JUST IN CASE

for the record: the pendulum works fine, Svn wasn't giving me answers...


Freshman year i had the feeling i would die sometime during or just after my senior year. something to do with steel.... primarily dealing with a car. *NOTE: THIS IS NOT WHY I HATE DRIVING

well while going on a walk, i picked a dandelion and call it silly, but i believe if you clear all the seeds on one blow, then your wish really will come true. It happened before... i wished for a serious girlfriend/romantic partner and then i ended up falling for Jake again.

well today i did it and i wished for peace . "i want to be at peace" and in one blow all seeds were gone. In the back of my mind, i thought about my possible car accident.

chances are it was my mind trying to escape my depression, giving myself a reason to live, somethign to look forward to.

but.. JUST IN CASE... i want to leave this.

(***BTW this car accident is not something i am afraid of, i kinda look forward to it. looooooong story, but its all good and i've been waiting 4 years for it lol)

Mom: i love you so much and you are a great mother. I love you and know it will all be alright and everything is fine <3

Mary: Mary you were like another mom to me. i love you so much <3

Racheal: i love you. need i say more? I am so proud of you and i know how strong you are and i know you can do anything and everything.

Cara: We may not have gotten along very well, but i really did love you. Good luck and don't let people get under your skin...

Mr. Woolard: Dad, i love you. so much. you really filled a void inside of me and i hope you know just how much it meant to me to have you in my life. I always wanted to tell you how much i loved you and i always wanted to be around you becaus i felt... safe and loved when i was with you, but i was always worried i was annoying you. i love you <3

Mrs. Hererra: You were like another mom and i was blessed to have you in my life. you helped me grow spiritually and i am sooo glad i met you. i love you and remember "happy thoughts" <3

Mrs. Strathy: You are so amazing. I saw you as a mix between a mom and a big sister. I love and i know things will be hard but everythign gets better. <3

Mrs. Howard: i always looked up to you. Whenever you were around i always wanted to just watch you because i loved and admired how fearless and amazing you are. You were unashamed to make people laugh and smile and i wanted to be like that. Thank you for being a person who could make my day, no matter how bad it was.

To my friends: i love you all so much and i know we will all be together again. i love you all and know i am happy and home :3

to all: this is not goodbye, just a see you later!
"Merry Meet and Merry Part, brightens the cheeks and warms the heart"


** if i were to actually die - which after typing all of this i feel like its silly now and absolutely nothing is going to happen to me any time soon ( :/ ) - i would trust Calvin to help pass along these messages :P