Try

 I will TRY to be better at blogging ... after I move. 

For now thinsg are so stressful at work with turns, the ever quickly approaching deadline to pack my entire life into boxes without breaking down and crying...

My time with saying goodbyes is almost over. 

My time to pack is almost over and all I have managed to do is give away most of my perishable food, pack up some books, pack all of my clothes, and cry. 

I have so much to pack. I have so much to buy in preparation. I have so much to do. 

and so little time. 

But, as lonely as I will be when I move, I know damn well talking to the non existant readers online will make me feel better and less alone lol.

So imagenary readers - I will be doing more blogging and updates in  my life...

after I move. 

in 3 weeks. 

fuck. 

dancing

I havn't danced just to dance and be silly in a long while. 

I also havn't felt sexy while dancing in a long while. 

I don't feel sexy when I dance burlesque because I am not really aiming to be sexy - Burlesque is art to me. I dace for the art. 

But for the first time in a very long time I danced around my apartment in just my bra and undies, with my belly hanging out, and I was able to get past my body issues and feel sexy in the movement of it all. 

I may struggle with my body...

Struggle at upkeeping it.

Struggle at feeding it. 

Hydrating it. 

giving it exorcise despite really enjoying physical activity. 

Sleeping enough. 

Pretty much anything. 

but I especially struggle with loving it. 

Tonight I did. Even if only for all of 10 minutes. 

it was nice.

writing smut (Kelpie smut)

 So i do not usually read smut. I recently started and for the most part i still get the ick with a lot of it, but there are certain styles of writing sex that I do enjoy. 

I use to write smut on commission back in middle school for crying out loud. 

Well... I broke. I started writing it lol 

Here is a very cringey first draft of a detailed outline for a love story... I had this kelpie character in my mind and i figured he deserved a happy ending. - MIND YOU this is a rough draft, with lots of typos and spelling errors. I introduce characters that I know in my head without writing their introduction. I have names picked out for characters that I don't have listed. This is more or less notes for me, but i figured I would share them. 

1. Introduction monologue

2. Recognizes kelpie… kelpie vs water horse/each-uisge…. Fresh water vs salt water? Lakes vs running water?... “It comes down to their faerie form. Kelpies retain their sentience while in horse form, and can maintain a human form for far longer.” Kelpies can be negotiated with, their favor earned, their hearts won. Kelpies are shape shifters, comfortable in any state. Water horses are beats who can take human form for a minimal amount of time and remind beasts driven by hunger - especially when in water. 

3. Catches kelpie bridal → 3 tasks/commands

4. PTSD flashbacks when all alone – first command. After that the Kelpie remains. 

5. She has her faerie faith outed by an ex, he laughs at her for believing herself to be faerie souled. She tries to defend herself, embarrassed, turns and sees the kelpie pissed. He defends her, “a sweetheart like her requires steady maintenance…and you don’t look like the type to put effort into anything worth while. But don’t worry, I’ll take great pleasure in maintaining her.” But his eyes are flashing, She assumes hes angry at her and quickly grabs her keys and leaves. Later Anna calls her and they talk about what happened after she left - Kelpie was pissed, not at her, but at HIM. talking about drowning him, but doing it slowly. Watching the fear in his eyes.

6. Anna shows up and she talks about a memory of feeling abandoned by her people, about the maiden at the clearing of the little creek she took care of. Now in hind sight she feels as if the maid had been reaching out to her as much as she had. Part of her feels sad, imagining this beautiful faerie reaching out to her crying crumpled form, neither able to touch the other. Kelpie confirms - it is actually quite hard for many fae to interact with humans through the veil. She is horrified to know he had been there the whole time listening and she actually runs away. (she is drunk) Then avidly avoids him like her life depends on it. Anna runs interference but because of it, she and kelpie actually start to forma  budding friendship. 

7. She ends up walking a night trail by herself, sitting at her “happy place” and sings to the spirits of the river.  Kelpie shows up and sits with her, both their feet in the water. He confirms that she is fae souled, he picked up on it the day after his first sleepover in the car, when she lifted her human glamour for him. She talks about what being human is like, comparing his human glamour to her real body. She starts to cry as she shares what he already suspected - her human body offers no protection the way her fae form had in the past. Sexual harassment was part of her life. She lived in constant fear. He confirms what she suspects - they are always around her. Not able to touch her. She cant see or hear them. But they are always there, watching, guiding, listening. He tells her how they spoke to him as she slept, their love and concern. They too worried for her safety whenever someone would catch her eye. There were a few she brought home and they could smell their insincere intentions. Their fierce protectiveness driving those people away. She cries and apologizes. She had been secretly overwhelmed ever since she found out her fairy faith had been real.

8. He hangs around for a week longer, and to his dismay he finds out she has no intention of using any more commands anytime soon. He offers all kinds of ideas and suggestions, she just laughs and at one point tricks him into doing something for free. They bicker, and he mostly just observes her. 

9. After a few weeks some of HIS friends end up showing up. Mix of human and fae. Her inner fae comes out and feeds on the energy, it turns into a borderline orgy. The only one she doesn’t kiss, infact, is the kelpie. Although she imagines its his hands touching her. Its his voice whispering into her ear. He does however, make sure she is satisfied by commanding the orgy. 

10. Next morning she is hungover, asks kelpie for help as his blood purifies poisons. He goes to kiss her, but pulls back and asks if it will be one of her commands. She backs away and says no, slightly disappointed because she found herself wanting the kiss. He says “what a shame” and pulls her back and kisses her anyway - without curing the hangover. She is left breathless and flushed, the inner faerie in her alive and wanting to feed. He notices, pulls her tight against him, feeling him at attention, makes her want to feed like crazy. He taunts her, “You so readily give your energy when you love, but sweethearts are takers. When do you take?” It snaps her out of it like cold water, remembering the last time she openly took from someone. He pulls away and says “i don’t want to hurt you.” and flinches when he reaches for her, walking away to get ready and leave - leaving him flabbgerhasted. 

11. She avidly avoids him some more, anytime she is near him she taste his energy and wants to feed. Sucking his breath into herself and absorbing his energy. Sucking him until he is just about to cum but denying him the satisfaction and reveling in the power. He seems irritated at her when they do meet, and part of her is sad at the perceived rejection. PArt of her is relieved. 

12. Raven intervenes - She admits to raven that she tends to drive her lovers insane; they atart out decent and while with her they descend into monstrous men - driven insane or abandoning their humanity. Raven reminds her they were mortal men. That Kelpie wasn’t lying when he said he would take great pleasure in maintaining her… That just as she let them take from her energy when they would go down on her, she would hold herself back when going down on them, she opened herself instead of took when fucking, with him she needn’t worry. She could take all she wanted. As often as she wanted. 

13. She has a very stressful day at work, She and Anna go out dancing, and she begins to feed on the excess energy of the room. She gets drunk on it. So when Kelpie shows up, swimming in the sea of people, she latches on to him and starts feeding - dancing, teasing, flirting. His eyes are flashing and at one point he actually bites her. Breathing into her ear that he wants to eat her - taste her on his tongue until she is screaming. Ashiver goes through her - excitement and fear - as his words could be both a promise or a threat. When she locks eyes with him, she can’t tell which meaning holds the most true as she stares into the most base instincts within him. She taunts him saying a swim did sound awfully nice. His nostrils flar and his eyes flash again and she pulls away. He grabs her tightly and grows in her ear, exhilarating her and again she feels a slash of warning. She sighs, and says “Perhaps another night.”  He presses himself tightly against her, his hand trailing down but he pulls back. Whispering “I will swim in your sacred waters, sweet heart. But not until you ask.” - in scottish - “Snàmhaidh mi anns na h-uisgeachan naomh agad, Leannan, ach dìreach às deidh dhut iarraidh orm.”

14. He shows up in her room that night, pinning her down, kissing her exposed flesh, nipping. He kisses her through her pajama pants, then trails up to her breasts through her tank top. She is panting, wanting to take his energy again, to suck it directly from his breath. He moves against her, firm against her and she writhes under him. She whines and pulls his face to hers, he hovers just above her lips. “ Use your words, sweetheart.” he commands, firm, his handsliding from her inner thigh, up her body, tightly over her throat to grasp her jaw. “Kiss me” she breathes - and he does. They feed on eachother multiple times that night. Him, never running out of stamina, out of energy, and her hunger never being satiated after so long of starving herself. Finally, with her body spent, she falls asleep, still dreaming of claiming his lips. 

15. The next morning she is aware now that she only has a single command left before Kelpie disappears. She is hurt that he seduced and manipulated her, but she doesn’t blame him. He was not the first to be beguiled and She is all too familiar with the feeling of being trapped, and it hurts her to know that she has him against his will. Yet she hurts at the idea of him disappearing from her life. She takes the kelpie with her to the pool, they play, and flirt, and she sees his instincts rise in the water - amongst other things. Sitting in his lap, enjoying the feel of him and soaking in his lustful energy, She asks him earnestly, if he wants to kill or fuck her. He says his instincts say to do both, but his momentary softness towards her makes it easy to ignore the homicidal voice. Although he isn’t sure if its because she holds his bridle, she has bewitched him, or if he may have a genuine attachment. She asks if he intended to kill her when he is free. He answers honestly - at first yes. Now, we genuinely didn't know. It would depend on how he felt when the time came. For now, he didn’t mind being domesticated, and begins to play with her under the water while she sits in his lap. He works her up, she maintains a poker face and it irks him, so he flips himself out through his trunks and sits her down on top of him, she bites his hand to keep from moaning. He gets her off, with his hand while he simply stays deep inside her. And for the first time, he almost cums himself. 

16.  Pulled into conversation, her friends now mixing with his, they all sit around a campfire, on the banks of a river. More lore is brought up, asking her what she knows of her own nature, of her former form and abilities, how they translate now. She diverges from some hardship - feeling isolated, missing the sense of connectedness with spirit and nature around her even if she wasn’t a nature spirit. She laughs and explains her deep love of water and how in her next life she would be a mermaid. Anna laughs, and says “maybe a selkie… or a kelpie? You have always been a closeted horse girl.” Kelpie acts surprised, almost disbeliving. She shrugs and says she has always found horses to be majestic creatures, you can smell life and heat on their skin,her kelpie.  and to her they made her think of wild freedom. 

17. She goes for another nature walk, singing to the nature spirits around. To her surprise… she sees a horse. Thinking about their previous conversation, she calls out to it thinking it to be her kelpie. It neighs in response and comes to her, a stunning white animal with a soaking black mane. Knowing she holds his bridal and he cannot hurt her, even in this form and being more instinct driven, she reaches out and pets him. To her horror, the horse looks back at her, and its eyes are wild. Not the cool calculating blue of her Kelpie, but a ghostly grey. Her hand is stuck and it begins to drag her to the water. She knows she is done for. These beasts do not even wait for their prey to be drowned before they begin to eat. Icy terror fills her and it pulls her into the water, only for a roar to shake the world around her as a black stallion rises from the waves, atop the each-uisge and she is drug completely under. Something hits her head, and she is grateful for the  inkinesss of unconsciousness so that she does not have to feel herself drown. 

18. She wakes up to find Kelpie over her. He is bloody, His eyes wild. She groggily looks around and to her horror, sees a white body floating in the water. He forces her eyes away, his hands bloody and grip rough in his anger. “You had one command left. You should have called me to save you. If your watcher hadn’t been with you and summoned me you would be DEAD” he grows in rage at that and jerks to his feet. He paces in a rage, and comes back to her. “Get out of my sight.” His voice is cold and dangerous. Still in a state of confusion, but instinctual fear dousing her like water she asks “what?” “Get. out. Of. my. Sight. Before I do something I regret,” His voice is a growl, but his tone is almost husky. His eyes are flashing and she doesn’t know which of his instincts is winning the battle. Doing her best to calm him, she stays perfectly still. “You won’t hurt me. I have your bridle remember?” He gives a ferocious sort of laugh, almost forced. “You don’t think I could drag you into the water myself and force you to use that last command to save yourself?” His eyes are dangerous as he suddenly storms towards her. She yelps and tries to move back but is caught in his grip. His eyes lock onto hers and she he’s made up his mind. “I could… but I won’t. I will punish you another way. You wanted to ride so bad? Then fine.”  He is suddenly atop her, his mouth on hers, and his hand going up her skirt. There was no ounce of lust in him, no energy to feed on, this was cold and angry. Yet her heart ached enough that with just a single touch from him, she knew she would willingly give him anything, everything. He could fuck her until his anger subsided. With a rouch swipe of his hands, his nails sharp like claws, he tore her underwear to ribbons, then to her surprise hauled her to her feet. His transformation is quick, so quick she blinked and missed the most of it, as before her now stood a sleek and beautiful black stallion. “Get on” he commands, his voice sounding in her head. She eyes him nervously, her eyes drifting towards the carcass that had mostly disintegrated to foam in the water. “Get. On.” His voice is more forceful, but was accompanied by an unspoken promise that whispered to the back of her mind that she would not be killed tonight. She stroked his mane as she approached, his whole body shivered at her touch, and his blue eyes locked onto hers as she lost the urge to kiss his soft nose. He snorts impatiently, his ears flicking back momentarily. “No amount of sweetness will save you from this punishment. Get on my back. Now.” There is a dominant’s edge to his command and she finally obeys. He kneels for to her climb upon his smooth back. Once atop, she winds her hands in his main, noticing kelp in the strands. She goes to adjust her stance, as her body was too open and pressed too tightly to his, her legs sitting too far apart to ride comfortably - but her legs are stuck to his fur. “Kelpie…?” She asks, but its lost to the wind as he suddenly springs into movement. He gallops hard, his muscles flexing under her…. Against her… Her legs are stuck but her left her bottom free to move, free to slide up and down against him as he runs. With both horror and excitement she realizes his intent, and soon she is begging him to stop as she feels a climax building. He does not oblige. He continues to run, run until his rage subsides and her forced squeals of pleasure turn to whimpers of overstimulation; satisfied with his punishment he finally slows. Her entire body weak, she suddenly lets out a small cry as her legs are unstuck from his side and she falls off, only to be caught in his arms a moment before hitting the ground.  He lays her gently in a clearing, of soft green grass and clovers perfuming the air. “You’re going to hurt in the morning” he says, half in warning and half in a primal sort of pride. She whimpers as he kisses her forehead. “Don’t ever scare me like that again” his voice is both soft but firm. She nods silently, not wanting to admit that she would rather have died than use her last command and risk losing him. Almost as if reading her mind, he whispers in her ear, “You are mine.” He trails kisses from her fingertips, down her arm, down her collar, between her breasts, whispering “mine” between every kiss. Gently he pulls up her skirt, his hands begin to gently massage her legs, and her now sore hips. “Say it.” He growls hungrily under his breath, poised and waiting to begin kissing the overstimulated and throbbing bundle of nerves and the fae in her wishes she could growl back. She swore long ago she would never belong to anyone again. “You are mine” she breathes, gripping his hair at the base of his neck at the scalp and forcing his face up to meet hers as she leans forward. He lets out a low moan that sends electricity down her entire body and turns her insides molten - “Thats my girl” and then he made good on his promise to eat her alive until the night was filled with her screams. 

19. She looks at the sleeping fae beside her, the moon reflecting on his pale skin. She sighs sadly, slipping his chain from around her nack and laying it gently on his chest. She wipes a tear from her eyes as she gives her final command, “Be free.” Her chest aches knowing this would be her last sighting of him, she blinks away tears not wanting to miss a millisecond, burning his image into her mind. “Be happy.” She follows up, not a command, but a wish. 

20. Weeks go by. No sight of him. Although her ex did suddenly develop a fear of swimming, according to the grape vine. She begins to speak more to the spirits around her, sad that she cannot see or hear them talk back, but hoping they were happy at her acknowledgment. Anna continues to talk, and start to date the half elf from the Kelpie’s friend group. No one has heard from her kelpie… the kelpie. Her kelpie. She continues to walk along the river, singing, more for him in case he was listening, than to the water spirits in general. She enters her masters program and dedicates her life to the study of faerie folklore. 

21. Its been nearly three years, Anna and Frederick are happily engaged, Frederick having more and more awkward moments around her, as if he was dying to tell her something he shouldn’t. Until one day she calls him out on it. He recounts an old story of a kelpie…who was put to work for 5 years before being freed. He gives her a pointed look and is pained when she doesn’t follow. But then to her surprise… she starts seeing the message repeated. She draws the 5 of cups in her tarot reading when asking what message the spirits had for her. The number five begins inserting itself into her life and she finally comes to her wits end. Until she thinks she understands - her fifth phd program applied to sends her an acceptance. She moved down to NC; Anna and Freddy in tow, for a phd in folklore at duke. Once there she finds a path and follows it, to a beautiful bend overlooking a river. As she watches the water she sends out a hopeful command: “Kelpie… hear me.” The wind seems to be silent, as if waiting with baited breath; “Kelpie… come back to me.”

22. A moment passes and she releases a gust of air she didn’t realize she had been holding, the wind follows suit. With a sad sigh she rises to continue her walk. She shrieks and about jumps out her skin when a familiar voice shouts “IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH”. She spins around and sees her kelpie. She laughs in disbelief - cut short as his lips slam into hers. “You were really going to make me wait the 5  feckin’ years for your damned ‘be free’ command to abate.” He kissed her again, his hands crushing her against him - “You dropped this, sweetheart” he murmurs softly against her smile. She doesn’t even have to look to know his silver chain has returned to her throat. “Kelpie.. Kiss me.” She commands, and he happily obeys again and again. 

https://illuminatingthefoolsmirror.wordpress.com/2020/04/13/quarterly-bestiary-kelpies-a-dive-into-scottish-water-horses/

something other than a list lol

 Heres a post of something OTHER than another damn list dealing with the move lol

ive honestly had a lot to process with the move and its been really overwhelming. Too overwhelming to actually sit and think about to put into writing. The lists are a coping mechanism for me to logic my emotions into a box for me to put away for later. 

Maybe now is "later"

I am so scared. 

I am so scared to leave this safe, secure, FINANCIALLY SECURE AND COMFORTABLE nest that I have made; I am so scared to leave the small city i have spent most of my life in; I am so scared to leave the found family that took so damn long to find...

to start over. knowing next to no one. I've been chatting with a few people online but when i get there, its going to be really isolating. I'll have my mom... but if something bad happens again, I don't want to worry her. My only true comfort is know that I will be too broke to relapse if something bad does happen haha...

but for real. I'm going to be lonely. I am going to be broke. I am going to be scared and nervous and not sure of what to do... and the weird part is, I almost look forward to it. 

When i look back on some of the most spiritually intune, most creative, most self reliant times of my life... I was dirt poor and more or less alone. I didn't have the distraction of constant socializing... mind you I did have the distraction of trying to make sure I didn't starve, but I was more spiritually aware than I realized. 

I want that again. 

I want to go back to greeting the spirits in my home when I get home from work. 

I want to go back to saying good night to them. 

I want to go back to talking out loud to them even though I can't hear them in return... because that builds a relationship with them. and the closer my relationship with them.. the more i can FEEl them. 

I miss feeling them around me. Its hard to be truly lonely when you feel nature spirits or your ancestors around you. 

Hard to be lonely when your gods are sending you reminders that they are there and care. 

Sure... its going to be VERY hard not having my closest friends with me. But I'll make aquaintances. People to invite over for a game night or movie night. I'll find walking buddies or someone with a dog calm and patient enough to help snow relax. 

But whats important... is i'm going to find myself. 

I know i am. 

Yeah its gonna suck at first. When the tower comes down it always sucks, and sometimes rebuilding takes more time and energy than you realize. But once you get some actual growth... it gets easier. 

Momentary pain is worth abundant happiness. 

I will miss the ocean though. 

I will miss my drag family. 

I will miss my aunt. 

I will miss lexi. 

I will miss my friends. 

But what I stand to find?

I will refind my confidence as a person. 

I will refind my confidence and talent as a writer. 

I *might* rebuild as a dancer if I can. 

I will find pleasure in the outdoors. 

I will find more spiritual enlightenment.

I will hopefully find more spiritual community. 

I will find success. 

I will find myself. 

and while all i feel is the devastating loss of everything and everyone I have ever known... I know that as it fades it will be replaced by excitment and determination. 

PLUS I WILL BE CLOSE TO MY MOM AGAIN <3

Mandatory buys

 Must buy before the move:

Better to have these boxed and ready for transport, will set up once there:

1. New mattress for me: 140
1. https://www.amazon.com/Full-Mattress-inch-Gel-Memory/dp/B08YDT6WKN/ref=asc_df_B0B2NGP7L9/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=598290868687&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14635034253053730187&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1021130&hvtargid=pla-1737874532117&th=1
2. New Bedframe for me: 
1. With headboard - 220
1. https://www.amazon.com/RLDVAY-Queen-Headboard-Footboard-Noise-Free/dp/B0BYYWHPFF/ref=sr_1_7?keywords=18%22%2Bbedframe%2Bwith%2Bheadboard&qid=1690418781&s=furniture&sr=1-7&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.f5122f16-c3e8-4386-bf32-63e904010ad0&th=1
2. Without headboard (to be bought at a later time) - 100
1. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B017YETH8K/?coliid=I2PX5GX0QN9NXA&colid=12QP6CH05XZH&ref_=list_c_wl_lv_ov_lig_dp_it&th=1
3. Bathroom storage and vanity: 
1. Option 2: Vanity + drawers separate: 200
1.  Vanity - 105
1. https://www.amazon.com/AODAILIHB-Lighted-Dressing-Lighting-Furniture/dp/B09SNSDH1V/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?crid=1L8C5KOEC5TNI&keywords=small%2Bvanity%2Bdesk%2Bwith%2Bmirror&qid=1690419572&s=home-garden&sprefix=small%2Bvanity%2Bdesk%2Bwith%2Bmirro%2Cgarden%2C82&sr=1-3-spons&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.f5122f16-c3e8-4386-bf32-63e904010ad0&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&th=1
2.  Tall drawers with cabinet: 85
1. https://www.amazon.com/Furinno-Pasir-Storage-Cabinet-Shelves/dp/B098QCV6K8/ref=sr_1_10?crid=363A63C70PY5E&keywords=white%2Bshelving%2Band%2Bcabinet&qid=1690419336&sprefix=white%2Bshelving%2Band%2Bcabinet%2Caps%2C79&sr=8-10&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.006c50ae-5d4c-4777-9bc0-4513d670b6bc&th=1
4. ROOMBA for dog hair - 73
1. Temu 
1. https://www.temu.com/1pc-automatic-robot-vacuum-cleaner-self-charging-mopping-machine-three-in-one-large-scale-sweeping-for-pet-hair-dry-wet-mopping-and-disinfecting-floors-strong-suction-sweeper-vacuum-cleaner-lazy-cleaning-machine-smart-cleaning-sweeper-small-appliance-g-601099517437324.html?top_gallery_url=https%3A%2F%2Fimg.kwcdn.com%2Fproduct%2FFancyalgo%2FVirtualModelMatting%2Feab4cc404badda817d8b61b902c98118.jpg&spec_gallery_id=2006007125&refer_page_sn=10009&refer_source=0&freesia_scene=2&_oak_freesia_scene=2&search_key=roomba&refer_page_name=search_result&refer_page_id=10009_1690413469831_1h2qxz04zo&_x_sessn_id=kqzd1lt2bu
5. Daybed and Mattress: 190
1.  frame: 100
1. https://www.amazon.com/VECELO-Headboard-Support-Bedroom-Assembly/dp/B07XLL86PS/ref=sr_1_50_sspa?crid=GI017874FO9H&keywords=twin%2Bdaybed%2Bframe&qid=1690419852&sprefix=twin%2Bdaybed%2Bframe%2Caps%2C82&sr=8-50-spons&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.f5122f16-c3e8-4386-bf32-63e904010ad0&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9idGY&th=1
2.  Mattress: 90
1. https://www.amazon.com/FDW-Inch-Gel-Medium-Firm-CertiPUR-US/dp/B0B2NMWKNY/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?crid=1BDOA58BHACI0&keywords=twin%2Bmattress&qid=1690412371&sprefix=twin%2Bmat%2Caps%2C86&sr=8-2-spons&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.006c50ae-5d4c-4777-9bc0-4513d670b6bc&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&th=1
6. large Air purifier (for humu) - $120
• https://www.amazon.com/AROEVE-Purifiers-Coverage-Function-Ultra-Quiet/dp/B09S2W8VBB/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=3M5WLCUQ5MT8&keywords=air%2Bpurifiers%2Bfor%2Bhome%2Blarge%2Broom&qid=1690411802&s=hpc&sprefix=large%2Bair%2Bp%2Chpc%2C77&sr=1-1-spons&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.f5122f16-c3e8-4386-bf32-63e904010ad0&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&smid=A8J3T285216OG&th=
7. Kitchen Set - 90
1. https://www.walmart.com/ip/T-fal-Easy-Care-Nonstick-Cookware-20-Piece-Set-Grey-Dishwasher-Safe/925142335?athbdg=L1600&from=/search

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Not mandatory buys / can be bought later

- 6 throw pillows (4 for day bed and 2 for couch)

- Body pillow for day bed

- Squishmellows 

- throw pillow covers

- coffee table for living room ---> facebook market place

- home décor

- second cat litter furniture

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Financial Check in:

What I have in savings: 8100 (with 1000 leftover as cushion) 

Remaining credit cards:

1250 --> USAA

800 --> Sams club credit card

- $1700 U-Haul truck

- Movers for 2 hours: 600

- hotel for travel $500

- Food for travel $200

- Car work up = $800  (tires and transmission flush)

- 1st months rent - $1200

- 500 to USAA

- 100 to sams

- 600 unlimited flight pass April - Sept (will buy in December?)

- 600 initial grocery run

- 300 gas

----------------------------

6650

- "mandatory buys" - 1000

------------------------

7650 + 300 = 1950

Lets give myself a nice healthy budget of..... $300 on books?

https://www.secondsale.com/cart?action=show --> 29 books for under 300!!!!! lots to read.

Apartment plan

1.  Sunroom --> witchy room
1. Big shrines book shelf
2. sea foam book shelf for more shrines  & witchy books and materials
3. little bookshelf full of candles?
4. long coffee table
5. desk
6. ataman as seating
7. daybed as seating and/or guest bed
8. Rug?
2. Living Room
1. couch
2. all short book shelves (stack? fill with books)
3. cat litter furniture
4. smaller coffee table
5. 2 end tables
6. shoe wrack
7. hanging hooks
8. Rug
9. Bookshelf for movies
10. deep freeze?
3. Bedroom
1. tall dresser
2. dog kennel
3. cat stand
4. bed
5. dog food & water station
6. body mirror
7. rug
4. Mudroom/back room
1. Vanity/bathroom storage
2. deep freeze? Might have to put in basement? ew....
3. cat furniture (food, water, catlitter, and max melt)
4. baby gate
5. kitchen
1. pantry shelves
2. spice rack
3. toaster oven
4. ocean rug

stuff for new apartment

 Things i KNOW I will need for the new apatmnet:

• - storage for bathroom (to go in the extra room)
• https://www.amazon.com/AOGLLATI-Charging-Station-Drawers-Lighting/dp/B0CBFSYJXN/ref=sr_1_11?crid=DUG1D5VTLTED&keywords=vanity+with+storage&qid=1689739711&s=home-garden&sprefix=vanity+with+%2Cgarden%2C178&sr=1-11&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.f5122f16-c3e8-4386-bf32-63e904010ad0

• - bi flag to hang with ace flag in the window
• - ROOMBA for dog hair 
•  - Temu - 73$'
• https://www.temu.com/1pc-automatic-robot-vacuum-cleaner-self-charging-mopping-machine-three-in-one-large-scale-sweeping-for-pet-hair-dry-wet-mopping-and-disinfecting-floors-strong-suction-sweeper-vacuum-cleaner-lazy-cleaning-machine-smart-cleaning-sweeper-small-appliance-g-601099517437324.html?top_gallery_url=https%3A%2F%2Fimg.kwcdn.com%2Fproduct%2FFancyalgo%2FVirtualModelMatting%2Feab4cc404badda817d8b61b902c98118.jpg&spec_gallery_id=2006007125&refer_page_sn=10009&refer_source=0&freesia_scene=2&_oak_freesia_scene=2&search_key=roomba&refer_page_name=search_result&refer_page_id=10009_1690413469831_1h2qxz04zo&_x_sessn_id=kqzd1lt2bu
• -  large Air purifyer (for humu) - $120
• https://www.amazon.com/AROEVE-Purifiers-Coverage-Function-Ultra-Quiet/dp/B09S2W8VBB/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=3M5WLCUQ5MT8&keywords=air%2Bpurifiers%2Bfor%2Bhome%2Blarge%2Broom&qid=1690411802&s=hpc&sprefix=large%2Bair%2Bp%2Chpc%2C77&sr=1-1-spons&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.f5122f16-c3e8-4386-bf32-63e904010ad0&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&smid=A8J3T285216OG&th=1
• - couch cover
• 
  
• Coffee table for living room
• https://www.walmart.com/ip/Easyfashion-Modern-38-6-Rectangle-Wooden-Lift-Top-Coffee-Table-with-Lower-Shelf-Multiple-Colors-and-Sizes/303466325
• - Dog bed for living room/spirit room
• https://www.amazon.com/BFPETHOME-Large-Orthopedic-Medium-Crate/dp/B09N8W2SC4/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?crid=1DT5QBJXEM1HJ&keywords=large%2Bdog%2Bbed&qid=1690413418&sprefix=large%2Bdog%2Bbed%2Caps%2C92&sr=8-3-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&th=1
• - Day bed frame and mattress (and pillows) -
• Frame:
• https://www.amazon.com/VECELO-Headboard-Foundation-Multi-Functional-Furniture/dp/B095XYT2R6/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?crid=20LE5RQJ2TUKT&keywords=twin+daybed&qid=1689740122&s=home-garden&sprefix=twin+day+bed%2Cgarden%2C96&sr=1-3-spons&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.f5122f16-c3e8-4386-bf32-63e904010ad0&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1
• mattress
• https://www.amazon.com/FDW-Inch-Gel-Medium-Firm-CertiPUR-US/dp/B0B2NMWKNY/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?crid=1BDOA58BHACI0&keywords=twin%2Bmattress&qid=1690412371&sprefix=twin%2Bmat%2Caps%2C86&sr=8-2-spons&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.006c50ae-5d4c-4777-9bc0-4513d670b6bc&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&th=1
• long pillow:
• https://www.walmart.com/ip/Better-Homes-Gardens-Navy-Blue-Body-Pillow-54-x-20/463745231?from=/search
• (6)Throw pillows via goodwill and these covers:
• https://www.walmart.com/ip/Better-Homes-Gardens-Navy-Blue-Body-Pillow-54-x-20/463745231?from=/search
• https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BRD6YF81/?coliid=I1720F3CX7MWRC&colid=12QP6CH05XZH&ref_=list_c_wl_lv_ov_lig_dp_it&th=1
• - Poster boards to hang in window (Drag is not a crime, burlesque is art, Support and book drag kings !!)
• Book shelves - facebook market place?
• 
  

More realistic Grocery Shopping - in progress

 What meals Will I actually Eat regularly, knowing how much I hate dishes and cooking just for myself...

• - pasta salad with chicken 
• - pasta salad with tuna 
• - pasta salad with shrimp
• - Chicken stuffing (with corn) x2
• - angel hair and (raw) shrimp 
• - ramen and (cooked)shrimp x 24 (packs of 12)
• - (raw) shrimp and sausage over rice x2
• - congee with egg or plain, maybe some sausage  - as needed
• - hobo stew over rice (green beans and corn) x4
• - asian shrimp (raw or cooked) over rice (egg roll and ragoons sides/miso soup?) x1
• - eggs and rice  - as needed
• Grits and eggs - as needed
• - Japanese green beans over rice - once  
• - (lemon caper thyme) white fish and couscous (with corn and carrots) x 2
• - mini seafood boil  (cook rice in boiled water) x 2 
• Graze days (pretzels, carrots, green goddess dip, ground meat, fruit, cottage cheese) x 5
• Asian Sides (soup, goonies, egg rolls) x 2
• Salmon cakes (mashed potatoes, veg)  (1 can makes 2 meals) x 2
• stuffed Chx breast with mashed potatoes and a veg 
• uncrustables....as needed.
• Pot Pies....as needed

Plus the snacks and breakfast at work.

Regular Meals:

• - pasta salad with chicken 
• - pasta salad with tuna 
• - pasta salad with shrimp
• - angel hair and (raw) shrimp 
• - ramen and (cooked)shrimp x 24 (packs of 12)
• - (raw) shrimp and sausage over rice x2
• - congee with egg or plain, maybe some sausage  - as needed
• - hobo stew over rice (green beans and corn) x4
• Grits and eggs - as needed
• - mini seafood boil  (cook rice in boiled water) x 2 
• Salmon cakes (mashed potatoes, veg)  (1 can makes 2 meals) x 2
• stuffed Chx breast with mashed potatoes and a veg 
• uncrustables....as needed.
• Pot Pies....as needed
• White fish (capers, lemon/lime) and cous cous/pasta/rice

Things that will last more than a month

• Rice -- like 6 months? more?
• Grits -- thank you sams club
• Pasta -- the bulk buys from sams will last more than a month ( I have pleanty so that can wait)
• white fish -- I don't eat it ofte enouh, it will last me. 
• Shrimp -- should last 2 months. 
• Red/Yellow Potatoes
• Canned Salmon -- 4 pack from sams should last 2 months
• Tuna -- bulk pack from sams should last 3 months or so
• Sams club spinach dip -- acts as great pasta or fish sauce
• Chicken nuggets --- sams bag should last like 3+ months
• Mashed potato box -- this should last like 4 months
• 1 pack of frozen corn on the cob
• Uncrustables
• 1 bag of scallops -- will last like 2 months
• Chicken patties (sandwhiches) -- 3+ months

Monthly groceries:

• Ramen
• Eggs
• Milk
• Bread
• Canned Green beans
• Canned Corn
• bulk canned mushrooms
• Ground turkey x2 
• Pasta Salad - 2 boxes  (i have plenty now, so this can wait)
• Pot Pies
• Cream of ____ soup
• Frozen veg (Green beans for pup, cauliflour & broccoli for me and pup)
• Sweet Potato fries (me and pup) 1 bag a month
• Stuffed chx breast from sams
• Imitation crab
• Canned chicken -- bulk pack once a month
• 2 boxes of cous cous 
• Fresh green onions/scallions
• Sweet Tea
• Cranberry Juice
• Carbonated water

Groceries wisconsin - why did this take me almost 6 hours

OKAY so.... I planned this out to be a month/1.5 month worth of groceries.... but if i am being realistic it would probably last even long than that.  and some of this stuff i already have. However I put over 5 hours of work into this and I am not going to re-do it lol. Especially because this is if i eat 2 full meals a day....and we all know i don't. 

so things i know for sure i would need to get upon initial move in:

• Breakfast/snack items for work - good for 2 months?
• Poptarts - 48 pk  - 2 months - $12
• $6
• cheeze its - 45 pouches - 2 month - $16
• $8
• apple sauce -32 pk - monthly - $16
• coffee (optional)
• liquid breakfast to mix^ - 2 mo - $23 - 12.5 
• Final cost: $67 (all sams)
• monthly cost:42.5 ( all sams)

• Grains
• Couscous - 2 boxes walmert - $5
• pretzel chips - 17 amazon
• maybe substitute for pita chips and crackers?
• garlic bread - walmart - 3/4$
• Jasmine rice 25lb at sams--> $18 (6 month?)
• kettle corn - 18pk - walmart - 3 mo - $7
• grits - 15 lbs - $10
• give one to mom
• good for 6+ months
• Bulk pasta salad
• 4pk classic (1 per week) --> $5
• add 1 can tuna or chicken per box
• Bulk stuffing --> 3 months worth
• 6pk classic --> $9
• 2 can shredded chicken per box
• add shredded carrots 
• Spaghetti pasta 
• 6 boxes - sams - $9
• good for 3 months?
• Spaghetti sauce  - chunk ragu 3 pk - 6 mo - $9
• Final cost: $82 (sams - 51, walmart - 16 amazon - $17)
• monthly cost: 42 ( sams - 24.5, walmart - 12.5, amazon 17 )

• Vegetables (good for 1 month)
• canned green beans from walmart - .65 each x 6 = $4
• canned corn from walmart - .65 each x 6 = $4
•  Frozen broccoli Walmart - $2
• pepper and onion blend x 1 - $3
• Canned mushrooms sams 12pk - $12
• Mashed potatoes - box sams -6 mo - $9
• regular potatoes - as needed - 1.5 bg walmart - $4
• shredded carrots - walmart 10 oz - $2
• baby carrots - 3lb - sams - $4.50
• Sweet potato fries
• feeds me and healthy treats for snow 
• (Milwaukee sams doesn't have these!?)
•  Walmart 1 bag for 3.50
• Asparagus(fresh 2lbs) - sams - $6
• Cream of mushroom soup
• good for 2 months
• Sams - 8 pk - $9
• Final cost: $62 (sams - 40.5, walmart - 18.5)
• monthly cost: 51.5 ( all sams - 33, walmart - 18.5)

• Asian Sides
• Miso soup
• instant miso soup variety 20 pack - walmart - 16
• good for 2 months
• Crab raggoons - 24pk - $12
• 3 months?
• Pork Egg rolls 16ct - $10
• 2 mo?
• 12pk shrimp ramen - $6
• Final cost: $44 (sams - 28; walmart - 16)
• monthly cost: $29 ( sams - 21, walmart - 8 )

• Seafood
• imitation crab (poke) - 4 servings - $6.50
• 3lbs flounder --> $16
• 6+ months  ($2.5)
• Bulk shrimp - last 2 months
• 3lb raw bag at sams --> 19
• 2lbs cooked at sams --> 15
• Final cost: $56.5 (all sams)
• monthly cost:45 ( all sams)

• Proteins
• Canned chicken - 4pk walmart - $10
• Canned Tuna - 4pk - walmart - $11
•  Canned salmon - 4pk sams - 2mo  - $13
• Ground turkey meat
•  2x 1lb roll walmart - $8
• 1 taco meat flavor - $4
• 2 sausage - $5
• Andouille sausage - 48 oz box - 4 mo - $12
• Chicken nuggets --> last 3 months minimum
• 5lb bag --> $15
• Final cost: $77 (sams - 39, walmart - 38)
• monthly cost: $52.5 (sams - 14.5, walmart - 38)

• Prepared Meals:
• Pot Pies - 8pk - $15
• Raw studded chx breast 6pk - 2 months - $15
• PB & J's  - grazing and snack - $14
• good for 2 months
• Cajun Chx Alfredo - 3 months - 15
• Taquitos - 3 months - $13
• Final cost: $72 (all sams)
• monthly cost: 39 ( all sams)

• Fruit
• mandarin oranges (poke bowl) - 16pk - 3 mo - $10
• Blue berries - $6
• Strawberries - $4
• guac for grazing - $8
• Grazing Dip - $7
• Final cost: $35 (all sams)
• monthly cost:28 ( all sams)

• Staples (once a month or as needed)
• 18 pack eggs - walmart - $2
• small thing of milk - walmart $2
• Sliced cheese for pup
• sams - kraft singles - 6 mo - $10
• Orange Juice
• 3 pk  - 2 month - $7
• Water - 40 pk - 2 month - $4
• mios - as needed
• cranberry juice
• sams - 2 large pk - 2 month - $8
• sweet tea
• walmart 2-4$ monthly
• Pot Pies - $15
• Ice cream -- $8
• banana split drumsticks - $7 (or 2 chunk monkkeys for $8)
• or
• coffee ice cream  - 28 oz - $8
• Final cost: $60
• monthly cost:42 ( all sams)

okay so overall cost: 566.5

Monthly sams credit payment: 374.5

Now most of this I can make last longer than what I budgeted. So to be more realistic I highlighted everything in light blue what i know will be monthly for certain: $138... everything else could last anywhere from 2-3+ months. so I will divide it by 3. 

566.5- 138 = 428.5/3 = 143 + 138 = 281 in groceries every month 

and anything i can leave off in a pinch i crossed out. but i included them in the math

Set meals: will use calendar to track each month - this is what i am buying for

• - pasta salad with chicken x 2
• - pasta salad with tuna x2
• - Chicken stuffing (with corn) x2
• - angel hair and (raw) shrimp x4
• - ramen and (cooked)shrimp x12
• - (raw) shrimp and sausage over rice x2
• - congee with egg or plain, maybe some sausage  - as needed
• - poke bowls (cooked shrimp, egg roll and ragoon sides?) x 4
• - hobo stew over rice (green beans and corn) x4
• - asian shrimp (raw or cooked) over rice (egg roll and ragoons sides/miso soup?) x1
• - eggs and rice  - as needed
• Grits and eggs - as needed
• - Japanese green beans over rice - once
• - jambalaya (sausage; onion, celery, bell pepper, cayenne pepper and thyme -- shitton of Tonys)  
• - (lemon caper thyme) white fish and couscous (with corn and carrots) x 2
• - couscous and chicken x1 
• - mini seafood boil  (cook rice in boiled water) x 2 
• Graze days (pretzels, carrots, green goddess dip, ground meat, fruit, cottage cheese) x 5
• Asian Sides (soup, goonies, egg rolls) x 2
• Salmon cakes (mashed potatoes, veg)  (1 can makes 2 meals) x 2
• Chx breast with mashed potatoes and a veg x 3
• uncrustables....as needed.
• Pot Pies....as needed
• Cajun Chicken Alfredo x 6 meals (3 per tray)
• Taco Night (alternate every other week)
• Taquitos
• taco bowls