Sunday, April 23, 2023

SMUT based on last night as inspiration - TW: SEX

She breathed out a sigh of contentment as their hands roamed her body. The woman claimed her mouth while he explored her from behind. Although she would have done it regardless, she was grateful to the alcohol in her system; she allowed it to help her relax into their embrace. The three of them moved together in a rhythm, writhing along the bed in the room while similar pairings and groups echoed their sentiments throughout the space. The air was heady with the sounds and smell of sex. Pheromones floated through the smoky air, perfumed with incense and although the den was dimly lit, the dancing torch light was warm. 

 His hand finally found her core and he began stroking her through her underwear, gentle and slow at first, but building in momentum with every small moan of encouragement that escaped her mouth. She wanted him to feel her from the inside, but could not bring herself to ask. Instead she opened her legs to him and rocked her hips pleadingly. The bed was soft against her skin as she moved against him, willing him to sink an inch lower... 

A calming but authoritative voice floated in through the haze of pleasure; as if reading her mind, her body, commanding him to slide the barrier of cloth to the side and begin a deeper exploration. She wanted to melt at the sensation of someone inside her, her already warm body heating up even more, her insides a pool of molten ore. With a single finger he caressed and prodded, the woman swallowing her sounds of enjoyment with kisses, which grew louder when she began to tease her nipples. She was elated as her hand clasped around her throat, pinning her in place as their tongues danced. 

A sharp cry escaped her as she arched back for a moment, he had found some spot insider that shot a bolt of lightning pleasure through her. Stay... more... she tried to speak but her lips could barley form the words, her voice too taken by the sea of sensation to cooperate. The woman at her side continued to stroke her face and breasts, but turned her focus to another that approached. 

"Add a finger." The voice directed. He sounded familiar  but she could not be bothered to try and place it, as her momentary lover obliged and her pleasure doubled with the added appendage. Anytime she found herself focusing on the sensation too much, trying to think herself to finish out of concern for how long she was taking, the man instructing them would remind the female to her side to return to her. Her thoughts would be dispersed by the pressure of her lips on her own and she would once again be lost in the haze of pleasure.

She just wanted more

"Don't.. stop.." She panted, her eyes closed, voice little more than the ghost of a whisper. The woman kissing her neck chuckled, and spoke to her accomplice. 

"She said don't stop, whatever you are doing, keeping at it... exactly as you are." She encouraged, but made a point to remind him not to get any ideas. 

"Oh I  know," he responded confidently, "I found a spot." 

 Their voyeur kept an avid eye on her, reading her body and mandating his hands to go  faster, when to ease up, and when to go harder. She could feel his eyes on her, as if he stepped closer with  every whimper that escaped her. 

He had to be standing over her, his presence washing over her like a blanket, she wished to feel his actual weight. But she pushed the thought to the side as she cried out again , approaching her end. It was always this moment that her body would come to a cross roads, either to embrace the pleasure and climax or to throw her back into the darkness that haunted her and cause her to have a panic attack. She needed to control her breathing, lest she hyperventilate and her body go the less savory route. She could feel herself begin to pull back from him, not wanting to panic Infront of all of these people. Her chest was starting to tighten, her instincts telling her to run. 

"Talk to her." The voice, much closer as she had suspected, barked at the man wrapped around her. Without missing a beat his lips found her ear and he began to tell her how she was doing such a good job, how safe she was. Her brain filled with white noise and she relaxed back into him, the praise eating the anxiety instantly. His hand kept pulsing inside her and he pulled her tighter against him. She felt her face moving against her will as more cries escaped her the closer she came to the finish line.

 Bless that alcohol, came a small thought in the back of her mind, usually she would be concerned about looking foolish, but finally she didn't care. She rode his hand, riding the wave of pleasure and sheer joy at letting herself have this. Her face contorting, she tried not to fight the orgasm threatening to make a mess of her, but her fearing of relinquishing control kept her at the threshold. Her body ached with the desire for release, her breaths no longer pants, but gasps wracking through her whole body. She began to whimper with need. 

A small wave of air moved over her face, a small thrill went through her at the knowledge that that their captive audience of one was now crouching beside the bed, a mere foot from her. His voice was still commanding, but he spoke softer - as if not to startle her out of the fragile state of pleasure she lingered in. 

"Talk her through it." 

The male plunging his fingers inside her began to praise her again, but it didn't have the same effect. This fear wasn't like before... she found herself realizing she needed permission. She almost sobbed with relief when the mysterious voice took over. 

"Let go... you can do it. Just give in and let go.." His voice was no longer commanding, but soft and coaxing, he breath tickled her neck as he lead her into oblivion. With a final cry she jerked away from them all, her body curling as she was released. She wanted to laugh as the woman at her side stroked her hair with one hand and high fived the man, now behind her, on a job well done. She opened her eyes, her mind quiet as she dissolved in the endorphin high, hoping to thank the man who had been just as much a part of her pleasure as the man who had been touching her. But he was gone. 

She gave a small disappointed sigh, then rolled over and returned the favor. She found herself curious about how different the male sex was. Some men were almost the same size regardless of arousal status, others held some length and it grew when standing at attention, and for the first time she witnessed a man go from almost nothing to something quite substantial as she stroked him. She smiled to herself at the wonder of the male anatomy. At half mast, she took him in her mouth, loving the sensation of his growth on her tongue. She reveled at her victory, as although he had praised her as he was finger fucking her, that was nothing compared to the string of praised escaping with his moans and whimpers. She was perfect. She was unreal. She was a goddess. She was a demon. 

I know, she thought to herself, as she felt herself feeding on his energy as his arousal grew. All inhibitions removed from her, she openly drank in the sexual energy in the air. With so many writhing bodies around, she needn't feed on any one person directly, she could take in the excess energy pooling around. She found herself high on it, laying on her back and dissolving as a person, just floating in space as a consciousness in a haze of contentment and pleasure, listening to the moans and climaxes going on around her. She wasn't sure when she, or if she actually had, fallen asleep but after some time a gentle tap on her shoulder caused her to crash back into her body. It was time to go and meet back up with her friends. 

With a deep sigh, she rose, her head swimming. It took a few minutes for her completely settle into her body, the air was still a caress on her naked skin. Everything felt as though it was made of satin or velvet.  Smiling contently, she let him dress her. Stepping into her skirt, she looked up into his eyes as h pulled it up and fastened it around her waist. The touch of his hand on her skin had her heating up again, and she pulled his face to hers hungrily. She wanted to feel another woman behind her, the sensation of soft breasts on her back and lips on the nape of her neck while she took his hand in her skirts and plunged him inside her again. 

He pulled her from her fantasy, ending the kiss, with a reminder that she had people waiting for her. She huffed disappointedly, but he just smiled at her and kissed her forehead. She couldn't remember the last time she had let herself get lost in carnal instincts the way she had tonight, she was sad to leave it behind. Knowing herself, she doubted it would happen again. Still, she thought as she pulled on her wrap with a satisfied smile, she had thoroughly enjoyed herself. 

Once dressed, she gave everyone a parting hug - and kiss - and returned to her carriage. Her body was still utterly relaxed and her mind content as she reached the rendezvous. Anna and Hunter piled in but Logan was no where to be seen. She greeted them both with a smile and a hug, and nestled back into her seat comfortably. She fought the feeling of being on edge as Logan finally materialized and entered the carriage, closing the door. He sat beside her and his face was completely neutral. There was something about his body language that made her uneasy. He was tense and his face was too neutral.

"And where have you been this whole time?" She asked, making her voice teasing and playful in the way that usually caused him to give her a irritable look.

"Coaching." Was all he said, a blatant lie, his voice measured. Her stomach twisted, he was never this guarded around her.  The only time she could recall that she had seen him this on edge was the night before he had gone to sack a city full of women and children or  the night he found out about why she was haunted by ghosts of the past. If he was holding his disdain for her back, out of a sense of respect to her, then that means he had done something tonight that he thought would trigger an actual fight. Her mind raced, had their been anyone of importance in the city tonight that he may had assassinated? She swallowed her suspicion and pretended to sleep, peeking out through her lashes every so often until she saw Anna and Hunter cuddled up and sleeping on the other side. Logan, it seemed, at relaxed just a little.

It had been about half an hour at this point and she could stand it no longer. 

"Where were tonight, really?" She asked him, drawing his attention from the window to her face. His eyes were hard, and her breath caught. Perhaps it wasn't respect for her that he was hiding his actions of the night.. he looked as if he held back rage, his body once again going taunt as he faced her. 

"I told you, I was coaching. It seems if I want something done right, then I have to give people step by step directions." His voice was flat, but it was clear he was irked. 

"You expect me to believe that you were training soldiers all night while the rest of us went out and explored the night life in the city?" She didn't bother hiding her disbelief. She herself was growing cross, while it was true that she and Logan were not friends and often goaded each other until they almost came to blows, there had always been an underlying sense of respect; he had never lied to her before.

"Believe what you want." He scoffed, and turned his back to her once more, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked out the widow into the night. She did the same, turning her back and nestling deeper into the cushion of the seat. She wouldn't let him kill her buzz. She reflected back to the pleasure den and smiled, eyes closing and actually embraced sleep. She did not wake up for quite some time, but the sound of Anna's voice gently pulled her back to consciousness. 

Anna and Logan were talking low, in Vampyr, still ignorant to the fact that she was completely fluent in the language. She kept her eyes closed, but her ears perked. 

"Whats got you so mad?" Anna teased, placing a sweet kiss on Hunter's sleeping head. 

"Who says I'm mad?" His voice was low, and with a small amount of relief, sounded relaxed. She wondered if he was smiling. His friendship with Anna made no sense to her, but she was glad for it in this moment. 

"Jealous then?" She teased harder, her voice taking on a playful tone, but there was also a genuine question there. 

"No," he said with a chuckle. "Jealousy would indicate that I view them as a threat. When I touch her, she will forget the touch of any who cam before me." His tone was more serious, and she wondered what kind of woman would have a heartless prick like Logan in a tizzy. For a moment she contemplated if his arrogance was earned, or if he was all bravado. She resisted the urge to shake her head to disperse that train of thought. What he said made her entire body, mind, and breath freeze. 

"and I wouldn't need someone to fucking coach me to pleasure her properly."

Coach him? He said that he had been coaching someone tonight. If it wasn't soldiers... his words from earlier floated through her, ' if I want something done right, it seems I have to give people step by step directions'. She forced herself to breathe, to control her heart rate lest they realize she was awake. 

"Did you have a good time at least, even if it wasn't you that got her there?" Anna asked sincerely. 

Logan Scoffed. 

"It may not have been my hands, but make no mistake, it was me that made her cum." His voice was surprisingly not haughty, but matter-of-fact. There was no bravado, there was only firm truth. But his familiar arrogance crept back in. "Besides, even with his hand inside her, it was me she wanted."

She suddenly choked on the gasp of realization as Logan confirmed being the voyeur from the den. Logan. Her nemesis. He had seen her orgasm face. Heard her vocalizing her pleasure. He would have endless ammunition that she had no defense against. Their acting was superb as she "woke up" from her coughing fit. 

Logan was poised back at the window, now turned to her as if she had forced him from some reverie and looked at her with his usual disdain. Anna was "asleep", her head bent down while Hunter's rested in her lap. 

"Bad dream." she said said in response to Logan's irked but curious stare. "I kept seeing your face." She huffed and turned back, hiding her face into the corner of the carriage and wanted to die. He muttered his usual sarcastic response in vampyr, but to her horror he kept speaking to her turned back.

"I don't doubt I'll be giving you unrestful  sleep, seeing as you'll be dreaming of my voice soon enough. I wonder if you'll moan in your sleep. Or wake up choking, having dreamed of choking on me,"  His voice was flat and gave no inflection as he spoke, but his words had her cheeks flaming. She hated it, but she felt herself warm below and prayed he couldn't scent it. 

"Good girl." He had. 

"What?" she shot back, trying to maintain her mirage of ignorance. 

"You're annoying." He said in her tongue, and although she hated the thought, she wondered what his would taste like. 

"Whatever." She huffed, and pretended to go back to sleep. She was too on edge and he could tell, but mercifully he went back to the window and allowed the rest of the journey to finish without calling out her charade. 

Shot in the dark.

 I'm going to take a shot in the dark and apply for a few jobs in Madison WI. 

  • one is an assistant property manager position, M-F, but it pays $26 an hour. 
  • one is a Sales and Leasing Specialist  but average salary is 70K (base + commission)


Plus if I were to actually get it... I would be considered in-state by the time I start grad school. 

Its very unlikely that I would get it.


but if I do. 

Personal loan would need to be taken out. 


- Travel

  • I drive myself and a medium uhaul trailer. 
    • Medium would honestly fit probably almost everything
      • Dresser can be broken down if need be and stored in automan.
      • Couch
      • Cat tree
      • TV and TV stand 
      • a box or two of kitchen stuff. 
      • Bedframe (easy to fold and very portable)
      •  Clothes 
      • maybe my deep freezer If it fits. 
      • burlesque would be condensed & air sealed
      • computer 
      • Kennel and pup would be in my trunk with seats down. Cats would be in trunk as well in carriers... harnesses?
    • 1000 for movers. 
    • Hitch + trailer = 500
    • Gas and hotel on the way up: 1000?
  • So like… 3K ?

- deposit: 500-800 depending on apartment. (limestone is the ideal but maybe i can get discount at the place of employment...) 

- First month's rent: between 600-1400 depending. lets go with a solid.. 1100.

- Breaking my lease... 850x 3 = 2550.


Personal loan amount: 7650 = 10K might as well round up: $213 a month for 5 years ($15K would be 282 for 5 years)


Budget: $26 hr x 40 hrs = 54080 x .7 = 37856 /12 = 3154 = 3K a month income. 

(red = fixed, blue = mutable)

1200 rent

213 loan

100 credit

235 car payment

100 insurance (geico quote)

171 utilities

65 wifi (included at limestone)

100 health insurance (through job?)

200 student loans (although they are frozen for now)

200 gas

200 pets (cat litter, cat food, dog food, dog treats and toys)

-----------

2784 basic bills

3000 - 2834 = 216 for groceries, savings, and fun



Mind you if i get the smallest apartment at limestone for $600 that changes everything and will let me really bolster my savings for when i enter school. plus my student loans will not need to be paid. 




Tuesday, April 4, 2023

What happened with tyler told via diologue - TW: assault

 "what happened?" he asked, his voice low and measured. 

"Why is that any of your business?" she hissed in response, resisting the urge to shut her eyes and scream as her mind threatened to take her back. It had taken a single look at that man's face for her to be transported back to his common room, her mind clouded with drunken confusion as she felt his hands go up her skirts.

"I know that look." His words sounded angry to her ears, a panic beginning to rise at the very thought. She didn't want to relive it, but just as she had in the moment, her panic led her to fawn. Color flooded her cheeks when he followed with, "How bad?"

She could not force herself to meet his eyes, so she turned to the side, staring out past the torches down the hall. She held her head high and forced the words out. 

"Not as bad as it could have been. I was lucky.  He was adamant that he wanted to show me something before I left. I was scared to refuse him. He pinned me to a wall...and he...  He couldn't get it up enough to get it in, but that didn't mean he didn't try. He even tried to pry me open with his hand and force himself in with the other. When that failed, in his drunken stupor he couldn't think of another method and got off of me. I left quickly after that and burned the even from my memory." Her words were sharp, she forced herself to breathe in through her nose. Breathe. Speak. Breathe. Speak. 

"How long did that last?" His words were softer this time, her gut twisted at the idea of him pitying her. 

"I made myself ignorant for about a month before the nightmares and anxiety attacks forced my mind to relinquish the memory." She sniffed, refusing to shed tears in-front of him. Anger bubbled up her throat as she finally faced him, she willed as much venom into her words as she could muster. "Now tell me, sir, why that was any of your business to know?"

To her surprise, though she dare not show it, there was no pity in his eyes when she met them. There was anger, but it was guarded. There was.. pride? But it was a soft sense of pride, she almost would have said it was admiration if she hadn't know better. 

"So I know how much to make him suffer when I kill him." He answered, his tone forcefully casual as he straightened from his lean on the wall, uncrossing his arms. For a moment she thought he would reach out to her but thought better of it. A small part of her wished he would, wanting the comfort. But the rest of her would have tried to bite him. 

"I would say to rob him of his manhood, but he is no man." She spat and turned away, walking down the hall towards her chambers. She wasn't sure how she felt about Tyler's impending doom, she had always been more angry with herself over what happened than with him. She didn't rejoice in the knowledge that he was a dead man walking, but she did not pity the fate he would befall once the blood prince had him alone in the shadows.

UW-Madison deep dive (classes)

  PhD in Cultural Anthropology:

  1. University of Wisconsin - Madison
    1. Professors to possible have as mentors
      1. Focus on folklore:
        1. Katherine Bowie (Combining archival research with oral histories, interviews and participant-observation.... she focuses on Asia but still.) 
        2. Maria Lepowsky (historical anthropology, cultural anthropology, ritual)
        3. Emiko Ohnuki-Tierney (Cultural identity.... she focuses on Japan but still...)
      2. Focus on religion and Ritual
        1. .... none of them.... fuck. 
        2. In this schools program a mentor is assigned, in all of the other ones you have to find a mentor. 
    2. Intended Minor: Folklore (9 higher level credits 300+)
    3. Language requirement: Swedish ("Language requirements are determined on an individual basis with the major professor and will depend on the area concentration within the department.")

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MA - Minimum 30 credits of graduate course work, 15 credits in cultural anthropology, including ANTHRO 860 and ANTHRO 900, and one additional 900-level seminar (not to include ANTHRO 909 if continuing in Ph.D. program).

PhD - 21 additional credits to the master's degree (doesn't say that it needs to be anthro... like specified in MA... soooo folklore????), including at least one graduate seminar above the 900 level in addition in the Department of Anthropology. In addition, students must also take ANTHRO 909, which may be taken as a directed study when

Graduate level anthro classes I need/want to take:
  • ANTHRO/​FOLKLORE  520 — ETHNIC REPRESENTATIONS IN WISCONSIN
  • ANTHRO 456 — SYMBOLIC ANTHROPOLOGY (can be taken at graduate level)
  • ANTHRO/​FOLKLORE/​MUSIC/​THEATRE  539 — THE FOLKLORE OF FESTIVALS AND CELEBRATIONS
  • ANTHRO 690 — PROBLEMS IN ANTHROPOLOGY (can be repeated for additional credits!!?)
  • ANTHRO/​ART HIST/​DS/​HISTORY/​LAND ARC  764 — DIMENSIONS OF MATERIAL CULTURE
  • ANTHRO 860 — HISTORY OF ANTHROPOLOGICAL THEORY (mandatory)
  • ANTHRO 900 — FUNDAMENTALS OF ANTHROPOLOGICAL THEORY (mandatory) 
  • ANTHRO 909 — RESEARCH METHODS AND RESEARCH DESIGN IN CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY (mandatory)
  • ANTHRO 940 — SEMINAR-PROBLEMS IN CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY ( i have to take 2 900+ seminars... might have to take this one twice)
  • ANTHRO 917 — GLOBALIZATION AND TRANSNATIONAL CULTURES
  • ANTHRO/​GEN&WS  920 — ANTHROPOLOGY OF GENDER
  • ANTHRO 990 — RESEARCH AND THESIS (this is when i'm working on phd thesis)
Folklore minor that can be done with 9 advanced credits
Advanced options for minor that contribute to grad degree:
*** the "but can count?" ones can contribute to my degree so long as 50% are graduate classes i think.... if i did my math right i can take 8 non graduate classes
  • FOLKLORE/​SCAND ST  440 — SCANDINAVIAN AMERICAN FOLKLORE (not grad class but can count?)
  • FOLKLORE/​MEDIEVAL/​SCAND ST  446 — CELTIC-SCANDINAVIAN CULTURAL INTERRELATIONS (not grad class but can count?)
  • FOLKLORE/​AMER IND/​ANTHRO  431 — AMERICAN INDIAN FOLKLORE (Grad class)
  • FOLKLORE/​AMER IND/​ANTHRO/​GEN&WS  437 — AMERICAN INDIAN WOMEN (not grad class but could count?)
  • FOLKLORE/​AFRICAN  471 — ORAL TRADITIONS AND THE WRITTEN WORD (Grad class)
  • FOLKLORE/​L I S  490 — FIELD METHODS AND THE PUBLIC PRESENTATION OF FOLKLORE (not a grad class but can count?)
  • FOLKLORE 970 — SEMINAR IN FOLKLORE (Ayyyyyy another seminar!) (graduate)


non graduate level that i just really want to take if i can: (all of the folklore ones can count towards the minor)
ANTHRO 545 — PSYCHOLOGICAL ANTHROPOLOGY
FOLKLORE 451 — THE SUPERNATURAL IN THE MODERN WORLD
FOLKLORE/​GEN&WS  467 — WOMEN AND POLITICS IN POPULAR CULTURE AND FOLKLORE
FOLKLORE 510 — FOLKLORE THEORY
FOLKLORE 517 — THE IRISH TRADITION
FOLKLORE 518 — THE SCOTTISH TRADITION

Saturday, April 1, 2023

Research updated - more in depth

 PhD in Cultural Anthropology:

  1. University of Wisconsin - Madison
    1. Professors to possible have as mentors
      1. Focus on folklore:
        1. Katherine Bowie (Combining archival research with oral histories, interviews and participant-observation.... she focuses on Asia but still.) 
        2. Maria Lepowsky (historical anthropology, cultural anthropology, ritual)
        3. Emiko Ohnuki-Tierney (Cultural identity.... she focuses on Japan but still...)
      2. Focus on religion and Ritual
        1. .... none of them.... fuck. 
        2. In this schools program a mentor is assigned, in all of the other ones you have to find a mentor. 
    2. Intended Minor: Folklore
    3. Language requirement: Swedish ("Language requirements are determined on an individual basis with the major professor and will depend on the area concentration within the department.")
  2. Washington University at St. Louis
    1. Professors to possible have as mentors
      1. If focus on folklore:
        1. John Bowen (historical research, religion and ritual... focuses on middle east but still.)
        2. Anna Jacobson (religion, faith, piety, morality, spiritual and religious healing... focuses in Afrika but still.)
        3. Rebecca Lester (embodiment, intersubjectivity, and cultural practices of self-cultivation.... just super fucking interesting)
      2. if focus on religion and ritual:
        1. Same 3. 
    2. Intended Minor: Writing
    3. Language Requirement: possibly be waived?
  3. UCLA
    1. Professors to possible have as mentors
      1. Susan Slyomovics (folklore and material culture)
      2. Philip Newman (Culture theory, comparative religion)
    2. Intended Minor: none
    3. Language requirement: Can get it waived?
  4. UC San Diego
    1. Professors to possible have as mentors:
      1. Aftab Jassal ( communities construct and enliven multiple social, ontological, and aesthetic realities through narrative and ritual performance, including ritual storytelling and possession..... focuses on india but still)
      2. Yeah... hes the only one. 
    2. Intended Minor: none
    3. Language requirement: can possibly be waived?