might as well blog

I figure i migh as well blog since i'm not getting any sleep.

all i can do is think about all the things i could have said to lauren.

some would have insighted more anger, but voiced more concerns and issues i had.
some would have diffused anger.

but none would have changed the outcome.

I wasn't being treated fairly.

I was playing second fiddle to a toxic person who completely changed how lauren acted.

I was spoken down to in a condecending way.

If i voiced an opinion about something that could paint any of lauren's friends in a bad light - i had no right and was instantly in the wrong.... how dare i have an opinion.


it came down to a key core value that we disareed on.


the Liz thing... we might have eventually worked out...

but aparently i'm the bad guy for being against drug dealers.

thats what broke us. different stances on drugs.

gods above, why am i never good enough?


she seemed so perfect... i didn't know what the catch was.

it was Liz.

and I just wasn't good enough to best that.

i hurt so much.

and she is going and playing the victim in all of this.

i figured blogging would be better in my sleepless state instead of balling my eyes out and asking the gods "why? why was i not good enough? why am i never good enough?"


well the tears are still there.
the questions are still there.
there is no answer.
there is no sleep.