Bad day

Today started out rough... and got worse. It turned into a really bad bipolar day. 

I almost quit my job. Twice. (Foodlion)

I almost attacked a girl for just doing her job. 

I had to give my lorazepam to Jimmie so that I would stop being tempted... I don’t know if I would have taken all 20mg... but I probably would have taken 2mg of it and had a minor overdose like last time. Anything to make my brain stop. 

But I didn’t. I gave them to him so that I couldn’t. I still kind of want to. 

And that kids is called an unhealthy coping mechanism and is how addictions start. 

I made a rune for stability and drew it on my arm. Kinda helped.

I just feel physically/mentally/and emotionally exhausted.

Whenever people asked what was wrong I would just say I was t feeling well. Which isn’t a lie. I was /am having a flare up from my chronic illness. Fiona stayed dormant so I was left to handle and fight it all on my own.

Today was a bad day.

I want to feel better.