so i want to cleanse my new pendulum's energy...
Smudging With White Sage: Take some white sage and begin to burn it until a good strong smoke is coming from your sage. Hold the crystal, gem, pendulum, or piece of jewelry in this smoke for at least one minute and preferably three or four minutes. This clears all negative energies that have become attached to this stone but does not energize the gem or crystal. To re-energize the stone, place it in a window so it can be exposed to the rays of the sun and moon. Remember, they re-energize even when it’s cloudy.White Sage is the only herb that I use to cleanse. Others may recommend other herbs but I find that White Sage guarantees that the cleansing will be deep and complete.
Cleansing By Using Your Intention: For those who are practiced in using intent to make energetic changes, place the crystals or gems in front of you, focus your mental energies upon these stones, and ask the powers of the Universe to cleanse them of all negative energies and to re-energize your stones for their maximum potential. This method however requires much concentration and focus and you need to practice for some time to ensure whatever you are trying to clear is actually cleared. And please remember to thank the Universe for doing this beautiful work for you.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Kyle's family
Kyle is Racheal's boyfriend.
i really like him. he is sweet. quiet... but cool. I'm glad they are together. But can i just say: i LOOOOVE his family.
his mom and sister are cool as hell. His grandparents are kinda cool.
his dad? funny as hell. and he seemed to notice how i feel inferior to Racheal and he is encouraging.
I'm the one "he likes" i'm "his girl". Racheal is "that thing". granted its all in jest, but its still nice :P He makes me feel better and he makes me feel noticed. and like i said: funny as hell. xD
i really like him. he is sweet. quiet... but cool. I'm glad they are together. But can i just say: i LOOOOVE his family.
his mom and sister are cool as hell. His grandparents are kinda cool.
his dad? funny as hell. and he seemed to notice how i feel inferior to Racheal and he is encouraging.
I'm the one "he likes" i'm "his girl". Racheal is "that thing". granted its all in jest, but its still nice :P He makes me feel better and he makes me feel noticed. and like i said: funny as hell. xD
Congradulations
Once again i have been reminded of how amazing Racheal is. Racheal is going places.
"Congratulations!"
"uh... thats my sister not me"
^ that seems to be happening a lot lately.
Congratulations Racheal. For being the talented one. For being the logical one. For being the Successful one. For being the one who gets to go the the college of her dreams. For being the one who got into a prestigious college that impresses everyone.
Congratulations on being a soldier. For having you rights taken from you (she can't wear her spirit braid, even though its part of her religion, she can't have tattoos past a certain point, no facial piercings, no colored earrings when in uniform, etc.) so that our screwed up government can go invade other countries and then use you to "protect our rights".
I may never amount to much but at least i'll keep my rights. I can do what i want with my body (to a point). But i'll never have people clamoring to tell me congratulations. I lived under Racheal's shadow for a while and just when i'm finally out from under it, it grows and engulfs me again.
Mom wants me to be more like Racheal. She'll never say it (or hasn't yet). Logical. Planned. Controlled. My goals are scoffed at. Even my most realistic goal is "unrealistic."
Racheal is going places. Racheal will be known. Racheal will go on to do great things. And me?
I'll disappear.
As Racheal's shadow grows bigger and bigger i will never bee seen. Never be heard.
I got a job ... So, Racheal got into westpoint
I'm writing a novel....So, Racheal Joined the Army.
I have an idea...So, Racheal has her entire life planned.
Racheal is Racheal...and i'm just...me.
"Congratulations!"
"uh... thats my sister not me"
^ that seems to be happening a lot lately.
Congratulations Racheal. For being the talented one. For being the logical one. For being the Successful one. For being the one who gets to go the the college of her dreams. For being the one who got into a prestigious college that impresses everyone.
Congratulations on being a soldier. For having you rights taken from you (she can't wear her spirit braid, even though its part of her religion, she can't have tattoos past a certain point, no facial piercings, no colored earrings when in uniform, etc.) so that our screwed up government can go invade other countries and then use you to "protect our rights".
I may never amount to much but at least i'll keep my rights. I can do what i want with my body (to a point). But i'll never have people clamoring to tell me congratulations. I lived under Racheal's shadow for a while and just when i'm finally out from under it, it grows and engulfs me again.
Mom wants me to be more like Racheal. She'll never say it (or hasn't yet). Logical. Planned. Controlled. My goals are scoffed at. Even my most realistic goal is "unrealistic."
Racheal is going places. Racheal will be known. Racheal will go on to do great things. And me?
I'll disappear.
As Racheal's shadow grows bigger and bigger i will never bee seen. Never be heard.
I got a job ... So, Racheal got into westpoint
I'm writing a novel....So, Racheal Joined the Army.
I have an idea...So, Racheal has her entire life planned.
Racheal is Racheal...and i'm just...me.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
thoughts
so here are some thoughts i just need to get out right now:
college - fuck.
loans - if i use loans to go to college (which either one i will HAVE to do) its money that will need to be payed back. And if by some miracle that car accident happens, then my mom will be left having to pay those loans.
jake - i saw him today for the first time since we broke up. my first instinct: "SHIT!" *hides behind mary*....
but now that i have seen him and spoken to him... i think i'll be alruight seeing him again. I want to reach out to Kasey and Kit... and that usually involves hanging out at Jake's house... and if he is alright with it, then i'm willing to be around him again. I miss Kit and Kasey that much.
Kit - I MISS HIM SO MUCH IT IS RIDICULOUS.
Kasey - I miss her a lot... i love how when we are together its like no time has passed.... we need to hang out sooon!
Mary - has gone from "the girl i've been seeing" to girlfriend. Also: adorkable.
college - fuck.
loans - if i use loans to go to college (which either one i will HAVE to do) its money that will need to be payed back. And if by some miracle that car accident happens, then my mom will be left having to pay those loans.
jake - i saw him today for the first time since we broke up. my first instinct: "SHIT!" *hides behind mary*....
but now that i have seen him and spoken to him... i think i'll be alruight seeing him again. I want to reach out to Kasey and Kit... and that usually involves hanging out at Jake's house... and if he is alright with it, then i'm willing to be around him again. I miss Kit and Kasey that much.
Kit - I MISS HIM SO MUCH IT IS RIDICULOUS.
Kasey - I miss her a lot... i love how when we are together its like no time has passed.... we need to hang out sooon!
Mary - has gone from "the girl i've been seeing" to girlfriend. Also: adorkable.
choice
okay so i had a little crying fit. no longer about to cry... but now i'm in a horrid mood.
so i have 2 choices:
- wait till the mood blows over and then hang out with Mary (but probably miss the art show)
- hang out with Mary regardless of mood and hope it improves... but risk passing on the bad mood.
- cancel on mary, wallow in the mood and then it will be gone and not come back... for a while at least.
so i have 2 choices:
- wait till the mood blows over and then hang out with Mary (but probably miss the art show)
- hang out with Mary regardless of mood and hope it improves... but risk passing on the bad mood.
- cancel on mary, wallow in the mood and then it will be gone and not come back... for a while at least.
ECU
why the hell is ECU's website so fucking complicated????
and it took me a whole 10 minutes to find the actual cost to actually go and stuff like that...
it doesn't explain what each thing is.
for example:
it gives tuition ($6158) then for people who don't live on campus:
Room and board: $5516
books: 1220
Personal (what is that supposed to mean?): 2168
transportation: 1228
Medical insurance: 1474
Loan Fee: 110
total for not living on campus: 17874
annd? thats is with out a meal plan.
the meal plan is sooo confusing!!! why can't they just have one friggin price?
so if i don't get a meal plan (which i don't know if i can do that or not?) i have to come up with $1,888.
and i really want to live on campus...
so if i live on campus:
the total without meal plan would be $20,846.
with a meal plan (not counting pirate bucks... which totally confuses me)
it will be 22646...
so i need to come up with AT LEAST $6,660.
fuck me. UGH.
why can't it be simple and to the point like Agnes?
so it looks like: i might have to go to pitt.... then go to Agnes
OR
Go to ECU for a year (if i can somehow come up with the money) save up money, go to Agnes.
Either way....Agnes is out of the running... at least for this year.
i want to cry.
and it took me a whole 10 minutes to find the actual cost to actually go and stuff like that...
it doesn't explain what each thing is.
for example:
it gives tuition ($6158) then for people who don't live on campus:
Room and board: $5516
books: 1220
Personal (what is that supposed to mean?): 2168
transportation: 1228
Medical insurance: 1474
Loan Fee: 110
total for not living on campus: 17874
annd? thats is with out a meal plan.
the meal plan is sooo confusing!!! why can't they just have one friggin price?
so if i don't get a meal plan (which i don't know if i can do that or not?) i have to come up with $1,888.
and i really want to live on campus...
so if i live on campus:
the total without meal plan would be $20,846.
with a meal plan (not counting pirate bucks... which totally confuses me)
it will be 22646...
so i need to come up with AT LEAST $6,660.
fuck me. UGH.
why can't it be simple and to the point like Agnes?
so it looks like: i might have to go to pitt.... then go to Agnes
OR
Go to ECU for a year (if i can somehow come up with the money) save up money, go to Agnes.
Either way....Agnes is out of the running... at least for this year.
i want to cry.
Friday, March 28, 2014
dark horse
alright so you all know (or you will know) Katy Perry's dark horse.
here is a rock cover.
[Juicy J:]
Yeah
Ya'll know what it is
Katy Perry
Juicy J, aha.
Let's rage
[Katy Perry:]
I knew you were
You were gonna come to me
And here you are
But you better choose carefully
‘Cause I, I’m capable of anything
Of anything and everything
Make me your Aphrodite
Make me your one and only
But don’t make me your enemy, your enemy, your enemy
So you wanna play with magic
Boy, you should know what you're falling for
Baby do you dare to do this?
Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse
Are you ready for, ready for
A perfect storm, perfect storm
Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine
There’s no going back
Mark my words
This love will make you levitate
Like a bird
Like a bird without a cage
But down to earth
If you choose to walk away, don’t walk away
It’s in the palm of your hand now baby
It’s a yes or no, no maybe
So just be sure before you give it all to me
All to me, give it all to me
So you wanna play with magic
Boy, you should know what you're falling for
Baby do you dare to do this?
Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse
Are you ready for, ready for
A perfect storm, perfect storm
Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine (love trippin')
There’s no going back
[Juicy J - Rap Verse:]
Uh
She’s a beast
I call her Karma (come back)
She eats your heart out
Like Jeffrey Dahmer (woo)
Be careful
Try not to lead her on
Shorty’s heart is on steroids
Cause her love is so strong
You may fall in love
When you meet her
If you get the chance you better keep her
She's sweet as pie but if you break her heart
She'll turn cold as a freezer
That fairy tale ending with a knight in shining armor
She can be my Sleeping Beauty
I’m gon’ put her in a coma
Woo!
Damn I think I love her
Shorty so bad, I’m sprung and I don’t care
She ride me like a roller coaster
Turned the bedroom into a fair (a fair!)
Her love is like a drug
I was tryna hit it and quit it
But lil' mama so dope
I messed around and got addicted
[Katy Perry:]
So you wanna play with magic
Boy, you should know what you're falling for (you should know)
Baby do you dare to do this?
Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse (like a dark horse)
Are you ready for, ready for (ready for)
A perfect storm, perfect storm (a perfect storm)
Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine (mine)
There’s no going back
Yeah
Ya'll know what it is
Katy Perry
Juicy J, aha.
Let's rage
[Katy Perry:]
I knew you were
You were gonna come to me
And here you are
But you better choose carefully
‘Cause I, I’m capable of anything
Of anything and everything
Make me your Aphrodite
Make me your one and only
But don’t make me your enemy, your enemy, your enemy
So you wanna play with magic
Boy, you should know what you're falling for
Baby do you dare to do this?
Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse
Are you ready for, ready for
A perfect storm, perfect storm
Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine
There’s no going back
Mark my words
This love will make you levitate
Like a bird
Like a bird without a cage
But down to earth
If you choose to walk away, don’t walk away
It’s in the palm of your hand now baby
It’s a yes or no, no maybe
So just be sure before you give it all to me
All to me, give it all to me
So you wanna play with magic
Boy, you should know what you're falling for
Baby do you dare to do this?
Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse
Are you ready for, ready for
A perfect storm, perfect storm
Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine (love trippin')
There’s no going back
[Juicy J - Rap Verse:]
Uh
She’s a beast
I call her Karma (come back)
She eats your heart out
Like Jeffrey Dahmer (woo)
Be careful
Try not to lead her on
Shorty’s heart is on steroids
Cause her love is so strong
You may fall in love
When you meet her
If you get the chance you better keep her
She's sweet as pie but if you break her heart
She'll turn cold as a freezer
That fairy tale ending with a knight in shining armor
She can be my Sleeping Beauty
I’m gon’ put her in a coma
Woo!
Damn I think I love her
Shorty so bad, I’m sprung and I don’t care
She ride me like a roller coaster
Turned the bedroom into a fair (a fair!)
Her love is like a drug
I was tryna hit it and quit it
But lil' mama so dope
I messed around and got addicted
[Katy Perry:]
So you wanna play with magic
Boy, you should know what you're falling for (you should know)
Baby do you dare to do this?
Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse (like a dark horse)
Are you ready for, ready for (ready for)
A perfect storm, perfect storm (a perfect storm)
Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine (mine)
There’s no going back
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WEEEEEELLLLLLLhere is a rock cover.
Eppic:
Eppic
TeraBrite
Haha
Lets rage
Terabrite:
I knew you were
You were gonna come to me
Here you are But you better choose carefully
‘Cause I,
I’m capable of anything
Of anything and everything
Make me your Aphrodite
Make me your one and only
Don’t make me your enemy,
your enemy, your enemy
So you wanna play with magic
Boy, you should know what you're falling for
Baby do you dare to do this
Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse
Are you ready for, ready for
A perfect storm, perfect storm
Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine
Eppic:
theres not going back
Terabrite:
Mark my words
This love will make you levitate
Like a birdLike a bird without a cage
But down to earth
If you choose to walk away, walk away
don’t walk away
It’s in the palm of your hand now baby
It’s a yes or no, no maybe
So just be sure before you give it all to me
All to me, give it all to me
So you wanna play with magic
Boy, you should know what you're falling for
Baby do you dare to do this?
Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse
Are you ready for, ready for
A perfect storm, perfect storm
Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine
Eppic:
Ah ok
better have found my soulmate
Uh oh
But I found her appetite had lusted for more than a soufflé
It's a dinner for two and I'm looking as she feast
on the souls of her pray
Calls herself the forbidden treasure,
who's kiss is shockingly sweet as nectar with an aftertaste
Yep yep
shouldn't mess with the supernatural,
I'm vulnerable
I'm dating the daughter of the headless horseman from the sleepy hollow
More darker than reading Stephen King's novel,
while walking in the cemetery
In the dead of night on the way to the morgue, down a zombie infested alley
Yeah look into those eyes and I'm at her whim
Coming for me on a black stallion,
tongue oozes with ectoplasm
I she knows her way around witchcraft like Hermione Granger
Stole my heart call her Lara Croft
cause this girl's my tomb raider
Terabrite:
So you wanna play with magic
Boy, you should know what you're falling for
Baby do you dare to do this
Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse
Are you ready for, ready for
A perfect storm, perfect storm
Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine
Eppic
There’s no going back
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Review:
i don't know if i like that they changed the rap part… he is good and i like him… i really like her… this is just an awesome cover :3
ROAR (warning… period talk)
okay so.. its shark week again and i'm seriously… ugh.
yestserday i was having cramps so bad i swear it felt like a knife was being shoved up and through my uterus.
and for those that don't know, camps are caused by blood clots, which is why drinking water can help cramps to feel better.
let me tell you. this blood clot. didn't even look like a blood clot.
i swear, i think it was a piece of my uterus. it was scary.
now i know it wasn't a piece of my uterus…. but it wasn't the right color for a blood clot. and it was big and and and…. i swear it was almost fetus shaped.
but i know its not cuz i'm still a virgin and yadda yadda…
but it was WEIRD…
almost a red fleshy color (covered in blood naturally), about the length of the pad of my thumb, and it was weirdly shaped.
and the pain…..
yestserday i was having cramps so bad i swear it felt like a knife was being shoved up and through my uterus.
and for those that don't know, camps are caused by blood clots, which is why drinking water can help cramps to feel better.
let me tell you. this blood clot. didn't even look like a blood clot.
i swear, i think it was a piece of my uterus. it was scary.
now i know it wasn't a piece of my uterus…. but it wasn't the right color for a blood clot. and it was big and and and…. i swear it was almost fetus shaped.
but i know its not cuz i'm still a virgin and yadda yadda…
but it was WEIRD…
almost a red fleshy color (covered in blood naturally), about the length of the pad of my thumb, and it was weirdly shaped.
and the pain…..
Thursday, March 27, 2014
job interview - after
i think it went very well :)
i would pretty much be working weekends and with college students. AND she says that the "no crazy hair" thing is pretty much "no multiple colors" meaning a strip of one color… should be fine. YESSSSS
all i need to buy would be a pair of brown or black closed toe shoes.
i really hope i got it.
i would pretty much be working weekends and with college students. AND she says that the "no crazy hair" thing is pretty much "no multiple colors" meaning a strip of one color… should be fine. YESSSSS
all i need to buy would be a pair of brown or black closed toe shoes.
i really hope i got it.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Job interview - before
so… i have a job interview today!
At food lion next to dunk'n donuts.
i'm nervous… kinda.
not really nervous, that comes later.
but Mary (my aunt) says she will give me a ride to it, idk how long it will take and this is church night.
Thoth please let this al go smoothly.
idk the girl's name who will be interviewing me… she didn't talk very clearly on the phone.
it sounded like franey?
i hope this goes well...
At food lion next to dunk'n donuts.
i'm nervous… kinda.
not really nervous, that comes later.
but Mary (my aunt) says she will give me a ride to it, idk how long it will take and this is church night.
Thoth please let this al go smoothly.
idk the girl's name who will be interviewing me… she didn't talk very clearly on the phone.
it sounded like franey?
i hope this goes well...
at last!
so last night i finally got a good sleep <3
i had a nice dream (that i don't remember) and i woke up feeling rested, I had a stressless dream. so nice….
last night i told anyone in the room (i tel any friends both seen and unseen good night) that i wanted to have a nice dream. Although i would prefer to go home in the dream, i wasn't picky as long as it was nice and sweet.
and I oke up this morning feeling nice :3
oh! and btw… i have a job interview today!!!! :D
i had a nice dream (that i don't remember) and i woke up feeling rested, I had a stressless dream. so nice….
last night i told anyone in the room (i tel any friends both seen and unseen good night) that i wanted to have a nice dream. Although i would prefer to go home in the dream, i wasn't picky as long as it was nice and sweet.
and I oke up this morning feeling nice :3
oh! and btw… i have a job interview today!!!! :D
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
physics
"webassign is meant to challenge you, make you think outside the box" …. well webassign is going to make me fail. thank you very much - this is why i hate physics.
i did not sign up to take this as an online coarse…. because thats all we are doing! experiments (not ones i really understand) and web assign.
I. DO NOT. LIKE. PHYSICS.
i did not sign up to take this as an online coarse…. because thats all we are doing! experiments (not ones i really understand) and web assign.
I. DO NOT. LIKE. PHYSICS.
Monday, March 24, 2014
where is theta...
where is theta….where is theta…. I DON'T CARE… I DON'T CARE…. get me out of physics…get me out of physics… or beware… or beware…
…
…
…
…
…
get me out of physics…. if i hear the word theta agin… i'm goon explode >.<
…
…
…
…
…
get me out of physics…. if i hear the word theta agin… i'm goon explode >.<
the goddess heard me
the goddess has heard me…
i have been praying for reconnection. for direction. for help… and she heard me.
yesterday at the Unitarian Universalist church i met someone who is willing to teach me all she knows. She is native american, so i can relate to her on that level and she had an abanaki teacher…
she can help me learn how to do proper rituals. she can help me learn proper meditations. spirit journeys. maybe she can help me open up and clear my chakras. my third eye…. help me to see… to hear…
She says she considers herself a novice… but she knows more than i do.
and she wants to teach me….
only one problem: my mother.
she is NOT okay with my spiritual path. i don't know if she would be okay with me going to this lady's house to learn more… Mrs. Herrera is willing to give me a ride to and from her house….. maybe i could go on fridays…
goddess i want this…. goddess i need this. goddess please help me have this...
i have been praying for reconnection. for direction. for help… and she heard me.
yesterday at the Unitarian Universalist church i met someone who is willing to teach me all she knows. She is native american, so i can relate to her on that level and she had an abanaki teacher…
she can help me learn how to do proper rituals. she can help me learn proper meditations. spirit journeys. maybe she can help me open up and clear my chakras. my third eye…. help me to see… to hear…
She says she considers herself a novice… but she knows more than i do.
and she wants to teach me….
only one problem: my mother.
she is NOT okay with my spiritual path. i don't know if she would be okay with me going to this lady's house to learn more… Mrs. Herrera is willing to give me a ride to and from her house….. maybe i could go on fridays…
goddess i want this…. goddess i need this. goddess please help me have this...
Friday, March 21, 2014
spirit guide info
http://www.newmindrecords.com/spiritguides.htm
http://paganwiccan.about.com/od/divination/p/Spirit_Guides.htm
http://sacreddialogues.com/resources/discerning-spirit-guide-contact/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spirit_guide
"A personal guide, meaning one who works only with you and no one else, provides information which is specific for day to day life. Typically, these are beings who have been in human embodiment before. They usually come to you because they have been in relationship with you before. They may have a vested interest in you or your path. They can be accurate in matters of relationships, health, diet, finances, work, etc. This is in part because they have been human before, they know what it is like. It is this close intimacy with humanity which makes our personal spirit guides so helpful. Usually they do not specialize in deep philosophical or spiritual matters, and will tell you so if asked. A personal guide of this sort is an individual with their own evolutionary path. They may, at they end of your journey in this body, leave you and go on to work with someone else – or do something entirely different. Their own path may bring them back to incarnate on Earth again, or they may continue on guiding you after this life somewhere other than Earth. Occasionally a personal guide may be temporary, only with you to assist in helping you get through a specific test or trial, and then they move on afterward. Many personal guides will come in at a specific time and remain with you for life as a constant companion.
http://paganwiccan.about.com/od/divination/p/Spirit_Guides.htm
http://sacreddialogues.com/resources/discerning-spirit-guide-contact/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spirit_guide
"A personal guide, meaning one who works only with you and no one else, provides information which is specific for day to day life. Typically, these are beings who have been in human embodiment before. They usually come to you because they have been in relationship with you before. They may have a vested interest in you or your path. They can be accurate in matters of relationships, health, diet, finances, work, etc. This is in part because they have been human before, they know what it is like. It is this close intimacy with humanity which makes our personal spirit guides so helpful. Usually they do not specialize in deep philosophical or spiritual matters, and will tell you so if asked. A personal guide of this sort is an individual with their own evolutionary path. They may, at they end of your journey in this body, leave you and go on to work with someone else – or do something entirely different. Their own path may bring them back to incarnate on Earth again, or they may continue on guiding you after this life somewhere other than Earth. Occasionally a personal guide may be temporary, only with you to assist in helping you get through a specific test or trial, and then they move on afterward. Many personal guides will come in at a specific time and remain with you for life as a constant companion.
Masters and Adept spirit guides are characterized by giving information which is uplifting, accurate, and frequently surprising. Their viewpoints are from Soul planes and may contain cosmic implications. They leave you with a feeling of peace, well-being and strength. They may chastise, but always lovingly. They know you intimately. They may be what we call Ascended Masters or may be involved with certain spiritual paths. They usually take on appearances which align with their roles. These beings have a deep understanding of humanity and always respond with compassion.
Angels are also available as spirit guides. Bearers of pure Grace and Light, they come to us with unconditional love. Angels do not have personal identity like we do. They can bring us gifts such as healing, protection, hope and mercy. Many people have reported experiencing being healed, taught, rescued or inspired by angels. It is often thought that what we call Guardian Angels or personal angels are the thought forms of the Archangels.
Angels have not walked the Earth as human beings, and are not on a karmic or evolutionary path. They do not have free will as humans do. They are in complete surrender to God and God’s Will. They bear patience and love with tremendous power and gentleness.
There are guiding beings who follow a non-human evolution. Some of these would include planetary archetypes like goddesses or warriors, and nature spirits like little people, leprechauns, and fairies. We also would include dolphins, animal totems, and certain extraterrestrials. As with the other guides, our relationships with them result in mutual expansion and growth. Their information is intellectually challenging since their reality is different from ours. Satisfactory relationships with them requires of us non-linear thinking.
Sometimes our spirit guides are aspects of Higher Self. My primary guide AhhRa is like that. An aspect of one’s Self means that this is NOT a separate individual, but a part of you. Your guides typically are separate, with their own path and evolutionary journey. This kind of guide does not exist except with you and through you. Their path is yours. You could think of it as what you will be when you grow up, when you reach the full expression of your individual potential. AhhRa guides me all day, but it is like an inner wisdom. I know she is a part of me, the me that is always centered, capable, in truth and unity, moment by moment. Ultimately, this Self and your personal relationship with God will replace your personal guides."
I have underlined and highlighted things that i think apply to my SG/ what i THINK he could be.
"How do they communicate with me?
Spirit guides communicate with us in a wide variety of ways. Usually, as in all psychic communication, we use our senses to connect as well as our 6th sense of knowing.
Sight: Sometimes we will see spirit guides in meditation. We can see parts of them or all of them and usually they manifest in physical human form. Sometimes in pictures we may see small white orbs, which can be spirit guides, angels or loved ones on the other side. Spirit guides also communicate messages with things we see every day. For example, we may see a particular animal over and over again. There is a lot of information on animal totems and their meanings online. Seeing these animals may be a message from spirit that can be interpreted by looking up the meaning of that particular animal. Other ways they communicate are through intuitive card decks like Angel Cards or Tarot cards.
Smell: You may smell something familiar that reminds you of a certain time in your life or brings you comfort. Many people experience a connection to loved ones who have passed away in a similar fashion.
Touch: Feeling guides is fairly common. You may just feel a presence with you or get goose bumps. We may feel our guides presence in a meditation or feel a gentle touch when we need to reconnect with reality. This happens to me a lot when I am on the light rail. I often space out and feel my guides touch my hand to reconnect me with the moment.
Taste: This is pretty self-explanatory but not very common. Sometimes a person can taste something familiar like a food they may have enjoyed or something that reminds them of a time, place or person in their life. The best example I can give about this is that sometimes I can taste recipes or food to communicate a message to a client. Mostly, this happens in readings with loved ones on the other side but on occasion it has happened with a living person or situation.
Hear: Our guides communicate with us like this a lot. Often the voice we hear is quiet, subtle and sounds like our own. Guides do not need to be loud or overpowering to get their messages across. Often, the messages they give us validate something we may already know. Their voices do not sound like the man behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz but, instead, sounds just like us. We may also hear chimes, bells or other sounds that connect us to our guides. This is the most common way that guides communicate with us.
Know: I cannot really explain this. Some things you just ‘know’. That’s your 6th sense."
"Animal Companions come to us as guides and teachers. This could be an animal that you live with and have in your heart intimately, or an animal with whom you experienced a deep, momentary exchange. Just like humans, some animals are more multifaceted or more expansive than others. Every now and then, an animal will come in to your life as a profound teacher of truth. Some times a Master will temporarily “enter” an animal living with a person that needs to be touched, or opened in a way that would not be possible with another human. There is a purity and perfect innocence in the animal heart. Animals live in the now, most of them fully and passionately. They are in constant alignment with Source, aware of their connection. No wonder many of us drop our defenses, daring to love and be loved without hesitation or reservation, to be nakedly ourselves before this form of the Divine."
^ AKA FAMILIARS..... I KNEW IT!!!!!!!! I've wondered and thought that sometimes my SG was connected to Smokey! idk exactly when or why but i felt that smokey and my SG were connected. LOOK AT THAT!! :D (i have put in italics and highlighted things that i feel connect or go with smokey)
CLICK THIS
PLEASE CLICK THIS LINK. IF YOU DO YOU ENTER BOTH OF US INTO A SCHOLARSHIP CONTEST. PLEASE CLICK IT.
http://www.scholarships.com/tell-a-friend/LisaSawyer
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Thursday, March 20, 2014
what is wrong with me?
what is wrong with me?
last night at the baptist church i go to on Wednesday we were asked to think of someone we love completely. my first thought went to my SG. but then i figured let focus on a physical person. Woolard.
the leader asked us how we felt when with that person. i answered: safe. because when woolard hugs me i feel completely safe. when my SG is with me i feel completely safe.
then she asked: can you be youself around the, completely yourslef?"
my responce: sometimes.
she looked at me and said "even when you are with them?" i nodded.
i don't have anyone, other than SG, that i can be my complete self with.
with mom i have to hide parts of myself.
with racheal.... we are just so distant.
with cara ... the child wouldn't knw me if she wasn't looking at me.
with ashley ... i have to hide my lonleiness. my fear. my stress.
with woolard i have to tone down any gay pride, pagan pride (i dont think he even knows i'm pagan), i can be silly though.
i don't have anyone i can be insecure, lonley, silly, scared, loving, fully open about being gay and pagan and all that comes with it. I don't have anyone i can be 100% me with. Other than SG.
why is that?
what is wrong with me?
last night at the baptist church i go to on Wednesday we were asked to think of someone we love completely. my first thought went to my SG. but then i figured let focus on a physical person. Woolard.
the leader asked us how we felt when with that person. i answered: safe. because when woolard hugs me i feel completely safe. when my SG is with me i feel completely safe.
then she asked: can you be youself around the, completely yourslef?"
my responce: sometimes.
she looked at me and said "even when you are with them?" i nodded.
i don't have anyone, other than SG, that i can be my complete self with.
with mom i have to hide parts of myself.
with racheal.... we are just so distant.
with cara ... the child wouldn't knw me if she wasn't looking at me.
with ashley ... i have to hide my lonleiness. my fear. my stress.
with woolard i have to tone down any gay pride, pagan pride (i dont think he even knows i'm pagan), i can be silly though.
i don't have anyone i can be insecure, lonley, silly, scared, loving, fully open about being gay and pagan and all that comes with it. I don't have anyone i can be 100% me with. Other than SG.
why is that?
what is wrong with me?
UGH!
UGH! why do all small liberal arts colleges have to be christian colleges!!!
now my aunt would argue that Agnes is a christian college because it has an affiliation to.... i don't remember..
but thats just it. almost no one ever remembers... because its such a weak affiliation and it does not identify as a christian colleges!!!
christian colleges identify as such and on their website and in pamphlets it talks about god or jesus or faith... this one i got in the mail... didn't seem to OVERLY christian.. it just said its a christian liberal arts colleges... the first thing i see on its website? " inspire your FAITH" .
i.do.not.want.to.go.to.a.christian.college. AT. ALL.
but ECU is so big... and it doesn't have Yoga and self defense as a class.... and its a party school.... and although it has a very open and acepting-ness of LGBT stuff... and it has Anthropology... thats pretty much the only reason why i like it. Its pretty. LGBT friendly. and has Anthropology...
but so does Agnes. I have made lists... i will bold anything that really inflences my opinion... and italic the good.
Agnes is all women.
Agnes is LGBT friendly.
Agnes is beautiful.
Agnes is liberal arts.
Agnes is small.
Agnes has self defense as a physical education class.
Anges has yoga as a physical education class.
Agnes has a Earth-based religious group. <---- that is one of the biggest things. seriously. SERIOUSLY.
Agnes has cultural and religious anthropology. both.
Agnes has Astronomy as a physical science. it actually has a big dome with a big telescope.
Agnes is expensive out the ass.
ECU has Anthropology
ECU is beautiful
ECU is big
ECU has friends i will know
ECU is LGBT friendly
ECU has not one, but 2 pools.
ECU would allow me to be closer to my cat. (i am more depressed about leaving smokey than i am about leaving my mom.)
ECU would allow me to be closer to Woolard.
ECU is cheaper than Agnes.
ECU is so close to home.
now my aunt would argue that Agnes is a christian college because it has an affiliation to.... i don't remember..
but thats just it. almost no one ever remembers... because its such a weak affiliation and it does not identify as a christian colleges!!!
christian colleges identify as such and on their website and in pamphlets it talks about god or jesus or faith... this one i got in the mail... didn't seem to OVERLY christian.. it just said its a christian liberal arts colleges... the first thing i see on its website? " inspire your FAITH" .
i.do.not.want.to.go.to.a.christian.college. AT. ALL.
but ECU is so big... and it doesn't have Yoga and self defense as a class.... and its a party school.... and although it has a very open and acepting-ness of LGBT stuff... and it has Anthropology... thats pretty much the only reason why i like it. Its pretty. LGBT friendly. and has Anthropology...
but so does Agnes. I have made lists... i will bold anything that really inflences my opinion... and italic the good.
Agnes is all women.
Agnes is LGBT friendly.
Agnes is beautiful.
Agnes is liberal arts.
Agnes is small.
Agnes has self defense as a physical education class.
Anges has yoga as a physical education class.
Agnes has a Earth-based religious group. <---- that is one of the biggest things. seriously. SERIOUSLY.
Agnes has cultural and religious anthropology. both.
Agnes has Astronomy as a physical science. it actually has a big dome with a big telescope.
Agnes is expensive out the ass.
ECU has Anthropology
ECU is beautiful
ECU is big
ECU has friends i will know
ECU is LGBT friendly
ECU has not one, but 2 pools.
ECU would allow me to be closer to my cat. (i am more depressed about leaving smokey than i am about leaving my mom.)
ECU would allow me to be closer to Woolard.
ECU is cheaper than Agnes.
ECU is so close to home.
spring
BLESSED OSTARA!!!!! <3
or also known as: the first day of spring!
"March 21 -- Ostara -- Spring or The Vernal Equinox
Also known as: Lady Day or Alban Eiler (Druidic)
As Spring reaches its midpoint, night and day stand in perfect balance, with light on the increase. The young Sun God now celebrates a hierogamy (sacred marriage) with the young Maiden Goddess, who conceives. In nine months, she will again become the Great Mother. It is a time of great fertility, new growth, and newborn animals.
The next full moon (a time of increased births) is called the Ostara and is sacred to Eostre the Saxon Lunar Goddess of fertility (from whence we get the word estrogen, whose two symbols were the egg and the rabbit.
The Christian religion adopted these emblems for Easter which is celebrated on the first Sunday after the first full moon following the vernal equinox. The theme of the conception of the Goddess was adapted as the Feast of the Annunciation, occurring on the alternative fixed calendar date of March 25 Old Lady Day, the earlier date of the equinox. Lady Day may also refer to other goddesses (such as Venus and Aphrodite), many of whom have festivals celebrated at this time.
Traditional Foods:
Leafy green vegetables, Dairy foods, Nuts such as Pumpkin, Sunflower and Pine. Flower Dishes and Sprouts.
Herbs and Flowers:
Daffodil, Jonquils, Woodruff, Violet, Gorse, Olive, Peony, Iris, Narcissus and all spring flowers.
Incense:
Jasmine, Rose, Strawberry, Floral of any type.
Sacred Gemstone:
Jasper
Special Activities:
Planting seeds or starting a Magickal Herb Garden. Taking a long walk in nature with no intent other than reflecting on the Magick of nature and our Great Mother and her bounty."
or also known as: the first day of spring!
"March 21 -- Ostara -- Spring or The Vernal Equinox
The next full moon (a time of increased births) is called the Ostara and is sacred to Eostre the Saxon Lunar Goddess of fertility (from whence we get the word estrogen, whose two symbols were the egg and the rabbit.
The Christian religion adopted these emblems for Easter which is celebrated on the first Sunday after the first full moon following the vernal equinox. The theme of the conception of the Goddess was adapted as the Feast of the Annunciation, occurring on the alternative fixed calendar date of March 25 Old Lady Day, the earlier date of the equinox. Lady Day may also refer to other goddesses (such as Venus and Aphrodite), many of whom have festivals celebrated at this time.
Traditional Foods:
Leafy green vegetables, Dairy foods, Nuts such as Pumpkin, Sunflower and Pine. Flower Dishes and Sprouts.
Herbs and Flowers:
Daffodil, Jonquils, Woodruff, Violet, Gorse, Olive, Peony, Iris, Narcissus and all spring flowers.
Incense:
Jasmine, Rose, Strawberry, Floral of any type.
Sacred Gemstone:
Jasper
Special Activities:
Planting seeds or starting a Magickal Herb Garden. Taking a long walk in nature with no intent other than reflecting on the Magick of nature and our Great Mother and her bounty."
- http://wicca.com/celtic/akasha/ostara.htm
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, love is kind
love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, but hard to find.
i walked alone, out one night
i saw a sudden, bright light
it showed me a boy, wandering alone
I took his hand and lead him home
he said thank you lady, for your good deed,
you'll be repaid, in a time of need.
I walked on, and left him behind,
he wanders in, and out of my mind.
Love is patient, love is kind
love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, but hard to find.
I met a girl, tiny and meek,
she was strong and i was weak.
We walked along, hand in hand
her with me, the stronger i stand.
We walked on, for a while,
with her laugh and my smile,
one day i stopped and she walked on
she walked steady and i fell off.
Love is patient, love is kind
love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, but hard to find.
you where there, and i never knew
they call it love, i called it you
i fell and, you helped me back up
so very kind, so full of love
you and me, together at last
holding me up, moving me past
together now, hand in hand
as you walk me, to the summerlands.
Love is patient, love is kind
love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, love is free,
i love you and you love me.
Love is patient, love is kind
love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, but not hard to find.
love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, but hard to find.
i walked alone, out one night
i saw a sudden, bright light
it showed me a boy, wandering alone
I took his hand and lead him home
he said thank you lady, for your good deed,
you'll be repaid, in a time of need.
I walked on, and left him behind,
he wanders in, and out of my mind.
Love is patient, love is kind
love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, but hard to find.
I met a girl, tiny and meek,
she was strong and i was weak.
We walked along, hand in hand
her with me, the stronger i stand.
We walked on, for a while,
with her laugh and my smile,
one day i stopped and she walked on
she walked steady and i fell off.
Love is patient, love is kind
love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, but hard to find.
you where there, and i never knew
they call it love, i called it you
i fell and, you helped me back up
so very kind, so full of love
you and me, together at last
holding me up, moving me past
together now, hand in hand
as you walk me, to the summerlands.
Love is patient, love is kind
love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, love is free,
i love you and you love me.
Love is patient, love is kind
love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, love is kind
Love is patient, but not hard to find.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
tips
so here are some tips to help me reconnect/ get out of my spiritual rut that others have given me
- baths in sea salt with candles
- walks in the moonlight
- walks in nature
- different meditations
- guided meditations
- arts and crafts
- journaling (or blogging in my case)
- do some research and reading on my spiritual path, jus exposing myself to it all over again
what i think will help
- poetry
- meditation
- walks
- baths
- art
- research
- talking to my SG
- research
- pendulum
good morning
good morning!!
so… last night i did some meditating.. i couldn't even light a candle, but i was determined. so i sat down with a blanket wrapped around me (i was cold… but once i got into the meditating i didn't need it as much).
it was kind of cool how fast i entered meditative state… usually it takes me a while, but this time i was there in almost no time.
once i was there, i called out to my SG. like.. i literally called out to him, out loud. and i didm;t know if he came or not, so i just started talking to him. shortly after i started talking to him and i said "i want to know you are there" i felt something on my knee. it didn't have the tingly warmth that i usually felt when he touched me, so i was unsure. but by the end of my…release… i felt that if i just reached out in front of me i could feel him there. scared i opted my eyes (scared that the feeling would leave) i saw the air was swirling around….. he was actually there. i didn't see him… but when the air is swirling that means he is there. it swirls in is form… so he wasn't solid enough for me to make out his form, but he was there. he actually came.
i bowed to him and thanked him, and reiteratted ow much i missed him and said good night.
i wanted to do a pendulum soooooo bad…. but i didn't know if my necklace would work..
so i said good night and thanked him again.
then i went to bed. and had one of the best sleeps i've had in a while. weird dreams (i was selling dildos O_o)…. but a great sleep.
and today cara is going to track try-outs which means the house would be empty for another conversation… but i'm tutoring my teacher's daughter and will miss it D:
maybe i'll meditate again….
it helped more than i thought it would.
so… last night i did some meditating.. i couldn't even light a candle, but i was determined. so i sat down with a blanket wrapped around me (i was cold… but once i got into the meditating i didn't need it as much).
it was kind of cool how fast i entered meditative state… usually it takes me a while, but this time i was there in almost no time.
once i was there, i called out to my SG. like.. i literally called out to him, out loud. and i didm;t know if he came or not, so i just started talking to him. shortly after i started talking to him and i said "i want to know you are there" i felt something on my knee. it didn't have the tingly warmth that i usually felt when he touched me, so i was unsure. but by the end of my…release… i felt that if i just reached out in front of me i could feel him there. scared i opted my eyes (scared that the feeling would leave) i saw the air was swirling around….. he was actually there. i didn't see him… but when the air is swirling that means he is there. it swirls in is form… so he wasn't solid enough for me to make out his form, but he was there. he actually came.
i bowed to him and thanked him, and reiteratted ow much i missed him and said good night.
i wanted to do a pendulum soooooo bad…. but i didn't know if my necklace would work..
so i said good night and thanked him again.
then i went to bed. and had one of the best sleeps i've had in a while. weird dreams (i was selling dildos O_o)…. but a great sleep.
and today cara is going to track try-outs which means the house would be empty for another conversation… but i'm tutoring my teacher's daughter and will miss it D:
maybe i'll meditate again….
it helped more than i thought it would.
Monday, March 17, 2014
full moon
so... i'm seeking balance and direction right?
thats the kind of thing you ask for on a full moon.
...
...
...
tonight is a full moon.
i need to do a full moon invocation...
but to do that i have to call a circle.
i'm not allowed to call a circle.
UUUGHGHGHGH
what i need could be done, NOW.
and i can't.
here is the incantaion/prayer i could do over a candle and my goddess figure.
Mother, Goddess of moon and star,
Bring your presence from afar,
Manifest on this, Your night,
and bless me in this sacred rite!
Grant the knowledge and clarity,
to understand Your words to me.
Lend Your power, send Your light,
Aid me in my work tonight!
With love and wisdom please embrace,
All within this sacred space.
Mother, I now call to you,
Bring Your message clear and true!
i could call a circle, smudge the area first, say this, and meditate...
i want to so bad. soooooooo sooo so bad.
and it coudl really help me.
all i can do is meditate.
lovely.
thanks mom.
thats the kind of thing you ask for on a full moon.
...
...
...
tonight is a full moon.
i need to do a full moon invocation...
but to do that i have to call a circle.
i'm not allowed to call a circle.
UUUGHGHGHGH
what i need could be done, NOW.
and i can't.
here is the incantaion/prayer i could do over a candle and my goddess figure.
Mother, Goddess of moon and star,
Bring your presence from afar,
Manifest on this, Your night,
and bless me in this sacred rite!
Grant the knowledge and clarity,
to understand Your words to me.
Lend Your power, send Your light,
Aid me in my work tonight!
With love and wisdom please embrace,
All within this sacred space.
Mother, I now call to you,
Bring Your message clear and true!
i could call a circle, smudge the area first, say this, and meditate...
i want to so bad. soooooooo sooo so bad.
and it coudl really help me.
all i can do is meditate.
lovely.
thanks mom.
links and stuff for previous blog
http://www.psychicbutsane.com/intuition/whos-my-higher-self
http://www.wikihow.com/Reconnect-With-Your-Higher-Self
http://www.wikihow.com/Reconnect-With-Your-Higher-Self
so... i need help please ladies...
i'm in a spiritual rut.
i've been in it, and kind of been in denial about it for a while.
i don't know what to do.
but i want to reconnect with my spiritual self.
i miss it.
i've been in it, and kind of been in denial about it for a while.
i don't know what to do.
but i want to reconnect with my spiritual self.
i miss it.
and i feel like i'm lost in a fog and just need a light..
do you have any advice? (other than just meditation?)
reconnect
i really want to reconnect.
reconnect with my spirit.
reconnect to my spiritual side.
reconnect with my PSG (primary spirit guide...aka guardian angel)
i want to talk to him.
i want to be able to have a conversation.
i would LOVE to channel him the way i did that one time in foods class.
i want to feel him again. I am so disconnected that i can't even tell when he is here anymore.
i am so sorry...
i know if i talk out loud to him he will hear.
i know he prefers it when i talk out loud to him rather than in my head...
i need to find some time when i am all alone, light some sage and meditate. then i'll just talk to him. i'll just talk. tell him all the things i'm sure he already knows...
reconnect with my spirit.
reconnect to my spiritual side.
reconnect with my PSG (primary spirit guide...aka guardian angel)
i want to talk to him.
i want to be able to have a conversation.
i would LOVE to channel him the way i did that one time in foods class.
i want to feel him again. I am so disconnected that i can't even tell when he is here anymore.
i am so sorry...
i know if i talk out loud to him he will hear.
i know he prefers it when i talk out loud to him rather than in my head...
i need to find some time when i am all alone, light some sage and meditate. then i'll just talk to him. i'll just talk. tell him all the things i'm sure he already knows...
- tell him about Mary and ask him what he thinks (he will sometimes tell me if he likes a person or not)
- tell him about how i'm stressing out about college
- tell him how much i miss home. how much i want him to send me there again...
- tell him how much i miss him. even though i know i'm not alone.
- tel him how unsure i am. about everything.
- ask him what to do.
- ask him if he is mad at me (i already know the answer is no, but it is reassuring when i get it directly from him)
- ask him if he is happy.
- ask him to help me reconnect...
- ask him to help me on some guided meditations.
i need to find some guided meditations....
maybe if i'm REALLY lucky... while i meditate, if i lie down, i will feel at one with the earth like i did aa few years ago....
i feel lost. like i'm walking in a haze and i need him to shine a light in the fog so i can find him.
i wonder... if i could talk to him through poetry the way i use to.... and if i read it to him, then maybe if i just....listen, i can get his responce and write it down...
we use to talk through writing. it was amazing. i miss it.
i miss him.
i miss myself.
i miss myself.
reactions
reactions to Mary's Blog:
Luna- awwww…. if you have questions, ask away~ i LOOOOVE questions
I agree taking it slow is nice and refreshing, idk when the "right time" is, but like going slow, at least for now :) Just being with some one as fun and open minded and awesome as her is nice… like she said, i don't want to rush into things… all my previous relationships other than jake was rush into… and with jake i feel like i rushed IN the relationship. I really don't want to rush with this..
light and darkness - she could def use some light <3 AND HAVE SOME FUN!!!
depression - you are NOT screwed up. there is nothing wrong with YOU, its just that your odd is fighting you spirit and is reacting with chemical unbalances. YOU are fine. <3
besides… why would reject you for having something so similar to what i have?
goals - very nice :3
quality in a partner - i think that is something everyone wants…
Luna- awwww…. if you have questions, ask away~ i LOOOOVE questions
I agree taking it slow is nice and refreshing, idk when the "right time" is, but like going slow, at least for now :) Just being with some one as fun and open minded and awesome as her is nice… like she said, i don't want to rush into things… all my previous relationships other than jake was rush into… and with jake i feel like i rushed IN the relationship. I really don't want to rush with this..
light and darkness - she could def use some light <3 AND HAVE SOME FUN!!!
depression - you are NOT screwed up. there is nothing wrong with YOU, its just that your odd is fighting you spirit and is reacting with chemical unbalances. YOU are fine. <3
besides… why would reject you for having something so similar to what i have?
goals - very nice :3
quality in a partner - i think that is something everyone wants…
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Acheivment weekend
so...
if i go to the acheivment weekend at Agnes Scott... which idk even know if i should because i'm still 15000 dollars short of the tuition...
i would have to take a bus UP there... which would mean i'd have to leave Raleigh bus station on Saturday at 11:25 and would get to one in Atlanta at 1:00 PM... which is an hour late.... so i would have to call and let them know...
THEN i would have to take an Amtrak train back to raleigh...
and the cheapest rout would be to leave Atlanta that monday at 8:04 PM and i would get back to Raleigh at 10:17 AM on tuesday...
and My aunt Mary is willing to pay for it... and it would cost about (99+86) $185...so... $200.
vs the $400 it would have taken to drive me down there.
but i would be missing 2 days of school.
and i have to tell my mom.
just... somebody help me....
if i go to the acheivment weekend at Agnes Scott... which idk even know if i should because i'm still 15000 dollars short of the tuition...
i would have to take a bus UP there... which would mean i'd have to leave Raleigh bus station on Saturday at 11:25 and would get to one in Atlanta at 1:00 PM... which is an hour late.... so i would have to call and let them know...
THEN i would have to take an Amtrak train back to raleigh...
and the cheapest rout would be to leave Atlanta that monday at 8:04 PM and i would get back to Raleigh at 10:17 AM on tuesday...
and My aunt Mary is willing to pay for it... and it would cost about (99+86) $185...so... $200.
vs the $400 it would have taken to drive me down there.
but i would be missing 2 days of school.
and i have to tell my mom.
just... somebody help me....
Saturday, March 15, 2014
song for SG
so whenever i hear this song, my thoughts instantly turn to my SG (Spirit guide) and i wish i could just sing it to him. Eventually when i'm home alone, i think i will. So here are the words, and what is in bold is what makes me think of him/how i think of him/what i want him to know. i love him so much.
I waited for you today
But You didn't show
No.No.No.
I needed You today - i have asked this to him several times...
So where did you go? -
You told me to call
you said You'd be there - I asked him this ALL THE TIME
And though I haven't seen You - especially in the beginning.
Are You still there? - i was terrified he would leave me.
I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone.
And though I can not see You
and I can't explain why.
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life oh
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone
We cannot separate
You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
Yeah!
I cried out with no reply
and I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone
as you can see.... basically the entire friggin song is in bold... this is my song for him. it.. just is <3
^ i don't think he looks exactly like this.... but the ears and hair length/color are right. :P
I think he would look older than this... but idk.
I waited for you today
But You didn't show
No.No.No.
I needed You today - i have asked this to him several times...
So where did you go? -
You told me to call
you said You'd be there - I asked him this ALL THE TIME
And though I haven't seen You - especially in the beginning.
Are You still there? - i was terrified he would leave me.
I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone.
And though I can not see You
and I can't explain why.
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life oh
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone
We cannot separate
You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
Yeah!
I cried out with no reply
and I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone
as you can see.... basically the entire friggin song is in bold... this is my song for him. it.. just is <3
^ i don't think he looks exactly like this.... but the ears and hair length/color are right. :P
I think he would look older than this... but idk.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
blogging about a blog
okay so in this post i'm going to write about Mary (possible girlfriend mary not aunt mary)'s blog.
So in her blog she meantioned i kissed her. And then she said "One might think that for her size she would be submissive, but I think Luna has a dominate side to her."
well.... i prefer to be more submissive. i really do. its much more of a turn on.... but... when i really want something and i can tell i'm not the only one, i can only wait so long :P
so.... yeah... i do have a dominant side. i'm not sure how dominant because i havn't really thought about it... but i prefer submissive... its more fun ;)
she also says a few other things that i agree with.
I think as of right now anything could happen? like, i think of her as a possible girlfriend... and as it is now, thats the direction its taking :)
but i don't want to just jump right into a serious relationship.
however.... i do really want to see her again. and i'm not going to lie.. i really want to be kissing her right now. :P
So in her blog she meantioned i kissed her. And then she said "One might think that for her size she would be submissive, but I think Luna has a dominate side to her."
well.... i prefer to be more submissive. i really do. its much more of a turn on.... but... when i really want something and i can tell i'm not the only one, i can only wait so long :P
so.... yeah... i do have a dominant side. i'm not sure how dominant because i havn't really thought about it... but i prefer submissive... its more fun ;)
she also says a few other things that i agree with.
I think as of right now anything could happen? like, i think of her as a possible girlfriend... and as it is now, thats the direction its taking :)
but i don't want to just jump right into a serious relationship.
however.... i do really want to see her again. and i'm not going to lie.. i really want to be kissing her right now. :P
Monday, March 10, 2014
first date
soooooo
i hung out with Mary again on friday. I invited her over to have dinner with me and my mom :3
we ate and watched Dr. Who :) which is actually pretty cool!
then we went over to her dorm(around 10). We chatted for about an hour, danced for about an hour (midnight!), and watched another episode of Dr. Who :)
then we got showers (not together….for those of you who think like my friend Madison), and watched some movies… i kid you not… when the second movie finished? it was 8. IN THE MORNING.
we pulled an all nighter!! xD
Then we ate some oatmeal, chatted, went ice skating and ate sushi for lunch. <-- was our first date.
thn we went back to her dorm, and CRASHED. for like…5 hours.
when we woke up, we made a video for her Vlog and i kissed her. and kissed her. and kissed her.
:3
then she took me home, i watched a movie with mom, and crashed… for 13 hours straight… xD
i hung out with Mary again on friday. I invited her over to have dinner with me and my mom :3
we ate and watched Dr. Who :) which is actually pretty cool!
then we went over to her dorm(around 10). We chatted for about an hour, danced for about an hour (midnight!), and watched another episode of Dr. Who :)
then we got showers (not together….for those of you who think like my friend Madison), and watched some movies… i kid you not… when the second movie finished? it was 8. IN THE MORNING.
we pulled an all nighter!! xD
Then we ate some oatmeal, chatted, went ice skating and ate sushi for lunch. <-- was our first date.
thn we went back to her dorm, and CRASHED. for like…5 hours.
when we woke up, we made a video for her Vlog and i kissed her. and kissed her. and kissed her.
:3
then she took me home, i watched a movie with mom, and crashed… for 13 hours straight… xD
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Pegiunicornisus
****this was written as a dare: someone dared me to write a short story about a Pegasus-inicorn and call it "pegiunicornisus"
People use to laugh at the thought of fairy tales. The thought that magic could exist. But i knew. They laughed and scorned me. But i knew.
I was actually walking home one day, bruised and bloodied from the bullies. I was taking the long way home from school because it went past the woods. There was always something about these woods that i liked. Almost a pull. The older i got the weaker the pull became, but i always loved walking by them . The fact that the bullies got the creeps was a bonus, though.
I walked by and as usual i felt the mild pull, almost as if a thin string were pulling at my arm. As i walked i had the familiar feeling that i was being watched. I knew they watched me. The faeries. They began watching me after i first walked by the woods beaten up. I stopped at the woods, faced them and cried. I wanted help, protection from the bullies. After all, i was being punished for my belief in them, why wouldn't they help me?
Although at first i thought it was nothing, every time a bully would hurt me, something always happened. Sometimes, they would suddenly trip over their own feet when walking by a hill in the schol yard and take a roll through the mud on the way down.
Another time a girl took a nap in math class and wake up with her hair in knots so bad they had to be cut out. The youngest boy, 2 years my junior, had once stolen my notebook full of poems i had written and would read to the trees and burned it. I cried for days. Then somehow he came back with a notebook, my notebook that i watched him burn, with a glazed look in his eyes. He gave it and apologized and then walked off, almost in a zombie-like way. After that I never questioned that they watched out for me.
Despite my please and begging to take me away, they never did. They never spoke to me. They never showed themselves. I figured it was my punishment for being so in love with them. I knew i was lucky that the fae even cared enough to punish my tormentors. Though, pulling pranks was something they enjoyed, so i doubted it was something they did against their will.
I stopped and faced the trees again. I wanted them to see my face. Bleeding nose, most likely broken, busted lip, bruised cheeks. Today was the worse beating i had had in a long time. The oldest bully, a boy who should have graduated years ago, had taken an interest in me. When i refused to allow him to explore his interest, removing his roaming hands and spitting in his face, he punished me. Called me a freak and beat me.
I described to the trees what he did. How he touched me. how i hit him where i knew it hurt most. How he had slammed be against the wall and forced his tongue down my throat. I cried. I showed them my anger. But then i surprised myself, and asked that they not punish him too severely. I knew they usually punished what they considered equal to the crime. I didn't know how they would handle a sexual assault to their little pet. I had to foce myself to finish telling them what he did to me. I told them it didn't matter. That i was done.
I collapsed on the ground, curled up against a tree, and decided i would just stay. At some point i feel asleep and remembered feeling it start to rain. The cold feeling good on my hot and bruised face. In my dream i heard singing, i felt gentle hands touch me and i heard angry voices. Angry, but gentle. Then i realized i wasn't cold anymore. I smelt a warm, fleshy smell that was familiar to me. I opened my eyes and standing over me, protecting me from the rain was a beautiful horse.
A faerie's horse? I blinked in confusion... no of coarse not. One of our neighbors must have lost one.. I sighed and slowly tried to rise up. This horse didn't need to be out in the weather. but when i stood i froze. This beautiful horse was almost too beautiful. With soft brown eyes it looked at me, with such intelligence and kindness. It moved closer to me and i drew in a sharp breath. This was a faerie's horse. This horse... had a horn.
All at once a joy filled me. I knew it. i knew it. A unicorn. A unicorn. I reached out slowly to touch her, but stopped. Unicorns come to virgins.. and after what had happened today... it shouldn't have shown itself to me. It took a step closer, i could feel the heat coming off of its soft bulk. Its head, and horn, was only inches from mine and my breaths grew shallow. It looked my dead in the eyes and i knew i had to be still.
Lowering its head i gently touched its horn to my shoulder, then both my breasts, and then where i imagined my root chakra would be. Everywhere the horn touched my i felt heat, almost burning, but not painful. I looked down at my chest and saw the bruises were fading. it was healing me. When it brought its head back up i began to cry. I reached out and stroked its soft face. It was real.
I looked at its smooth back and once again froze. Wings? Almost as if it read my mind it spread its glorious wings and i laughed out loud. I felt someone take my hand and my eyes darted down. A beautiful child was holding my hand. I felt my breath catch. My heart stopped for two beats. When she slowly raised her face to look at me she was smiling.
Her skin was a light shade of green, flawless and pale even in the evening light. Her eyes were almond shaped, almost as if she were asian, though her eyes were too full. She grinned, revealing small, even, sharp teeth.
"They heard you crying." She said, pulling on my arm to bring me to her level. I could only stare in shock.
"Epona" she motioned to her horned Pegasus, "didn't like what they told her. some nasty boy hurt you..." She said placing her other small hand on my cheek. What i felt had no words. One thing i always admired about the fae, and hated that humans coulnd't do, was communicate emotion through touch. What this girl told me through her small hand was that she was angry.
Epona was angry. Her sharp horn that had moments ago healed me screamed to pierce the young man's heart. I widened my eyes also as i realized this girl wasn't a girl. She was glamoured to look like a child. When she removed her hand, i closed my eyes knowing this faerie wanted justice. When i opened them i was no longer squatting next to a young girl, but a grown woman. She could have looked 25. Her child's face was gone and was replaced with a fierce but beautiful one.
She touched Epona and the horse nodded, giving an almost sing song reply that only horses can give.
"Epona will take you now." Said the faerie. take me? I once again widened my eyes as the Pegasus showed me its back. I never saw her move, but i was lifted onto the beautiful creature's back.
"Hold her mane. Lean in close to her neck, it will help hold off the wind." Said the Faerie, her voice commanding but not unkind. I was being taken away. to the land of the faeries.
I must have spoken my thoughts out loud because she nodded. I wrapped my hands in Epona's silky mane.The warm flesh sent heat through my wet clothes and i felt safe on the majestic beat's back. The faerie maid had a small smile when she saw me relax on her companion. I asked her where she was going when she turned to walk down the street. She only smiled and told Epona to fly. She had a look in her eye that made me actually pity my rapist.
Epona cocked her head so she could look at me, my guess was to make sure i was actually secure. I leaned in close and put my face by her big warm ears. She made a small noise and curiosity and i smiled.
"Where are we going?" I said in excitement, and a little bit of fear. The faerie world was not for humans, though those few humans who went and returned all claimed its beauty and praise. I was ready. This world here was not for me.
"Take me home..." i whispered as i stayed close to Epona's strong neck. And i held on tight as i felt us lift into the air. My eyes closed and i was in a world of bliss as i felt the warm body beneath me and the wind wash around me. Soon the cool air was warm and i smelled flowers. All around me i heard music and singing and i knew i was home. I was safe, and wherever Epona was taking me, her companion would soon follow - after whatever punishment she felt necessary for him- and who knows what my future would now hold.
People use to laugh at the thought of fairy tales. The thought that magic could exist. But i knew. They laughed and scorned me. But i knew.
I was actually walking home one day, bruised and bloodied from the bullies. I was taking the long way home from school because it went past the woods. There was always something about these woods that i liked. Almost a pull. The older i got the weaker the pull became, but i always loved walking by them . The fact that the bullies got the creeps was a bonus, though.
I walked by and as usual i felt the mild pull, almost as if a thin string were pulling at my arm. As i walked i had the familiar feeling that i was being watched. I knew they watched me. The faeries. They began watching me after i first walked by the woods beaten up. I stopped at the woods, faced them and cried. I wanted help, protection from the bullies. After all, i was being punished for my belief in them, why wouldn't they help me?
Although at first i thought it was nothing, every time a bully would hurt me, something always happened. Sometimes, they would suddenly trip over their own feet when walking by a hill in the schol yard and take a roll through the mud on the way down.
Another time a girl took a nap in math class and wake up with her hair in knots so bad they had to be cut out. The youngest boy, 2 years my junior, had once stolen my notebook full of poems i had written and would read to the trees and burned it. I cried for days. Then somehow he came back with a notebook, my notebook that i watched him burn, with a glazed look in his eyes. He gave it and apologized and then walked off, almost in a zombie-like way. After that I never questioned that they watched out for me.
Despite my please and begging to take me away, they never did. They never spoke to me. They never showed themselves. I figured it was my punishment for being so in love with them. I knew i was lucky that the fae even cared enough to punish my tormentors. Though, pulling pranks was something they enjoyed, so i doubted it was something they did against their will.
I stopped and faced the trees again. I wanted them to see my face. Bleeding nose, most likely broken, busted lip, bruised cheeks. Today was the worse beating i had had in a long time. The oldest bully, a boy who should have graduated years ago, had taken an interest in me. When i refused to allow him to explore his interest, removing his roaming hands and spitting in his face, he punished me. Called me a freak and beat me.
I described to the trees what he did. How he touched me. how i hit him where i knew it hurt most. How he had slammed be against the wall and forced his tongue down my throat. I cried. I showed them my anger. But then i surprised myself, and asked that they not punish him too severely. I knew they usually punished what they considered equal to the crime. I didn't know how they would handle a sexual assault to their little pet. I had to foce myself to finish telling them what he did to me. I told them it didn't matter. That i was done.
I collapsed on the ground, curled up against a tree, and decided i would just stay. At some point i feel asleep and remembered feeling it start to rain. The cold feeling good on my hot and bruised face. In my dream i heard singing, i felt gentle hands touch me and i heard angry voices. Angry, but gentle. Then i realized i wasn't cold anymore. I smelt a warm, fleshy smell that was familiar to me. I opened my eyes and standing over me, protecting me from the rain was a beautiful horse.
A faerie's horse? I blinked in confusion... no of coarse not. One of our neighbors must have lost one.. I sighed and slowly tried to rise up. This horse didn't need to be out in the weather. but when i stood i froze. This beautiful horse was almost too beautiful. With soft brown eyes it looked at me, with such intelligence and kindness. It moved closer to me and i drew in a sharp breath. This was a faerie's horse. This horse... had a horn.
All at once a joy filled me. I knew it. i knew it. A unicorn. A unicorn. I reached out slowly to touch her, but stopped. Unicorns come to virgins.. and after what had happened today... it shouldn't have shown itself to me. It took a step closer, i could feel the heat coming off of its soft bulk. Its head, and horn, was only inches from mine and my breaths grew shallow. It looked my dead in the eyes and i knew i had to be still.
Lowering its head i gently touched its horn to my shoulder, then both my breasts, and then where i imagined my root chakra would be. Everywhere the horn touched my i felt heat, almost burning, but not painful. I looked down at my chest and saw the bruises were fading. it was healing me. When it brought its head back up i began to cry. I reached out and stroked its soft face. It was real.
I looked at its smooth back and once again froze. Wings? Almost as if it read my mind it spread its glorious wings and i laughed out loud. I felt someone take my hand and my eyes darted down. A beautiful child was holding my hand. I felt my breath catch. My heart stopped for two beats. When she slowly raised her face to look at me she was smiling.
Her skin was a light shade of green, flawless and pale even in the evening light. Her eyes were almond shaped, almost as if she were asian, though her eyes were too full. She grinned, revealing small, even, sharp teeth.
"They heard you crying." She said, pulling on my arm to bring me to her level. I could only stare in shock.
"Epona" she motioned to her horned Pegasus, "didn't like what they told her. some nasty boy hurt you..." She said placing her other small hand on my cheek. What i felt had no words. One thing i always admired about the fae, and hated that humans coulnd't do, was communicate emotion through touch. What this girl told me through her small hand was that she was angry.
Epona was angry. Her sharp horn that had moments ago healed me screamed to pierce the young man's heart. I widened my eyes also as i realized this girl wasn't a girl. She was glamoured to look like a child. When she removed her hand, i closed my eyes knowing this faerie wanted justice. When i opened them i was no longer squatting next to a young girl, but a grown woman. She could have looked 25. Her child's face was gone and was replaced with a fierce but beautiful one.
She touched Epona and the horse nodded, giving an almost sing song reply that only horses can give.
"Epona will take you now." Said the faerie. take me? I once again widened my eyes as the Pegasus showed me its back. I never saw her move, but i was lifted onto the beautiful creature's back.
"Hold her mane. Lean in close to her neck, it will help hold off the wind." Said the Faerie, her voice commanding but not unkind. I was being taken away. to the land of the faeries.
I must have spoken my thoughts out loud because she nodded. I wrapped my hands in Epona's silky mane.The warm flesh sent heat through my wet clothes and i felt safe on the majestic beat's back. The faerie maid had a small smile when she saw me relax on her companion. I asked her where she was going when she turned to walk down the street. She only smiled and told Epona to fly. She had a look in her eye that made me actually pity my rapist.
Epona cocked her head so she could look at me, my guess was to make sure i was actually secure. I leaned in close and put my face by her big warm ears. She made a small noise and curiosity and i smiled.
"Where are we going?" I said in excitement, and a little bit of fear. The faerie world was not for humans, though those few humans who went and returned all claimed its beauty and praise. I was ready. This world here was not for me.
"Take me home..." i whispered as i stayed close to Epona's strong neck. And i held on tight as i felt us lift into the air. My eyes closed and i was in a world of bliss as i felt the warm body beneath me and the wind wash around me. Soon the cool air was warm and i smelled flowers. All around me i heard music and singing and i knew i was home. I was safe, and wherever Epona was taking me, her companion would soon follow - after whatever punishment she felt necessary for him- and who knows what my future would now hold.
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