Sojourner: Dedication Page and New Outline.

1) Dedication page:

I would like to dedicate this memoir to a number of people;

To my mother, Nicole, for telling me I wasn't broken and for pushing me to get help. 

To My friend David for connecting me to the best therapist I have ever had. 

To Melissa, my therapist, for allowing me to bare myself and be vulnerable, for telling me I wasn't crazy, for giving me answers, and for helping me realize how to move forward. 

To my friends, the support system I needed in order to push through the hard days.

To my younger self, for being so open and willing to love... I hope I continue to heal your hurts.

To my present self, for finding the strength to live. 

**I have opted to call Melissa by name because of the level of emotional intimacy and trust that had been created on this journey. While I recognize her as my health professional.... I also see her as a friend and someone I trust implicitly. Calling her by name allows me to show my appreciation for her in my own way. 

2) Open letter to the reader (about how I hope this memoir helps them)

Part 1: I feel like I need to really delve deep for introductions. It should be its own part. I am a many faceted person and I think that I have not really shown that... I am too disconnected. 

3) Introductions (mine and Fiona's)

- Add more about myself to my introduction.... I kind of just harped on the process of the title and not really myself....  

• My childhood and how I grew up 
• Memory loss.... blank slate for most of childhood.
• include "little bird" because that will show up in the poems
• Family dynamic
• Spiritual aspect of growing up; native animism, church, little people and my faerie faith, god is a girl... paganism.
• My journey to understanding my sexuality from bi to biromantic gay to biromantic ace  .... reactions.... giving the talks.
• My school and career goals. Conservation and the desire to "save the world"
• Bipolar and how it impacted everything... My "other self/ Faerie Self"

-launch into Fiona. - still need to write Fiona's - Everything i know of her, how we are the same and how we are different, sword and sheilf, older sister, means of communication, explanation of 

Part 2:

4) Summary of events and explanation of the memoir as introduction of part 2

5) Down Memory lane... (still in progress... I have only written portions of this)

- abuse vs domineering (need to add a LOT more to, still incomplete)

- the walk/talk (need to revisit with notes written)

- competing with Scarlet and the other girl I will call.... Hannah? - emotional manipulation, making me compete with people not even present

- Tarot Cards.... her readings seemed to try to push me one way... my readings screaming the truth. ** give credit to how much of a positive influence this was and bring it back to fate... tarot cards is how i made all my freinds that I still have today as my support system... meant to happen....

- Swing Set argument 

- The incident (to be written saturday March 7th)

6) Symptoms and  Diagnosis (this will include what therapy has taught me and coping mechanisms as I address each symptom)

- also for change of belief.... how my belief of the purpose of sex changed. totally.

- bring up loss sense of self examples.... WRITING MY OWN GD INTRO. both times I tried I ended up writing the summary and only harping on why I chose the title.. I might need help writing the intro... thats fucking sad. (scratch that.... that was too harsh) *** the difference between i THINK and i FEEL statements!!!

- Altered States.... Fiona.... the realization of memory loss and time confusion

- Relationships and sexuality - how my realtionships were affected, over view of each, hopefully the end.....  also how this affected my views on my sexuality and eventually how my views of sex changed again through my relationships. BRING UP BDSM AS A COPING METHOD AND THEN EXPLAIN ABOUT BDSM. * this is very important as it is the SOLE reason I was able to be sexual again. 

7) Thank you

- go over everything I have learned

- reiterate LIVING as the goal, healing as the process

- Where my life is now and goals for the future. 

PART 3

8) introduction to coping mechanisms for me: spirituality ( talk about Brigid and Aine... little over views, my relationship to them and how they have helped me), Fiona, WRITING.... 

- the goal of this section is to hopefully show the pattern of my decline during the relationship, but also the growth I have done since then and even as I write the memoir. 

- Put as many poems about my trauma, symptoms, Fiona, healing, spirituality in reference to this topic, sex, poems and thoughts about the memoir and healing process, etc. As I see fit. 

9) Another letter to the reader of hope and moving forward, as well as sincere advice. 

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