moving on (jake)

So…. i finally brought myself to unfriend jake on Facebook.

i know thats might not seem like a big deal… but for me it is.

I tried to reach out and fix it with jake  - he shut me down. fine.
its clear he no longer has any desire to be friends. fine.


i haven't brought myself to delete his number and i don't think i can delete the pictures i have of us together…

they are happy memories.

but right now as much as i thought i had moved on… i thought of jake the other day and about burst into tears.

the asshole doesn't know what he did to me.
he doesn't know how he destroyed my confidence.
how i cried for hours.
he doesn't know.

and its to late for me to tell him… but one day, i want to.

LOLOLOLOL

if only i had thought of this sooner:

i should have taken all the links to the blog pots i had made about him - there are MANY- and told him "read them asshole". then i could honestly move on.

i think i could move on and let go of al my pain if i got everything off my chest.

but thats not gonna happen, to much time has passed for me to be able to do that without looking absolutely pathetic.

but i still harbor so much anger and hurt and pain from him. and he doesn't even know it.

he doesn't know my heart aches whenever i think about how he only dated me because he was bored and lonely and how he thought i was doing the same.
he basically broke up with me because he was no longer bored and lonely enough to date me because he found another girl.

well, i need to move on.
i've started to.
slowly.
no longer friends on Facebook.
no more reminders in my newsfeed.
i'm moving on.
its a start.