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Dear Dr. Weiland,

Revising this short story was a lot harder than I planned. Although I like the idea of writing the murder scene from the Kelpie's point of view, I found it very hard to give the proper character development that the class wanted to see. As I usually do, I sat down and wrote the whole story in two sittings. I thought about what we talked about in class for revisions and found most weren't helpful. Already I was changing the point of view and knew which scene I needed to focus on, but I was unsure of how to start the scene and how to finish it. To be honest I was unsure of what to put in the middle as well.

In the original story, I wrote the scene very short and in third person omniscient. Because of this I needn't go into much detail, merely summarizing the event. I did this because in my mind this event wasn't as much a scene for character development but served more as a catalyst for the relationship of the girl and the kelpie. Beforehand she avoided the river due to the Kelpie having killed her father, but after this new kill she rekindles her connection to the kelpie. The murder itself was almost insignificant to me. However since this is the particular scene that you and most of the class wanted me to focus on, I gave it my best shot.

It was very hard to write. Harder than I anticipated and I suffered from quite a bit of writer's block. It was only the hastily approaching deadline, one I gave myself in order to make myself actually write the story, that caused me to sit down and force it out. As is, I am very unsatisfied with the second draft. I don't feel it accurately describes the Kelpies fierce, loyal, and protective love for the girl. But in a moment which these things cause him to act, all he feels is rage. It is only afterward, after the girl begins to visit him again, that he realizes these feelings. He himself is unused to feeling such emotions and as such doesn't recognize them during the scene. I was unsure of how to write is and I can definitely tell it shows.

I know you said that you didn’t like it when people say they preferred their first draft, however I want to explain a bit about it. Although I really enjoyed my original story I agree that it did cover a long span of time, and understand why readers might feel the need for a more focused piece. At first I was thinking that the story would be considered magical realism because it’s magical but takes place in the real world. However I have come to realize that it is less like “A Very Old Man…” and more like “In the Company of Wolves”. I really like the style of a folktale/fairytale type short story, which is indeed meant to teach a lesson and entertain at the same time. It is meant to be told rather than experienced firsthand, which is why I chose third person; and I like the freedom to break rules and jump around in time when it comes to folk tales. However the consensus of the class shows that, that particular style, isn’t what the class wanted; therefore revisions needed to be made.

 I just worry that I didn't choose the correct part/section. However I had more than one reason for choosing this scene. There are only four scenes in which the girl and the kelpie interact with each other directly: their first meeting as a toddler, the death of the boyfriend, when her own son falls in the river, and her death. Out of all of those scenes, the most active one with the most interactions between them, is the boyfriend's death scene.

All in all, I'm dissatisfied with it, this draft, but I know I made the right decision in picking this particular scene. I made sure not to make it graphic or overly detailed in areas that would make readers uncomfortable. I did enjoy writing from his point of view though, as it was just like writing from a vigilante killer's point of view. In this draft the readers don't know that he regularly lures innocents to their deaths. I made only a single reference to his tendency to murder, and I know it can be easily overlooked. I do this because I want to mention his violent and homicidal urges - kelpies are NOT regularly friends of humanity. But, with this in mind, it shows the uniqueness of his love for the girl.

I will say the most disappointing thing about this version of the draft is the ending. It feels to cliche. But I couldn't think of another way to end it and simply went with what came to me. I did actually revise it at least twice during the hour or so after my original completion of it. I sent it to a few friends, one of whom helped me figure out where to add a few more details to make it better.

I would also like to take this time to say thank you to you. Throughout this course I have gotten a better appreciation for realistic fiction. Although it still is not my preferred genre to read or write, by reading my classmates, and soon your own, work I have come to realize that it can actually be quite interesting. Thank you also for your constant supply of patients and willingness to meet with me and help me with my writing – it means a lot. Thank you for helping me grow, and I look forward to seeing you next semester.

Much Love,

Lisa

P.S. I have to disagree with you about music and writing. I find that I usually HAVE to have music in order to write decently. For academic papers I listen to classical singing/opera and for fictional works I make a playlist that matches the characters and feel of the piece I work on. It helps me get into the mind of my characters and I write twice as fast. It acts less as a distraction and as more of a catalyst to my creativity ;)