I'm just gonna say it

I just tried to do a reading- asking what my near by future holds. What I meant internally was what does it hold in terms of love. 

Almost instantly this came into my head - drowning out any chance I had of focusing on the reading.

"Take the wave now and know that you're free,

Turn your back on the land face the sea,

Face the wind now so wild and so strong,

When you think of me,

Wave to me and send me a song.

Don't look back when you reach the new shore,

Don't forget what you're leaving me for,

Don't forget when you're missing me so,

Love must never hold,

Never hold tight but let go.

Oh the nights will be long,

When I'm not in your arms,

But I'll be in your song, That you sing to me, across the sea.

Somehow, someday, you will be far away,

So far from me and maybe one day,

I will follow you,

And all you do,

'Til then, send me a song.

When the sun sets the water on fire,

When the wind swells the sails of your hire,

Let the call of the bird on the wind,

Calm your sadness and loneliness,

And then start to sing to me,

I will sing to you,

If you promise to send me a song.

I walk by the shore and I hear,

Hear your song come so faint,

And so clear,

And I catch it, a breath on the wind,

And I smile and I sing you a song,

I will send you a song...

I will sing you a song,

I will sing to you...

If you promise to send me a song."

The parts in bold are what were emphasized in my head. They were the message.

I think it was from SG. He and I were lovers in my most recent past life. Our situation is analogous with renesme and Jacob from twilight. 

 And if I'm being 100% honest I'm worried that there will not be a mrs.right because it's him.

So here I am - feeling desperate and irritated and lonely wanting answers and he gives me one: be patient. I'm with you. 

And what do I do? I cry - naturally.

I do feel a little better. But if I'm getting the message right... SG is sending me the song. I'm the lover that left to go away at sea, so to speak.

If I allow myself to think on this I want to ball my eyes out and hold on to him; which I can't do.

The amount of unconditional love and loneliness, and hope and pride in that song... And if that's how he feels towards me? 

I want to cry. Hard.

I would never do something to purposefully cut this life short. But I already feel it will be. And in retrospect, 30 years or so isn't that long of a time. I'll be with him again. 

Till then I can try to connect with people in this life. I can spread love. But I don't think there is a "me. Or mea. Right" out there for me. They are all "mrs. Right now".

And maybe that makes me a bad person. Maybe not. 

I may sound insane. I don't care.

But I'm constantly searching for a companion. Even if it is a mrs. Right now. 

I need that connection with someone. Because when I don't have it for too long, my mind goes back to him. 

And I feel so lonely.