mom is sick

Mom isn't feeling well.

she made a comment and it didn't make sense so i asked her about it. She gets pissed telling me to use logic and make connections. granted i could have figured out what she meant but i simply asked instead, wrong choice. apparently i made her feel stupid and she told me to "just go away".

so i am sitting in my room, watching supernatural instead of in the living room with her. I am avoiding Cara as much as possible because i am tired of her shit, and now my mom is being bitchy too. funnn.....

just because you don't feel good, don't take it out on me.

to doooo

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH i don't want to do work today >.<

but i have A MOUNTAIN of dishes to do
a tone of homework:
-spanish sheet for miss herrera (i might be able to get away with that on monday...)
- 12 journals for Frankenstein 4 journals for: 11-16, 17-20, 21-24 (due Wednesday)
i have to actually READ Frankenstein...

blargablargablargablarg. i better get started on those dishes....

thanksgiving morning

great.... so we have this 2-3 hour trip ahead right? well originally My aunt Mary was going to pick us up quietly from the house between 8:0-8:30 and we could all be quiet and not wake my mom up. My mom happened to stay up AFTER ME and i fell asleep around 1am.

...Mary calls the house at 7:45, waking up my mother, who by this time has anywhere from 4-5 hours of sleep. she is pissed.she is bitchy. great.

and what was the oh-so-important news that mary just haaad to call the HOME phone about (she didn't even attempt to call out cellphones)? that her pick up time has changed. shes getting us between 8:30-9:00.
really. REALLY? she woke my mom up just to tell us that!? a txt wouln't have worked? calling a CELL PHONE, wich would NOT have woken my mom up, would have been better. or, we really didn't need to know! its not like if 8:30 came around we'd be like "oh, shes not coming". jeeze....

and when she called she said "i don't know if your mom was up..." its 7:45 in the morning. WHY WOULD SHE BE UP!? i mean, i get fussed at for not thinking before doing something.... THINK ABOUT IT.

so now we get to deal with Dragon Lady for a whole hour. fun.

Lady Gaga

oh let me count the ways i love Gaga

1.  "I want you to forget all of your insecurities. I want you to reject anyone or anything that ever has made you feel like you don't belong, or don't fit in, or that you're not good enough, or pretty enough, or thin enough, or can't sing well enough, or can't dance well enough, or can't write a song well enough, or you'll never win a Grammy, or you'll never sold out Madison Square Garden! You just remember that you are a God damn superstar and you were born this way."
2. "I feel like if you're a really good human being, you can try to find something beautiful in every single person, no matter what.
3.  "Every bit of me is devoted to love and art. And I aspire to try to be a teacher to my young fans who feel just like I felt when I was younger. I just felt like a freak. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm trying to liberate them, I want to free them of their fears and make them feel that they can make their own space in the world."
4.  "I want my fans to love themselves. It's almost like I want to hypnotize them so when they hear my music they love themselves instantly."
5. " When I say to you, there is nobody like me, and there never was, that is a statement I want every woman to feel and make about themselves."
6.  "So there's nothing more provocative than taking a genre that everybody who's cool hates - and then making it cool."
7.  
8.  
9. . 
10. . 
11. . 
12. . 
13.  
14.  
15. and the reason i adore the most?.... who wlese but here could do THIS

"I am a walking piece of art every day, with my dreams 

and my ambitions forward at all times in an effort to inspire my fans to lead their life in that way."

Not All Like That Christians Project

While Pat Robertson claims gay men spread HIV through special rings and other antigay Christian fundamentalists cloak their hateful views in the guise of “protecting traditional marriage,” a new organization seeks to make clear that Christians are not all like that.

Indeed, the group is called the Not All Like That Christians Project, which is taking a cue from the It Gets Better Project, with a website where supporters — in this case, Christians who support LGBT equality — can upload videos sending that message.

The project is the brainchild of Wayne Besen, Evan Hurst, and John Shore. Besen and Hurst are, respectively, executive director and associate director of Truth Wins Out, an organization that counters the “ex-gay movement, and Shore is a straight Christian columnist and blogger who has long advocated for full acceptance of LGBT people.

“It’s been a longtime frustration of mine that the Pat Robertsons of the world have dominated this debate and defined Christianity for so many people,” says Besen. “In reality, that’s just one very vocal strain of Christianity.” The number of Christians speaking up for LGBT equality has increased in recent years, and this project provides another platform for their voices, he says.

Hurst, Besen says, came up with the idea of an It Gets Better–style video campaign. It Gets Better, created in 2010 by journalist Dan Savage and his husband, Terry Miller, offers online videos letting young people suffering through antigay bullying that there’s hope beyond their school days and that they can lead happy, successful, out-of-the-closet adult lives. It has become a huge campaign, with many ordinary Americans plus entertainers, athletes, business leaders, and politicians — even President Obama — contributing videos.

Hurst had been to a talk by Savage, who noted he often hears from Christians who say they’re “not all like that,” with “that” meaning antigay fundamentalists, and he was inspired. Hurst soon asked his friend Shore, whom Savage has called “America’s preeminent nondouchey Christian,” to join the effort, and Shore did so enthusiastically. “It became increasingly apparent to me that gay-affirming Christians needed a platform,” Shore says.

Savage also has been deeply involved with the Not All Like That effort, offering valuable input and contributing one of the first videos (watch below) to NotAllLikeThat.org, which went live today. The site launched with about 30 videos, and it offers a “Submit” page with detailed instructions on how to create and send in your own video. Besen, Hurst, and Shore, naturally, hope for many contributions.

“I would like to encourage Christians to come here and lend their voice to this song, which is sweeter than what’s usually being played in the Christian choir,” says Shore.
-  TRUDY RING (advocate.com)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_ZvEOtSsJk




i really like this because i think i is important for all hose people who hear that someone is a Christian and instantly assume they are bigots. Not all Christians are against LGBT, not all are against abortion, no all one way o another. There is a variety of Christians just like there is a variety of people on he earth.

weeee~

i woke up today in a good mood, Cara got fussed at for being rude to me, and it wasn't an icebox outside, today is off to a great start!

tomorrow i don't gave to et up early, i can stay in bed~

This saurday - shopping with Mrs. Herrera
next saturday - (Dec 7) Bday Party with family
next Sunday -(Dec 8) church and lunch with Mts Herrera
Saturday - Dec (14) Chuch xmas party

aaaaaand somewhere in thee i ave to find a date for Ashley to give me a bday part xD

so.

so i went and dropped off some pictures for yearbook and left them with woolard.

As soon as he saw it was me at the door he came over and gave me a hug... <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

i swear i love that man.

he said thank you for the little poster <3

the "poster" was a picture i had made with three flowers (dwarf sunflower which represents admiration and gratitude, dahlia which represents gratitude, and Sorrel which represents parental affection)

and on this little "poster" i mentioned how much he has inspired and encouraged me. I also said what i ahve been dying to say. "Thank you for being a great teacher, for being an amazing coach, and for being like the dad i never had".


and he smiled when he saw me and hugged me.

big daddy woolard.

<3

woolard :3

OK so... Woolard submitted my family to a church and we were chosen. for what? Sponsorship. They are going to sponsor us for X-mas.

the list i'm submitting:

2 pairs of headphones
black eyeliner
socks
Repo! the genetic opera soundtrack
phantom f the opera soundtrack
A breath of  Eyre by  Eve Marie Mont
Ash by Malinda Lo
Tempest Rising by Tracy Deebs
Forgive My Fins (Fins #1) by Tera Lynn Childs
Tangled Tides (The Sea Monster Memoirs #1)
by Karen Amanda Hooper


and now the computer teacher has given us some clothes.

i love teachers <3

frustrating

why is life so frustrating?
ok so i sent Ashley W this: 

WARNING: i'm about to do somthing stupid. please forgive me.
i'm sorry, but i need to know what is going on. I really like you, and i mean like, butterflies in my stomach when i see you sent me a message kind of "like". but if there is no chance of something happening i need to know so i can divert my attention elsewhere. you are an amazing girl. you are beautiful, funny, smart, spunky, and cool as hell. but, you have a boyfriend (which actually...doesn't bother me- that probably makes me a bad person lol) and i don't know what the situation is. So, i'm leaving the ball in your court, but i need to know

she replied

I'd like to still talk to you often, you're so unique and brighten my day and I still realllyyyy want to hang out with you sometime. But I'm trying to be faithful this time around.. I wish we had started talking more in depth like we did before I got with him, but he treats me well and doesn't hit me like the last guy, I feel it'd be unfair to him to just call it off outve the blue. But.. As much as it kills me to say this.. It might be better for you if you diverted your attention.. Penny for your thoughts?

i replied:


well, i don't see any harm with us just talking for now i see what you mean and i think it shows you have good character. i denfinitley want to keep talking, if that is cool with you?and we really do need to hang out so, we talk for now, and i will keep my eyes open for anyone who might catch my attention, and if something happens, god forbid, and you two split up (which i don't want to happen, because he makes you happy) i'll be here?

she replies:

Thank you for being understanding <3



... ...life is so frustrating....

strike three- she's out.

Sometimes i wish i wasn't me. >.<

i mean...

i'm gay. makes shit a lot harder. makes finding people i can date a lot harder.
i'm pagan. yaaaay judgmental people.
i'm lonley. woopdy-doo.
i'm frustrated and i am tired of being alone.

i'm a great person. i'm nice. i am compassionate. what the hell is wrong with me? why is it so damn hard to find someone else who can see that?

so, yeah. its not happening with Ashley walls. The universe has been trying to tell me this and i've been ignoring it. because i sucks. well now, it can't be ignored.

-today is the second time i've tried to arrange a meeting with her. Both times have fallen through.

-she has stopped talking to me. because she likes me. wtf? and i have a feeling it is because...

-she has a boyfriend.

its not going to work out. fuck.

i'm just mean tot be alone aren't i?

well i'm not going to fight it. its not going to happen with Ashley; fine i'll leave it be. i'll move on, even if it sucks.

lyrics i like

The pictures come to life,

wake in the dead of night

open my eyes,

i must be dreaming. 

clutch my pillow tight,

brace myself for the fight,

i've heard that seeing,

is believing. 

- Warrior by Beth Crowley

scene for "The Cat and The Jackal"

That was it. I was done. I looked at the F, the paper i had put some real heart in soul in, the paper that was A+ quality, had been vandalized and edited by the girl who hated me the most and then resubmitted. Not only had she laughed in my face, changed my report, but she ruined my grade. I could probably talk the teacher into letting me resubmit it if i could get proof that my paper had been altered, but none of my friends were talking to me. I had no one to speak up for me.

"Beloved Bast, mistress of happiness..." i began to say in a whisper but my voice trailed off as my eyes filled with tears.  Then i heard her snickering as she walked behind me, pausing only to whisper in my ear.

"Your tears.. the sustain me. Go back to your small down B****."

I stood up. Enough. Bast i have had enough. I thought as i walked out of the class room barley hearing the professor calling after me.

Where the hell was the car crash when i needed it? I wanted out. NOW. I was done with the expectations of life and society. I was done with being iced out by my friends. I was done with Logan's arrogant smirk. I was done with the universe always fighting against me in this life. I was done with this life.

"Bast, my beloved goddess, i am coming to see you." I said as i exited the building. I pushed past several people, catching several people's attention because i would never just push past someone unless there was something important going on. Which there was, though they didn't know it. My death. Tears began to roll down my face as a grim sort of excitement came into my heart. I was going to die. I was going to be free of the restrictions of this body. I was going to see Bast. To hear her voice again....

I saw my chance. There was heavy traffic in the street, several cars zooming by per second. If i were to step our there, noone would have time to stop... I set my jaw and walked faster in the direction of the street. I thought i heard someone yell my name but i didn't care. I saw my ticket home. Bast... please be there when i come over  i prayed, i was now maybe three feet from the road. Again someone yelled my name, i hesitated for a brief moment; what if someone needs my help? I shook my head, i help others all the time. Its time to do something for me.

My foot was one the road...and then i felt impact. I gasped as i was thrown back, hitting the ground hard enough to know the air out of my lungs, surprise and confusion clouded my thoughts. I wasn't hit by a car, the impact was from the opposite direction. When i remembered how to breathe i looked around and saw what hit me. Logan. I looked at the road, knowing that i wouldn't have that kind of resolve in a long time. My ticket to see Bast was gone. then i got pissed.

"What the hell!" i yelled turning to look at him. He kneeling close to me, panting as if he had just run a marathon. He glared at me.

"You are asking me that!? What were you thinking!" He growled standing up. Instead of answering him i looked back at the road, the zooming cars, what would have been my death. Gone. Tears flooded my eyes, but i tried to hold them back. Beloved Bast, mistress of happiness and bounty- I lost my focus as Logan bent down closer to me. He said my name, although he said it like a question, and his voice was much softer.

"Why did you stop me?" i asked, my voice cracking, a tear escaped and slid down my cheek. He shook his head and sighed.
"Why did you want out?" he said, he sounded unsure of what to do.
"Because i am tired. Tired of putting up with crap. Tired of being here one my own. Tired of being jealous of other people. Tired of fighting.  I am tired." I said, anger creeping into my voice. Then i looked him in the eyes, he could see my tears now, and it was through him i wanted to get my answer.

"When will i be free?" i asked. Logan's eyes grew harder , a spike of fear hit my heart, and Logan sighed.
"When you are ready to." he said as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.I couldn't help it. My anger spiked past the fear and i slapped him. Yup. I slapped a god. way to go Lyza.

"I have been ready for years now!" i hissed, got to my feet and stormed off toward my room.
Breathe.
What?
Breathe.
I stopped walking. Breathe? Why did i think that? Did i think that? I didn't think that. A sudden calm came over me. I wasn't angry. I wasn't scared. I was as tranquil as the wind blowing through the weeping willow by my dorm. I recognized this feeling, i had felt it only once before. Bast.She spoke to me. My eyes filled with tears, not of sorrow, but of joy. I thought i would never hear her voice again.

It was like someone had slipped a blanket over me, all the world was gone, i was safe and loved and warm. I felt her arms go around me, holding me to her bosom, and she stroked my hair. Then i wept. Eveything came out. How alone i felt, how much insignifigant i was, how scared i was, how the world just seemed to fight against me and nothing i did ever went right. How i slapped Anubis and how he terrified me. I asked her to help me. All she would do was hold me to her and rock me, stroking my hair and humming.

When i finally stopped sobbing and took a breathe the blanket was removed and i realized it was Anna who was holding me.

"Lyza i'm sorry. I know i overreacted. And if i ever see you try to kill yourself again i will kill you. You got me?" she said squeezing me tighter. Then she whispered in my ear; "Don't look, but Logan is behind a tree. I think he followed you to see that you were alright." Yeah...Logan followed me. Shit. I slapped Anubis.  At that moment my phone buzzed. I jumped, i had thought my phone died. It now said full battery. I laughed, thank you Bast.

Anna still held me as i answered the phone.
"Hello?"
"LYZA ARE YOU OKAY!?" came the very desperate voice of Pyro.  Turns out one of the people that saw me rush out of class called Pyro.
"I talked to the professor, he says if you can provide him with the original report, you can get a better grade and the hag will be receiving punishment. You can pass your class." He said, his voice was calmer, soothing. I told him how grateful i was and hung up. I wanted to nap. I hugged Anna and looked out for Logan. The coast was clear and i went off to find my nap wall.

I curled up in the patch of sunlight on my wall and relaxed. Bast actually spoke to me. to me. Amazing. I tried to focus and bring back the feeling of her presence, the comforting blanket feeling, not the killer cat feeling. As i did i tried to pray to her. I succeeded in bringing a lighter version of the feeling, and i got the impression that i didn't need to worry about Anubis. He wasn't really angry. he was probably laughing at me.

I began to drift in a sea of pleasantness. I was going to pass my class. Anna was talking to me again. ___ was going to get her karma. Bast was with me again. Logan...

i awoke again to the feeling of someone stroking my hair. I was no longer on the hard stones of the wall, instead i was leaned up against someone. I was out of the sun and under the shade of a tree, yet i was surrounded by warmth. i snuggled further against whoever was holding me. my hands rested on the person's shoulder. It was broad and muscled, though not bulging. I smiled, it was Pyro. I changed position, wrapping my arms around his neck and burring my face in the crook of his neck. I took a deep breath of contentment. He smelled spicy, like incense. Pryro didn't burn incense.

I kept my body relaxed though my mind went into a panic. He wasn't doing anything other than holding me and keeping me warm. I calmed down, and just accepted that apparently Logan was being nice to me. I knew it was because he felt sorry for me. He pitied me. This thought completely ruined my comfortable mood and all i wanted to do was get away from him. He seemed to sense this and let me go so i could slide away from him. I couldn't look at him. I was ashamed that he had seen me at such a weak point. I was less ashamed that Anubis saw it, he was use to seeing humans in weakened states. I didn't have to see Anubis everyday. Logan had seen me cry. He had seen me want to die.

"You are stronger than you think." He said after a few awkward moments of silence.
"What?" I said looking up, i still couldn't meet his eyes.
"Thats what he said when you stormed off. He said 'she is stronger than she thinks.' You may think that you are too tired to live, but that feeling, as you can see, doesn't last. I am begging you, do not leave before you are supposed to." there was something in his voice that made me look at him. His eyes were sincere and soft.

SAT scores

I just got my SAT scores.... i.am.pissed.

My previous scores were pretty decent. added p they made a 1660.
these new scores? added up equal a 1620.
WHAT.THE.F****.

old scores:

reading: 550
math: 570
Writing: 520

new scores:
reading: 610
math:490
writing:420

i did horrible! i went up in writing, but down in everything else!! what the hell!!!!!?
WHAT THE F****ING HELL!

thankfully it should take the bst out of both scores which would be 610, 570,520, which equal 1720. which will just have to work.

F*** IT ALL.

JUST F*** IT ALL.

SCREW EVERYTHING.

we have no money.
my jaw huts.
i need to get a job.
my grads are going down.
MY TEST SCORES ARE HORRIBLE.
Agnes Scott hasn't accepted my application yet.
i still need to take the ACT.
money issues.
scholarships.
I AM JUST F***ING DONE.

money spell

so... the only green candles i have are used to represent the gods, so i'm thinking of using a green crayon.

i burn some sage, to purify the air where i'll work (my room), then place the candle (crayon) on my make-shift alter. I'll place my idols (god representations) around, and then put the headband with the elements represented in the center. the candle will be in the center of it all, with the headband around it, then the gods around that.
**around the candle i will put some pennies?

(under the candle will be some toilet paper to catch any wax)

I will light the candle and say:

"Bring in money, not for greed
Bring in money that we need.
Bring in money this i plead,
Bring in money
so mote it be."

i will then take the pennies with the wax on them place them in my sacred box (makeshift alter) and say:

"Pennies to make prosperity flow, pennies to multiply, pennies to grow"

now i will only have thirty minutes AT THE MOST to do this if i do it tonight, but i want to do it tonight, the sooner the better.


i really hope it works....


here is the delema:

do it in my room, a place i feel safe, secure, and confidant... or do it outside with nature all around me.
i also have to keep in mind that i'm not allowed to practice any rituals in the house.
loophole: i'm not doing a ritual or inviting the gods into my home

money issues again

Ok...so... for one wisdom tooth on average it cost 200-300 dollars to remove. multiply that by 4. 
The examination will cost approx. 100.00 
The xray will cost about 35.00 or they may take a panoramic xray which is more likely for a wisdom which is 120.00- 150.00 

that is about 1450 dollars. hopefully there will be a payment plan.

now add that with the 300 something for senior stuff.

1750.

now that is just miscellaneous things. 

take 1750, a LEAST, and add it to Bills, car insurance, groceries, gas, and gods know what else.
its no surprise that "Santa" isn't coming this year. 

My mom feels like a failure because she can't afford to get us anything for Christmas. 
Mary is trying to e us somethings, but she is in just as much of a money bind as we are.

I can't get a friggin job till i turn 18 apparently.. all the places hiring need 18-year olds. 

Madison is going to talk to her mom about inviting us over for Christmas. 

and to top it off Mary aleay paid for the 300$ winter retreat with the youth for me. idk if my sisters are still going, if they are then hats 900$. 

money. it makes the world go round.
money. will burn the wold to the ground.

what are we going to do?

i know i mentioned that we are having money issues. well, we are.

I need to get my wisdom teeth removed, insurance doesn't cover it and it cost like... over 300 dollars PER TOOTH.

my mom feels like a failure because this is the first christmas she hasn't been able to get us anything. she doesn't even want to put up the tree.

a ton of plates just fell and broke in the kitchen.

i have to find a job.

i have to apply to scholarships.

we need catlitter.

mom is paying for hal pf our senior stiff. like another 300 somthing dollars.

gas money.
grocery money.

money.money.money. i fucking hate it. but we need it. badly.

what are we going to do?

christmas list

ok so money is really tight right now...and with all the things coming up, it will only get worse. so... my aunt wants me to make a list of things for x-mas.... but because money is tight i am only going o make a short list. 

here are some of the things. 

Roses and thorns by Chris Anne Wolfe

Pride and Prejudice - the book and the 2005 movie

Princess Bride - movie

Repo! the Genetic Opera - movie

Tiger Lilly by  Jodi Lynn Anderson

Of Posiden by Anna banks

Poison Princess by Kresley Cole

Jesus Through Pagan Eyes by Rev Mark Townsend

As white as snow by Tanith Lee

The Faery Reel: Tales from the Twilight Realm by  Ellen Datlow 

i also really want an ipod ouch... with a camera... 

making amends.

alright so... i started talking to jake again. i miss my best friend too much. i am still hurt, but not really angry anymore. i don't know how things are going to be but, he is one of the few people i actually talk to outside of school. without him... i really don't talk to anyone :/

so, i'm talking to him again. idk if i can hang out with him right now, but i can talk to him. baby stepps.

and another not...
ahsley W sent me a pic for my phone id... she is so gorgeous!!

but i have a sneaking suspicion she really isn't that into me.  She has a boyfriend, maybe its an open relationship? and i don't want to try and steal her away, and its true i do still need time to heal after jake, but idk. i really want to hang out with her...to do that i need to have money, to do that i need to get a job... jeesh.

idk.

i think it would be really cool to go to her house one weekend and hang out all day. watch movies. eat junk food. hang out :P

but i don't know when that could happen. money is really tight right now, mom can't give me a ride.

if i could manage to get some money, and go to a movie...with kasey, kit, rach, kyle.. maybe i could get Ashley to come and meet us there? i could catch a ride with kasey...

idk. it would be nice though.

shakespeare...

well i didn't make it into the top 3, not too surprising. i havn't acted in a good year and a half haha. i'll just have to improve when i take theater 2 next semester. :)

uh-oh

ok...don' panic...don't panic.... SHIRT SHIRT SHIRT FUDGE NUGGETS. yes i am at school. i can't cuss because then i will get flagged.

so..

My application to Agnes Scott is not valid until my test scores come in. idk if i have to redo the entire application or what but i know that they haven't accepted it yet.

i will still qualify for merit scholarships as long as it is all done by February 1st.... but i am so frustrated because there were 2 different early application dates. i got  it done by the fist..to show that i am serious about going and how much i want to get in. the first date has passed and i find out they havn't even acknowledged my application!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE.

i take the ACT again December 14th. 

i have no idea when that score will come in.... could be 2 weeks... could be more....

FML FML FML FML

THIS SUCKS ASK....

i need to calm down...

lord Thoth help me.

 

PICTURES! :D

so the past 2 days (today and yesterday) we have been doing one of my favorite things: picure editing.
so i got these pictures off of google and used pixlr.com to edit them! :D
here is how they came out!

before:

after:

before:

after:

before: 

After:

Before:

After:

Before:

After:

Before:

After:

Before:

After:

Before:

After:

Before:

after:

before:

After:

before: 

After:

That is my picture editing! :D

Competition jitters

ok so today is the day of the Shakespeare competition. Every contestant in the school is given a monologue to memorize and perform. i FINALLY have mine memorized...barely... and i just need to smooth out my stage directions and ques. i am reciting a monologue done by Desdemona in "Othello".

so here it goes:

*sigh* Alas Iago!
what shall i do to win my lord again?
good friend, go to him, for by this light of heaven,
i know not how i lost him.
here i kneel *kneel* if e'er my will did trespass 'gainst his love,
*stand and start to pace*
or that mine eyes, mine ears, or any sense delighted them in any other form...
or that i do not yet and ever did?
and ever will- *cry voice starts* though he do shake me off to beggarly divorcement - love him dearly.
comfort forswear me! *cry voice starts to fade as i say:* unkindness may do much,
*look down* and his unkindness may defeat my life, *firmly* but never taint my love.
*cry-ish desperation* I cannot say "whore":
*angrily* it does abhor me now i say the word!
*pitch starts to raise after the word "that"*
to do the action that might the addition earn? <-- pitch peaks
*breath- calmly* Not the world mass of vanity could make me. < -- firm cry voice.


- remember: Desdemona is shocked, hurt, confused....
- fo cry voice channel: jake....dumping me out of no where.


connect to Desdemona. she was happy and all of a sudden the one she loves turns aginst her. just as jake did.

Bast

Beloved Bast
Mistress of Happiness, Twin of the Sun God.
Slay the evil that afflicts out mind as you slew the Serpent Apep.
With your graceful stealth anticipate the moves of all who perpetrate cruelties
and stay their hands against the children of the light.
Grant us the joy or song, dance,
and ever watch over us in the lonely places in which we must walk.

Collin

Collin is a great guy. He can make just about everyone laugh and has made many a bad day better for me. But sometimes ... he can ruin a good mood.

Today i was goofing off and stole his book, since he wouldn't give one to another girl. it was all good fun and it was cool with it. but he decided to joke with me about something i do not find amusing. Killing kittens. he went into detail about how he would do it (he wouldn't ever actually do it). cutting off their paws, drowning them in cold water, cutting into their noses and pouring alcohol down its throat... making images flash into my mind that make me sick to my stomach.

Naturally i don't want to cry in front of him. i don't want him to know how upset it makes me. He doesn't understand how much i love cats... he knows i like them and to get me roweled up he likes to make really dark jokes like that. today i didn't get roweled up so...he didn't stop. finally i just said "enough" and he did stop. but he didn't know just how upset i was.how upset i am.

Collin is great 9/10 days. but when he does shirt (at school) like that....

he asked me what i would do if he tied a kitten to a sledge hammer and then hit a wall. i told him i would beat him with the sledge hammer.

what would i do if he hung a kitten and carried it on his book bag. i said i would stangle him with it.

what would i do if he cut its eyes out and then  played peekaboo with it? i would cut his eyes out and make him eat them.

and i mean it.
he doesn't mean it. but i do.

cats are sacred to me. i love them. it kills me inside knowing that i have to leave smokey behind when i go to college.

and when people make jokes like that,....

it doesn't help that i saw my aunt's new kitten this morning. named her Hermione. So as he was joking, i saw poor Hermione going through all he was saying.

now my chest hurts. it feels tight.

Medusa

Honestly i feel really bad for Medusa. She was a beautiful priestess of Athena, was pressured/tricked into sleeping with Posiden (basically raped) and was punished for it. She stayed a beautiful woman.... but she was cursed by Athena. Athena had the right to be angry, after all, all she knew was that her temple had been defiled... by one of her priestesses! and with Posiden (they don't get along apparently)!?

The gods fury can be harsh... and posiden didn't do anything (that i know of) in defense of the woman who's life he ruined.

What became of Medusa afterward was terrible. Cursed to be a Gorgon, a monster by definition, and later killed by a Greek hero... i feel bad for her.

Agnes Scott

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH
MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

i.am.in.love.

the campus is beautiful. (so green, all year round!)
the campus is really small. (can't get lost! Atlanta on the other hand......huge.)
they have astronomy as a natural science. (2 semesters)
they have self defense and yoga as PE classes... (2 semesters of PE)
they have several different Anthropology majors (social, cultural, medical, religious!)
the library is huge. (and they let people take naps there!)
here is a strict honor code. (no stealing...ever! :D )
the dorms are awesome. (even the freshman ones!!)
Cafeteria food is great! (self serving icecream :3 )
Laundry requirements: by the detergent. the rest is free. (WOW..YESSSSS hehehehe)
Aunt Sarah lives close by. (yay... i can bake  :D )
student teacher ratio: 11:1
set your own exam time!!! (walk in during exam week...say which test you are taking, take it, done!)
black cat week (spirit week) ends in a black cat formal dance!!
visitors are allowed until midnight monday-thursday. can stay the night friday-sunday
smart way of arranging roommates!

just just jus.... ahhhhh <3

meeting ashley...nope.

well my plans for Sunday (meeting Ashley W at the mall) fell though.

and i want to really meet her..like..badly. cuz i have a feeling we'll hit it off :)
i can't do anything this weekend... because i'm leaving Thursday for Georgia and will be coming back Saturday.

i really need to get a job... hat way i can maybe take Ashley W out to the movies?  i could make it a group thing...that way it wouldn't really be a date...unless she wants it to be? Rach, kyle, Ashley D, maybe Scott, Possibly Kasey or Calvin? probably Calvin...someone she knows.

yay weekend...nope.

thank you to my brat sister for not doing the catliter for several days. now my purse has been pissed on. and i have to pay for the library book that was inside it. fml.

and i took the SAT...seemed easier this time, i feel like i did really good.
i come home, in a good mood, and guess what? i get my head bitten off y my mom. fun. well hopefully i can just talk to Ashley (D or W idc which one..hopefully W)

i'm trying to Meet Ashley W tomorrow....at the mall...(with Ashley D and Scott). She invited me to stay the night and said we could watch phantom of the opera and eat junk food. ...so.....tempting.....goooooooooooosh. mom would never let me since i'm interested in her.

halloween

I really think that there should be a role playing night club. A place where you can shed your life here and take on the role od someone or something else... get to dance and interact with others...

tonight for halloween I was poison ivy (from batman) and my friends (Ashley D and her bf Scott) were Harley Quinn and the jocker. Scott and I, we get along great, but the entire night we acted like we couldn't stand eachother, we fough over Ashley and it was so much fun.

Poison Ivy and Harley are bffs and the joker and ivy don't get along. Jaker loves harley but doesn't show it... but h does get jealous xD Scott played his role perfectly. I got to play and have fun and be someone else for a whole 2 hours. I loved it. Wish I could do it more often!!

it was different from improve acting...it was role playing. I wish I could do it all the time. I've tried it online... but its really not the same. I wish there was a role play club.... that was like a calm bar in the day...and night/dance club at night. Always role play all the time. I would work there and hang out there in my free time. Imagine the story ideas!! all the characters that people can come up with!! I could be my own person and nteratc with them all...like being in my own book only I don't control the other people...makig it more fascinting!

Over all I made out with a plastic baggie full of laffy taffy, a few peieces of chocolate I ate, a funny video, several picture, lots of laughs and a good mood. We only trick or treated for about an hour and a half, but getting ready with ashley and scott took about 2 nhours and was a blast! <3

so glad I got to do this :3

I sadly didn't get to eat momma's halloween diner :( and she didn't get to see me in my costume, but I made sure to take pictures to show her and mary. :)