On our 17th birthday my twin sister signed herself over to the army reserves. Most people can't do it until 18, but she talked my reluctant mother into giving parental consent, allowing her to do it a year early. It was that following summer that she left us for basic training; excitedly walking out the door towards the car that would drive her to the airport. Then onto the plane that would carry her hundred of miles away from me. She was so excited and nervous, more so than i had ever seen her before. Usually she was strong and sure of herself, wearing her strength like a suit of armor that I always used to shield myself. Racheal was always in the spotlight; she was better at academics and sports, she had gone through some training from police, and now she was headed off to go learn how to be a soldier. The only place for me was in her shadow, in which, out of necessity, i eventually created a comfortable home. She was strong and confidant and beautiful. I admired her above anyone else. I had always been by her side, from birth until she walked out the door that fated summer day.
The days leading up to her departure had left me a nervous wreck. As we sometimes did, i absorbed her anxiety, leaving her feeling excited and empowered about her future. Meanwhile, i had trouble sleeping and barely ate a thing. Yet, this was reversed when the day came for her to leave. She was excited but scared, something that i was not use to seeing on her face. She refused to eat breakfast that morning when my mom said goodbye to her. She constantly paced around the house. She was smiling but after 17 years together i could tell she was only trying to look strong. I felt unusually calm as i tried to reassure her of her badass-ery and how i knew she was going to be great. Then, at what felt like no time at all, her recruiter pulled up outside. With a last hug she grabbed her bags and ran out the door.
I kept my face as neutral as possible as i watched the silver car drive my other half away from me. As the wheels carried her farther and farther away, i could fee the distance with every fiber of my being. A sense of dread filled me, as I knew she would not return the same sister that left... and things would never be the same. It wasn't until the car was out of view that i gave in to my sorrow. My eyes burned as tears rushed forward. No longer needing to maintain composure I let the sobs push themselves up from my chest and i sat on the porch, staring at where the car had disappeared. I felt lost and suddenly more alone then ever before. My strength...my rock...my beautiful twin sister was suddenly gone. In a matter of hours we would be farther away from each other than ever before. The thought shook me to my core ad i began to mourn the connection we had, knowing full well that it would not be there when she came home.
She came home two months latter, a week after classes had started on our senior year. She not longer talked like she did before; two months among older men had taken her formerly more conservative language to a love of the profane. It took her several weeks to adapt back into civilian life, one of the hardest parts was not using profanity every other word. She also lost her ability to ask people to do things, instead she barked orders. My sister had come back to me a different person, as i feared that she would. Already we differed in way of thinking, now it was even more so. She thought with logic and strategy, no longer caring about other people's feelings the way she did before. She was stronger, fiercer, and ...colder. She no longer let me hug her as often as before. She was no longer a source of comfort for me, but rather an opposing force. We fought more that last year than we had in the three years of high school leading up to it. It was plain to see that despite 17 years together, we no longer understood one another.
Even now, after being apart for three years, out relationship has not moved closer; if anything it has grown more distant. We no longer fight, although we clearly get on each other's nerves. The more time she spends away from home, the more inconsiderate she becomes. When she does visit it is amazing... for the first three days. Then her stubborn personality begins to clash with mine and a tension builds between us again. Despite this, I'm never ready for her to leave again. When she returns to the military academy i miss her more than words can say and yet.. she barely thinks of me. I am only a topic of conversation when she or her friends make a gay joke. Here, i speak of her whenever i have the chance. I await her rare phone calls as if they were fresh air for my dying lungs. It is clear to me, that the day my sister left for basic training, was the day a distance grew between us that yet to be closed.
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