Selkie

 I take my messages from the Fae. 

and there's 2 lessons (at least) you can learn from a Selkie:

1) Don't let someone who claims to love you be mean to you. 3 strikes and their gone. 

2) Don't feel forced to fill any particular role or wear any particular hat/mask. Embrace your authenticity. Step out of who are you as *insert role for other people* and be free. 

Evan is about to learn that the hard way. 

We reconciled and decided to pick up where we left off. He does have things I really like and look for.. but he has a fucking mean streak. Not subtly abusive.. just... not nice. 

He doesn't believe in tipping well.  - this may not be a big thing to others but this is a borderline deal breaker for me. 

And then in regards to me.. 

1) He doesn't compliment me. I know its because he thinks I would be more attractive if I lost weight... but still. I can count on one hand the number of compliments I've gotten (honestly I think its either 2 or 3). I don't want to be smothered in compliments... that's a turn off. but when I am feeling cute and OBVIOUSLY showing off and preening for a compliment...compliment me godsdamnit.  "Nice Drip" barley counts. I compliment him all the time and he loves it. I've spoken to him and he knows I like compliments. 

2) He's mean about my slight OCD. I have to have things even. If you kiss on cheek, I need the other one kissed. If you do something to one hand, I need it done to the other. Last time I saw him he bit my shoulder and my neck playfully but with some force (awesome). But then when I showed the other side he backed off and made a joke about it. Sure. I get it. saying no at first to see me squirm can be fun. But after a minute its uncomfortable. 

It bothered me the WHOLE time I was there. to the point where when we were cuddling I brought it up and asked him to fix it and make it even... he said no. He wasn't going to feed into it. I had asked slightly playful, trying not to make it awkward. I waited a few minutes. Then I asked him more seriously to do it. He just went "hmmm" and didn't respond. Basically ignoring me. That's when I got upset. As soon as the movie finished I pretty much jumped away from him and got ready to leave. He could tell I was actually unhappy so when I hugged him goodbye he *finally*  bit the other side. 

However, he even acknowledged in that moment that he bit one side hard enough to leave a mark that was still visible. Him making it even? His teeth barley grazed me. It was still fucking uneven. It bothered me all the way home and I had to seriously distract myself to I could get to sleep because my body FELT UNEVEN. 

Was it something super bad? no. Was it mean? yes. 

Thats two. 

He has one more instance of being mean and I'm cutting him loose. 

and a new deal breaker will emerge. 

I won't date atheists... and moving forward I won't date sadists. 

But I also won't commit to Jazz and Isaac wholly either. 

I will once again let myself be bound to no one, I will just let myself be free. 

Listen to the Selkie.