if only....

"You see, sometimes I'm good. Oh, I'm very good. But sometimes I'm bad. But only as bad as I wanna be. Freedom is power. To live a life untamed and unafraid is the gift that I've been given" - Cat Woman

to-do list for monday

• read Culture sketches pg 79-97
• fight some more with masteringgeology.com

pirate update

so... since my first day as a pirate:

• LGBT office is awesome.
• Anthropology classes are awsome
• chick at LGBT office MIGHT come with me to faerieCon... Carrie i think is her name.
• spanish 2 scares me, but i like the professor.
• access codes ar a bitch and expensive and might cause some issues right now.
• Bus system is confusing as hell and is in no way helpful to me. 
• i have no meal plan - every dime i send comes out of my pocket right now.
• i don't get my financial aid returns till 9/3
• i still need to take the drivers test again
• i still need to get a car
• i'm still stressed as fuck.

what i want to say to mom and Mary

You guys have put me in the middle for a long time now. i'm done. after hearing both sides for so long this is the only thing i can come up with. Apologize. Both of you. Neither of you feels you did wrong. Both of you are Hurt. Apologizing isn't admitting defeat or saying that you are wrong. Its saying you value the person more than your own ego.  Both of you aren't good at communicating. Mary - you're typing leads to confusion and when mom is sincerely asking what you mean, you think she is being mean. she isn't. mom when you were told that mary meant "leave IT alone" instead of "leave ME alone" (mary you simply typed "leave alone") you still continued to push Mary away. TALK to each other. LISTEN to each other.
apologize and get it over with. i'm done being in the middle and i'm done of being accused of taking sides. i am NEUTRAL. and i am DONE with this.

i am so fucking done

i am so fucking done.

i'm done with Cara.

• her anger.
• her attitude.
• the fact that now Cara doesn't even have enough respect for my mom to teat her any better than she treats me.
• how Mary sees Cara as just the helpless victim - Because she is finally being called out on her shit. 

I'm done with the drama between Mary and my mom.

• neither will apologize.
• both are in the wrong.
• both don't think they did any wrong.
• yes my mom is a debbie downer. no mary you are not some helpless victim. it takes 2 to tango.
• SOMEONE NEEDS TO APOLOGIZE. GROW UP. no one apologizes the friendship is over. that simple.
• i'm DONE with it.

Racheal was lucky enough to escape it all.

i love all of them i do. 

but to Mary because i sided with my mom about Cara's behavior, she thinks that means i have sided 100% with her on everything and that i want Mary out of my life. - NO.

STOP PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH.

STOP PUTTING ME IN THE MIDDLE.

JUST STOP IT.

I'M DONE.

Pirate Palooza

so i go to pirate plooza tonight. by myself. knpwing no one. and 2 girls invite me to sit with them. so i hang out with them the whole time and here's the rub:

J - sweet, a little awkward, mexican - totally digs me.
Cass - a black version of Shane from L word - i kinda dig her, she doesn't seem too interested.

now shane...

• hot as hell.
• one night stands
• doesn't do relationships
• use 'em and loose 'em
• great friend

so, yeah. i proooooolly should't go there.

they seem cool :)

and wanna hang out.

"think i do" posters

ad these two:

pretty much. (witch doesn't apply to me YET)

faerieCon ideas

combine these:

with my red dress....

http://www.squidoo.com/halloween-gothic-fairy-makeup-tutorial

kinda combine these:

with my green outfit?

i need someone good with make-up and artistic to do these for me.....

FaerieCon International

Novmber 7-9 (but i'd only go 7&8)

Maryland - about 5-6 hour drive

there are day passes
and masquerade balls!!!!


Friday the 7th is "good Faerie" day.
Saturday is "bad faerie" day.

Faun is playing friday.
omnia is playing saturday.


holy shit i wanna go.

COST:
gas
camping/hotel room???

tickets:

• all out passes to everything - one person:$110 - 4 people $400
• each masqurade picket individyally costs 35$ (each person would have to buy both if they want to go to both)
• day passes: friday day pass $15, saturday day pass $25, sunday $20
• 3 day exhibit pass: 50$

so... the first one? includes special exhibits (50$), both masqurades ($70) and  all three day passes (60$)

thats adds up to being worth about $180... but they only charge $110. and for a goup of 4?? each person contributes $100!! thats a huge sale!!!

i need to go....

i need 3 other people...and a car.

or...

one of other person and a car.

 

http://faeriecon.com/what-is-faeriecon/

for good faerie day i can wear the green outfit i have at home. and for the bad faerie day i can wear my red dress....<3 <3 <3 <3

research for my books

so in my mind i have 2 seperate serial killers.

one is a vigilante killer...Anna Grace. here is research i need to do to figure her out

female vigialnte killers
vigilante killers


not too bad.

for this other one:
rape.
serious S&M.
bondage rape.
serial killers who raped their victims first.
killers who love their victims but love to hurt them.
projecting one's emotions onto another person ad how it can lead to murder.
necrophilia.

hormones wrote this blog

i need a girlfriend.
or friends with beifits.
SOMETHING..


okay so...opposites attract? first off: i'm a fire sign. my element is fire.
...  today i figured out: water is an aphrodisiac for me. ocean water. river water, lake. swimming pools. hot tubs. baths. showers...

yup.

so today i went swimming.
and my hormones were raging. the entire day.

its been so long since i have been with someone i was super sexually attracted to that i have so much sexual frustration/energy pent up idk how i havn't exploded.

i don't masterbate, which is weird to a lot of people.... ,so really. i'm just sitting around the house pissed off and frustrated.

and again...hormones raging.


my hormones wrote this blog.

slytherpuff motto

we will kill you with kindness....but we will kill you.


LOLOL

http://fuckyeahkillingtime.tumblr.com/post/38654503778/youre-a-slytherpuff-this-is-a-rare-combination


"You’re a Slytherpuff!: This is a rare combination but those that are true Slytherpuffs are not people you want to make your enemy. You take loyalty very seriously and if someone gives you their word you expect them to keep it. You either project a cold exterior and have a heart of gold inside or you seem all cuddly and nice on the outside and you are ruthless on the inside. People frequently underestimate you but this usually suits your purpose. Whoever has your loyalty is a very lucky person because you will fight tooth and nail to protect them. You have a protective streak and you like to champion the underdog. In life, experience has taught you that it’s better not to be too idealistic or expect to much of other people. Still, deep inside you, you still have hope that everything will always turn out for the best. Your weakness is that sometimes you trust blindly, follow without question and this can lead you into trouble. With the loyalty of a Hufflepuff and the ruthlessness of a Slytherin you are a formidable person!"

RIP Robin Williams

apparently Robin Williams committed suicide today... this breaks my heart. He was so full of life and good energy and was so talented and just such an amazing guy.

textbook notes

OK i bought from 4 seperate things.


Amazon = 4.00 = feilds on hoofs = 4.00

chegg  = jivaro = 17.49
chegg =  the S Vilage in Sri Lanka = 26.49
chegg = Culture Sketches = 18.49
chegg = 82.86

Student store =  the S village in Sri Lanka = 36.30 - FUCK I FORGOT TO TAKE THIS OFF.
student store = clicker = 60.00
student store = about 100.00 (shipping price unknown)

student store online rental = eskimo = 18.99
online rental = Anthropology = 35.61
online rental = earth = 69.11
online rental = sociology project = 35.17
online = spanish book = 108.81
online rental  = 286.84

the estimated price if i got everything new was about 1000.00...it was like 970 something.


i spent about 473.70..... and saved about 526.30.


okay.... i'm just trying to rationalize spending so much.. and how i have the majority of my books online now.... or will when they get delivered.


chegg - delivered to house then return to UPS - should be here in 14 days
student store - pick up from store - ready August 20
student store online- dropped off at house? and then return....??? take up to 14 days i think it was
amazon dropped off on house. 3-7 days.

pottermore

so i finally figured out pottermore....... i got sorted into slytherin....but i'll still identify as huffleuff!!!!!!





i'ma friggin slytherpuff.

Griffindor moment

so tonight...i saved a kitten.

i was running errands with my mom when we stopped at a red light. i hear a kitten crying and looked around...no sight of it. i ask my mom what the noise was and she confirmed: kitten. Then a sinking realization hit me...it was stuck in a storm drain

it took every once of control i had not to jump out the van and rescue it....when the light turned green and my mom began to drive i prayed "Oh Bast" and i couldn't even get the words out my concern for the kitten just flowing.My mom takes a turn and pulls into the gas station parking lot beside the road. 

I rush over to that pip, completely unaware of the busy straffic right next to me, saw the furry little orange baby and not thinking about bugs or snakes i plunged my hand directly to that kitten. Pulled it out and to me in about 4.5 second. no lie. that fast.

long story short: i also found it a home. A cashier at petsmart. awesome right?

I have seen videos of people helping animals...and everyone is like - oh such a act of kindness...we really? its not that...its just being human and acting on love. I didn't save the kitten to be kind, i saved it because it was a helpless baby needing hep. I did it because someone had to and because it was insitnct. I don't think it was a great act... but i am proud and glad i did it. 

thank you Bast for helping me help him!

btw: it was a baby boy orange tabby cat with BEAUTIFUL markings and light blue eyes :3

guess whos back?

MY LAPTOP HAS RETURNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SO HAPPY  :3

yahhh <3

okay pokay...

okay okay...
so i can learn to drive a stick...


Alyssa (from work)'s mom is willing to teach me
Mary is willing to teach me
the guy selling me the car is willing to teach me

and if all else fails... Mr. Scruggs (the teacher) is willing to teach me as well.

no car

GODS FUCKING DAMNIT.

i can't use the car that mrs. herrera's fiance was going to sell me!!! its a fucking stick shift. i ceed a car that i know how to drive so i can get to and from work. It took me long enough to learn an automatic!!!! how the hell am i going to learn a stickshift before school starts!!!!!?????


UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH



its because i stopped stressing. i got too hopeful and too relaxed. thats what i get.

god i am so disappointed and frustrated!

i could just curl up in a ball and cry...or break shit. preferably both.

what am i going to do?

i start school in about 3 weeks....


what am i going to do?
gods help me....