Aine appreciation post

So... in the same way that Set is the god to set Amy's life on fire to promote much needed growth and start the momentum needed ("crash your bike" as she would say) Aine does the same for me.

Honestly She is a fantastic deity. She's loving and kind and nurturing.... but she will make drastic shit happen to kick your ass in gear.

I wanted the tension between Jimmie and I to disipate after a fight.... i pray and literally THAT NIGHT i get a sore throat. by the next morning i'm siiiiiiiiiick.... seeing me sick made all tensions disapear and he was nothing but loveing and nurturing.

but i was also sick for almost a month.


She is the reason i got into the sociology grad school...which ultimatley lead me to go into the buiness grad school.

She is who i go to when i need help being brave to do something or need help to get the ball rolling on something.


but there is a part of her I haven't engaged, and honestly I don't know how to or how she is going to get it going..

 "She teaches us, most importantly, to love ourselves. That is one of the most important life lessons. You can never truly love another person until you love yourself. Áine teaches us to stand proud and to never shy away from our reflections" ( source 1)

I've been trying to be more accepting of my body and loving of this human body in this life. I've started trying to do zumba. I've also somehow, i don't know when, grown more accepting of the good and bad aspects of my personality. When I was reading that book, even though it brought to light some very negative aspects I have and will almost certainly have in the future, I never became upset. I recognized that it was accurate and just... accepted it. I never use to be able to do that.

I almost wonder if Fae being dormant has less to do with my relationship with jimmie and more to do with my becoming stronger as a person.

I have a long way to go before I am content with this body but I no longer well up with tears when I find new stretch marks on legs... or on my thighs ...or back. I have ALMOST started to see a kind of beauty to my curves. its a work in progress.


There is also the therapy appointment I scheduled. I honestly don't know why I was able to... or rather what pushed me, to set the appointment. I had had a conversation with amy the day before and somthing just clicked inside of me. Before I really knew what I was doing I was dialing the number and setting the appointment.

I had had several conversations with amy in the past about needing therapy to help get rid of the trauma. none of those times actually made me want to do it or inspired me to do it.

Something deep inside of me said "its fucking time".
and i'm scared. Ive carried this trauma around with me for four years now. I've had fae with me for even longer than that and while I miss her i'm no longer afraid to go on without her. I don't know who i will be if the trauma is gone.

I'm so scared. I dont know what trauma therapy will be like and I don't know what to expect. I don't know how talking about what happened will make the flashbacks stop. Or how it will make me be able to ask for things and vocalize more.

but you know who is known for helping people, especially women, who have been abused or suffered trauma?

Aine.


and while Aine doe not provide everything I need from a deity (enter demeter and on occasion Mab) she is very much who i need in my life.

 I'm wondering how often she exerts soft influences that I'm not aware of in contrast to her tower (tarot card) like influences. How much of this self acceptance is from her help?

I know she is said to be able to help people with spirituality... but i havn't been able to connect with her on that front (yet?) - and she literally told me that divination is "not my thing" (enter demeter ;) ) I wonder if Mab (Faerie Queen) will help me spiritually or if there is another goddess I will find when I get to that stage in my life.

I don't know if she will help me connect to the faerie world and fae beings... she herself is one but i kind of get the feeling that her goal is to help me connect with my humanity.

because you know who was famous for her unconditional love of humans?

Aine.

and maybe she is the one I need to be learning from the most.

at least for the time being.