Tiny living actual options

 Okay if I’m gonna do tiny living that I’m not converting, here are some serious ones to consider. 

By myself: 

- finished small skoolie: https://vanlifetrader.com/listing/1991-skoolie-charming-home-on-wheels/

- actual camper:  https://rv.campingworld.com/rv/2025-forest-river-wolf-pup-16bhsw-2402523-wauconda-il?indexName=rvcw-inventory_recommended&queryID=2ddfe50ba93e6b0796cff1afb6e0f229

- tiny home camper (loft): https://rv.campingworld.com/rv/2024-forest-river-timberwolf-16ml-2364863-wauconda-il

- tiny HOUSE on wheels - loft & flex room cheaper: https://tumbleweedhouses.com/emf-shielded-tiny-home/#

- tiny HOUSE on wheels - loft & flex room preference: https://tumbleweedhouses.com/farallon-built-for-snow/#

If I have a partner: 

- 2 lofts and a flex room tiny HOUSE on wheels: https://tumbleweedhouses.com/2023-farallon-30-alta/#

-

Beltane flower spread

1. The energy of Beltane this year: 19 The sun: enlightenment, success, vitality 
2. What can I learn from Beltane this year: king of cups: focus on being kind and creative, being as good of a person and as true as I can. 
3. How can I let light into my life: 9hermit and page of wands. I have a lot of internal work to do to get ready for this physical message coming from a person. 
4. What areas should I release: 6 of swords, 7 of cups, 4 the emperor: releasing troubles and healing, release the fantasy you have or romance and be realistic, release your need to control everything. 
5. What area of my life is ready to grow: 6 of cups: new perceptions of the past. (Relationships - acknowledge the good from them). 
6. How can I manifest abundance: Ace of cups: nurture your current friendships 

Summer Semester books

 The paganism syllabus is not available so I can only do the art one right now:

Required

• Kathryn Barush, Imaging Pilgrimage: Art as Embodied Experience
• ISBN 979-8765103289
• screw that I can't find it anywhere for under $35. Its free on the school website. 
• https://ebookcentral-proquest-com.theoref.idm.oclc.org/lib/dtl/reader.action?docID=6647090&ppg=16
• Art Spiegleman, The Complete Maus: A Survivor’s Tale (contains vol. 1 & 2)
• ISBN 978-0679406419
• Also free from library. 
• https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/scy1zczvs99wl582dx30g/The-Complete-Maus.-Art-Spiegelman.-1.3042.pdf?rlkey=e9x3ldp8hxyi67tybghgysvei&e=1&dl=0
• Natalie Wigg-Stevenson, Transgressive Devotion: Theology as Performance Art
• ISBN 978-0334059479
• too expensive to buy... hate reading edigitally but better to save $$
• https://ebookcentral-proquest-com.theoref.idm.oclc.org/lib/dtl/reader.action?docID=6485549&ppg=1
• Modern Paganism in World Cultures: Comparative Perspectives, ed. Michael Strmiska.  Bloomsbury-ABC CLIO. 2005. ISBN: 978185109684
• https://ebookcentral-proquest-com.theoref.idm.oclc.org/lib/dtl/reader.action?docID=266832&c=UERG&ppg=1

Summer classes - research paper plan

•  Contemporary paganism - Asynchronous (Thursdays)
• Art, Religion, and Contemporary Culture (Thursdays 5:45–9:00 p.m)

For the Art Class, the final project I am choosing is:

Final paper/project: this is an opportunity for students to draw on the readings, lectures, class conversations, and previous assignments to articulate their own informed understanding of the contemporary use of the arts as a means of theological or religious expression and reflection. Students will complete ONE of the following and present it to the class at the end of the term. 

a) The creation of a work of art or popular culture, such as a painting, dance, poem, sculpture, graphic novel, etc. that speaks to an aspect of your religious practice. This will be accompanied by a researched, footnoted artist’s statement of approximately 5 pages that describes your ideas and contextualizes them.  

I'm going to do do a burlesque dance. I am. I'll make sure not to go down to pasties nor would I be making anything sexy. But there is something truly divine and spiritual about stripping away the surface level story and revealing the vulnerable truth and message underneath through dance. So I'm not sure what yet but I'll have things written on my skin. I may do something with fans or Some form of flow in there as well - this is meant to be BEAUTIFUL not sexy and fun.  I want to show the ART of burlesque. 

As for the 5 page papers...

• page breaking down how burlesque is a spiritual act - this will delve into last semester's resources about authenticity as sacred, grab references from my queer performance paper. 
• Introduction to my spiritual practice - Shadow work and witchcraft; Circle back to burlesque - an example of imitative magic for shadow work. Explain imitative magic. Explain shadow work. Then explain the big picture
• introduce the gods I work with and which ones inspire me for the dance. (Cernunnos , Lilith, Brigid)
• Break down the song and costume choices

If she says no I will do a research paper on burlesque as the art piece and see if she'll approve that instead.  that would need to be 11-12 pages... the practice being witcraft and shadow work, devotional dance, and celebrating the authentic divinity of the soul. 

For my sources:

• Lartey, Emmanuel Y., and Hellena Moon, eds. Postcolonial Images of Spiritual Care:  Challenges of Care in a Neoliberal Age. Eugene, OR: Pickwick Publications, 2020
• - page 27 on what spirituality is 
• Lartey, Emmanuel Y. In Living Color: An Intercultural Approach to Pastoral Care and Counseling. 2nd ed. London and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2003.
• pages 55-59: Lartey, in his solo book In Living Color, provides several models of pastoral care including social action, empowerment, and personal interaction - all of which are embodied in through 
• Dodds, Sherril. “Embodied Transformations in Neo-Burlesque Striptease.” Dance Research Journal 45, no. 3 (2013): 75–90. http://www.jstor.org/stable/43966084.
• Explain the power of Burlesque! https://www.jstor.org/stable/43966084?read-now=1&seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents
• Buszek, Maria-Elena. “Representing ‘Awarishness’: Burlesque, Feminist Transgression, and the 19th-Century Pin-Up.” TDR (1988-) 43, no. 4 (1999): 141–62. http://www.jstor.org/stable/1146802.
• On women in theater and how their independence is a threat to society (Lilith focus)
• https://www.jstor.org/stable/1146802?read-now=1&seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents
•  Pollack-Pelzner, Daniel. “Shakespeare Burlesque and the Performing Self.” Victorian Studies 54, no. 3 (2012): 401–9. https://doi.org/10.2979/victorianstudies.54.3.401.
• More on burlesque as a personal performance for self.
• https://www.jstor.org/stable/10.2979/victorianstudies.54.3.401?read-now=1&seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents
• Buckland, Theresa Jill. “Dance, Authenticity and Cultural Memory: The Politics of Embodiment.” Yearbook for Traditional Music 33 (2001): 1–16. https://doi.org/10.2307/1519626
• Dance in conversation with other areas of study
• https://www.jstor.org/stable/1519626?read-now=1&seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents
• COYLE, SUZANNE M. Uncovering Spiritual Narratives: Using Story in Pastoral Care and Ministry. Augsburg Fortress, 2014. https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctt22nm7hf.
• PRetty self explanatory. I'm buying this damn book so it better be helpful in the future
• Gaskill, Malcolm. 2010. Witchcraft : A Very Short Introduction. Oxford: Oxford University Press. Accessed April 26, 2025. ProQuest Ebook Central.
• Book on Witcraft.. honestly i think i could get some really good quotes from this. 
• https://ebookcentral-proquest-com.theoref.idm.oclc.org/lib/dtl/reader.action?docID=684591&ppg=1'
• Benussi, Matteo. (2019) 2023. “Magic”. In The Open Encyclopedia of Anthropology, edited by Felix Stein. Facsimile of the first edition in The Cambridge Encyclopedia of Anthropology. Online: http://doi.org/10.29164/19magic
•  https://www.anthroencyclopedia.com/entry/magic
• https://anthroholic.com/forms-of-magic?srsltid=AfmBOoplHEziSc_FdogfJxn52KE_9Zwf34G3Fc-WLAVU1MwbNCwnFrDE
• BERGER, HELEN A., ed. Witchcraft and Magic: Contemporary North America. University of Pennsylvania Press, 2005. http://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctt3fh7kf.
• Another book on Witcraft I can probably use a lot on. 
• https://www-jstor-org.theoref.idm.oclc.org/stable/j.ctt3fh7kf
• 
  

recent reflection 2:

 I’m going to be real for a minute.

My weight has always been a sensitive topic for me. For the longest time I was underweight. Then because of birth control my thyroid stopped working properly and I gained a lot of weight rapidly. Since then I have bounced between 140-150lbs and have hated my body. I did a scan today and it showed that since I’ve been going to the gym regularly… I have not lost weight. I have not slimmed down. In fact since my first scan my body composition has gotten WORSE.

Other than when my thyroid stopped working this is probably the “chubbiest” I have been. I’ve had people tell me that I would be so much more attractive if I lost weight. I’ve had people with the same body as me tell me how ugly it was. I’ve had people tell me something was wrong with me because I wasn’t alarmed with the fact that technically I am obese (according to body composition). Here’s the thing…there are worse things than being chubby. You know what else? I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. 

I’ve been sober (from benzos) almost 8 years. My chronic pain has DRASTICALLY lessened. My mental health has improved (and that’s a good chunk thanks to Kat, Jack, and Rachael… and a LOT of work I have put into it). I havnt been horribly sick in about half a year. My relationship with food is a LOT better (when I first moved up to WI I had an eating problem that was headed towards a disorder). Now what I eat may not be the best but that is a soap box for another time. (No food is guilt free because guilt is not an ingredient. The only “bad food” is food that it rotten or that you’re allergic to.) 

My body doesn’t decide how beautiful I am. I’m hot. Like seriously - I’m single by choice not from lack of options. I’m funny (especially when I’m not trying to be). I’m optimistic and full of positive energy. I light up a room when I’m feeling confident. I love to sing and laugh and smile - I’m authentic and I insure that in others. I am beautiful inside and out… and yes, I’m overweight and that doesn’t change a damn thing. 

Will I loose weight in the future? Who knows 🤷‍♀️ as long as I am happy and healthy and loving my best life it doesn’t matter. 

Reflection 1: Gratitude

 I usually try to do these posts about a year apart but feel called to post early. My cards predict some big positive changes this summer so maybe I’ll post again… but I’ve been reflecting over how my life is going and I just have to say I’m grateful. 

Last year I had been in wisconsin for a little under a year. I was still trying to find my place up here and even though I was positive I honestly felt a little lost. Lovely. Homesick. I still feel a bit home sick but at the same time I’ve really started to find my way up here. 

School is going well. I’m finding my path there and just keep getting reaffirmed that it’s the right thing for me. Work is going well, I feel safe and secure and more confident there. Socially I’ve really developed and nurtured some good friendships. 

Some things have happened that made me feel alone and scared and then i stopped and really looked at the people in my life. I have people to support me - they encourage me and have repeatedly told me that they aren’t going anywhere. I have people who celebrate me even when I don’t celebrate myself. I have people who, even if we don’t agree on something, go out of their way to check on me and make sure I feel cared for. It’s small but I do actually have community and support and I really have no need to be afraid. 

I just signed a lease for a new apartment. It might actually be the nicest one I’ve ever lived in with a roommate I feel lucky to have. Plus it’s in a safe neighborhood so I can try to start feeling safe again at night. 

I’d be lying if I said everything was perfect. I’m still lonely and I know my person is out there, but I’m content not to hunt for them. They’ll show up eventually and for the first time in years I’m not yearning - I’m patient. Spiritually I’m not where I wish I was but I’m also learning to let go of control and embrace natural timing and learning to try to trust my intuition. I’m more capable than I realize. 

My friends and my family are happy and healthy. I have no major stressors. I’m starting to feel secure in life and that’s a new one for me. I’m just blessed and grateful. 

Self esteem

In talking with my primary spirit guide, we talked about one of the biggest obstacles in my spiritual growth… I am supposed to be connecting with the god Cernunnos. This God wants me to live more authentically to myself, and that will better enhance my life, my spiritual practice, and make me grow stronger magically.

The issue is, I do not feel safe to truly be my authentic self, because I attract too much attention when I am too authentic. This attention is unwanted, and often has a negative effect on my emotional mental and physical well-being.

So I asked him how do I work on this self esteem issue so that I can better connect with Cernnunos, and progress spiritually…. Without having to wait for my life partner to show up and make me feel safe?

This was his advice:

- Dancing burlesque played a part in your authenticity, confidence, and self-esteem back in North Carolina. While the time of performing has passed, you should examine what it was about burlesque that strengthened you and helped you truly express your authentic self… Then find a way to bring that into your life now. (36)

- continue working on your laundry list of unfinished business in the mental and emotional realm with therapy. This includes childhood trauma, relationship, trauma, routing out the cause of the feelings of unworthiness. You can’t make progress forward with things holding you back, actively.  (65)

- actually rely on the spirit community that you have. You hesitate to ask and feel unworthy of receiving. ask. There are those that would give unconditional giving, you just need to be vulnerable enough to allow it and ask for the help. pray to the gods when you need them, don’t just suffer alone. They don’t know what’s going on in your life if you don’t talk to them, so talk to them and don’t be afraid to ask for help. (46)

- you need to change the way you think about yourself and take on new perspectives when it comes to yourself. It’s the difference between working out because you hate your body and working out because you love your body. That point of view shift will be paramount. The belief that you are lesser, that you are weak, that you are alone, that you are unworthy… This You need a new perspective. (43 & 56)

- if you feel things shifting and changing, don’t fight it. Don’t slip back into old patterns, don’t think about the dangers, just embrace it and go with it breaking down the structures that keep you from living authentically will take time. You will need to take it down brick by brick, when you get tired or scared and want to hide behind the walls, don’t let yourself do it. Do the opposite and take a jackhammer. (64)

- - lighten up! This is some thing that should be joyful and fun. You will have more luck with this in playfulness and goofiness then you will seeing it as a chore. This is not some mountain to take down. Look at it in its simplest form. This is an adventure, not a struggle.