I have come to form a theory about why I have the issues with sex that I do. I describe it as a "line" that once I cross things aren't enjoyable. Here is a better explanation I came up with at 11:10 at night while trying to fall asleep.
Levels.
There are different levels. (And examples)
1-3 are things like hugs, cuddling, baths, and the like. Non erotic pleasure.
4 kissing or massages
5 I call it sensuality but I guess it's considered foreplay?
6 hardcore make out session
7
8 is the farthest I've been able to endure before stopping. Most cases the "line" is between 7 & 8 and that's where it stops being enjoyable to me. Too intense.
9 I don't know.
10 I've only experienced in erotic dreams.
There. I have found a way to make sense of my weirdness. I only enjoy certain levels of pleasure.. After that although it "feels good" because it's pleasure, it doesn't feel good to me and I don't like it.
The only erotic levels I will actually crave are up to 6. Anything past that I don't ever actually seek out.
Thank you sleep deprived brain.
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