what is wrong with me?
last night at the baptist church i go to on Wednesday we were asked to think of someone we love completely. my first thought went to my SG. but then i figured let focus on a physical person. Woolard.
the leader asked us how we felt when with that person. i answered: safe. because when woolard hugs me i feel completely safe. when my SG is with me i feel completely safe.
then she asked: can you be youself around the, completely yourslef?"
my responce: sometimes.
she looked at me and said "even when you are with them?" i nodded.
i don't have anyone, other than SG, that i can be my complete self with.
with mom i have to hide parts of myself.
with racheal.... we are just so distant.
with cara ... the child wouldn't knw me if she wasn't looking at me.
with ashley ... i have to hide my lonleiness. my fear. my stress.
with woolard i have to tone down any gay pride, pagan pride (i dont think he even knows i'm pagan), i can be silly though.
i don't have anyone i can be insecure, lonley, silly, scared, loving, fully open about being gay and pagan and all that comes with it. I don't have anyone i can be 100% me with. Other than SG.
why is that?
what is wrong with me?
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