Listen to the rain

Feeling anti social

Even After a good day,

Curling up in a ball

While listening to the rain,

I'm Thinking back on

what has been worrying me

Knowing that it's so much simpler,

To forget it and be free.

maybe life is simpler

Without the constant stress of sex.

I shouldn't have to try to impress

For myself, I'll be my best. 

So what if I'm so tired,

At least I have a job. 

So what if I'm uninspired? 

That really won't last long.

Companionship will come and go,

This is a fact I know and trust.

I don't mind the ebb and flow,

I just don't have the lust.

People move in circled thoughts,

Money, sex, booze...

I just listen to water drops

And think of what i know I have to lose.

I'm not normal, my body isn't at least.

My soul is the wrong species 

And my sanity is deceased. 

But I live,

Moving on and on.

When it gets hard

I'll just stop and hun a song. 

Life is short, in retrospect 

No need to focus on the shadows.

But it's harder to forget

When you don't see your own gallows.

The dark is quiet and warm,

It doesn't judge like they do. 

Society is rules continue to swarm

But I just try to let them through. 

So as I sit in the dark,

With a blanket covering up to my brain, 

I listen to the beat of my heart,

And I listen to the rain.

Christian cd

Yeah yeah yeah a pagan making a Christian music cd.

Oceans by hillsong

Whom shall I fear by Chris tomlin 

You are more by 10th avenue north -

Love is here by 10th avenue -

How he loves us by David crowder

You raise me up -

Give your eyes - 

Gods not dead

10,000 reasons Matt Redman 

Your love never fails Jesus culture -

One thing remains Jesus culture -

Praise you in this storm casting crowns -

And if our God is for us -

Mirror Barlow girl -

Average girl by Barlow girl -

Beautiful by Bethany Dillon -

Free to be me by Francesca battistelli -

Give me your eyes Brandon heath - 

Anne's CD Track List

1 Bare Necessities
2 Aint no Mountain High Enough by Micheal Bolton and Leona Lewis
3 Perfecr by P!nk
4 Witches Brew by Katy B
5 The Maiden and the Selkie by Heather Dale
6 Stronger by Brittany Spears
7 Best Friend by Weezer
8 Settle Down by Kimbra
9 Candyman by Christina Aguilera
10 Sound of Silence by Disturbed
11 Try by Colbie Calliet
12 Froot by Marina and the Diamonds
13 Rodger Rabbit by Sleeping with Sirens
14 Cheshire Kitten by SJ Tucker
15 The Middle by Jimmy Eats Worlds
16 Believe in Dreams by Flyleaf
17 Defying Gravity by Kerry Ellis
18 Lost by Sunlounger feat. Zara
19 Tangled Up In Me by Skye Sweetnam
20 Far Over the Misty Mountain Cold by Str8 Voices
21 Fee Ra Huri by Omnia
22 Jack vs Hannibal - Epic Rap of History

Racheal is back

Racheal is back. I am so happy to have her home.

but she is getting.
on.
my.
last.
nerve.

we went bowling and she decided to spend the entire time correcting me on how i was bowling. so much to the point that i got so irritated i stopped trying and literally got nothing but - -.

and now she keeps taking my car.

she asked ONCE to take it so that she could take cara to a family christmas party. that was OK.

and tonight she said that i had given her permission to take it tonight, i have no recollection of it. I hope she is aware, i will be charging her gas money.


UGH.

and aparently i'm not allowed to contradict her, EVEN IF IT IS IN A CONVERSATIONAL TONE because its "bickering".

Racheal is home and once again, she just walks on water.

dream analysis : cobra

snake: To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced.
 As a positive symbol, snakes represent healing, transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive change.

Cobra: To see a cobra in your dream represents creation and creative energies. Some situation or relationship has you hypnotized.


so my dream last night was about finding a shitton of cobras in my house.
one ended up biting me. It didn't hurt... i just saw the bite marks. no blood. no pain. just holes and the knowledge it bit me. But no fear...

So there is something involving creative energies that i am worried or threatened by or that is coming or going to happen that i don't know about yet.



hmmmmmmmmmm

meditation music:

and the grass grows by itself - Karunesh

I'm just gonna say it

I just tried to do a reading- asking what my near by future holds. What I meant internally was what does it hold in terms of love. 

Almost instantly this came into my head - drowning out any chance I had of focusing on the reading.

"Take the wave now and know that you're free,

Turn your back on the land face the sea,

Face the wind now so wild and so strong,

When you think of me,

Wave to me and send me a song.

Don't look back when you reach the new shore,

Don't forget what you're leaving me for,

Don't forget when you're missing me so,

Love must never hold,

Never hold tight but let go.

Oh the nights will be long,

When I'm not in your arms,

But I'll be in your song, That you sing to me, across the sea.

Somehow, someday, you will be far away,

So far from me and maybe one day,

I will follow you,

And all you do,

'Til then, send me a song.

When the sun sets the water on fire,

When the wind swells the sails of your hire,

Let the call of the bird on the wind,

Calm your sadness and loneliness,

And then start to sing to me,

I will sing to you,

If you promise to send me a song.

I walk by the shore and I hear,

Hear your song come so faint,

And so clear,

And I catch it, a breath on the wind,

And I smile and I sing you a song,

I will send you a song...

I will sing you a song,

I will sing to you...

If you promise to send me a song."

The parts in bold are what were emphasized in my head. They were the message.

I think it was from SG. He and I were lovers in my most recent past life. Our situation is analogous with renesme and Jacob from twilight. 

 And if I'm being 100% honest I'm worried that there will not be a mrs.right because it's him.

So here I am - feeling desperate and irritated and lonely wanting answers and he gives me one: be patient. I'm with you. 

And what do I do? I cry - naturally.

I do feel a little better. But if I'm getting the message right... SG is sending me the song. I'm the lover that left to go away at sea, so to speak.

If I allow myself to think on this I want to ball my eyes out and hold on to him; which I can't do.

The amount of unconditional love and loneliness, and hope and pride in that song... And if that's how he feels towards me? 

I want to cry. Hard.

I would never do something to purposefully cut this life short. But I already feel it will be. And in retrospect, 30 years or so isn't that long of a time. I'll be with him again. 

Till then I can try to connect with people in this life. I can spread love. But I don't think there is a "me. Or mea. Right" out there for me. They are all "mrs. Right now".

And maybe that makes me a bad person. Maybe not. 

I may sound insane. I don't care.

But I'm constantly searching for a companion. Even if it is a mrs. Right now. 

I need that connection with someone. Because when I don't have it for too long, my mind goes back to him. 

And I feel so lonely. 

Pros and cons

So... I don't understand why I'm single.

Pros of dating me: 

I'm smart

I'm funny

I'm beautiful

I'm happy and positive

I'm clingy

I'm romantic

I'm good with kids

I can be spontaneous

I'll go out with you

I'll stay in with you

I'll cuddle

I'll play with you

I'll support you/encourage you

I'll remind you to love yourself

I'll give you lots of "fun facts"

I'll help you remember a line in a song

I'll cook for you

I give wonderful massages

I'll tickle you

I'll give you hugs all the time

Cons:

-My labido is bipolar. Sometimes I'm down for it, although you have to initiate. Other times you're signed up for blue balls.

-I'm clingy

-I will tickle you.

I'm awesome...why the hell am I single?

If I'm answering it honestly? It's cuz it's hard for me to find someone.... Let alone someone I'm both physically and mentally compatible.

Physically meaning chemically. I can find you attractive but if the body chemistry isn't there then it doesn't work.

This morning

So 2 things:

I FINISHED MY FAERIES PAPER 

And

This morning I ran into Anna Claire. This is the girl I had a small crush on last year. She's totally straight lol

Anyway I let her borrow my tigers eye bracelet to help her writing her papers. I'll get it back on Monday. As she was leaving she said I was an awesome person-fairy. She says she has s hard time seeing me as completely human- that she sees me as part fairy or forest nymph or something.

I don't think she has any idea how that means to me. 

It's how I feel. And here is an outsider who really doesn't know much about me saying it. Wow

Scheduling this out

Ok so today I will be in class from 2-6 (I can probably write in my first class if I'm discrete... Get maybe a page written?)

then in stress relieving club meeting from 6-9 - thank the gods

I need to go back to my car and move it to campus. So that's 10? 

If I write till 12 Thats 2 hours.... 2 pages maybe.

Then get home and to bed at 1-ish.... Up by 7:30 to go to class. That's 6 hours of sleep. Eh.

Break is an hour.... I could try to get some done.

Talk to dr. Bunger about writing during the movie...... It's rude but I need to do it... Combined with the break that might get me a page. 

On to caribbean class, that I can def write in. If my laptop doesn't die.. Then I have a break until 3... So that's 3 hours of writing total. 2 pages.

Work 3:30-7:30

Return to school -8. Write till 11 - that's 3 hours . 2 more.

Home by 12 and up at 6 for work. 

All in all that's 8 pages... In the next 2 days. I know I didn't want to work on it on my birthday but I think oli can manage 3 pages after work on my birthday.

Then I might actually get bungees paper done.

Thoth help me!

operation get shit done 3

BUNGER PAPER - 10 more pages.... I can do it!
carribean paper
cancel health insurance policy for next year
apply for scholarhsips

operation: get shit done part 2

this is for Wednesday

-read short story- done
-redo the oceanography quiz - done
-do spanish online homework - done

- do spanish packet
-Call and cancel health insurance policy
- apply for study abroad scholarship
-work on Bunger paper - due dec 7 - I hit page #15..time for bed
-work on short story paper - due dec 7
-work on caribbean paper - due dec 11

Exam schedules

Spanish: Tuesday December 15th 5-7:30
Austin 302

Anth of religion: 11:00 - 1:30 Monday, December 14

Cult of Caribb:11:00 - 1:30 Wednesday, December 16

Short Story: 2:00 - 4:30 Monday, December 14

Oceanography: 2:00 - 4:30 Tuesday, December 15

study abroad scholarships

http://www.ecu.edu/cs-cas/scholarship_opportunities.cfm

Operation: get shit done

To do list:

- buy cold medicine and phone minutes - done

- go to health center - done dun dun dunnnnn i have the common cold

- do Spanish writing - done
- do spanish Packet

- do spanish online homework
- apply for study abroad scholarship

- do BOTH oceanography home works so I don't forget to on Thursday - done

-figure out which missed homework I want to redo -done chapter 8

-email oceanography professor - done
- Carribean homework - DO IN THE MORNING

-work on Bunger paper

- work on short story paper

-work on caribbean paper 

*make sure to eat

everything in bold is what DIDN'T get done.