a lot has happened over the last 4 months. Ihavnt been blogging because i have been processing it as best as i can.
I continued to see viking boy. I fund out he cheted on me with chandler of all people backwhen i saw my mom in march. I tried to forgive hm nd move past it byt within a week of us trying to work through it he was all over chandler 2.0 so i called things off with him. The next night he was posting selfies with both of them. the night after that he started bringing chandler 2.0 home. We havnt spoken. I am trying to move on. Its a lot.
I started a new job. The pay is great but the hours are very isolating. Its a very emotionally draining job and i honestly do not like it very much... but i am being groomed for a supervisor position and i do think i will like that a lot.
I developed a crush on my boss and she had some interest in me too, but since she was my boss nothing could happen. She just recently left and now we ae allowed to hang out. But shes very hot/cold and hard to read so im not sure what the plan is or quite how to navigate moving forward. I def have a crush on her, i want to get to know her more, and i definitley am sensually attracted to her. I just don't know if she can handle my level of weird or if she is okat with going as slow as i need. I dont know how well she would do with my drag family lol or any of my kinks. I get all flustered and shy around her - like a little school girl.
on the other hand Ashley is back. Miss We-meet-up-once -a-year-and-flirt-for-a-month-and-dont-speak-for-another-year but has actually startd hanging around more, we've hung out a few times . She actually just let go of her ex too and is in a similar boat to me as far as emotions go. I thought it was just friendly at first but now i'm not sure? I am definitely comfortable and familiar with her and i know she would get along with my drag family.
One i have a huge crush on. The other i am very comfortable with. Both are in a weird place that i don't know how to navigate and frankly i am not rushing to pursue anything. I am happy to be around both of them. When…. Let’s call her the carpenter/former boss says jump, i say how high? but i think thats because she is so new to me. I feel like she is out f my league and i guess i am worried she will realize that im too weird or broken and lose interest? which on one hand is good because it saves time but on the other is disappointing. I dont have that fear with ashley but at the same time my heart doesn't beat like crazy around her and i don't get the butterflies the way i do with the carpenter.
Carpenter is like riding a roller coaster for the first time and ashley is like slipping into a heated pool/hottub. both have their perks and are enjoyable. but im not sure how to proceed in either direction.
lets see... i moved. i am now in a 2 bedroom apartment. I am really on the fence about if i want to find a rooomate or not. Lexi lives nt even 5 minutes down the road from me, and my old boss justin lives within 5 minutes as well, so i am not nearly as alone.
i'm debating getting a dog, but i also dont want to stress smokey out.
I miss brightness. (daltons dog that i have known since she was born).
I miss him. i hate that i do.. but i do. I know that its a line that can never be crossed again. But i also miss the friend i hd in him, even if he was kind of a shtty one sometimes. Most of my fiends have been at one time or another.
i have decided that i am going to try to get back into writing. I'll write up the races and cultures and back ground info for my world. Might even try to make it a website. Then when this dnd campaign is finally done i'll run it how it was supposed to have been ran.
once i a back in the practice and habit of writing i will try to go back to school. Now whether thats for a BA in communications and a minor in lit or a MFA in creative writing..... idk. but i think i will reignite the idea of being a developmental editor.
