Why is whenever I’m in a relationship and the other person hurts me I’m always the one who ends up feeling like I have to apologize.
It’s not anything the other person does.
It’s me. I’m angry but then I feel guilty and suddenly I feel like I’m the one to blame.
Like this things with Jimmie and his habit of being inappropriate with Jess. I thought he had learned when it broke him and Amy up but apparently not.
Knowing his history and after being warned by two different tarot card readings along with a comment he made recently... I checked his messages (not something I did lightly) and confirmed my suspicions.
We talk about it and he’s the one who hurt me. So why do I feel apologetic?
He said that I didn’t make him feel wanted which.. I can’t because #asexual. But that can’t actually be the reason because Jess wasn’t returning his sentiment.
So what else am I not providing him? What did I do wrong?
I wish I had just left it alone because now he’s distant and I’m just over here an emotional mess.
My feelings are hurt and I just want reassurance and I feel like there’s this ten foot wall between us.
All I can do is cry and try not to think of the whole bottle of lorazepam in my apartment.
I have too much work to do to numb my brain out and go to sleep.
But that’s all I want. I want to be numb. I just want to not feel anything.
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