked, revealing dark blue silk panties. She fingered the edge teasingly and bucked slightly, hating the lust he displayed with no shame. He nodded like a good dog and she closed her eyes. 

"Down boy." She said in a sigh. He wasted no time, and she both hated and enjoyed every second of it. Hated the fact that he was doing it, but loved the pleasure that flooded through her. As he worked, she moaned, and let images float before her again.

Moaning loudly she laid on top of the redhead, who sobbed. Taking the girl's face in her hand, she kissed her forcefully, her tongue demanding entrance. She loved how Sarah struggled. pain spiked and with shock she pulled back. She bit me? She realized with pleasure. 

"Oh, good girl!" she purred, petting the girl gently. "No one has bit back before... how delicious!" she said, and with a barely held back sexual roar, she bit down on a tender breast, her tongue digging into one of the wounds she had made earlier. A scream refused to be held back as the girl struggled. The sound filled her with gratification as she went to her scalpel again. she placed it to the girl's throat and she grew still. 

"Now... do you know how to follow orders?" she purred. The next hour was full of a seductive game of simon says. Sarah screamed, she begged and whimpered. She spread her legs and moaned as her asked her new "master" for more. 

"oh how i love this game" she said, her hand trailing down the girl's body again. She wasn't selfish. She had her pleasure, she would pleasure this girl too. Sarah fought for a while, but the body has its weakness and despite her fear, she never stopped begging for it all to stop, she let out a scared moan after the hour of intense pleasure. She knew her way around a girl, and even if it was unwanted she knew how to pleasure. 

"Now my turn again"she said as Sarah screamed. she kept the girl's legs spread as she slid herself against  her. Heat. Delicious heat. She rocked herself against the inner thigh, then directly against Sarah's clit while at the same time she dug her nails into  the girl's breast causing both of them to let loose a scream. Her's was of pleasure and gratification while Sarah's was of pain. 

Again, it wasn't enough. She moved up on the girl, never taking herself off of the wriggling body beneath her, and removed the blindfold. There. The fear in those deep blue eyes. That was the ticket. She thurst herself against her again and again, the sensation sending her into a haze of pleasure. She stared into Those fearful eyes and laughed. Her breath was fast and her laugh turned into another moan, as she began to loose control. With her hands around Sarah's throat she rose higher and higher, her hands tightening and until she hit her limit and relaxed. Just in time too, any longer and she might have strangled the poor girl.

"Don't worry my sweet," she said breathlessly stroking Sarah's face, "I won't kill you... not yet. We have a lot more fun to have." She laughed and left the room. After all, she had only used one of her toys. 

The boy was gone. She had relaxed and was once again ready to face the world. After a good solid week, she had finished with Sarah. After the scalpel had come the burning... and when all was said and done and the girl was dead, came the acid... dissolving her teeth and nail marks. Then the bleach bath.... to remove DNA. Then she had arranged the girl perfectly. As art. She was still beautiful...

And She was safe. The police had no idea. The profile that had been released was off by a long shot. They were looking for a man, in his mid to late forties who had just suffered from a hit to is ego such as a recent break up or job loss. She was a lovely 30 year old successful woman. She smiled, looking herself over in a store window as she passed by, then headed to work and eventually home to her husband. 

The thing about her husband was that he wasn't there. Work-a-holic and when he actually came home he was an alcoholic. All she needed to do was supply him with food and alcohol. With the occasional blow job when he was being annoying. He was another source of income. A tool. Just like all men. Her husband was already passed out on the couch when she got home. Thank God she thought as she passed by him, a look of distaste engraved on her face. Disgusting. 

She climbed up the stairs and headed to her room. Pulling open the top drawer of her wardrobe she lanced down to decide who's underwear she would wear next. She touched herself lightly, Sarah's were the blue ones she had currently. Just thinking the young woman's name made her close her eyes with pleasure. She looked again. Red were Susan's, Pink were Abigail's, and then there were yellow, black lace, and zebra print. She decided on black lace, she didn't kill the original owner. Raped and used her, yes. No her first kill was sweet and innocent Abigail. 

She tensed and the thought of the sprightly blonde. Oh how her screams had sounded... so high pitched, even when she had rubbed her vocal chords raw. She wondered if she could even wait to run her bath before giving in to her desire. Hmmm, she paused. A Bath? She needed to remember to try that with her next girl. Somehow she was able to keep cool enough for the tub to fill with hot water. When she got in the water almost rose to the brim of the tub.

The hot water felt amazing on her skin. Her tense muscles slowly relaxed as she let the warmth and wrap around her. It gave her an idea... one that gave her chills. She would pull a page out of the Bathory hand book. Her lips curled as she let herself imagine it. This time...she would get 2 girls.

She could picture it clearly, as she let herself give in to the pleasure that was always there, hungry. Hm... two girls. She thought about spicing in things up... go a bit younger. Get a new bubbly college freshman and a graduate. Blindfold them both and put them together... say she had a gun and play her little game of simon says.  Oh she could see it now.... Her toes curled as she pictured it. The moans would fill the air, just as hers did now. Then the hestation... She would have the older one chain the younger one up. The chains with the spikes on both ends. Then she would have her in the tub... with her own toys... make the younger one watch. 

Then, she whimpered as she knew the younger one would, she would bring the second into the tub. water would slosh. she would have the older one mount the younger one, and then ride her while she rode the bottom girl. And at climax she would cut the older girl's throat. Blood would flow... hot and sexy all over the both of them. then she would have her fun with the younger girl. the water would be hot and thick and she gasped as she was suddenly taken over with pleasure.

Oh... this was going to be fun.

pixieluv

i want my pixie again..... although i love how my hair looks now.... i'm iching to have it cut.

o.m.g.

omg..


when i was younger, i use to watch adult swim on cartoon network so i could see inuyahsa. well one day they didn't show inuyasha, instead they sdhpwed a different anime.

It had a fight scene in it in which this red headed guy used a vine of rose thorns as a weapon.

never been able to find it again, i had thought it was so cool.



Well. thanks to a facebook comment...

I recognized this character.. so i looked him up.

what do i find?????

.........

and it is compared to Inuyasha,,...

you can bet your sweet ass i'll be watching this anime and reading the manga,

Brrrrrrrrr.

Bree.
a girl imet a while ago.  a year? 2 years?
idk.

i was really interested in her.... and when i say we had chemistry? BY THE GODS we had chemistry.

i'd have to say that as much f an intellectual match Maude and I had been, this girl is like my chem match. or at the time she was.

I only met her once, but i swar i just wanted to take her out back and make out the entire night. unf.


well we talked for a bit, then she started seeing this guys and we kinda just dropped off... with a hello every now and then on facebook.


but seriously. damn.

she is single now. so am i. and she honestly seemed really cool when we met. and i sincerley would like tohang out with her.

anyway.

we're talking and just...ugh. it would be cool to chill with her.

to hang out and get to know her again.... and to see if that spark is there still ;)

The main reason i'm obsessed with Criminal Minds....

gah.

i wanna find a pretty girl, cuddle, watch hannibal, and make out. gah.

Fall break

So... i expected this fall break to be boring....

Saturday:

• went to work
• failed a test
• joined a band....

yup. JOINED.A.BAND. WHAAAATTTTTT

I went with Joey to meet the guys hje plays with and hjoey convinced me to sing with him... and afterward these are three things i KNOW were said:

-She's got a voice on her!

-She's got a great voice

-She's in!

so um...yeah. i'm a back up singer. 

WHAAAT!!!!!

i can't even believe it. did this night happen? is it real!!?

they even lied when i sang a celtic folk song before i left!!

And tomorrow: i get to see THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!!! HELL YEAH!!! I AM SO EXCITED THERE AREN'T ENOUGH WORDS.

legal

Gay marriage is now legal. in North Carolina.

• http://www.newsobserver.com/2014/10/06/4212101_supreme-courts-action-gives-hope.html?rh=1
• http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2014/10/10/5232525/nc-gop-leaders-given-until-noon.html#.VDhqffldWSp
• http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/judge-strikes-nc-gay-marriage-ban-26114243
• http://myfox8.com/2014/10/10/historic-day-gay-marriage-is-legal-in-north-carolina/
• http://www.newsobserver.com/2014/10/10/4222691_the-wait-for-gay-marriage-in-north.html?&rh=1
• http://www.wcnc.com/story/news/politics/2014/10/09/gop-leaders-signal-move-to-block-gay-marriages/16980779/

praise the gods!!

i dreamed a dream......again xD

so last night i dreamed about polar bears..... i was in the artic, but the snow wasn't cold. I was being taken care of by this polar bear and thats all i can remember. falling down a snowy hill (not not being afraid) and being cared for and kept warm by this polar bear with soft fur.



bear - To see a bear in your dream represents independence, strength, death and renewal, and/or resurrection. Bears are symbolic of the cycle of life. You may also be undergoing a period of introspection and thinking. In particular, if you see a bear in your grandmother's house, then it implies that your grandmother is a dominating figure in your life.

The dream may also be a pun on "bare". Perhaps you need to bare your soul and let everything out into the open. Or there is a situation where you just need to "grin and bear it".

To dream that you are being pursued or attacked by a bear denotes anger and your uncontrolled aggression. You are feeling trapped. Perhaps you are in an threatening situation, some overwhelming obstacle or domineering and possessive relationship.
To see a polar bear in your dream signifies a reawakening.

falling - To dream that you fall and are not frightened signifies that you will overcome your adversities with ease.

artic - To dream that you are in the Arctic symbolizes your emotional state. You may be feeling cold and rigid. Alternatively, it suggests that you are feeling isolated and lonely.


okay so.... i'm feeling isolated but i will overcome it with ease from a new reawakening?

please let it happen soon. lord know i'm feeling isolated and lonely.

another dream interpretation

so my dream last night....


started out in like...a walking dead scenario. running from zombies... which turned into vampires....
and then monsters... like...both scary and funny kind of monsters... and then it kinda tuned into a war... zombies vs vampires vs humans vs monsters.... but during the fighting... allies and friends meged.

like a girl i know fromt he gay office was a vampire in the dream and she found a big white monster hiding. before she killed him she found out he had never had french fries.... and then they bonded over their love of food and she didn't kill him. like,,, stuff like that was happening. then it was more like vams and humans and monsters vs zombies and others creatures...


so key things:

zombies - To dream that you are attacked by zombies indicate that you are feeling overwhelmed by forces beyond your control. You are under tremendous stress in your waking life. Alternatively, the dream represents your fears of being helpless and overpowered.

vampires - It may depict someone in your waking life whose charm may ultimately prove harmful. Deep down inside, you know that this person is bad for you, yet you are still drawn to her or him. Vampires also sometimes relate to decisions about sex and losing your virginity. Alternatively, to see a vampire suggests that you are feeling physically or emotionally drained. 

monsters - To dream that you are chased or followed by a monster represents aspects of yourself that you find repulsive and ugly. You may possess some fears or some repressed emotions. 

if the vampir became an ally with the monster...

what does that mean?

insecure-blog-post-rant-thing.

so.... I recently put up a picture on facebook and its me with my friend kenzie. She is drop dead gorgeous and i'm just with her looking like a Jivaro shrunken head. Racheal saw it and i feel like its misleading.

look at that. There you have this beautiful, artsy, classy girl and then me. ._.

from this picture it seems like i'm loving it here at ECU and that i hang out with the artsy crowd - kinda like i did in high school.

I'm not loving it here at ECU. i've met some cool people.....but its only been through the LGBT office. i want to be part of other stuff but because of wok i can't. I want to hang out with artsy people. I want to do drama. but what do i do all day? go to class and go to the gay space. People at ECU are so unapproachable its ridiculous. and it is so hard to find someone with common interests outside of the office. 

I thought ECU would be great because of all the stuff they put on like pirate fest and different cultural celebrations.... they havn't done anything like that yet.at least to my knowledge. Maybe if i lived on campus then i would be having a better time... but i don't and i'm not. 

I still want to go to agnes scott. 

i think.

i don't know anymore. 

they say that college is the best 4 years of your life. thats its fun. its a time to explore who you are.

i don't party. i can't go to clubs. all i do is hang out in the LGBT office.

no great "fun" or exploration there. 

I feel isolated. alone. there really isn't anyone i can fully relate to here. It makes me sad. 

but you know...maybe in second semester things will get better. yeah right.

yeserterdayyyy

so yesterday:


stayed the night with Joey. went to his church.... not too bad. His college sunday school teacher seemed pretty cool. when i told him i was polytheistic he was surprised but didn't instantly start damning me to hell. We had a cool discussion, not once did i feel defensive and he seemed pretty cool.

THEN

joey came to my house, i did chores, and we went and saw Annabelle. I invited Anna (a new girl... she seems really cool. smokes weed a lot... but is respectful about it) and then after dinner i went over to Anna's and we watched Silence of the Lambs and her friend play video game.

it was kinda cool,

i would like to hang out with her some more :)