Pitt

I'm just going to go to Pitt. It will either take me just as long or just a little shorter amount of time to get the degree there and it will be half the price.

plus turns out they offer the same amount of financial aid i think. I might not have to take out a loan in order to get money back.... it will just take twice as long to get the refund.


lighter work load
basically the same things being learned
hella cheaper


might as well.

ECU Accounting vs Pitt Community Accouting

ECU

120 hours needed.... I would probably have 18 credit hours transfer over. thats 102 credits left.

thats three years if I...

18 - 18

18-18

15-15

ouch. 

PITT

1) 120 (70 hours + 50 elective classes within certain subjects)

i would probably have 13 credits transfer. (I honestly don't know how the electives would work)

thats 107..... thats even more than ECU :/ (cheaper... but still)

unless they would take more of my classes ive had as electives, but i didn't take any electives in any of the subjects it says. 

Jimmie says I could probably waive out of havng to take the 50 credits of electives because of my BA degree... IF that is true then I would only have to take (70-13)... 57 credit hours.

57/4 semesters....

14.25... so i'll take 15 credits for 4 semesters.

thats totally doable. and i can maybe take some online classes!

Budget thinking

okay so I’m probably going to be pulling in about 100 five or take at bistro; so 200 every month with working as little as I am (I am purposefully low balling; but I also go to class on our most lucrative nights)

My assistantship payed me 514 today; so 1028 every month.

1228 let’s round to 1200.

Rent - 229
Utilities - 55
Internet - 29
Health - 30
Car - 120
Phone -55
Gas - 60
Cats - 30
Food - 100
Misc - 100
Student loan - 45
Doctor bill - 50
Credit - 50
Savings - 50
––—
1003 mandatory spending every month.

That’s 197$ expendable money.

Ideally that would allow me to put more in savings and on student loans

But it would depend based on month to month spending.

I like to take Jimmie out on dates.


This is only over the next 4 months.

Once summer hits I will be hard pressed to get everything covered.

Insomniac revelation

I had a bout of Insomnia last night and came to the realization that grad school was just something I did because it was the expected next step.

I didn’t know what I wanted to do as far as a job and grad school bought me time.

Except I probably should have just gone with my other plan when grad school seemed like it wasn’t going to work out: go back to school for accounting.

I’ve decided that unless some miracle makes me decide to continue in the fall; this grad school experience was just an expensive (5000$ down the drain) experiment.

I will either try to get a job
(Possible jobs I can do with a useless bachelors degree)
- accounting assistant
-event planner assistant
- bank teller
-receptionist
-librarian assistant
-secretary/administrative assistant
-property management assistant

If I fail to get one of those then I will fall back on plan B: get a bachelors in accounting = get a job anywhere.

new friend?

so there is this girl in both my of inclass classes that is super friendly and she seems to have a few similar interests that i do, we sit next to eachother often and kind of talk to eachother during class. She is super nice and even suggested that we go to sojo sometime together.

i think i made a new friend!

I hate being right.

i fucking hate being right sometimes.

I walk through the door and apparently just by ducking breathing I have somehow pisses brooks off because I wasn’t even there for 10 minutes and he was already being an asshole. I ask him a question- he doesn’t acknowledge me and instead answers it to another server.

I put in a to go order. I go to the kitchen and Mrs heather looks me in the eye and says “this is the to go order”.

Wrong to go order. Apparently a table had ordered that and I sent it home with the wrong person.

The new server caused me to have to dump a glass of wine down the sink.

My bar guests were annoying as hell.

And then.

There’s the fact that 30 minutes after I put in an order I go and ask for salads. Mrs heather says to take them. I do. Maybe 2 minutes pass and already they are half way through them.
I go back to call their food - ordered a MW fillet.


Not even off the grill.

Meaning they told me to take the salads before the food was prepped.

Also means that they hadn’t prepped my food 30 fucking minutes after giving them the order.

Plus two customers were asses (2 seperate tables)

Tonight was just as much a shit night as my gut told me.

O.

Okay. I lied. I feel better but that feeling that tonight is going to be rough is heavy.

I’ve got a 10lb weight on my chest.


I don’t want to walk in.

Finally: sunshine

i finally got some sunshine.

I have been craving a walk in the sunshine since Sunday.
I finished today’s slotted school work with about an hour an a half left before I had to meet Jimmie for lunch , so I went for a walk on the greenway. Probably should have worked ahead so I don’t have as much to do tomorrow but I said screw it.

Not sure if it grounded me or what because I’m floaty but I feel a bit more sure of myself today than the rest of this week.

Ready to take this shift in stride... because something tells me it’s gonna be rough.
But at least I got some sunshine.

If it’s not one thing it’s another

i don’t know who is going around starting drama at bistro but no.

Apparently someone told savanah that people are talking behind her back.
And I have no clue who.

I don’t know anyone who is mad that she is leaving; she wants a more stable job with more time for school. Whose gonna fault her for it?

She did exactly what I figured and told me Caird that she was leaving, pretty much when I thought she would. There was tension on the build up because everyone wanted him to know.

Somone told him; again I don’t know who.
And now apparently somone has said we all have been shit talking.

I’m stressed enough as is I don’t want to throw petty drama and tension in the work place on top of it.

Can at least one thing be simple and go smoothly right now? Please?

Jesus Christ I am so over life right now.

New work schedule to be edited later

I will revise this or post a revision after mr. Caird let’s me know what day he can give me off every week... but I’m going to assume it’s tuesday for now. This also does not include time for research papers and presentations (would probably be done fri, say, and Sunday).

Monday:
- get up 9am
- read and summary for online class.
- class 5-8

Tuesday:
-up at 9
- finish summary and write analysis for online class.
- turn in online class
-discussion board
- if have time: Thursday class work

Wednesday:
- up at 8 - go to computer lab
- work on assistantship duties (posters, Princeton spreadsheet)
- start Thursday class work
- work 5-11

Thursday:
-lab hours start 8am
- finish Thursday class work
- read and do Monday work
- class 5:30-8:30

Friday:
-lab hours start 8am
- online training or correspondences if there are any.
- finish Monday work
- read and summary for online class
- work 5-11

Saturday
- Sleep in.
- read and summary online class. Or errands.
- work 5-11

Sunday
- sleep in.
-  read and summary online class. Or errands.
- painting or D&D

what was i thinking

what was i thinking.... going to grad school for sociology....

I'm already strung out too tight and i haven't even begun working on my assistantship work.

- well i had a meeting with her today about it and let me tell you...

I can't keep up with the work load.

I'm having weekly, at bare minimum, breakdowns.

I cry over any small inconvenience like a fucking baby.

I'm having to bring homework with me to work.

A single day feels like a week.

i wake up and do school work until i have lunch and then do school work until i go to work only to continue to do school work.

I'm trying to juggle these things and something has to give

- Job 4 nights
- Class/school work
- assistantship
- mental health

at the moment my mental health is taking the loss.

I finally broke down and texted Mr. Caird begging for another day off a week. I can't do it like this any longer. I just can't.

I have research papers and presentations i have to start doing soon. plus the fucking assistantship work.

I. Don't. Have. Time.

But i feel terrible for asking for another day from work. He's stressed, we don't have a a good staff - i can only work 3 days now, Lexie can only work 3 days, that just leaves Jacob and Michael. Plus the two new girls that just got hired but they are so green they really can't do much.

but somethings got to give.

more textbooks

so turns out i need to buy MORE fucking textbooks for this online class.

 Erdrich, Louise. The Round House.

Hamid, Mohsin. The Reluctant Fundamentalist.

Khoury, Elias. Gate of the Sun. Trans. Humphrey Davies.

all bought on amazon.



i hate this fucking class.

notes for Americanah

,

Theme - Beauty pg 1,49, 26, 146, 181, 185

Differences between Africa and America: 127, 131, 132, 134, 137, 138, 139, 140, 146, 151, 152, 156, 158

Forshadowing? - 39, 42-43

Irony

• The type of women Obinze dislikes is the kind of woman he married (pg 34, 36, 42 vs 63, 65, 73, 93 + forshadowing and my hypothesis
• Ifemelu’s dislike of dependency vs being dependant in America ( 93, 95, 99, 105, vs 130-131, 147, 165

Stupid dreams

so I had really silly weird stupid dreams all last night... but they made me wake up with a huge wave of nostalgia...

I woke up missing my sisters, and missed a type of relationship that I use to have or never did have,  with them.

I woke up surprisingly missing brooks. Granted it’s more a missing of who I thought brooks was, but still it took me by surprise. In the dream even though he was dating Maggie, all of his associates who were helping Racheal and I, kept saying calling Amy his girlfriend and going on and on about how much he loved her. It made me wake up 1) missing him and 2) hopeful and actually maybe believing that he does love her and won’t hurt her. made me a bit more optimistic about their relationship because while I woke up missing brooks it’s always Amy’s happiness I worry about.

I don’t know. Maybe I still have dream fog on my brain but I feel weird.

And who wakes up with “in the arm of the angels” in their head??

Super moon aine invocation

Tonight’s full moon is a super moon (as is the next 2) so I think I’m going to do an aine invocation.

Say her invocation, say her prayer....
Ask her for her help.

- healing from my relationship with Corrie. Any time I think about that time in my life my brain reverts back to how It was in that time and I start to project the insecurities and fears into my life now.
- see my own beauty. With my weight gain I am afraid of losing my beauty. I need help to see it again.
- healing Jimmie. He hurts and I see it. Whether he is aware of it or not, he gives off the energy of being in pain. Like me he has his emotional and trauma scars. I ask that she help him heal as well.
- regaining my ability to love unconditionally the way she does and in doing so maybe my connection with faerie will return.
- help guide me back to the ways of faerie.

Burn flowers in offering to her.

Do faerie oracle card reading for advice on all of the above asking aine and the fae for help.

The only issue is that I don’t have a place that I can really do all of this.  I don’t have a space hat is mine that I can do this. Everywhere is either filled with other people’s wnergy or it’s outside... and I can’t go there on my own in the middle of the night.

But I don’t want to do this with someone watching me.

Saturday

okay so I hair my reading quota last night and earned some fun. Bought a board game and Jacob cane over and played games with us! It was so nice to just relax and laugh...

Today I need to read 64 more pages.. so I can get some quotes. (I read like 30 while at work last night... so I’ll read like 30 at home and 30 at work give or take.)
Pay half of my doctor bill.
And maybe Monday I’ll get my car inspected (read while I wait).
Read part 2 summary on grade saver to make sure I got the gist of it all.
And start typing up the summary with my quotes inserted.

more indepth schedule:

so this upcomming week i do not have class on monday... and i'm giving a talk on asexuality. SO...

today - thursday: read 50 pages of Aint No Makin It and write the 1 page paper on chapter 3. Read chapters 1 and 2 in the textbook. read first 50 pages of Americanah if possible.

Friday: start reading americanah for online class, notes due wednesday.  try to read up to page 150.

Saturday: try to read americanah up to page 250.

Sunday: read up to page 300

Monday: pg 450? Finish book. write paper.

Tuesday:  Correct Asexuality Presentation if needed. Give Presentation on asexuality at 7pm. start reading the next wednesday book.

Wednesday:  Do any online obligations/training... DO THE TAX INFORMATION. start on Thursday work read at least 50 pages of wednesday book.

Thursday: Finish Thursday work. IF enough time finish the first reaction paper off of last Monday's reading.

Friday: Begin Monday's reading and notes page. finish reaction paper. read some wednesday reading.

Sat: Monday's reading and notes page. finish reaction paper. read some wednesday reading.

New order

Okay so new order of things starting this riday.

Monday start on Wednesday assignments.
-class 5-8
Tuesday finish Wednesday assignments. Start Thursday work/dr Pearce work
-work 5-11
Wednesday do any online trainings. Work on Thursday assignments.
-work 5-11
Thursday: do Thursday assignments. Start working on any papers and or projects for classes.
-class 5:30-8:30
Friday: start working on Monday assignments
-work 5-11
Saturday: Monday assignments
-work 5-11
Sunday: Dr. Pearce work, de-stress.


Wednesday: online training, sexual assault module,  tax info! Only when all 3 of these are done do I start on Thursday work.

Ham recipies

to buy:
-eggs
- 2 white onion
-red bell pepper
- seasame seed oil
-rice
-soy sauce
-potatos
-greenbeans
- cream white corn
-can white corn
-cream yellow corn
-normal yellow corn
-diced tomato
-roasted peeled tomatos
- shredded cheese variety pack
- condensed milk
- Pasta


for the hawiian ham

1½ cups- 2 cups chopped ham
1 small white onion, chopped
1 red bell pepper, seeded and chopped
1 Tablespoon Vegetable Oil
3 eggs, lightly beaten
3 cups cooked rice
1 cup pineapple tidbits
1 Tbs sesame oil
2-3 Tablespoons soy sauce (more or less to taste)
2 Tbsp chopped green onions (optional)

1. Preheat a large skillet or wok to medium heat. Pour vegetable oil in the bottom. Add chopped ham, white onion, and red bell pepper and fry until tender.
2. Slide the ham onion, and red bell pepper to the side, and pour the beaten eggs onto the other side. Using a spatula, scramble the eggs. Once cooked, mix the eggs with the vegetable mix.
3. Add the rice and pineapple to the veggie, ham and egg mixture. Pour the soy sauce and sesame oil on top. Stir and fry the rice and veggie mixture until heated through and combined. Add chopped green onions if desired.

stew

white onion
small red potatos
fresh greenbeans

Crock pot~

Corn soup
- cream white corn
-can white corn
-cream yellow corn
-normal yellow corn
-diced tomato
-roasted peeled tomatos

Ham Mac and Cheese
- shredded cheese variety pack
- condensed milk
- Pasta

oven 350
cook pasta as directed
add butter
mix milks, egg and seasonings
put 1/3 pasta in bottom of casserole dish, cover with 1/2 ham, sprinkly with cheese
repeat
put remaining pasta and cheese
pour egg and milk mixture
bake about 20-30 minutes

this week

monday - Due TODAY
- notes on last 2 readings for medic class
- first reaction paper for medic class

Tuesday
- last two readings for online class DUE ON WED
- start reading novel for next weeks class and notes

Wednesday
- start reading assignments for thursday class
- start writing assignments for thrsday class

Thursday
- finish reading an writing assignments DUE TODAY
- do sexual assault training - important
- do online tax info for assistantship - important
- send writing portfolio to jimmie's aunt and gma

Friday:
-start working on readings and notes for monday

Heavy thoughts

to go along with the post from last night I also have some genuine worries and heavy thoughts that act as the other side of the coin that is Jimmie.

I love him so much but the heavy thoughts that sink to the back of my brain have been brought back to the forefront with what’s been going on the past few days.

And even though they sink back down eventually, I never really forget about them.

Appreciation

I keep looking at Jimmie and all I keep thinking is that he may not be perfect... and who am I to say whether he is perfect for me... but I love him. So much.

For one: I think he is beautiful. I love his smile. The sound of his laugh (especially when he’s isn’t expecting to laugh but something funny takes him by surprise) is like music to my ears.

And yeah... we do t always get along. Little things he does hurts my feelings. But then he also goes out of his way and does some of the sweetest shit and melts my heart.

And no matter how irritated I get or upset... nothing soothes me more than being cradled in his chest.

My mom once told me when I asked how to tell when you live somone; “when the thought of living without them makes you want to cry”. I’ve felt that before. I do belive I loved that person.

But with Jimmie... it’s different. It’s not just imagining life without him upsets me.. I can’t even imagine life without him.

I just can’t. He’s been a great friend and then suddenly he was that and much more. He is a part of my life that no matter what goes on... I want to keep him a constant in my life. I can’t picture what my life would be like without him there to drive me crazy and make just pause in awe about how much I absolutely love him.

Sometimes it boggles my mind.
This is a kind of love I’ve never felt before. I really don’t know if I would explain it.

to finish

OKAY so....


I have to finish my notes and summaries of Bradby article and the whole Brown article by Monday.
I have to read and answer the questions about the last 2 readings for the online class by Wednesday.
Then when I have free time Finish the reaction paper #1 for medicine class. - possibly sunday?

Need to read chapter 1 of Theory class book and intro and chapter one of the second theory class book study before Thursday.   --- can start that over the weekend when it gets delivered?


then make another schedule and stress about the next wave of work.

To do tomorrow

To do tomorrow during my computer lab shift:

- readings and questions for online class - I got 2/4 done
- reading for Monday class and type up the notes page
- finish the second online training I started today
- fill out the tax information online for the assistantship -- i left it in my car....
-start on readings for module 2 of online class because I am not sure if they are due wed or the Wed after that???? --> according to Ty in my thursday class (she has the in person version of this class,its due the third wed)
- if I have extra time: start redesigning posters already started and reached out to other GA student


To do when I get off:
- give blank check to financial place??? For direct deposit
-start homework for Thursday class - i don't have the book yet.
-finish reading and notes page for online class? Maybe. If not finish that Monday

Go to work 😪

patience

patience

Or lack there of.

I have no patience - for anything. Any kind of minor inconvenience or let down and I don’t have the patience to deal with it... I go straight to anger or irritated.

I’m starving and I have food to eat only there are two plates and I don’t know which one is mine. Jimmie is at work and logically I know e can’t check his phone every time it vibrates or whatever but I have no patience. I’m fucking hungry.  I have a steak I could eat but I don’t know which one is mine so I’m going to have to eat some instant fucking ramen while looking at a steak.

Anger.

Yesterday mild inconveniences and little annoyances: no patience and suddenly I’m too irritated to care that Jimmie is trying to be sweet. Yesterday was Wednesday so that mean video games... but he has also been playing video games all the time. He has free time now, he should be able to do what he wants and what makes him happy. Great. But does he have to play for the majority of the only free time we have together? Then as I’m totally irritated and getting ready for work he decides to be sweet.

Logically I know he’s making an effort. But I’m irritated and it only makes me more agitated because it’s after the fact.

Or the fact that he expected me not to eat as soon as I got off from work because he had food for me... 45 minutes away. After I had eaten nothing but maybe two bites of a burger the entire day.

Minor inconvenience - McDonald’s and major disappointment - bad mood.

I don’t have the patience to deal with things logically.

And it’s been this way for days.

Pretty much since somone suggested that I’m always in a bad mood and grumpy... wasn’t before. Have been since they said it.

And I am so FUCKING HUNGRY CAN HE PLEASE JUST CHECK HOS PHONE SO I DO T HAVE TO EAT SHIT FOOD FOR THE SECOND DAY IN A ROW.

This also being the second day this week where I dont get to see him for lunch.


It’s just non stop minor inconveniences and let downs and they are stacking and I have no patience to put up with any of it.

I feel like I have road rage at my life right now.