depressive epsiode

This depressive episode is destroying me.

Already, I had been really tired, almost permanently so; and now there's a depressed tiredness on top of that. 

I both want company and don't want to be around people... which is weird considering how much I wanted to be around people all last week up to when the episode started on christmas. 

Being so depressed on the 25, going on the putt putt date despite not really feeling up for it, trying to placate Xander, and then D&D when I really didn't have the energy for it... then I played a 1 on 1 campaign and pulled an all nighter. 

I am so utterly exhausted... and I just have no patience for people. All I want to do is curl up and sleep, or curl up and just exist with my certain few folks who do not count as "people". And there are others who want my time and energy but I just don't have it in me to give it. 

James wants to come down here for a visit. His visits are always a little awkward and I just don't have the spoons to deal with it. Viking Man's kids are coming to town and want to see me even though we're broken up - I am excited for that!!!!! but its also going to be a huge drain on me. The guy I played putt putt with is blowing up my phone and I barley have the energy to open it and reply, much less have a full conversation with him or hang out with him again (something I am on the fence about anyway). 

I'm just so tired bruh.