Where I’m at

im at this weird point in my bipolar where I’m not going to take the entirety of my bottle of lorazepam (although the idea is hella appealing and my brain has been repeating the idea for the past 3 days) but I also wouldn’t move if I was about to get hit by a car.

I’m on day 3 of this. I tried to cheer myself up last night by having a spontaneous date night, but that backfired. I thought I had today off from Foodlion, but I didn’t. So here I am at work with no fucks to give and already tired of people asking if I’m okay. No, I’m not. Stop asking. I know you care - that does t make me feel better.

Instead I just tell people I don’t feel well. Which is true - my chronic illness is flaring up.

I want to go back to sleep so I don’t have to deal with anything.

I Won’t actively try to kill my self but I also wouldn’t do anything to prevent it either.
Kinda hope I get hit by a car in the parking lot.
That’s where I’m at.