I don’t have the bandwidth for dating. I mean not with any actual emotional investment. Casual dates is about all I can muster and even that is taking more spoons than I feel like I can actually give out sustainably.
But my period hit.
And all I want is for someone to cuddle and comfort me.
I want someone to make me the crave foods.
Rub my tummy/back from the cramps.
Give me little kisses.
But more than anything I just want to be held.
I'm starting to settle in. Dishwasher arrived today, I'll be getting it set up soon.
I just need to purge my apartment of all the empty boxes taking up the whole sun room and mud room. I think that will help me feel a bit better. Once I test out the heat, then I'll know whether I want to stay here or not. I'm honestly leaning towards a yes. I know I could find nicer places but this space is really growing on me and i love the yard for snow. I also like the area i'm in to be honest... although the amount of gas i go through is kinda tough.
I really just want to completely settle in. I want to nest. I want to make a home.
I'm craving something to feel familiar. Just to not have to be on edge all the time.
well... that big-change triggered depression is sinking in. So thats fun.
First week of work flew by... has the potential to go really bad.. or really good. We will have to see. I like the people and the atmosphere but expectations, job roles, and order of operations doesn't seem to be super clear.
i'm on the fence about wether i want to stay in this apartment long term or not. Jack got me a portable AC which during a 95 degree day kept it at 75 in my apartment instead of 85. so it works well enough... but nothing compared to central AC and heat. Dishwasher is on its way. but because i'm unsure I havn't had the motivation to finish unpacking... and all the boxes are contributing to the depression.
I want to feel settled.
I am also so tired of being on edge everywhere because nothing is familiar at all.
