Reflection 1: Gratitude

 I usually try to do these posts about a year apart but feel called to post early. My cards predict some big positive changes this summer so maybe I’ll post again… but I’ve been reflecting over how my life is going and I just have to say I’m grateful. 

Last year I had been in wisconsin for a little under a year. I was still trying to find my place up here and even though I was positive I honestly felt a little lost. Lovely. Homesick. I still feel a bit home sick but at the same time I’ve really started to find my way up here. 

School is going well. I’m finding my path there and just keep getting reaffirmed that it’s the right thing for me. Work is going well, I feel safe and secure and more confident there. Socially I’ve really developed and nurtured some good friendships. 

Some things have happened that made me feel alone and scared and then i stopped and really looked at the people in my life. I have people to support me - they encourage me and have repeatedly told me that they aren’t going anywhere. I have people who celebrate me even when I don’t celebrate myself. I have people who, even if we don’t agree on something, go out of their way to check on me and make sure I feel cared for. It’s small but I do actually have community and support and I really have no need to be afraid. 

I just signed a lease for a new apartment. It might actually be the nicest one I’ve ever lived in with a roommate I feel lucky to have. Plus it’s in a safe neighborhood so I can try to start feeling safe again at night. 

I’d be lying if I said everything was perfect. I’m still lonely and I know my person is out there, but I’m content not to hunt for them. They’ll show up eventually and for the first time in years I’m not yearning - I’m patient. Spiritually I’m not where I wish I was but I’m also learning to let go of control and embrace natural timing and learning to try to trust my intuition. I’m more capable than I realize. 

My friends and my family are happy and healthy. I have no major stressors. I’m starting to feel secure in life and that’s a new one for me. I’m just blessed and grateful.