Decided

So my situation withvjimmie has been needing a decision. I’ve been at an emphasis... I’ve had a lot of thoughts I haven’t shared with him because I hate bringing up problems with no solution.

Notes I took the other day because if I don’t write them down I never remember them clear enough to talk about...

• I’m happy being with you but I’m not happy in the relationship 
• I know I’m not happy with how things are but I don’t know what exactly needs to change. 
• It’s not just the amount of time we spend together… it’s the lack of social setting. You won’t come to any parties that my friends host because you don’t like them. I spend most of my time when I go out missing you. But I want to go out so I do. I can’t go out with you and I hate it. 
• I feel like when you say “I love you” you mean it… but other times you say it out of habit. Or you say it because you think I want to hear it. 
• I feel like we ignore our problems by distracting ourselves with sex… at least I do. 
• I love you. And I belive if we can make it past whatever this is we will be okay… I just don’t know how to get past it. And if we can make it that long. 
• I’m not miserable but I’m discontented. I don’t know what can be done to change that; that’s just how I feel any time I’m not with you and I think about our relationship. If people ask how we are doing I don’t know what to say.  We aren’t good. We aren’t fighting but we aren’t in a good place. 
• But then when I’m with you and it’s just the two of us spending time together I don’t feel the above statements. I don’t bring any of it up when I’m with you because I’m happy when I’m with you. And when I do have this stuff on my mind I don’t know how to bring it up or say any of this because I hate presenting problems when I can’t offer a solution. 
• I don’t want to break up. I want to work to make things better. Reclaim our spark…. I just don’t know how. 

And I thought he was oblivious.

He isn’t. He mentioned it today, that he knows I’m discontented. (His word. I swear he’s a mind reader. Fucking empath.)

We talked. And I’ve come to my decision.

I’m going to actively try to make it work. And he is too.

He’s willing to go to Savannah’s Halloween party with me; and trust me that’s a big deal.

And I honestly think when people see how happy we are together... how good we actually are when we can be with each other, their disapproval will lessen.

So he’s agreed to be more social. Especially because that’s one of my biggest concerns.  This means  More group dates. Game nights. Getting out there.

I was reminded today how much I love him.
I’m not going to give up.

We may be in a rough patch; quite a long one... but I do have hope that we will get through it.

I’ve decided.
This is me taking action.