let me explain

so let me explain something.

there are 2 Lisas in my brain. Both are still me, both are Lisa; but each one thinks and processes things differently. Its almost as if each sees a different color. Lisa 1 sees everything in blue and Lisa 2 sees everything in red. Both are Lisa but have different perceptions.

Lisa 1 - BLUE
- compassionate
-playful
-empathetic
-proud
-emotional
- openly vulnerable
-places others before self
-warm
-lives and focuses on relationships with others
- primary purpose is to help others
-want to teach/boost others
-apologizes a lot
- protective but passive
-Depressive
- Hufflepuff


Lisa 2 - RED
- instinctive
-mischievous
- distant
-vain
- emotional but not in the same way. what scares Lisa 1 may excite Lisa 2.
-vulnerable but hides it VERY well.
-looks after own interest
- colder in personality
-lives to have control; over situations, over people, etc
-primary focus... unknown.
-ambitious. advancement of self is priority, but will gladly help others along the way.
-
-protective but aggressive
-Manic
-slytherin

I always have these 2 lisas in my head. always. think of it like yin and yang. or... back to blue and red. Most of the time i'm a nice purple.... sometimes the purple has more red in it.... sometimes the purple has more blue... but purple is my average. Then there is sometimes when I go almost all blue. Then there are times when I go almost all red - this is rare. I don't usually go all red. I'm usually purple, a balance of the 2 perceptions in my mind, blue and red thoughts going through me evenly.

Does this make sense? Well Lisa 2, the RED thoughts in my brain..... thats what i call my faerie side.

so when i talk about how my faerie came out or having to rely on or become "the faerie"... it just means that i had to go more red than purple or blue.

now this could just be another way i interpret my bipolar. except that this is something that i can sometimes control.

I can sometimes force myself to think is mostly red, sometimes it just happens naturally. .

I got asked by a close friend of mine.... "What do you want?"


I want to be recognized. all of me. I want those who are closest to me to know that i have these 2 sides in me, and sometimes they become unbalanced and it changes my thinking and behavior. The me that everyone knows is the "purple". sometimes when i'm in a depressive phase i become "blue". I rarely become "red" because it scares me... but i'm learning to deal with it.