Now that those are off my chest... maybe I can sleep.
I want to be clear. Despite how I’m feeling... I have no intention to give up on my relationship. I love him. I’m a firm beliver it’s going to take time but we will be okay.
I am not looking forward to the blood work part of the physical...
And this fucking head cold. Ugh. Can’t breathe.
Plllleeeeease let me sleep now.
Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Not over it
I have forgiven Jimmie about what happened. But I can’t seem to get over it.
I have a residual hurt, one that was manifesting as actual chest pain - after praying to Aine it went away. But then when I try to go to sleep at night... this happens.
I’m still so confused as to why it happened. Why did he caress my leg? To make me relax before he practically threw me away from him? I still don’t know how I didn’t hit that side table corner. I honestly think someone (SG, one of my fair friends, one of my gods... SOMEONE) pulled me just enough so that I missed it. I owe them a thank you.
And then there was what he said.
I know. I know. He was drunk.
But I honestly think that some of the things we say when we are drunk and critically looking at our own situation and the situation of others... we become brutally honest. And he said he didn’t love me.
He says he does. D swears that people say things they don’t mean when drunk. But he didn’t say it to me... he wasn’t trying to hurt me. He was making a sad observation. And when I closed my eyes to sleep tonight I can see him.
Siting there in the living room. Looking distantly over the board of catan. Sad. And I can hear him say those words. “I don’t love her... I don’t love my girlfriend.”
The image is so clear in my brain.
I honestly think that’s the part I can’t get over. When I’m with him and he says he loves me, I feel happy... but I don’t trust it. I think that he THINKS he loves me. And he does. But I don’t think he is in love with me anymore. I almost wonder if he ever was. I know that like me, he hates to be left alone. But that’s no reason to date someone.
And he has a habit of just telling people what they want to hear. The afternoon after the incident he told me that he wouldn’t drink anymore (I didn’t make him say that... he volunteered it himself) and it honestly made me feel proud of him and a bit safer, like he really cared to prevent even the slightest possibility of it happening again.
He had a glass of wine after a bad day at work the other night. Granted it was one glass and he was by no means drunk. But he still told me he wouldn’t drink at all until he got help.
He is full of the best intentions but it seems it’s just pretty words to smooth over any discomfort... I want to believe him when he says he loves me. A part of me does believe it.
A part of me doesn’t.
I have a residual hurt, one that was manifesting as actual chest pain - after praying to Aine it went away. But then when I try to go to sleep at night... this happens.
I’m still so confused as to why it happened. Why did he caress my leg? To make me relax before he practically threw me away from him? I still don’t know how I didn’t hit that side table corner. I honestly think someone (SG, one of my fair friends, one of my gods... SOMEONE) pulled me just enough so that I missed it. I owe them a thank you.
And then there was what he said.
I know. I know. He was drunk.
But I honestly think that some of the things we say when we are drunk and critically looking at our own situation and the situation of others... we become brutally honest. And he said he didn’t love me.
He says he does. D swears that people say things they don’t mean when drunk. But he didn’t say it to me... he wasn’t trying to hurt me. He was making a sad observation. And when I closed my eyes to sleep tonight I can see him.
Siting there in the living room. Looking distantly over the board of catan. Sad. And I can hear him say those words. “I don’t love her... I don’t love my girlfriend.”
The image is so clear in my brain.
I honestly think that’s the part I can’t get over. When I’m with him and he says he loves me, I feel happy... but I don’t trust it. I think that he THINKS he loves me. And he does. But I don’t think he is in love with me anymore. I almost wonder if he ever was. I know that like me, he hates to be left alone. But that’s no reason to date someone.
And he has a habit of just telling people what they want to hear. The afternoon after the incident he told me that he wouldn’t drink anymore (I didn’t make him say that... he volunteered it himself) and it honestly made me feel proud of him and a bit safer, like he really cared to prevent even the slightest possibility of it happening again.
He had a glass of wine after a bad day at work the other night. Granted it was one glass and he was by no means drunk. But he still told me he wouldn’t drink at all until he got help.
He is full of the best intentions but it seems it’s just pretty words to smooth over any discomfort... I want to believe him when he says he loves me. A part of me does believe it.
A part of me doesn’t.
Thought purge
So I have too many thoughts going in circles around my brain for me to go to sleep. It’s a few minutes from 2am and I have to get up at 7:45 to go to a doctors appointment.
I need to get to sleep.
So please excuse the next few posts... I need to purge these thoughts so I can try to sleep.
But I’m also hella tired and may have to edit them later.
I need to get to sleep.
So please excuse the next few posts... I need to purge these thoughts so I can try to sleep.
But I’m also hella tired and may have to edit them later.
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
2 years
It’s been two years since Carson died. I realized this at 10:30 pm. I almost missed it.
I still have regrets.
I hadn’t talked to him in months.
But I thought about him.
What if I had reached out to him?
Would that have stopped him?
I thought about him recently. But didn’t realize it was coming up.
I almost missed it.
I hope his soul is doing well, wherever it is.
There. Made it all the way through this without crying.
I miss him.
You never really realize how much you miss someone, until they are gone. Even friends you almost never talk to. You know they are out there.
Until they aren’t.
Tell those friends how you feel.
Reach out when they cross your mind.
Don’t miss your chance.. because you never know when the chance won’t come again.
I miss him.
Shit.
Not going to cry.
I still have regrets.
I hadn’t talked to him in months.
But I thought about him.
What if I had reached out to him?
Would that have stopped him?
I thought about him recently. But didn’t realize it was coming up.
I almost missed it.
I hope his soul is doing well, wherever it is.
There. Made it all the way through this without crying.
I miss him.
You never really realize how much you miss someone, until they are gone. Even friends you almost never talk to. You know they are out there.
Until they aren’t.
Tell those friends how you feel.
Reach out when they cross your mind.
Don’t miss your chance.. because you never know when the chance won’t come again.
I miss him.
Shit.
Not going to cry.
Monday, September 17, 2018
Aine
- https://www.ancient-origins.net/myths-legends/aine-radiant-celtic-goddess-love-summer-and-sovereignty-007097
- https://feminismandreligion.com/2013/07/31/aine-summer-goddess-of-love-light-and-fertility-by-judith-shaw/
- http://goddessschool.com/projects/AvalonRaine/FPL2Aine.html
she was also the first leanan sidhe
https://solostinlife.wordpress.com/what-is-a-lianhan-sidhe/
http://www.angelfire.com/journal/ofapoet/aine.html
https://thecelticjourney.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/aine/
like legit....
She is everything i would think a faerie goddess would be. She makes me think of home... I really think connecting with her will really help me. emotionally. physically. spiritually.
She... i really want to be with her.
grad school
i'm excited.
i'm meeting with the graduate director thursday.
I don't have to take the GRE or MAT.
my GPA was high enough to where i qualify to waive out of it.
Classes to take:
I REQUIRED:
i'm meeting with the graduate director thursday.
I don't have to take the GRE or MAT.
my GPA was high enough to where i qualify to waive out of it.
Classes to take:
I REQUIRED:
- Modern Sociological Theory
- Research Methods and Design
- Statistics
- Multivariate Techniques and Analysis
II ELECTIVE OPTIONS
*pick 4
- Environment and Society,
- Social Movements,
- Immigration,
- Aging and Health,
- Gender Roles,
- Social Inequality and Diversity,
- Family,
- Population,
- Social Issues in Regional Development,
- Qualitative Methods,
- Society and Coastal Policy
III THESIS, PRACTICUM, 4 ADDITIONAL CLASSES
- Thesis... something to do with sexuality, possibly asexuality.
- practicum... kind of like an internship... or TEACHING?
- additional classes: capstone and 3 electives 5000+
and they practically have it planed for you
http://www.ecu.edu/cs-cas/soci/degree-programs.cfm
COST
http://www.ecu.edu/cs-acad/financial/ECU-Estimated-Cost-of-Attendance.cfm
COST
http://www.ecu.edu/cs-acad/financial/ECU-Estimated-Cost-of-Attendance.cfm
HOLD THE PHONE
HOLD THE PHONE EVERYBODY I JUST GOT A TEXT THAT COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING
I don't need to take the GRE to get an MA in Sociology..... and Dr. Knox would most definitely take me as a graduate assistant......
this sounds fantastic.
and i'll just look up what courses i need to gt a certificate or two in accounting and use up all of my electives in accounting.
Guys. I might be going to grad school.
I don't need to take the GRE to get an MA in Sociology..... and Dr. Knox would most definitely take me as a graduate assistant......
this sounds fantastic.
and i'll just look up what courses i need to gt a certificate or two in accounting and use up all of my electives in accounting.
Guys. I might be going to grad school.
Pitt or ECU
So I’ve been trying to get things in order to go back to school... pitt for accounting.
Pitt is cheaper and it would probably only take me a year of schooling to get an associates in accounting.
But...
I could probably get more funding to go to ECU.... just the owl grant would go to Pitt... it ECU has the owl grant, the ECU grabt, and the UNC grant...
So I’m going to apply to both.
See which one will provide the most financial refund, and go from there.
If I go back to ECU I might even double major (since I don’t have to take those pesky basic classes) in accounting and sociology (since I took most of my electives in sociology anyway).
Granted part of this comes from my desire to stay with what is familiar to me. I love ECU. I know ECU.
And part of me would love to say “yeah my twin graduated from West Point.... and I have 3 degrees.”
Maybe then people will actually be proud of me.
Pitt is cheaper and it would probably only take me a year of schooling to get an associates in accounting.
But...
I could probably get more funding to go to ECU.... just the owl grant would go to Pitt... it ECU has the owl grant, the ECU grabt, and the UNC grant...
So I’m going to apply to both.
See which one will provide the most financial refund, and go from there.
If I go back to ECU I might even double major (since I don’t have to take those pesky basic classes) in accounting and sociology (since I took most of my electives in sociology anyway).
Granted part of this comes from my desire to stay with what is familiar to me. I love ECU. I know ECU.
And part of me would love to say “yeah my twin graduated from West Point.... and I have 3 degrees.”
Maybe then people will actually be proud of me.
Sunday, September 16, 2018
Conclusion
Everything is okay.
Everything has been worked through and, at least I believe, we are all on the same page.
I think everything is fine.
On to the next thing that comes I guess?
Everything has been worked through and, at least I believe, we are all on the same page.
I think everything is fine.
On to the next thing that comes I guess?
Saturday, September 15, 2018
Update
I snuck back in and slept under the bed. I got some Smokey cuddles and woke up ready to talk to Jimmie about what happened.
Only I woke up to Diana and Cory seriously shit talking me.
Naturally my body did what it always does when it feels attacked: fight or flight.
I knew I was headed for an anxiety attack so I had to get away from everyone because there is a chance I could respond aggressively before the total lapse of emotional control.
I tried to get out as fast as I could.... but of coarse Cory - who apparently had plenty of shit to talk - made a comment about me running away again.
I informed him I was leaving so that I didn’t attack anybody.
It wasn’t a threat it was a statement of why I was leaving the place. It was an aggressive response because of my anxiety attack. Especially at him. He was practically telling Jimmie to break up with me.
So I leave, have my panic attack, come back and talk to Jimmie like I had intended to.
He and I are fine.
I am livid with Diana and Cory. The intensity they were shut talking was stunning. They apparently have these grievances with me and don’t bring them up to me.... instead theyvtrash talk. And yet I’m the one who can’t communicate?
Also apparently I’m weird in that all attacks, verbal and non verbal alike, trigger a physical fight or flight teflex. Jimmie says that’s not normal?
And I’m also weird in that I don’t shit talk the way they do? Like most of what they were saying would be shut I would have said to them in a simple conversation.
They also thought that I went to brooks and Amy to talk shit about Jimmie last night. I didn’t. I explained why I was distraught and simply lates down the whole time. Then I went home.
So now I have to talk to them. I didn’t have issues with them before but I sure as hell do now.
I’ve already talked to Jimmie about what I feel the best coarse of action is. He disagrees. Depending on how these next few conversations go will depend on how this situation will end.
Only I woke up to Diana and Cory seriously shit talking me.
Naturally my body did what it always does when it feels attacked: fight or flight.
I knew I was headed for an anxiety attack so I had to get away from everyone because there is a chance I could respond aggressively before the total lapse of emotional control.
I tried to get out as fast as I could.... but of coarse Cory - who apparently had plenty of shit to talk - made a comment about me running away again.
I informed him I was leaving so that I didn’t attack anybody.
It wasn’t a threat it was a statement of why I was leaving the place. It was an aggressive response because of my anxiety attack. Especially at him. He was practically telling Jimmie to break up with me.
So I leave, have my panic attack, come back and talk to Jimmie like I had intended to.
He and I are fine.
I am livid with Diana and Cory. The intensity they were shut talking was stunning. They apparently have these grievances with me and don’t bring them up to me.... instead theyvtrash talk. And yet I’m the one who can’t communicate?
Also apparently I’m weird in that all attacks, verbal and non verbal alike, trigger a physical fight or flight teflex. Jimmie says that’s not normal?
And I’m also weird in that I don’t shit talk the way they do? Like most of what they were saying would be shut I would have said to them in a simple conversation.
They also thought that I went to brooks and Amy to talk shit about Jimmie last night. I didn’t. I explained why I was distraught and simply lates down the whole time. Then I went home.
So now I have to talk to them. I didn’t have issues with them before but I sure as hell do now.
I’ve already talked to Jimmie about what I feel the best coarse of action is. He disagrees. Depending on how these next few conversations go will depend on how this situation will end.
Maybe I’ll go back.
I want to wait it out and not go home until he contacts me but I need sleep. And I want my babies. And I’m hungry.
Besides, I really shouldn’t have gone to Amy with this. It’s not her problem and she shouldn’t have to hear about it or anything of the sort. It was really nice of her and brooks to let me stay though.
So.. I go home and sleep on the couch.
What then?
Besides, I really shouldn’t have gone to Amy with this. It’s not her problem and she shouldn’t have to hear about it or anything of the sort. It was really nice of her and brooks to let me stay though.
So.. I go home and sleep on the couch.
What then?
Passing the time
I don’t know what I doing.
I can’t belive I actually left the apartment. Packed a bag, and walked about.
And he’s most likely not even going to remember anything that fucking happened.
He hurt me. Emotionally and physically. I might need to find my wrist brace.
I feel betrayed. I felt fear... now I mostly feel rage.
He didn’t hit me. But he shoved me hard enough where if my head had made contact with that side table, I would have been seriously hurt. Thankfully I missed it. Barely.
And it was so sudden... one second he’s leaning his head to mine, the next I’m airborne.
So now I’m at Amy’s. Trying to sleep in the nest I made in her closet.
It’s the same thing from last night... I can’t sleep without him.
So it looks like I’m going to pull an all nighter.
I’ve got at least 8 hours to kill before he wakes up.
Probably even longer before he contacts me. And I refuse to go home before he contacts me.
Fae wanted to hurt him. Still does. He is now a possible threat in her eyes.
I just want to cry. I want to be held and made to feel safe... but I don’t want him to touch me.
He could have seriously hurt me. As in, a trip to the hospital kind of hurt. And he didn’t even realize he did it? How can I trust someone like that?
I’m not leaving him as long as he agrees to the two previously stated conditions. But I also feel so lost right now. I was so scared. I honestly thought as I fell that I would 100% hit the corner with my head.
I wish I was home with my cats. Then I might be more likely to get some sleep.
But I left and couldn’t bring them.
I want to go home, but have to wait.
Maybe I’ll sleep in my car.
And I’m starving. The only thing I ate was the crackers-cheese-salami snacks we had earlier.
And the day before that all I had was... 5 breadsticks, 2 pieces of pizza, and some ice cream.
Fuck I need to eat.
And I bet that chicken is still on the counter at home.
I can’t belive I actually left the apartment. Packed a bag, and walked about.
And he’s most likely not even going to remember anything that fucking happened.
He hurt me. Emotionally and physically. I might need to find my wrist brace.
I feel betrayed. I felt fear... now I mostly feel rage.
He didn’t hit me. But he shoved me hard enough where if my head had made contact with that side table, I would have been seriously hurt. Thankfully I missed it. Barely.
And it was so sudden... one second he’s leaning his head to mine, the next I’m airborne.
So now I’m at Amy’s. Trying to sleep in the nest I made in her closet.
It’s the same thing from last night... I can’t sleep without him.
So it looks like I’m going to pull an all nighter.
I’ve got at least 8 hours to kill before he wakes up.
Probably even longer before he contacts me. And I refuse to go home before he contacts me.
Fae wanted to hurt him. Still does. He is now a possible threat in her eyes.
I just want to cry. I want to be held and made to feel safe... but I don’t want him to touch me.
He could have seriously hurt me. As in, a trip to the hospital kind of hurt. And he didn’t even realize he did it? How can I trust someone like that?
I’m not leaving him as long as he agrees to the two previously stated conditions. But I also feel so lost right now. I was so scared. I honestly thought as I fell that I would 100% hit the corner with my head.
I wish I was home with my cats. Then I might be more likely to get some sleep.
But I left and couldn’t bring them.
I want to go home, but have to wait.
Maybe I’ll sleep in my car.
And I’m starving. The only thing I ate was the crackers-cheese-salami snacks we had earlier.
And the day before that all I had was... 5 breadsticks, 2 pieces of pizza, and some ice cream.
Fuck I need to eat.
And I bet that chicken is still on the counter at home.
Friday, September 14, 2018
Conditions
- You will NEVER lay your hands on me in an aggressive manner with the intent to harm. Ever. Again.
- If for any reason anyone says you need to slow down your drinking or need to stop - you will listen. You will stop.
Being drunk is not an excuse.
I will not tolerate being treated that way.
If there is ever a next time, it will be the last time.
Monday, September 10, 2018
nightmare interpretation
SO..... important key players:
Best Friend - To see friends in your dream signify aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to incorporate and acknowledge; to dream about your best friend means that you need to foster or acknowledge some special quality that your best friend has. Ask yourself what makes your best friend your best friend and how you need to work on these attributes within yourself.
******All the people that this best friend incorporated were people that i felt helped me through something difficult at one point in my life. they all have aspects that i admire and hope to have myself.
South America - To dream about South America suggests that you are trying to resolve some conflict or conquer the obstacles in your life. Alternatively, the dream also refers to spontaneity
Hurricane - that is outside influences. we are about to be hit by a hurricane.
Confrontation - To dream of a confrontation represents a conflict or a fear that you are facing in your waking life. To dream that you are arguing suggests that you are trying to resolve some internal conflict or some unsettled issue in your waking life
- “You can’t force others to do your mission. what YOU set out to do, what YOU volunteered to do, is for you to do alone. You can’t throw it onto others.”
attempted murder/Betrayal (by friends) -
***** Makes sense. I am afraid of forming friendships with the witchy group again. but it could also mean that i am afraid that reincorperating some part(s) of myself (???) could backfire and end up hurting me. And it pays homage to whatever change is supposedly coming my way.
Car with no keys -
Friend's death - To dream that your best friend is dying suggests that some aspect or quality that your best friend possess is dying within your own self.
hm. I def want to know what event/change is going to have such an impact on me.
Best Friend - To see friends in your dream signify aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to incorporate and acknowledge; to dream about your best friend means that you need to foster or acknowledge some special quality that your best friend has. Ask yourself what makes your best friend your best friend and how you need to work on these attributes within yourself.
******All the people that this best friend incorporated were people that i felt helped me through something difficult at one point in my life. they all have aspects that i admire and hope to have myself.
- Victoria - such strong intuition and spiritual ability
- Savannah - confidence and strength of self
- Lexxi - generosity towards others
- Racheal - warrior energy, fearlessness
South America - To dream about South America suggests that you are trying to resolve some conflict or conquer the obstacles in your life. Alternatively, the dream also refers to spontaneity
Hurricane - that is outside influences. we are about to be hit by a hurricane.
Confrontation - To dream of a confrontation represents a conflict or a fear that you are facing in your waking life. To dream that you are arguing suggests that you are trying to resolve some internal conflict or some unsettled issue in your waking life
- “You can’t force others to do your mission. what YOU set out to do, what YOU volunteered to do, is for you to do alone. You can’t throw it onto others.”
attempted murder/Betrayal (by friends) -
- To dream that you have been betrayed represents your suspicions about a particular person, relationship or situation. This dream often occurs when you are having feelings of insecurity and are faced with major commitments in your life at the same time. To see friends in your dream signify aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to incorporate and acknowledge
- To dream that you have been killed suggests that your actions are disconnected from your emotions and conscience. The dream refers to drastic changes that you are trying to make. There is a characteristic that you want to get rid of or a habit that you want to end within yourself.
***** Makes sense. I am afraid of forming friendships with the witchy group again. but it could also mean that i am afraid that reincorperating some part(s) of myself (???) could backfire and end up hurting me. And it pays homage to whatever change is supposedly coming my way.
Car with no keys -
- car - ready to take off in life, move forward and be in control of life.
- No car keys - means that you feel like you have suddenly been taken off your path in life. Perhaps you have been striving toward a certain goal all of your life and suddenly something has happened which has set you on a different track. This will challenge a lot of your expectations and beliefs. You need to make sure not to be too overwhelmed by the change in your prerogatives which is soon to come
Friend's death - To dream that your best friend is dying suggests that some aspect or quality that your best friend possess is dying within your own self.
hm. I def want to know what event/change is going to have such an impact on me.
Sunday, September 9, 2018
CD for jimmie
not the order i have them but...
- Our song 1 - If i could put time in a bottle
- Our song 2 - Honeybee
- When we fight - paint it black
- Our relationship - Why
- Our start - accidentally in love
- Me to him - Bird song
- He is....- The only exception
- I would....- Follow you.
- Our start - I've got this friend
- How i know i love him - thats where it is
- He makes me feel..... - good enough
- At first I was scared but - I wouldn't mind
- You make me - smile
- I honestly.... - can't help falling in love with you (21 P)
- Self explanitory. - guillotine
- You make me feel - safe and sound
- H handles them so well - My demons
- I know i'm difficult but - tangled up in me
- Our relationship - at the beginning
- Well.... - Because the night (cascada)
- From the get go... - you had me at hello
track list for savannah
so savannah listens to CDs in her car since it doesn't have an aux cord, kind of like me in mt honda.... and she says she loves mix tapes. so i'm going to make her one.
- Bury the bones but leave the souls alone
- the one that got away
- youre not alone of mice and men
- bird song through juniper vale
- have faith in me
- Good to be alive
- hey brother
- guillotine
- stomach tied in knots
- Rib cage
- feral hearts
- youre not alone, you are loved
- coconut dracula
- breathe today
- Froot
- happy song
heart to heart- Invincible
- hold back the river
- life cycles
- radioactive
- milk and cookies
Dream turned nightmare
I woke up crying this morning.
In the dream I was hanging out with this girl, over a long period of time. I got the feeling that she was my girlfriend or my best friend.... she seemed to be Savannah and Victoria mixed together, so I’m leaning best friend. In this dream we were grocery shopping, talking about a trip down to Mexico to an old temple that the witchy group wanted me to go on with them.
Then a hurricane hits.
We leave and take refuge at the closest home of someone I knew; Riley. Except Riley was living with a southern Baptist who was, in my opinion, abusive. Trying to force Riley to do mission work.
I ended up going off on this woman saying
“You can’t force others to do your mission. what YOU set out to do, what YOU volunteered to do, is for you to do alone. You can’t throw it onto others.”
I go into the next room and talk to my friend who is mentioning that they are going to go on the trip. I explain that I feel hesitant about the whole thing, that something doesn’t feel right.
The next thing I knew Amy, Aaron, Brooks and Dakota show up in the living room of what now is my moms place. (The setting changed)
Amy tries to convince me to come with them to Mexico to see this amazing spell they are going to do. (I forget what the purpose of it was) and again I say something feels off about it. She gives a deep sigh and agrees, that my intuition was not wrong.
“It calls for a human sacrifice. We are all going to go and just negotiate when we get there.”
She says this but I suddenly know that they have come here to either force me to come or to kill me now. So I run to my room in the back and lock the door.
Amy and Aaron burst through the door, Aaron holding me down and Amy grabbing my Mother Earth sword miniature. As she goes to stab me, my friend from before hops on top of her and I grab the sword. My friend is now a mixture of Savannah, Victoria, and Racheal.
She pulls me out from under them and brooks breaks in from my window trying to trap us. My friend grabs my hand and we take off running, we make it to the car but my keys are inside.
She runs back before I can say anything. I lock the doors and wait for her to come back but it’s Amy who calmly walks to my door. She opens the door as if it wasn’t locked, and squats down so she is eye level with me. She does a sort of sad half smile and puts a comforting hand on my shoulder.
“You’re safe.” And then she looks behind my car as a group of cops show up, my mom int he front running to me, “you’re people are here.”
Then she vanished.
And I knew:
they killed my friend. I could see her in a pool of blood lying in my kitchen where they had trapped her.
I collapsed in grief into my moms arms, screaming out and sobbing in both relief that it was over and I was safe but also immense sorrow at the loss of my friend who I loved so much.
I woke up and continued crying.
I’ll do a dream interpretation later.
In the dream I was hanging out with this girl, over a long period of time. I got the feeling that she was my girlfriend or my best friend.... she seemed to be Savannah and Victoria mixed together, so I’m leaning best friend. In this dream we were grocery shopping, talking about a trip down to Mexico to an old temple that the witchy group wanted me to go on with them.
Then a hurricane hits.
We leave and take refuge at the closest home of someone I knew; Riley. Except Riley was living with a southern Baptist who was, in my opinion, abusive. Trying to force Riley to do mission work.
I ended up going off on this woman saying
“You can’t force others to do your mission. what YOU set out to do, what YOU volunteered to do, is for you to do alone. You can’t throw it onto others.”
I go into the next room and talk to my friend who is mentioning that they are going to go on the trip. I explain that I feel hesitant about the whole thing, that something doesn’t feel right.
The next thing I knew Amy, Aaron, Brooks and Dakota show up in the living room of what now is my moms place. (The setting changed)
Amy tries to convince me to come with them to Mexico to see this amazing spell they are going to do. (I forget what the purpose of it was) and again I say something feels off about it. She gives a deep sigh and agrees, that my intuition was not wrong.
“It calls for a human sacrifice. We are all going to go and just negotiate when we get there.”
She says this but I suddenly know that they have come here to either force me to come or to kill me now. So I run to my room in the back and lock the door.
Amy and Aaron burst through the door, Aaron holding me down and Amy grabbing my Mother Earth sword miniature. As she goes to stab me, my friend from before hops on top of her and I grab the sword. My friend is now a mixture of Savannah, Victoria, and Racheal.
She pulls me out from under them and brooks breaks in from my window trying to trap us. My friend grabs my hand and we take off running, we make it to the car but my keys are inside.
She runs back before I can say anything. I lock the doors and wait for her to come back but it’s Amy who calmly walks to my door. She opens the door as if it wasn’t locked, and squats down so she is eye level with me. She does a sort of sad half smile and puts a comforting hand on my shoulder.
“You’re safe.” And then she looks behind my car as a group of cops show up, my mom int he front running to me, “you’re people are here.”
Then she vanished.
And I knew:
they killed my friend. I could see her in a pool of blood lying in my kitchen where they had trapped her.
I collapsed in grief into my moms arms, screaming out and sobbing in both relief that it was over and I was safe but also immense sorrow at the loss of my friend who I loved so much.
I woke up and continued crying.
I’ll do a dream interpretation later.
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