Tired and unloading.

i am so tired. more tired than i have been in a long time. I have so much to do, so much to worry about, so much stress, and all i want to do is curl up and sleep. I don't care about school or hanging out with friends, i just want to sleep. sleep. sleep. sleep.

Yesterday i was so tired that half way through my match, i was so tired my arms quite working right and many of my shots went into the net because it didn't have enough strength in it. tired. i went home, showred, ate,did the dishes, then went to bed.

Several things could have caused this: i havn't been sleeping the best latley, i didn't eat that much yesterday, stress, and not listening to my spirit. When the spirit is out of balance or if a chakra is blocked then fatigue is a symptom. The solar plexus/sacral chakra is the one that leads to fatigue. The sacral chakra is the one that is connected to Creativity, Sexuality, Relationships, and Pleasure. (i havn't been that creative lately, i have no sex drive, i have been distant from my boyfriend, and i am now pretty numb to everthing at the moment)This goes along with what i believe is causing my spirit to be unbalanced.

Jake. We have been going out almost two months now. since realizing i am a lesbian, this is the longest relationship i have been in with a guy. I am craving female companionship and interactions. i think if i were to hook up with a girl, (not have sex with, just a really good make-out session?) then i would feel better. Of course jake would not be OK with this.... which is the only reason i havn't seriously been looking. however, i i have naturally been looking for a girl. I have been looking in my dreams. I havn't Lezed out yet, but if i continue like this, it is only a matter of time.

It is affecting my physically now. My imbalance.
i want to be with jake. my body and spirit don't. reality wants me to grow up and go to college, get a job, etc;my mind and spitit don't want to.

i have anxiety.stress.now i am encredibly tired. i am getting hot and cold flashes. i don't want to be near jake. but i love him. i am so tired tat i can't even think right now.
~peace