Last post was dramatic

My last post was a bit dramatic.

I’m letting my anxiety get the better of me.

The separate group chat isn’t made to purposefully exclude me... although it doesn’t change the fact that I am left out of the loop on everyone’s lives. I left out of social gatherings.

And people are busy. I get that. I don’t need to hear from them every day.

I’m letting my anxiety get out of control.

I just want them all to be happy.

I want Aaron to be happy, and if that involves Dylan than I pray that it happens.

I want Amy and brooks to have a strong and successful relationship because they both deserve it.

I want B and Dakota to find people that love and respect them.

But it would also be nice for that to be reciprocated.

I want the best for all of them, I want to know that their lives are going okay, I want to see them and be near them and that’s just not the reality.

Amy no longer trusts me.
Aaron reaches  out occasionally when he’s drinking or stressed about school.
Brooks and I have gotten to friendliness at work (although who knows how long that will last). I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss him.

I miss them all.

Why can’t they be glad that I’m happy?
I am finally happy in a relationship- the healthiest relationship I’ve been in in almost 4 years.

Is he perfect? No.
Has he made mistakes? Yes. In this relationship and the last...
 but what happened in the past, is the past.

He supports me.
Emotionally. - he makes me feel loved, he boosts my self esteem and supports my dreams and spirituality

Mentally. He comforts me when my anxiety gets bad, he isn’t scared off by fae or my bipolar. And while there really isn’t much he can do when I’m getting depressed - he makes sure I know he cares.

Physically. - he makes me feel safe, he makes sure I eat and take my meds, he helps me explore sex in a patient and nonjudgmental way.

He loves me.
And I love him.

I love how his face lights up when he talks about video games or 3D printing. I love his passion for cooking and for space.
I love him.

It started out with us just comforting each other... me trying to distract him from his broken heart, and him helping me cope and heal from Corie.

Neither of us intended on developing feelings... but we did.

And I really am happy.
And I’m sad that it doesn’t seem to be enough for my friends.