Selkie

 I take my messages from the Fae. 

and there's 2 lessons (at least) you can learn from a Selkie:

1) Don't let someone who claims to love you be mean to you. 3 strikes and their gone. 

2) Don't feel forced to fill any particular role or wear any particular hat/mask. Embrace your authenticity. Step out of who are you as *insert role for other people* and be free. 

Evan is about to learn that the hard way. 

We reconciled and decided to pick up where we left off. He does have things I really like and look for.. but he has a fucking mean streak. Not subtly abusive.. just... not nice. 

He doesn't believe in tipping well.  - this may not be a big thing to others but this is a borderline deal breaker for me. 

And then in regards to me.. 

1) He doesn't compliment me. I know its because he thinks I would be more attractive if I lost weight... but still. I can count on one hand the number of compliments I've gotten (honestly I think its either 2 or 3). I don't want to be smothered in compliments... that's a turn off. but when I am feeling cute and OBVIOUSLY showing off and preening for a compliment...compliment me godsdamnit.  "Nice Drip" barley counts. I compliment him all the time and he loves it. I've spoken to him and he knows I like compliments. 

2) He's mean about my slight OCD. I have to have things even. If you kiss on cheek, I need the other one kissed. If you do something to one hand, I need it done to the other. Last time I saw him he bit my shoulder and my neck playfully but with some force (awesome). But then when I showed the other side he backed off and made a joke about it. Sure. I get it. saying no at first to see me squirm can be fun. But after a minute its uncomfortable. 

It bothered me the WHOLE time I was there. to the point where when we were cuddling I brought it up and asked him to fix it and make it even... he said no. He wasn't going to feed into it. I had asked slightly playful, trying not to make it awkward. I waited a few minutes. Then I asked him more seriously to do it. He just went "hmmm" and didn't respond. Basically ignoring me. That's when I got upset. As soon as the movie finished I pretty much jumped away from him and got ready to leave. He could tell I was actually unhappy so when I hugged him goodbye he *finally*  bit the other side. 

However, he even acknowledged in that moment that he bit one side hard enough to leave a mark that was still visible. Him making it even? His teeth barley grazed me. It was still fucking uneven. It bothered me all the way home and I had to seriously distract myself to I could get to sleep because my body FELT UNEVEN. 

Was it something super bad? no. Was it mean? yes. 

Thats two. 

He has one more instance of being mean and I'm cutting him loose. 

and a new deal breaker will emerge. 

I won't date atheists... and moving forward I won't date sadists. 

But I also won't commit to Jazz and Isaac wholly either. 

I will once again let myself be bound to no one, I will just let myself be free. 

Listen to the Selkie. 

camping out

 Well we are under a tornado warning, the sirens have gone off twice so far (my boss says that never happens) so me and the babies are camping out in the basement. 

Update; in the span of 3 days I applied for a job, interviewed, and got an offer. Then I had a come to Jesus talk with big boss jack. I am now staying, got a small raise (roughly a dollar), and he had a talk with my direct manager to get her to ease off of me a bit. 

Pretty much said the write up was more so to cover their rear ends in case I mess up too bad and for me to put it out of my head. So I will. 

I would prefer to stay at this job, I really would. All the way through school. 

I hope that really happens. 

changing jobs

So it is becoming abundantly clear that I will need to find another job. The work life balance preached here is so back and forth.... I do't check emails over the weekend and my boss says thats a problem. I do check emails over the weekend and thats a problem. 

but I have ADHD. My brain moves super fast. That means I will occasioanlly mis read an email... or have to make a double trip because I didn't realize i needed two of something instead of one. 

But I got written up over it. "failure to communicate up to standards" and whatever else they put on the paper that I didn't get to read. 

$0 rent --> use student load to pay off starting august (can start new job in september/october)

$55 internet 

$100 utilities -- I will pay for electric only but idk what that will look like. 

$400 personal loan 

$400 credit ($200, $200, $50)

$70 Joint membership 

$235 car payment

$90 car insurance 

$15 renters insurance

$376 health insurance

$117 student loans 

$70 pets

$25 subscriptions ($9 hulu, $7 pandora, $1 cloud space,7 peacock)

$80 gas 

$50 savings 

$75 Roth IRA

$300 Groceries

$50 - liquidatable investiments

$100 - misc

----------------------------

2518/x = 80/100

31475.5 before taxes x 12 = 37,770

so 39K a year minimum for a new job. So about 20 an hour. 

But that would't be doable until I got my refund in September. 

$1095 rent --> until sept. oct?

$55 internet 

$80 utilities -- I will pay for electric only but idk what that will look like. 

$270 personal loan 

$150 credit ($80, 30, 40)

$70 Joint membership 

$235 car payment

$90 car insurance 

$15 renters insurance

$320 health insurance (change in jobs would lower it?)

$100 student loans (change in jobs would lower it?)

$70 pets

$25 subscriptions ($9 hulu, $7 pandora, $1 cloud space,7 peacock)

$80 gas 

$50 savings 

$75 Roth IRA

$200 Groceries

$50 - liquidatable investiments

$100 - misc

-------------------------------------------------

3050 x 80/100 = 

3812.5 x 12 = 45,750 = 46K minimum. 

I need to look for something that has less moving parts or requires less "critical thinking" since aparently thats where I'm fucking up.... so looks like going back to customer service. 

In the event that I have to take on an even lower paying job...

$0 rent --> use student load to pay off starting august (can start new job in august)

$55 internet 

$100 utilities -- I will pay for electric only but idk what that will look like. 

$270 personal loan 

$400 credit ($200, $200, $50)

$70 Joint membership 

$235 car payment

$90 car insurance 

$15 renters insurance

$320 health insurance

$100 student loans 

$70 pets

$25 subscriptions ($9 hulu, $7 pandora, $1 cloud space,7 peacock)

$80 gas 

$50 savings 

$75 Roth IRA

$200 Groceries

$50 - liquidatable investiments

$100 - misc

--------------------------------------------

2305 x 80/100 = 2881.25 

2900 x 12 = 34,800 = 35K or 17 an hour. 

but that would be in october...

Can I make it that long?

 

bruh wtf

 My boss has been a great landlord. He really helpe dme out by not making me pay a deposit when I moved. I was in a month to month lease - just had to give 60 days notice. 

I gave more than 60 days notice. 

I am fully moved out June 10th. 

He's making me pay a full month's rent for June. Only if someone moves in by the 15th will he refund me for the second hald of the month.... HOW IS THAT LEGAL????????

Like what the fuck?????

I will now have to pay two whole fucking months rent PLUS a full month's rent as a deposit in June. 

$1250 - June rent to my boss

$2082.50 - move in costs 

$45 gas for the move; I will be making so many trips at 32 miles round trip that it will be about a tank

----------------

$3377.5

BRUH. 

I have the move in costs in my savings but this will completley liquidate it. I was counting on only having to pay 10 days worth of rent to my boss. 

What the actual FUCK.