So apparently I psychology there is a theory that those who have a predisposition to depression happen to have thought processes that focus on the negative instinctively.
Like the fact that my finances are fucked.
Or the fact that I feel cut off from friends and even though they don’t I feel they hate me.
Or that I no longer have any hobbies.
Or I can’t stand to be alone because the silence is too loud.
Or the fact that I just failed another test in the same class, despite the fact that I studied.
Or the fact that my mind is in a constant state of anxiety, like I hear enemy music but just can’t see them.
Why is it so easy to focus on those but not what’s good in my life?
Like...
I have a loving boyfriend... whom I smother because I have no one else to go to.
I have a loving supportive mom... who is sick. I need to visit her. I miss my mom.
I...have a job that I like. Even if it makes me nocturnal despite having morning classes.
I’m passing my classes... I think. Except the one I keep failing tests in.
I have devoted and loving cats... who I constantly miss because my heart is in 2 desperate homes.
Why do I have a predisposition to being miserable? My happiness lasts for about as long as the next mole hill made mountain.
I know what comes next. I can already see the thoughts taking form.
Why did I swerve in that car crash again?
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