hybrid

I have been in a hybrid episode for four days now.

flashing between depressive emotions, to apathy, to manic..... and in between those i'll be stable for like.... 3 hours. the other hours that i'm awake are a friggin roller coaster.

i'm irritated about certain things about my relationship but don't really know how to go about talking about. (one of which involving Lauren's bff liz)

I'm frustrated that i can't seem to break away from the child logic when it comes to mike (basically Brook's liz)

1.  I don't like him. Something about him doesn't sit right with me and I just don't like him. Instinctively. Faerie didn't like him, and seeing as she is my instinct... i should listen to her.
2. I'm scared my status in "the family" will change because of him. 

In sociology the deffinition of Jealousy is feeling a threat to the relationship.... i guess i'm just jealous in both cases. 

but mix those in with my constant mood swings and i'm going to explode. 

NOTHING makes it better.

not alcohol. 

I havn't tried drugs, but nothing i can think of that is accessible will help. (weed will only make it worse)

Food/ sugar doesn't even make it better. 

I feel like a fucking dragon but i don't have the ability to set the world on fire.

if only. 

fuck.