Brigid Focus

Brigid Focus

So I need to work with brigid on a day to day and be less formal and forced about it. 

So naturally i'm doing some research again....and just like always it's really about divine timing. I'm finding stuff that I hadn't before. Or at least I'm seeing it with new eyes.

Plants: red clover, oak, shamrock, rushes
Crystals: moss agate, emerald, garnet, citrine, amber, rainbow obsidian

Perfumes/Scents: Heather, wisteria, violet, lavender, lemon verbena, and heliotrope

Best day: Friday (this will be when i do the candle and readings with her)

Symbols: Triskele ( A symbol I love drawing... really soothes and calms) and Triquetra

Might use the Triskele to make a new card spread..... add it to the list. A simple, general, 9 card spread. 

Message from Brigid:

"Its as good a place as any, we build our altar here... make me your maria. i'm already on my knees.... you had jesus on your breath, so i caught him in mine. Sweating our confessions, The undone and the divine. 'Cause this is his body, This is his blood. Such selfish prayers And I can't get enough"

Part of me has this insane idea to make my body a living altar to her. like getting the Triskele tattooed on me. Part of me wishes I could figure out a way to set up her altar safely in the kitchen where it wouldn't get messy or damaged. I feel like more kitchen witchcraft would please her. Sing to move the energy while I cook. I kind of want to put her on a wall so that the entire kitchen itself is her altar... and I would be worshipping her as I cook and then as I clean.... would also inspire me to clean more. 

And part of me thinks i may need to talk to a catholic person who works with her saintly variation. Or maybe I need to look into that part of her too. 

3 "sisters" or Talents of Brigid: Healing, Poetry (prophecy and learning), and Smithing/fire. Perhaps I have been so focused on the bardic aspect of her that I have neglected the other 2. She is a triple Goddess afterall, and to leave out her other 2 talents/sisters needs to be corrected. I've also seen it as "mother and fertility, healing and art, hearth and fire/smithing". Not quite sure how to worship the mother/fertility aspect other than asking her to bless babies (which i kind of did on instinct the other day). 

Every Day ways to worship her

- get my car fixed... she's a craftsmanship goddess, and use to make/bless horse shoes to protect in transportation... a modern take on this would be cars. Could also set up a way to bless the car through her.... lavender car scent and get some triquetra/triskele stickers?

- ideally set her up in the kitchen and ask her help with cooking/blessing the food before serving it. Ask her as a healer to nourish our bodies (sounds cringingly christian but perhaps for her, that's the point).

- Plant magic/grow your goals (write a dream or goal and plant it with a seed. As the plant grows, so too will your goal)

- "Spring Cleaning".... *sigh* fine. 

Working with her during our 7 week journey to know each other. Once I have her 7 day devotional candle made, Every Friday I will do an activity with her. One way I could do this is on the first and last week do an actual spread with the cards. The 5 weeks in between I can do a single card reading/ask her for updates and then read one of the 5 chapters of "tending Brigid's Flame"... i'll probably read and then talk to her. Honestly that actually feels right. The other days of the week brigid said she wants me to sing to her. I thought that meant setting a specific time to sing to her, but I think that's too forced. What I think she is hoping to do is get me back into the joy of song and dreaming, so she wants me to get into that mentality at least once a day.

The second method I could do is very much like the first, 2 readings, 5 weeks with the book... where I could read the chapter over the course of the  week, and then on that friday do any of the activities/rituals/meditations, mentioned in the chapter with her candle lit on fridays. if there wasn't an activity mentioned, reread favorite part of the chapter with her candle.

Also i think i will keep her candle in the kitchen with me. Maybe I'll get a Triskele windchime and hang it up in the kitchen on the wall?

oh no...

We might lose the puppy :(

They adoption lady couldn't get ahold of anyone in the apartment office to varify dalton's application and they sent us back the deposit. Nathan forgot to call them.

Im worried they will put her back up online and someone will snag her. I don't know if they will make him apply again or not, or if once Nathan calls they will call VB and tell him to pay the deposit again. But right now we've lost our holding on her.

More Puppy Notes

Chewy

what we will need delivered every month:

- Dog Food: needs 2 cups of food a day....

14 pound bag has 56 cups of food - once a month? $30

28 pound bag has 112 cups of food - every 2 months? $50

- potty bags $6

Vet

Heartworm and flea meds every 3 months  - $90 

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Training games!

Hide and Seek
This can be done with either a person or a favorite toy.

Find
Hide the toy in a hidden place and allow the dog to find it using their senses of smell and sight. This game uses more senses and helps them burn some of their energy off. (Aromatic balls would be good for this)

Come to Me
Sit with the puppy between two people and call them over, each time rewarding with treats or hugs. This game promotes both recall and obedience behavior.

Freeze Games
To do this you should place something that your dog wants just in front of them while they sit or lay down and tell them to leave it.
If they do not go for the treat or toy they can have it. This teaches them restraint and helps them overcome mentally hyperactivity.

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Mental stimulation:

- puzzle treat toys/interactive toys

- leave TV on with the sound up to keep her entertained (animal planet or something with lots of animal noises - i think there are youtube playlists)

-Access to windows...keep the blinds up when not home. 

- hollow toys with treat paste or peanut butter

- Calming Chews

- Freeze a treat in ice; lots of stimulation licking it to get to the treat or toy

- DENTAL CHEWS

Riesling - Coming soon August 2020

It is confirmed. The deposit has been paid. Late next month we will be bringing home the sweetest lab-boxer puppy home. (great watch dogs and family dogs). Her current name is Riesling, but we are thinking of changing it, Viking Boy has a few names from his storm light books - my favorite being brightness. 

In his books you don't have princesses and princes.... you have Brightnesses and Bright Lords. So.. kind of like how people name their girl dogs Princess all the time.... we would name her Brightness. Honestly out of all possible names, it is my favorite. She also has the brightest colored fur out of the litter and pretty blue eyes(the eye color of royalty in the books). 

In terms of size she could potentially get up to 80lbs - however it looks like she takes after her mom who is a lab retriever mix and her mom was only knee height. But she would get up to 2 feet tall. She definitely sheds like a lab instead of a boxer. 

We aren't too worried about noise - a lab/boxer mix ranks 3/5 with talking/howling and she was the quietest pup in the litter. Even when she did cry while we were there it wasn't loud at all. Amazingly she was also the calmest pup, the others being rambunctious and she chose to lay and relax by the water dish. Now as soon as Viking Boy initiated play she happily complied, but she also calmed down very quickly when we moved away from the pen. 

That being said, we still plan to keep her being very active. Both breeds are a mix of required frequent activity and simulation - we will provide that. Frequent walks and (omg i jut realized that when we walk her in the winter time she'll have a little jacket because they don't do well in the cold.... ) playing in the dog park will be in our future. If she doesn't get enough attention or exercise she will be a chewer. So pretty much anywhere we go we will need to bring her as long as it's not errands. Which is fine because the pub allows dogs and Aaron may be open to puppy play dates. We can take her to the beach and camp with us when the weather's nice. We can take her to play with Jazz at VB's grandparents place. We also will need to make sure she has stimulation to entertain her while we are at work so she doesn't grow too bored. 

omg... its recommended to play hide and seek with them *cries from cuteness*.

Recommends clicker training. Shorter training sessions done more frequently. Def need to train her on being separated - they suffer from separation anxiety. Recommend leaving her alone for short increments and giving an exaggerated amount of attention upon return to let her know that when we leave we will always come back. 

We will subscribe to chewy so that we can get monthly toys and meds for her. and by we, I mean VB. 

She will be introduced to both cats in increments. Keep her just in the bedroom at first, giving her a blanket  to sleep on and then i'll bring the blankets to the kitties. I think for now the shoddy babygat I have will hold until she gets bigger, but we will get an adjustable inside fence. I also plan to make doggy play dates so that she gets socialized with other dogs - especially if she ends up having more boxer-like personality traits.

Grooming:

- Daily brushes during peak shed seasons (spring and fall)

- weekly brushes otherwise.

- baths once a month or as needed

- brush teeth once or twice a week

- trim nails once or twice a month

important notes on health:

- boxers are extremely likely to get cancer. 

- boxers are susceptible to heart disease.

- labs suffer from hip dysplasia 

- labs tend to be allergic to gran (need grain free food). 

-DIET. Labs are very susceptible to obesity. 

DIET

We also have to watch for overeating, when she's grown she'll need about 5 cups of dry food a day (if she gets over 80 lbs), split over 2 servings (night and morning). Although I think perhaps we could break it down into 3 meals a day until she is full grown. We also will get her one of the puzzle eating bowls so that she doesn't eat too quickly. She would be fine with 3 feedings a day (2-2.5 cups a day) until she is 6 months. Figure he could do it before he leaves, after morning walk, I could do it on lunch, and then when we eat dinner/around 8pm? I'm guessing after 6 months it gets moved to 3-3.5 cups a day... Most sites i'm reading say to base it off how fast the puppy grows. Also recommends feeding her puppy food until she is anywhere from 12-24 months old depending on her size. When she reaches adult size is when to put her on adult food. 

https://www.chewy.com/outward-hound-fun-feeder-interactive/dp/113715?utm_source=google-product&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=hg&utm_content=Outward%20Hound&utm_term=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIh-Leldbt6gIVlcDICh3ERQAeEAQYASABEgIyt_D_BwE - slow eating bowl

https://www.chewy.com/ethical-pet-seek-treat-shuffle-bone/dp/56279 - seek treat for mental stimulation

https://www.chewy.com/kong-puppy-goodie-bone-rope-dog-toy/dp/118860 - rope toy

Dental:

https://www.chewy.com/greenies-teenie-dental-dog-treats/dp/35512

https://www.chewy.com/vetiq-minties-dental-mediumlarge-dog/dp/167926

Food  - grain free

*this brand can actually be fed to dogs of all ages and gives a feeding guide based on the weight of the doggo and age.

https://www.chewy.com/taste-wild-high-prairie-puppy-formula/dp/181324

adult

https://www.chewy.com/sportmix-wholesomes-beef-meal/dp/146639

https://www.chewy.com/taste-wild-high-prairie-grain-free/dp/181320

For separation anxiety or really stormy days when we can't take her out

https://www.chewy.com/pethonesty-hemp-calming-anxiety/dp/190523

misc.

https://www.chewy.com/frisco-wire-dog-exercise-pen-step/dp/125049

https://www.chewy.com/all-kind-unscented-dog-training-pads/dp/200474

https://www.chewy.com/frisco-refill-planet-friendly-dog/dp/162703

Dream Interpretation from last night and the night before:

The night before last I dreamed that they fae told me that I wasn't beautiful and that I never would be. I remember being confused in the dream and waking up thinking how totally ridiculous. And I guess thats their way of saying that if I can shake off them telling me i'm not beautiful, then why can't I shake off my own intrusive thoughts and doubts about my beauty?

Last night was an interesting one. 

I actually dreamed about brooks and amy. In the dream the mermaids guided me through a waterway to my apartment complex.  Only for some reason I had to go down this huge staircase to get to the road. The stairs were covered in sand and seashells, almost like they had risen out of the ocean. Well along the way I was finding things that I had lost over the years. Some trinkets but more importantly I came across my self confidence, a sense of beauty, and an older version of myself, that I put on almost like a second skin. Well that older version of myself was the self that looked up, trusted, and admired Brooks. It filled me with affection and warmth and not even a few minutes after I put it on I ran into him and Amy, also on the steps but they were collecting sea shells. 

We spoke and chatted for a few minutes as we temporarily walked in the same direction and this time there was no condiscention in Brook's voice. his voice remained light and happy, and likewise his eyes were warm and soft brown rather than the hard orbs they usually were whenever I would see him. I was once again seeing him through the naive and hopeful eyes of 18 year old me - before things went sour. It was refreshing and we all actually enjoyed the shared time. We (Brooks and I) even spoke of setting a time to sit down together and try to figure out really where our disconnect is presently, if the past is actually let go of.  When I turned to continue down on my way home, they disappeared when I looked back for them. When I made it to the bottom and began to walk the street to my apartment there was a honk behind me. 

Brooks, with Amy in the passenger seat, drove up in a big black truck and passed me. Confused, I waved and jogged behind him. He stopped and waited for me to catch up and make it to the window, which had rolled down. I asked why he was leaving if we were going to talk and try to really reconnect and he laughed in my face and just said "No." he rolled the window up and drove off. I was left feeling a little disappointed but honestly could only shrug and said "Fair."

I unzipped the skin I was wearing and stepped out, letting it fall to the ground, but the coldness that once would hit me when I thought of brooks no longer came.There was by no means the deep admiration and trust that the suit had brought, but there was a warm regard rather than cold indifference. 

I continued to walk to my apartment and along the way I met a young wounded soldier who honestly reminded me of Patrocles (Trojan War, Achilles's lover). I sat on the stairs to my apartment and talked with him for a while and then continued up the stairs and went to my apartment. - and woke up. 

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The mermaids were obviously leading me deeper into my subconscious. The stairs represent going deeper and deeper into my subconscious trying to get "home". And while I was working my way through it I found things that I had discarded and lost such as truly seeing my own beauty, belief in myself, and my childish little sister love of Brooks. Obviously reconnecting with him is out of the window, but I was left with a warmer regard and acceptance of the relationship leaving. I don't remember what I spoke with Patrocles with but I think it had to do with self sacrifice for the love of others - I just can't remember if he was PRO self sacrifice or having done it was warning me not to. Either way as I was leaving the subconscious I was able to bring with me into my waking word a sense of peace. 

light work vs left handed path - updated but still to be reviewed

What is left handed vs right handed path?

*********Okay so  I can only speak from how I understand things. I am not a left handed practitioner and I have only interacted with a few. I am not the most knowledgeable on this subject and can only explain as I understand it.************

A lot of people have in their minds that there is black magic and white magic, good magic and bad magic, etc. There isn't. Magic and witchcraft are a neutral force, whether something is used for good or harm is up to the practitioner. This is where right vs left handed paths come in.

Have you ever heard "love and light," "Only good vibes here," "...and you harm none, do what you will"? These are examples of things that stereotypical "light workers" say and believe. Those that follow the right handed path tend to stay in the light, they focus on positive energy, joy, happiness, and tend to steer clear of using anything negative in their practice. However, there is a practice that doesn't ignore anger, fear, greif, death, destruction... but rather accepts it all in love, and uses it. That's the left handed path. 

Light Workers tend to focus their practice on others and often follow more deity regulated practices and rules - many are christian or follow the Wiccan Rede whose most important rule is "do what you will, but harm none". Even those who do not identify as Wiccan follow the wiccan belief of three fold law - the belief that anything you put out into the world returns to you threefold. Light workers use blessings over hexes, often specialize in chakra and reiki energy work (that's not to say left handed path practitioners don't use it, but that light workers tend to specialize in it), and heal through "love and light". They also tend to work solely with Gods and Goddesses that specialize in protection, healing, or magic.

People in the left handed path tend to be those that don't follow the law of three, have more self regulated practices, and view themselves as an active force when it comes to karma - which is why those in this path tend to be associated with "dark" magic and hexes. By active force, as someone has explained it to me, they do not hex over petty nothings, but rather take on bigger threats for the sake of those that are weaker or unable to push back when someone has pushed them down. This is also the path that tends to work with the dead more, (I don't mean specializing in helping the dead, but rather working with the spirits of the dead and their energy rather than the energies of "life"), are more open to will bending spells, and work with emotions and energies that  self proclaimed "white magic witches" would consider bad - such as anger, fear, and grief. 

Then there comes a difference in the paths that I think is actually explained very simply but efficiently: "left-hand paths, life ways which unlike Wicca and Christianity are focused on self-determination and the power of the self, rather than submitting to a superior force." There is also far less judgment in the left handed path - they may craft a spell for someone and send them on their way, regardless of how that person may use the spell. They simply crafted it, any harm or healing that may come about from it is due to the person who uses it. Each path is individual and they do not force their methods on others - the way many lightworkers do. While those that practice left handed paths do not follow the rules and morals of light workers and light focused paths, they do have their own set of rules unique to their practice. Left handed paths require a great deal of discipline, dedication, and focus.

I generally have a really hard time differentiating Light/Right handed paths from Lefthanded paths because they honestly are not all that different. They are two sides of a coin. They mirror each other. They both have rules, rights, rituals, and take varying degrees of work and dedication. I would even say that left handed paths take more dedication because of the spirits and deities they work with not being as lax as some of the deities that light workers work with. At their core the two paths both achieve pretty much the same goals; manifestation, blessing, healing, learning, and soul growth. They just use different methods. 

I once asked someone that I know that walks the left handed path, about why they wanted to hex someone else. They said it was to inspire personal growth and healing. I asked why not simply bless them and send more healing energy so that they can overcome their trauma and grow? They essentially explained that the hex would use that person's trauma as the learning tool, forcing them to face what was wrong within themselves and grow - rather than putting a bandaid on it or allowing them to ignore the problem any longer. I will talk more on this when I explain shadow work, but I feel that it is an example that really illustrates the two approaches. 

It is important to note that not all practitioners fall into the left handed path or that of light work, these are just two of the most well known. Many fall somewhere in the middle, calling themselves "Grey/Gray" witches. I myself feel that I fall into a lighter shade of grey. Most of the goddesses that I work with are on the lighter end of the spectrum - Aine and Brigid are healers, they bring hope  and love to humanity ( however it is important to remember that all gods are not strictly light or dark.. Aine will make any unworthy lovers of her followers sick or go mad, She punishes those who commit sexual violence, etc.). Demeter is a benevolent neutral goddess who brings forth abundance, but also can cause famine. Maeve is a left handed goddess of personal sovereignty and power. 

**Again this explanation is simply how I understand things, I'm sure someone who walks the left handed path would be able to explain much better and correct me on a lot of things. This is what I have gathered through talking and listening to how the few left handed practitioners I have interacted with. *****

Smokin’

Let me start off by saying my changing my hair color... is for me. I liked how I looked with blond hair. I chose the color rose gold. Me. I am doing this for myself, because it makes ME feel good about myself.

That being said.. I hope it makes me more attractive to Viking man. It’s so disheartening to be out with him and hear him go on and on about how hot other girls are. Once in the moment sure, but even then an acknowledgment is enough - no need to harp on it. And almost every time it’s some girl with long blonde hair and a big bottom.

I am not changing my hair for him. I am not changing my body for him. Anything that I do to myself is for myself.

But just once it would be nice for him to look at me and say that I am the one who’s “smokin”.  It gets kind of hurtful to feel like I don’t compare to others.

house guest

So we have a temporary house guest. A friend from highschool is straying with us fo the next 3 weeks because she has an awkward gap between when her lease ended and when her next one begins. However... we aren't supposed to have anyone staying in our third room. Its going to be weird having another person staying over...like... am I suppose to entertain and play host every day for the next 3 weeks or will she want to be left alone? idk. she doesn't really respond to messages sooooooo this is gonna be intersting. I guess i'll cook for 3 every night and see if she eats or not?

And we are going to be getting moved sometime in august... we don't know when. Which means, shes going to have to be able to fit all her stuff in her car on the day we are moving. (i'm going to have to take that day off from work... Dalton will probs be at the wedding. I'll need to move the cats and then unpack everything. 

Shit. 

I only have like 2 weeks to repack all my shit. *siiiiiiiiigh**

Shadow Work and Wild Self reflection

Okay so... I know that my next change is going to involve the wild self that I have super locked up and separated from my whole self. I will somehow be connecting and reintegrating that wild heart/self back into myself and becoming truly whole. Which is kind of scary given that is the part of me that becomes super depressed...I cut it off out of self preservation. I do not know how to engage that wild energy in this society and day and age.

I know things I want to do...

like archery, and a WHOLE lot more outdoorsy stuff. Camping. I want more camping. Lake/creek/river swimming. 

I know I should probably really get into larping and learning the lore.  

but this all seems superficial. I keep hearing shadow work, that I need to walk in the shadow, that I'm a bridge between light and shadow... so lets take a more serious look at shadow work. 

Here's something I found that helps (mostly talks about shadow work)

https://lonerwolf.com/sacred-wild/

.... Dreamscape Tarot? followed by oracle reading for each card?

What wild part of me am I rejecting?
What do I value the most about my humanity?
What does authenticity mean to me?
When I picture wholeness, what does it look, sound or feel like?
How can I spiritually mature?
What path does my soul feel called towards?
What shadows are lurking within me?
In what ways am I disowning my light?

There is an actual journal I could get

https://lunasol.co/product/shadow-work-journal/

Mirror Work - Ironic because I tell Xander to do this all the time, but don't do it myself

https://lonerwolf.com/mirror-work-guide/

Inner Child Work...I feel like this one would actually be very helpful. 

https://lonerwolf.com/feeling-safe-inner-child/#25_signs_wounded_inner_child

not too sure about it but ya know, inner child has a lot to do with fae. also has free cards to download. However, I really don't have that many "wounded" child self symptoms and the few I do have are currently getting better. I'm learning to be selfish. 

oh-hoh-hoh.... yeah Ive done a lot of "shadow work" with my PTSD therapy so i'm not surprised I got this result from their test.

"Congratulations! You most likely have a small shadow self, meaning that you acknowledge and accept most parts of your nature and rarely repress, reject or condemn parts of yourself. This is an amazing gift to have because it means that you can live a fulfilling life full of love, joy and abundance.

Even so, it's important to always be mindful of your shadow, even if it isn't currently dominating your life. No one is ever 100% free of the shadow's influence. None of us are perfect or can ever be perfect. However, you have either (a) done a lot of inner work, or (b) experienced a mostly harmonious and positive environment growing up.
Keep being self-aware, self-accepting, and open-hearted!"

The only part of my shadow that I struggle with is the cold, uncaring, mean side. I know it can be beneficial when I need to make hard choices, set boundaries, or cut off toxic relationships, but i don't like being mean. 

I am curious about the Shadow Archetypes. 

I know I would definitely fall into the victim one; my go to response and perception is victim as a means of avoidance of criticism and being seen as a bad person. I would argue I sometimes have the mentality, but not the complex. I also come off as playing the victim when I simply am trying to explain my side of things and how things look from my angle. 

I could also see myself falling into the Idiot slot as well, because I take on that persona quite often... there are times when i genuinely don't understand things, and then there are times that I don't try to. I also have a bad habit of letting people assume I don't know something, or underestimate me and then I begin to underestimate myself. I literally describe myself as a highly intelligent idiot. It's a means of not being taken seriously, so that I am overlooked, and have a better chance of survival. 

He also includes some of his own and I would def fall under the neurotic shadow... (although even he admitted that a lot of shadow aspects can occur because of mental illness). But the biggest one that hits the nail on the head.... Is his cold Shadow. Thats the shadow I still struggle to accept and love. 

Let's be real.... I can think of one person who brings out my shadow like no one else does... and that's brooks. In Fact I started my shadow work with him.The grudges I held against him are more of a reflection of anger at myself - anger at letting him hurt me the way that he did, anger at giving him that much power over me. Once I forgave myself the heat of anger left me, I am not angry at brooks, not anymore. I don't hold a grudge against him. I have boundaries and promises to myself to prevent any further pain, but I don't harbor any ill will towards him (even when I was angry with him, I had no ill intentions at him) because at the end of the day, it was actual self-blame I was projecting. 

I'm learning to be less of a people pleaser and to not feel guilty about setting and maintaining boundaries. I'm not shying away from conflict like I used to. (3 signs of a controlling shadow). i don't hate my body as much. I'm not taking care of it like I should, but i don't hate it. 

Shadow work is just self reflection and while it took me a while to understand it, it's not scary at all and I don't see why it's such a big deal. I think part of the reason I didn't understand it, is because it's something I do constantly anyway, without an actual purpose. I guess shadow work is just self analysis with purpose?

Okay so... I need to do some shadow work readings. I can add this to my ritual of self. 

Each day I do one, light the cauldron candle in front of my soul painting, do a 21 card reading... could make that about shadow work or look up specific shadow work spreads. 

in the end, i have a goal. 

Ultimately By embracing the wild self, the shadow self, and by developing a stronger relationship with Brigid, I am going to grow spiritually to a top tier healer. 

Spiritual to-do

I think Tonight I'm going to have a ritual of self.

I'm going to bring down the altar to my soul, light the cauldron candle, and do the big readings that I need to do. Check in with Brigid - 15 card spread. Check in with the host (ask them which deck they want to use).  21 Card Wild Wisdom Spread on my metamorphosis, present and future (I will better know how to ask this after I speak with Brigid).  I checked in with Maeve not too long ago, who told me that my metamorphosis required I form a stronger relationship with Brigid, ergo I feel like I need to start checking in with Brigid like... once a week. I honestly need to get a candle for her. 

I have never done a 7 day candle before. I've heard really good things... maybe I'll try one with her? I imagine, its like... you light it every day for 7 days for a certain amount of time... maybe I'll do a reading with her every day for a week? If I don't do a reading maybe then, a guided meditation?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXnYLu3b7sM - Brigid Faery Meditation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNDTe72ypS8 - Brigid Transmutation

http://www.brigitsforge.co.uk/brigitmed.htm 

*** See if I can read me the one I wrote

*Maeve sent a wasp. I'm adding her to the list tonight.

Okay I am starting to run low on spoons. 

- Crone Stones with maeve.  - why am I having such strange dreams and what did you send the wasp for? 

- Just ask the dragonfae deck what Brigid needs to tell me in general in the meantime till I do big readings. 

Brigid Guided Meditation

I have written myself a guided meditation and I feel that it's fair to publish it, as an example to anyone who may be interested in a custom meditation. As a Reminder, it's $35 for a written custom guided meditation and if you want me to lead you through it, either in person or through video/phone call it is $50 (this includes interpretation of the meditation's results). If you want a reading to further clarify anything, I will do it at a discounted rate. 

This is my guided meditation to meet and commune with the Goddess Brigid, Brigit, Brighid, or whatever variation of her name you choose. I recommend the guide reading over this  meditation at least once or twice before actually taking the seeker on it, to understand and be prepared for whatever may be seen and need to be recorded. 

For this meditation you will need: For the guide - a pen, paper, and copy of this meditation. For the seeker: A comfortable place to sit or lay and a candle or cauldron. If you choose a cauldron I recommend burning lavender as that is the herb she has chosen to represent herself in my work with her, but burn whatever you feel called to. 

Once you have situated yourself comfortably have your guide light the flame of the candle/light the herbs in the cauldron. If you are doing this yourself, light the flame and start:

I want you to stare into this flame, capture the image in your mind, and when you are ready - close your eyes. Take a deep breath in. Hold. Hold. Hold. Release. Hold. Hold. Hold. Inhale. As you repeat this, I want you to imagine that flame at the center of your body, located at your navel or if you prefer, have it sit at the sacral or root chakra point. Breath with me and watch the flame grow with every inhale. In. Hold. Hold. Hold. Release. Hold. Hold. Hold. As the flame grows, you feel your body begin to warm, and all tension melts away. Your legs relax. Tension leaves your lower back as the flames travel high and higher. As you breath out and hold you feel your shoulder loosen, all tension leaving your body and melting into the flame. 

Once the flame has reached your heart it takes on a color. What color do you see? (The person says color, and  writes it down. If you are taking yourself on this journey, try to remember that color.) From your core the fire jumps in front of you, Illuminating the room in which you sit. All around you, with light dancing on the walls, you see a simple earthen room, with no windows. Rising you take a small step forward and the fire jumps again, and again, landing by the only door, and then waits. You glance around the empty room once more before following the flame. Do you see anything in the room before you leave, or does it remain empty? (Record anything the sojourner says.)

Once you are ready, open the door. Before is a beautiful night sky; a full moon reflects off of a snow covered ground. It is cold all around you, yet you yourself are not cold. The fire jumps forward, snow melting to reveal a path with every leap that it takes. The earthen path is soft beneath your feet, cool to the touch, but along the sides flowers begin to grow. You have stepped into the time of Midwinter, the flame of Brigid promising the hope of spring and new life. You step forward and follow the flame. With each step you feel yourself relaxing and growing more comfortable. Looking around you notice a deep forest ahead, and the closer you get to it, the heavier your physical body becomes and the lighter your spirit becomes. Moving forward after the guiding flame, you approach the sacred forest, know you are safe and under the protection of the goddess. 

The world becomes almost pitch black as you cross the tree line, you rely only on your sense of smell and following the bounding flame. What do you smell? (record answer). As you walk deeper and deeper into this forest, is the flame taking you straight forward or are you taking any turns? (record).  Continuing on, you begin to see a light far ahead of you. It glows yellow and Orange and as you get closer you smell a thick metallic scent of molten metal. The guiding flame has disappeared, and the path is now visible to the forge. You walk forward, knowing that you are welcome and have no reason to be afraid. To the side of the path, just outside the walls of the forge you see a well. Once even with it, you see it is full of clear reflective water. Do you stop to look in it? If so, what do you see? (Record answer) When you are ready, say so, and we will enter the forge. 

Upon entering the forge you see a woman there, describe her; what is she doing? (let seeker describe what they see and try to write it down best you can). Once you have introduced yourself to her, if she has not already done so, she sits on the bench and beckons you to join her. I now invite you to speak with her. If you feel so inclined and want her message written down, I will record anything you say out loud. When you feel that you are done discussing, speak out loud "I have heard you, thank you" and I will guide you home. 

*wait until the seeker is ready to leave.*

You both rise to give parting words and the goddess stops you before you turn to leave the forge. Reaching into the fire she pulls out a parting token for you to carry back on our journey. What is it? (Record the answer). With a final goodbye, The Goddess blows into the fire of the forge and it rises high, turning a bright shade of...? (record the color).  The ____ colored Flame shoots a tendril before you, which jumps towards the door. Once again you are being guided by Brigid's protective flame on your journey. As soon as you cross the threshold back into the forest, all light behind you disappears and the Goddess is gone. You take a deep breath, and follow the leaping flame on the path back. 

The journey through the forest this time is not so dark. Unlike before, now the full moon's light is shining down through the trees. On your peaceful walk back to the shack from whence you started, do you sense anything in the trees around you? (record answer). The walk back seems to take less time than when you entered the forest, you reach the snow covered clearing and see the simple shack only a short distance ahead. As you walk to the shack, the dancing fire jumps within you, settling in your heart. This fills your body with rejuvenating energy. Once you reach the door to the shack, pause. Take a Deep Breath and hold it. Know that when you open the door, you will open your eyes and be well rested and relaxed. Exhale. Repeat this until you are ready to rejoin me and open the door. 

(Once the seeker has opened their eyes and regained full mobility in their body, extinguish the flame however you choose.)

-end- 

Interpretation Guide

**the first color of the flame represents the energy the seeker has coming into this meeting with the goddess. 

*** Beginning Room represents the present state of the seeker, if they see anything as they leave the room, it could represent what is currently influencing them.

** Smell could represent any influences, energies, or guides that are with them on their path. If they already smell the forge, then Brigid has already been trying to reach out to them.

***Path: straight path means their goal is easily attainable. Winding path means there will be obstacles to overcome and learn from. 

** water in the well represents Brigid's healing aspect. what the seeker sees, if they see anything, will reveal insight into how they may be receptive to healing. 

***How the seeker sees Brigid and What she is doing can have significant meaning. 

*** What does Brigid pull from the fire and gives the seeker represents at the core, what her message revolves around. 

** The ending flame color represents the energy the seeker is taking back with them. 

** Whatever they see/hear/smell/taste on the walk back through the forest are energies and beings that will be watching over/helping them move forward.

-------------------------------------------

Notes for How Brigid appears:

-If Brigid greets the seeker at the door, she is simply there to communicate and guide. If Brigid is in the middle of making a sword, then she is playing an active part or will be playing an active part in the seeker's life at present and near future. If Brigid is waiting inside patiently, then that means she wants the seeker to actively do something in their present life or immediate future. (Perhaps they need to "come to"/work with her, or leave her an offering? A card reading can answer that). If she is just in a dress, she will play a passive influence; if she is in armour then she will be an aggressive influence.-

Breed Research

Okay so he would prefer a blue heeler/red heeler - Australian cattle dog.

which is very active (not a problem given that we plan to give it lots of exercise through walks and the dog park.) However, it is a breed specifically not recommended for apartment living. 

but they can get destructive when left alone inside for hour on end... which makes me think 1) we are going to end up buying the furniture in the apartment and 2) maybe we need to make sure to get a mix; and have it mixed with something that is usually recommended for apartment living. 

Best Breeds for Apartments: (** are something to offer in an alternative to the blue heeler)

American Eskimo Dog* (although has same issue with being left alone...but also is meant for indoor living)

Australian Terrier

Basenji - not likely these things are exclusive and expensive 

Barbet *** - water dog!!

I then decided to search small/medium-large dogs that require regular or less exercise, and that don't bark a lot for possible mixes and options (with short, medium, long, smooth fur) and are easy to train: and let me tell you these are probably all dogs we could never find or afford but they are BEAUTIFUL

- Rafeiro do Alentejo - big doggo but actually very ideal. 

- Nederlandse Kooikerhondje - this might be the most beautiful dog I have ever seen. 

- Jagdterrier

- Eurasier (ideal... but bougie picky eaters)

- Bavarian Mountain Scent Hound

-Deutscher Wachtelhund

-Bohemian Shepherd ****** I LIKE THIS ONE A LOT

Spiders and Dragons

To see a spider in your dream indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situations. Or perhaps you want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation.  Alternatively, a spider refers to a powerful force protecting you against  your self-destructive behavior. 

To see a spider spinning a web in your dream signifies that you will be rewarded for your hard work. You will be promoted in your job or recognized for your achievement in a difficult task. Spiders are also a symbol of creativity due to the intricate webs they spin. On a negative note, spiders may indicate a feeling of being entangled or trapped in a sticky or clingy relationship. It represents some ensnaring and controlling force. You feel that someone or some situation is sucking the life right out of you. Alternatively, if a spider is spinning a web in your dream, then it could be a metaphor for the world wide web and global communication.

To see a spider climbing up a wall in your dream denotes that your desires will be soon realized. 

To dream that a spider is coming down on you from the ceiling indicates that you are unable to escape from some relationship. If you dream of baby spiders, then they symbolize a new or recent relationship.

...

All of this. Especially the bold. 

I am feeling trapped and unhappy at my job, but honestly it's not the end of the world and I could be in far worse circumstances. I need to stop looking at other jobs for now, especially because at this one I can still do my school work.

Dragons: Gold Vs Red

To see a dragon in your dream represents your strong will and fiery personality. You tend to get carried away by your passion, which may lead you into trouble. You need to exercise some self-control. If you dream about the birth of a dragon, then it refers to your emerging passion and strong will. In particular, dreaming of a metal dragon signifies an unyielding character, a water dragon symbolizes quiet confidence, a wood dragon means an analytical and logical mind, a fire dragon refers to a competitive nature and leadership and an earth dragon signifies sociability.

...

This makes me think of my strong desire for constant mental stimulation and wanting to be in a different work environment... flash back to the spiders as someone stopping me, they are warning me about using self control before I fuck up. 

I Think Aaron is right... someone is interfering and they're leaving a calling card. 

... message received, but from who?

more

Well, I've applied. 

Can't hurt to apply and if I get an interview then i will make sure to write down all questions I have and go into it with an open mind, negotiating to either get paid equally or more than what I make at pip. I will make sure to put in my two weeks and explain that it is a money thing as far as PIP is concerned. I really like the work atmosphere here and the people too, but I need to be making more money to pay off all my bills and debt. 

List of questions to ask the employer IF I get an interview:

- What is the office atmosphere like? "Employee Focus" ?

 - Dress Code? Hair? 

- The questions I filled out to apply indicated that I could be traveling for this job and doing sales, which isn't an issue, but would there be training provided for that?

- How far in advance do I need to request time off from work? I have to go to the doctor semi-frequently and I have several weddings coming up this fall. (I try to make it a point not to miss work and will often show up to work early or work late to make up for any missed time).

Also, another job to check out:

https://recruiting.ultipro.com/WOD1000WODA/JobBoard/b1d498e3-3f12-400b-bfbd-65ad0f99daef/OpportunityDetail?opportunityId=c0eb5c1e-4f77-4c67-8baf-02740064d631&postingId=e1d063b7-99e4-4a0e-bd18-60b08af4ead2

Because why not?

comparisons

Job Comparisons

Where I am at now

- 24648 a year

- 39.5 hours a week, 

- no health insurance but additional benefits (I'm keeping just the eye and accident insurance)

- time off whenever I need it

- relaxed work atmosphere 

- can do schoolwork while at work

https://www.indeed.com/viewjob?cmp=East-Carolina-Softwash-LLC&t=Office+Administrator&jk=10c3190968a6c3af&q=Now+Hiring+$25,000&vjs=3

- potentially anywhere from 22880 - 31200 a year

- 40 hours a week?

- paid time off

- Health insurance offered through the job (comes out of paycheck rather than having to remember to pay it) --> potentially offers dental and eye?

-"employee focus" - generally that means they seek to make employees as comfortable and happy as possible so that the employees make the clients as happy as possible. thats a good things. 

Ive sent them an email.... an "informal inquiry" but I might just go ahead and send in an application. I can ask all my questions at the interview if they decide to interview me. 

Making a switch?

I'm really not sure what all I am supposed to be doing in order to look busy as I sit and literally wait for the phone to ring. 

I have called people to pick up their stuff. 

I did all the filing yesterday. 

I've taken out the trash.

I've swept. 

Usually... I would just chill on my phone until the phone rings and I ACTUALLY have something to do... 

but no. they have reiterated their no phones policy at the meeting today. 

which means I am back to just staring at the screen.... i hate this... i need things to do. stimulation for my brian. I need to be doing something. 

so.... i'm researching online. 

out of curiosity.... what jobs are hiring right now?

low and behold... one of our clients is hiring for an office administrator. Offering 11-15$ an hour. 

I'm really on the fence about reaching out to them. 

https://www.indeed.com/viewjob?cmp=East-Carolina-Softwash-LLC&t=Office+Administrator&jk=10c3190968a6c3af&q=Now+Hiring+$25,000&vjs=3

Because as dissatisfied as I am with working where I am... it's laid back here. I can take off work whenever I need to. I can have colored hair. It's close to home and it's honestly not a stressful job at all. Plus I can sneakily do all my homework here when school is in session - versus having to wait till I am home after work and not wanting to do anything but then having to tackle homework. 

however, this other job makes it seem like i would stay busy the whole day which is what I want. I miss actually being engaged and doing things. Its monday-friday, meaning I would still have my weekend. It even requires people to have a smartphone, which makes me think that's how everyone in the office communicates, either text or call, which is fine. it could *potentially* pay me equal to or more than what I am making now. 

Granted... if I leave where I am at I will have to pay like... I think it totaled about $120 for the eye insurance, dental insurance, cancer insurance, accident insurance, and life insurance.

BUT this other job would offer me health insurance. The question is... would it be as good as the health insurance that I have now through obamacare? I know a lot of office insurances are crappier plans... and thats something to consider. I really need more information before I make a switch. 

Official

I am officially launching my side career as a Reader.

https://awaywiththefae-cominghome.blogspot.com/

check me out. tell your friends. ya girl is broke but its also something i love so... *finger guns*