words I can't say

I've come so close to saying those three words several times now.

"I love you"

its probably the most spoken phrase to leave my lips.

I say it at the end of every phone call to my friends and family
I say it when i say goodbye


but i can't say it when i'm dating someone because the words take on a new meaning.

I've almost said them to lauren, on more than one occasion. I've had the urge to just text them to her.
but i don't think i'm in love.

I think i'm on my way, (see the clift post i made a little bit ago) but i don't think i'm there yet.

then again, I don't know. I haven't actually been in love with someone since Jake.
And i've made a point not to say "I love you" to someone i'm dating because of that reason.

How do i know when i'm in love? I know i'm definitely falling... because everything seems so heightened and real and terrifying.

I want to talk to her about it, but she is going through some really serious stuff right now in regards to people she loves and their health.

Being with her is so comforting and so scary and i don't even know what to say or do.


in the past with people I was fine until i actually started to care and then i get nervous and scared and mess up all the time...


i don't want to mess this up.
I don't know what to do in this situation...

like...

i think i'm falling in love and I want to say it so bad.

but how do i know?