wow

wow… so i found out this morning that a boy at my school committed suicide. I just spent the last hour and a half with some grieving girls, giving hugs and listening tot hem talk. It was natural… i didn't have to think, i just had to let my heart move my body.

how am i supposed to go through the day like normal? granted i didn't know the boy, but… still.

I didn't know him, but i still feel a little bit guilty. He was bullied. And i never see bullies at work. i wish i could have helped him.

I almost killed myself freshman year. Woolard was one of the reasons i didn't.
Right now i just want to curl up in a ball in woo lards room.

I don't want to ddl physics. I don't want to do math. I don't want to read "a raisin in the sun" in theater. And i honestly don't want to go to art. I want to cry up in a ball and cry.

I almost caused this same kind of pain to my family… a sweet boy ended his life. he was sweet. and kind. and special. and loved…and lonely.

Me? i just don't feel like i belong in this life… but helping those girls, felt right. I didn't really do anything, i just kept a hand on them and listened.

I want to go back… help some more, but the girls went back to class.

I don't want to be in class.
I still don't want to be here in this life…

i will NOT commit suicide… but i still want to leave. I still want to go home.

But i am sorry that he had to choose that method.. that he felt so alone and desperate he had to kill himself.

I don't look down on him. I don't pity him. I understand… i've been there. I just wished i could have helped him...