Wednesday, September 9, 2020

not happening.

 I'm Definitely not pregnant. 

My period being so weird made me actually pause and consider the possibility but i'm bleeding again. 

I would argue that this is how I would normally bleed towards the end of my period. So it was a very odd one... but I've had a period. I'm not pregnant. 

And I'm sad. 

The letter that Brigid had me write to my future baby made me realize how much I want to have a child. How much I want to hear a little voice call me "mommy". I already love her/him (pretty sure it's her). For a moment I felt the spirit of my future baby. Strong willed, but spontaneous and playful. I can't wait to meet them. 

That being a mom is a way of serving her. So she made me aware of how much I really do want to be a mom.

As terrifying as it would be to suddenly find myself unexpectedly pregnant, I know that somehow I could make it work. 

I'm sad. But I know that ultimately its for the best; the timing wouldn't have been right anyway. 

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