Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Chest Pressure

I've got this tight anxiety in my chest. I'm not sure if it's insecurity driven or being worried about his travel, but when I think about viking boy leaving for Illinois I have this crushing pressure around my heart. It almost feels like my heart is breaking for no reason. 

It makes me incredibly sad, anxious, and clingy. Especially the last 2 days and today, the day before he leaves, it at its worst intensity yet. I just want to hold him, kiss him, and cry. At first I thought it was just pms but it seems to be related to his leaving. 

Am I preemptively missing him? I know I am anxious about him going back there alone but he will have friends there and his son there, so I'm not as worried about a relapse. I'm not usually anxious about people traveling, but is that what i'm worried about? Am I that insecure about the idea of him being surrounded by pretty single girls and everyone being drunk and living in the moment?

Is it none of these or all of the above?

I'm not sure but my brain is telling me to find a plan B and my heart is hurting. 

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