Hermit

 The Hermit.

I need to Retreat... 

I need to retreat. I want to be alone. I want to enter a cocoon and grow so that I can emerge a stronger woman. I want to be able to embolden those around me and intimidate weak men. I want to be seen for my strength and not just my weakness. 

I want to retreat. I want to be alone. 

I could have grown on my own with a partner.. with the RIGHT partner.. but for now I am alone. I am at peace with this. 

I need to care for myself. Spend time for myself. Do things that I enjoy, alone or with friends, but ultimately for myself. I am not afraid. And I am not alone... 

I have brigid by my side. She who guides me and walks with me all of this life. 

I have maeve at my back, reinforcing my strength, waiting for me to take the next step. 

I have Aine in my heart. She reminds me that this pain is temporary, that I have given so much love to others it is time to turn it to myself. When I am ready, another will enter my life. 

I have Demeter, whom I have not forgotten. May she help me grow the seeds I intend to plant. 

And for now.... I have Lilith. She who I do not yet know, but she who will be the catalyst, the inspiration, and the motivation for my transformation. 

I want to throw myself into my work..

I have work books that I plan to get and go through. 

• - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1674923430/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=sl1&tag=emergence333-20&linkId=b940a925c9341564b094e1530a084d40&language=en_US&fbclid=IwAR1r_YmlVuT4GZSCAoUxskFUq5UAmQNUGkKuzFtuszostzFJcMVIIhMOHWU
• - https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Who-You-Are-Transformation/dp/1726635139/ref=pd_sbs_14_1/132-6513599-4394242?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1726635139&pd_rd_r=6d4a27d6-4e70-4998-b6d8-b6d66306970d&pd_rd_w=lJtZ4&pd_rd_wg=umA7o&pf_rd_p=b65ee94e-1282-43fc-a8b1-8bf931f6dfab&pf_rd_r=YVFR36Z4V1X7DP1ZB8F2&psc=1&refRID=YVFR36Z4V1X7DP1ZB8F2 ^ Might give this to Lexi? Chandler? Invite them over for witchy nights. 
• - https://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Work-Journal-Workbook-Illuminate/dp/1091407843/ref=pd_sbs_14_5/132-6513599-4394242?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1091407843&pd_rd_r=6d4a27d6-4e70-4998-b6d8-b6d66306970d&pd_rd_w=lJtZ4&pd_rd_wg=umA7o&pf_rd_p=b65ee94e-1282-43fc-a8b1-8bf931f6dfab&pf_rd_r=YVFR36Z4V1X7DP1ZB8F2&psc=1&refRID=YVFR36Z4V1X7DP1ZB8F2

I want to get active again. 

I want to withdraw from the whole of society, just for a time, and emerge a stronger better woman. But this is a change I can only make for myself. I cannot *lean* on others for this. I may invite others to my space as a safe space for healing, but overall this will be a solitary journey - lest a guide manifest to go with me. I will not close off people... but I will not seek them. 

I will go to work 5 days a week. 

I will alternate going to the gym with working in the work books/spiritual growth. 

I will cook and meal prep. 

When school starts, I will factor that into the cycle. 

I am not half of a person... I have not lost a part of myself in this breakup. However I am two halves of a person and its time i bring them together. 

The first step is getting Chandler employed. Then getting me into a place on my own. 

I have gone through the tower, now its time to be the hermit. 

But I can't do that if i'm still living with them.