iceburg

its so sad now that underneath the daily civilities and rare genuine good feelings i feel towards cara... is just a big glacier of emotion, all frozen together.

resentment.
anger.
hurt.
rage/desire to hurt her

and soon what i'm feeling now...

the hurt. anger. clenched teeth. tension in my head and neck and shoulder.

will pass.... only to add another layer of ice.

and i want to cry.

but i won't/

i refuse to let that little bitch have the power over me to make me cry.

i won't cry.

what she thinks doesn't matter.

her attitude, and disrespect, and the vile venom inside her will end up hurting her worse than she will ever hurt me.

i should pity her,

but right now i'm hurt and angry.
and want to cry.

but i won't.

i won't give her that power.

I alone have the ability to let others affect  me.

i won't let this ...


i'm kidding myself.

as soon as i finish this blog and say good night to bree i'm going to go to my room, turn on the fan, turn out the light, and cry.

but then i'll be ok.

i won't feel the boiling rage... it will dissipate to a simmer underneath more daily civility. till the next time she deserves to have her head smashed against a hard surface.