Tuesday, April 1, 2025

Self esteem

In talking with my primary spirit guide, we talked about one of the biggest obstacles in my spiritual growth… I am supposed to be connecting with the god Cernunnos. This God wants me to live more authentically to myself, and that will better enhance my life, my spiritual practice, and make me grow stronger magically.

The issue is, I do not feel safe to truly be my authentic self, because I attract too much attention when I am too authentic. This attention is unwanted, and often has a negative effect on my emotional mental and physical well-being.

So I asked him how do I work on this self esteem issue so that I can better connect with Cernnunos, and progress spiritually…. Without having to wait for my life partner to show up and make me feel safe?

This was his advice:

- Dancing burlesque played a part in your authenticity, confidence, and self-esteem back in North Carolina. While the time of performing has passed, you should examine what it was about burlesque that strengthened you and helped you truly express your authentic self… Then find a way to bring that into your life now. (36)

- continue working on your laundry list of unfinished business in the mental and emotional realm with therapy. This includes childhood trauma, relationship, trauma, routing out the cause of the feelings of unworthiness. You can’t make progress forward with things holding you back, actively.  (65)

- actually rely on the spirit community that you have. You hesitate to ask and feel unworthy of receiving. ask. There are those that would give unconditional giving, you just need to be vulnerable enough to allow it and ask for the help. pray to the gods when you need them, don’t just suffer alone. They don’t know what’s going on in your life if you don’t talk to them, so talk to them and don’t be afraid to ask for help. (46)

- you need to change the way you think about yourself and take on new perspectives when it comes to yourself. It’s the difference between working out because you hate your body and working out because you love your body. That point of view shift will be paramount. The belief that you are lesser, that you are weak, that you are alone, that you are unworthy… This You need a new perspective. (43 & 56)

- if you feel things shifting and changing, don’t fight it. Don’t slip back into old patterns, don’t think about the dangers, just embrace it and go with it breaking down the structures that keep you from living authentically will take time. You will need to take it down brick by brick, when you get tired or scared and want to hide behind the walls, don’t let yourself do it. Do the opposite and take a jackhammer. (64)

- - lighten up! This is some thing that should be joyful and fun. You will have more luck with this in playfulness and goofiness then you will seeing it as a chore. This is not some mountain to take down. Look at it in its simplest form. This is an adventure, not a struggle.


Monday, March 31, 2025

hinduism discussion board

 Interestingly, I find the idea of selfless action to be in line with the Taoist concept of non-action. Selfless action being about doing something for the purity of the duty itself, not because you have attchment to the results and non-action being acting in line with the universe without forcing a particular outcome. This parallel is driven home in Chapter 2, verse 47: "You have the right to work, but never to the fruit of work. You should never engage in action for the sake of reward, nor should you long for inaction." Its interesting as this is all about how one's mental state is while doing something, not in the action itself. 

"Nishkama karma is not “good works” or philanthropic activity; work can benefit others and still carry a substantial measure of ego involvement. Such work is good, but it is not yoga. It may benefit others, but it will not necessarily benefit the doer. Everything depends on the state of mind. Action without selfish motive purifies the mind: the doer is less likely to be ego-driven later. The same action done with a selfish motive entangles a person further, precisely by strengthening that motive so it is more likely to prompt selfish action again. (pg 53)"

I would argue that Krishna abandoning his divine state and reincarnating in human form every so often to guide humanity would be a form of Nishkama Karma. Chapter 4, verse 7&8 : "Whenever dharma declines and the purpose of life is forgotten, I manifest myself on earth. I am born in every age to protect the good,to destroy evil, and to reestablish dharma." 

On the one hand he is taking action because life is out of balance; which one might take to mean he is invested in the outcome. However I didn't interpret this as a "I want good to win so I am getting involved!" I see this more in the way that Ma'at was maintained in Egypt - he is not acting out of a personal desire but rather out of  a duty to maintain balance.  Following one's duty, regardless of outcome, because it is one's duty. 

(I see why Krishna is compared to Jesus often, and why when missionaries first tried to bring Chrisitanity to India Jesus was seen as anaother Avatar of him.)


Tuesday, March 25, 2025

Final papers....

 I have 3 final papers. 


2 (both 7-8 pages; one with a presentation) due April 13th. Meaning one I need to do the 7th - 11th and the other I need to do the 31st - 4th. 

THE PRESENTATION IS DUE MARCH 3RD. FUCK THATS A TIGHT TURN AROUND. Write paper Monday and Tuesday. Presentation on Wednesday and submit. 

  1. Background and community contexts of the care you offered. Be mindful of confidentiality.
  2. The main issues of pastoral and spiritual care involved. Consider the topics of race, class, gender, and/or sexuality. --> Forigivenes vs revenge. Why he can't seem to move on even though he has won. 
  3. Your theological reflection on the care you provided. --> Forgiveness. Lilithian perspective. 
  4. A possible care plan for the person or the community you provided care for.  ---> Chord cutting ceremony and Therapy recommended


Meaning I need to do the short one (3-4 pages) - THIS WEEK. I should do it tomorrow...

https://unitedseminary.instructure.com/courses/1528/assignments/10351

  • Consider intersected issues of spiritual care and social justice and provide the reasons why you have these interests.
  • Describe the insights or new knowledge you have gained from the readings.
  • Discuss what you have found disturbing or disagreeable in the readings.
  • How have the readings affirmed or challenged your theological perspectives?
  • How would you apply the sociocultural and global aspects in the readings to your practice of pastoral/spiritual care?
I'll just use the chapter I did about the queer community. 

Saturday, March 22, 2025

links to read for pagan spiritual direction

  •  https://samaracarecounseling.org/on-being-a-spiritual-director-and-clinical-psychologist/
  • https://pilgrimsteps.org/spiritual-direction/
  • https://www.patheos.com/blogs/naturessacredjourney/2021/02/why-we-need-pagan-spiritual-direction/
  • https://www.waht.nhs.uk/en-GB/Our-Services1/Non-Clinical-Services1/Chapel/Faith-and-Culture/Paganism/#:~:text=Pagans%20believe%20that%20nature%20is,that%20is%20of%20this%20earth.
  • https://www.tokeepsilent.me/what-is-spiritual-direction#:~:text=For%20my%20Pagan%20path%2C%20spiritual,dialogue%20about%20goals%20and%20reflection.
  • https://braidedway.org/spiritual-direction-a-movement-towards-soul-wholeness/#:~:text=Spiritual%20direction%20often%20is%20a,the%20act%20of%20sitting%20meditation.

Tuesday, March 18, 2025

I want to fight paul.

 I want to fight the apostle paul. He can catch these hands. 


That being said his own words can be used against him. 

“- these things God has revealed  to us through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches everything, even the depth of God….Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit of God, so that we may understand the gifts bestowed on us by God. And we speak of these things in words taught not by human wisdom, butr taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual things to those who are spiritual…Those who are spiritual discern all things, and they are themselves subject to no one’s scrutiny.” 1 CR 2:10, 12-13, 15 


My take away? Listen not to the words of men and instead listen to the spirit of God and the knowledge it brings. 

Who wrote the bible? - Men. 

Do not follow the bible as anything more than suggestion  - it was written by Men. Supposedly enlightened men who are preaching from the knowledge they have been given by Spirit... take it with a grain of salt. 

Use your own spiritual discernment and you will be above anyone's scrutiny. 

Thursday, March 13, 2025

pastoral care short paper #2

 Understanding a person’s context through a sociocultural and global lens is key in pastoral and spiritual care. The aim of this assignment is to broaden students’ interests in intersected issues of spiritual care and social justice. For this assignment, students can extend their presentation from Injustice and the Care of Souls or Postcolonial Images of Spiritual Care or choose other topics related to social justice and care from the reading materials. The paper should be 3 to 4 pages in length.

In this paper, students should address the following:


Consider intersected issues of spiritual care and social justice and provide the reasons why you have these interests.

  • Describe the insights or new knowledge you have gained from the readings.
  • Discuss what you have found disturbing or disagreeable in the readings.
  • How have the readings affirmed or challenged your theological perspectives?
  • How would you apply the sociocultural and global aspects in the readings to your practice of pastoral/spiritual care?
***most of my quotes will come from my presentation. Bring in the 4 pillars from Pastoral care textbook

Pastoral care final - notes

  •  Classism... i tend to be a bit prejudice towards though in an upper class
  • sexism ... i enheriently trust me less. however i try to remain as empathetic as possible to their struggles and try to make sure i don't cmpare them to the level of women... "its not the struggle Olympics" 
  • sexism: I tend to have a overly protective initial emo0tional reaction to women i feel are forced into traditional or not healthy dynamics and roles 
  • pagan perspective working with a former Christian turned atheist. 


intersectional  - where my iceburg crosses into his experiences and influences my care (above points)
life limiting belief that he had 
values, emotions, beleifs, coping -- identifying his 4 pillars  --- alcoholism 
wanting to be non religious... opening with a reading and then leading into questions of forgiveness, grudges, revenge, and being unable to let go. pleasure at one upping, etc. --- leading into different points of view - you don't owe anyone forgiveness. Then it turning to psychoology with narcassistic abuse and understanding the power dynamic and manipulation - cptsd and human nature. which also leads to his coping mechanism - alcoholism. weaing his drinks. dry january. he went 6 months and relapsed over new years. 

look at highlighted and dog eared pages for quotes 

Tuesday, March 11, 2025

Ecclesiastes discussion board

 Hey guys. I actually struggled with this chapter a lot. There seemed to be a lot that I felt really conflicted about.

At first it felt very Nihilistic and honestly a bit judgmental. He kept treferring to how meaningless everything was ( All was vanity - EC 1:2) and how foolish people are to persue happiness. Any attempt to to influence to seek happiness was like "chasing the wind"... but to me he just seemed ungrateful. There is joy in chasing the wind, there should be gratitude for the ability to chase, for the wind itself, and for the desire to do so (to continue his anaology). So the beginning of the book immediatley rubbed me the wrong way. 


I only pulled a few examples but can easily add more - I had a few trains of thought as I read. 

1) Certain verses were truly depressing and nihilistic 

  • 1:8-10 "All things are full of weariness;  a man cannot utter it; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing. 9 What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun 10 Is there a thing of which it is said,  “See, this is new” It has been already in the ages before us. 11 There is no remembrance of former things, nor will there be any remembranceof later things yet to be among those who come after."
  • 7:2-4 "2 It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart. 3 Frustration is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.4 The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure."

1) in some areas I could see how it could be used to bring comfort. Almost in a very Buddhist/Taoist sort of way.

  •  3:12-13 "12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.
  •  3:19-22 "19 Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath ; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?” 22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?"
  • 5:15 "Everyone comes naked from their mother’s womb, and as everyone comes, so they depart. They take nothing from their toil that they can carry in their hands."
  • 7:14 "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future."
  • 8:15 "So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun."

2) In others I could see how it could easily be used for opressing others.

  • 5: 12 The sleep of a laborer is sweet, whether they eat little or much, but as for the rich, their abundance permits them no sleep.
  • 5:18-19 "This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot.19 Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God."
  • 6:10 "Whatever exists has already been named, and what humanity is has been known; no one can contend with someone who is stronger."
  • 7:26 "I find more bitter than death the woman who is a snare, whose heart is a trap and whose hands are chains. The man who pleases God will escape her, but the sinner she will ensnare."
  • 7:28 "while I was still searching but not finding— I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all."

3) And in a similar vein... It speaks about the opression from God. 

  • 2:24-26 "A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, 25 for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? 26 To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
  •  3:14 "14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him."
  •  5:7 "7 Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore fear God."
  • 9:1 "So I reflected on all this and concluded that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in God’s hands, but no one knows whether love or hate awaits them."

I promise I am not trying to beat a dead horse, but the more I read of the bible, the more flawed I see the Christian God. I would not go so far as to describe him as an evil god, not by a long shot, but he is definitley just as flawed as any other deity. As much as I like the peaceful parts of this book, the thing that just stands out to me the most in the most frustrating way is how much of unpelasant deity this description of the biblical God is and how that can have such a negative effect on those that follow him - such as the depressive nihilism of the beginning chapter

EC 2:17-20

"17 So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. 18 I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. 19 And who knows whether that person will be wise or foolish? Yet they will have control over all the fruit of my toil into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. 20 So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun."

Although I find it odd that almost the entire chapter 9 contradicts the energy and angst of the first 8 chapters. 

RT Final Paper parts 1 & 2

  1. Sacred Texts in Society Essay (25%): As will likely be the case in your vocational work, we are often tasked with interpreting and wrestling with religious texts from a diversity of religious traditions that are unfamiliar to us. This assignment aims to further develop students’ competency in interpreting a sacred text from multiple historic and religious/philosophical perspectives. It also encourages them to consider the potential impact of this religious text in society by imagining how this text might serve as a resource for a particular population or community (i.e. an interreligious community, sexual abuse survivors, religious nones). [In service of CLOs 2, 3, 4]

  2. Proposals should include: proposed chapter of focus; a 300-350 abstract explaining what approaches you will engage to interpret the passage and what primary questions your analysis seeks to address; the population/community you will reflect on and the text’s potential impact; an annotated bibliography of 4 academic sources you plan to engage in your essay; a list of any additional (unannotated) sources that you may consider using in your research.

  3. Essays should be 5-7 pages (double-spaced) and should include: a summary of the selected passage; an introduction to the religious/philosophical tradition the text is rooted in; a brief overview of the historical and cultural context of the text; an analysis of what key question(s) the text seems to be answering; a brief naming of your own social location as an interpreter and 2 potential interpretations of the passage from two different religious/spiritual or philosophical perspectives; a constructive reflection on how this text might resonate with or serve as a resource for a particular population or community. Students must cite at least 7 scholarly sources in their essay and are encouraged to conduct research beyond course readings with the resources offered by the Spencer Library and the DTL2

I know I want to focus on the concept of action via non action in the Tao Te Ching. I could focus my paper on chapter 37 or  48. 


37

The Way is ever without action,

Yet nothing is left undone.

If princes and kings can abide by this,

All things will form themselves.

If they form themselves and desires arise,

I subdue them with nameless simplicity.

Nameless simplicity will indeed free them from desires.

Without desire there is stillness,

And the world settles by itself.


48

Those who seek knowledge,

Collect something every day.

Those who seek the Way,

Let go of something every day.

They let go and let go,

Until reaching no action.

When nothing is done,

Nothing is left undone.

Never take over the world to tamper with it.

Those who want to tamper with it

Are not fit to take over the world.



Proposal:

For my sacred texts in society paper I intend to explore more of the Taoist theme of non-action. There are two main chapters of the Tao Te Ching to explore for this that I am torn between using: chapters 37 and 48. Given how short these chapters are, I would prefer to write my paper using both. If allowed, I am confident that I could get at least a good paragraph for interpretation. To start I would break down the premise of non-action as I understand it, then I would break down the examples provided in the two chapters and explore possible modern equivalencies. This will become important for the last section of my paper. 

Given how non-action seems to contradict our capitalist way of thinking in the united states, that is where I will reflect on and how different our society would look if this became a more popular form living philosophy. What does non-action look like in a capitalist society? How would this effect our economy? How would this affect the health of the population? I would use information about the rise of Capitalism in China despite the emphasis on non-action that was predominant in pre-western Chinese society. I would also pull from research about mental and physical health in the United States in relation to economic stress. I would focus more on a microlevel of exploration as my primary lens and then from there build outwards to what it could mean for the population as a whole.

To conclude my paper I will tie it all together referencing the modern examples from my first section and how leadership through non action better fits the actual model of democracy as opposed to oligarchy we currently have in our government. What would elections look like? What would policy making look like through this philosophical lens? I would start with presenting what pure democracy is supposed to be and compare it with how our government is currently run; then will apply the leadership behaviors that Lou Tzu dictated. 

Sources:


This is a book from the school library which explores styles of leadership

Guo, Wu. The Sacred and the Secular in Taoism : Theories, Practices, and Communities. 2024. MDPI - Multidisciplinary Digital Publishing Institute. https://directory.doabooks.org/handle/20.500.12854/139268.

Matthews, David. “Mental Illness and Capitalism.” Spectre Journal , September 14, 2023. https://spectrejournal.com/mental-illness-and-capitalism.

This article written by the program leader of the Health and Social degree at Bangor University goes into an overview of the effects of capitalism on mental health. While it does have a section on the biological causes of mental illness, I will be specifically referencing the sections "The Misery of Capitalist Life", "Capitalism and the Social Character", and "Labor and Discontent". This article will be used to back up my argument about the negative effects of Capitalism on our country and how shifting to an eastern influence through the concept of non-action can be a remedy. 

Moon, Seungho. “Wuwei(Non-Action) Philosophy and Actions: Rethinking ‘Actions’ in School Reform.” Educational Philosophy and Theory 47, no. 5 (January 28, 2014): 455–73. https://doi.org/10.1080/00131857.2013.879692.

This source is predominantly about reform in schools with inspiration from the concept of Non - action. However given that the concept of non-action is explored as apolitical philosophy I feel this source portrays it in a way that I can use for my essay. I would also argue that school reform could provide examples that I could translate into political reform at the end of my paper. I would be mostly pulling from sections such as "Context of the Tao-Te-Ching and Wuwei (Non-Action)", "Theory of Governance: Wuwei", and "Implications for School Reform: Lessons from Wuwei". I think it is also important to note that this paper is applying the concept of non-action to American schools; in a similar way I want to apply it to American Government.  

Mullinax, Marc S. Tao Te Ching: Power for the Peaceful. Augsburg Fortress, 2021. https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctv17vf4pp.

This is a variation of the Tao Te Ching. Not only does this provide an alternative translation to the textbook which we are using, but it includes annotated notes which include historical, social, and cultural context top help understand the chapters. This will be one of the key sources I use for my essay as I will be drawing from it in the first half. Along with my own interpretation this will primarily be the source of breaking down the two chapters line by line. Where as other sources are applying the concept I am exploring, this will explore the concept itself in depth with me. 

Ng, Julia. “The Action of Non-Action: Walter Benjamin, Wu Wei and the Nature of Capitalism.” Theory, Culture & Society 40, no. 4–5 (June 10, 2023): 219–38. https://doi.org/10.1177/02632764231169944.

I will be using this article as one of my key sources for this paper. This article features how Capitalism is treated in China; especially from pre-western influence which seemed to resist capitalist ethics. The article itself focuses on development of Capitalism in China, the accumulation of debt in the community under capitalism as a society, and how capitalism is impossible to fully escape as an individual (which is fair to compare since we also accumulate debt through capitalism). I will be mostly focusing on how the premise of no-action is viewed in context to the rise of capitalism in China and the friction between them. I will primarily be drawing from Sections such as "capitalism as religion" and "No One's Actions". 

Pregadio, Fabrizio. 2008. The Routledge Encyclopedia of Taoism. London: Routledge.

Schumpeter, Joseph A., and Joseph E. Stiglitz. 2010. Capitalism, Socialism and Democracy. Hoboken: Taylor & Francis. https://app.kortext.com/borrow/216.

Shuyu. “Rule Through Non-Action.” Key concepts in Chinese thought and culture, 2022. https://www.chinesethought.cn/EN/shuyu_show.aspx?shuyu_id=4010.

Zeira, Anna. 2021. “Mental Health Challenges Related to Neoliberal Capitalism in the United States.” Community Mental Health Journal 58 (2): 205–12. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10597-021-00840-7.



Thesis: Throughout our reading of the Tao Te Ching I found myself intrigued by its theme of action through non-action and the sharp contrast it has to our western capitalist mindset in the United states; through this essay I will explore what our country could possibly look like if we adopted this eastern philosophy in our daily lives and in government. 



Quotes to pull from/cite:
  • good governance; wuwei (无为non-action) does not mean doing nothing, but instead not acting in an over-assertive manner, inother words, not imposing one’s will. In Daoist thinking, this expression means the ruler must respect the natural conditions of those governed (the people); he must not interfere unduly in their lives but allow them to follow their own desires and ways to fulfill themselves. Through “non-action” everything will be actually achieved (Shuyu, 1)
  • “non-action” means the ruler governs by influencing and motivating his subjects through his moral example and achievements, not through decrees, or coercive punishments, so that they act without being ordered, and social harmony is achieved. (Shuyu, 1)

  •  Jullien speaks of ‘that which defeats our Greek opposition between the natural and the technical  by ‘assisting what comes about all by itself’ which is his partial translation of a line from §64 of the Daodejing that reads, in its entirety, or, in the 1842 translation by Stanislas Julien, ‘he dares not act in order to help all beings follow their nature. (The word that customarily translates ‘nature’, zi ran, is composed of two words denoting ‘self’ and ‘so’ and also bears the meaning of ‘spontaneity’, which Jullien brings to the fore by replacing Julien’s ‘suivre leur nature’ with ‘venir tout seul’ while retaining the ‘aider’.) In Jullien’s account, assisting the coming-about-by-itself of things, or fu zi ran, thus involves precisely not a restoration to a static nature by withdrawing purposive action but, rather, what he calls a ‘strategy’ of ‘maturing the effect’, a harnessing of the potential in things to themselves disaggregate such that there is no longer a need for ‘action’ (wei) as such. For Dufourmantelle, the power of this assistance – what she calls ‘gentleness’ – intensifies the ‘metamorphosis of becoming into acquiescence to that same becoming’ since it ‘contains the seed of its opposite’ and effectuates a ‘change of nature’ in harmony with ‘the capacity of processes for self-deployment’ in the ‘natural’ environment. Gentleness, Dufourmantelle argues, therefore poses a particular threat to neoliberal society because not only does it not ‘offer any possible foothold on authority’  it immerses its practitioner in the negativity, insufficiency and precariousness of all beings, the histories and understanding of which contemporary ideologies of productivism and consumerism set out to devastate. (Ng, 220)
  • Yet Jullien himself never denies that Chinese ‘tradition’ is itself an emergent and conflictual field that participates in modernity and has a contemporaneity of its own, even if he leaves the implications unexplored. The definition of ‘silent transformation’ that Dufourmantelle cites, ‘taking part in the propensities at work over time as well as the capacity of processes for self-deployment’, is used by Jullien to describe Deng Xiaoping, the ‘“ Little Helmsman” and “silent transformer” of China: advancing step by step, or “stone by stone”, as he said, rather than projecting some plan or model, yet without falling back into an empiricism (or pragmatism) that is the reverse of our idealism’ . For Jullien, ‘silent transformation’ finds its historical expression in the ‘more efficient than spectacular’ reforms that Deng initiated in the 1980s to foster villagers’ self-governance, rule of law, and entrepreneurship and marketization, particularly in the rural regions, such that ‘China was able to completely reverse its social and economic system by continuous transition while leaving the regime and the Party in place’ (Ng, 221)
  •   Capitalism, he writes,‘saw’ an ‘unmistakable member of its community’ even in those who are not gainfully employed. Like religion, which according to Benjamin did not categorically exclude the individual who was irreligious or of another faith, capitalism makes no ‘moral’ distinction between those contributing and not contributing to productivity; the bottom line, after all – the Bilanz, which calculates gross products and net worth according to a ‘balance sheet’ of plusses and minuses – is itself the bottom line for the way in which religion counts its acolytes, who are redeemed and disposed of by the same calculus.... In capitalism, therefore, no one is neither productive nor non-productive; no one falls outside of the calculus of net productivity. As Benjamin writes in an earlier passage of the fragment, the burden of debt is spread across the community by the various ways in which it reckons (Ng, 223)
  • ‘therein lies what is historically unprecedented about capitalism: religion is no longer the reform of Being but, rather, its shattering’ And, just as there is no ‘reform’ available to ‘Being’, there is ‘no way out’ of this ‘condition'; not participating in capitalism is just as much participation in capitalism, and ‘we cannot close the net in which we stand’...Yet, he suggests, we must try to survey this possibility. In his effort to ‘close the net’ of net productivity, Benjamin turns to Weber’s work on the economic ethics of religious thought. He glosses its main argument as follows: ‘capitalism [is] a religiously conditioned construction’....Confucianism and Daoism, of 1915  in which Weber sought to establish for the first time what he believed to be unique to the development of modern industrial capitalism: that it was necessarily facilitated by the religious tradition that emerged in early modern Europe (Ng, 223)... 
  • Weber attributes the emergence of rational entrepreneurial capitalism to the presence of a certain kind of religiously conditioned mentality by arguing that the lack of such a mentality in China prevented the development of a capitalist economy, in spite of the fact that Confucianism shared certain rational traits with Protestantism.5 In characterizing religion as a ‘condition’ of capitalism, Benjamin refers to the argument presented in Weber’s latter work that an identity can be supposed of religious calling and capitalist ethos and that, moreover, the ethical qualities that are indispensable for the modern capitalist, which include a ‘radical concentration on God-ordained purposes’  was a prerequisite for ‘a horror of illegal, political, colonial, booty, and monopoly types of capitalism’ (Ng224)
  • Weber, for his part, substantiates his thesis by describing what he sees as China’s two main religions, Daoism and Confucianism, as essentially derivative of the same mystical-naturalistic impulse: for him, both were expressions of the same ‘uninterruptedness of magic as such and power of the clan’ (Weber, 1921: 369),6 and both were consistent in regard to their underlying theories of ‘Nichtstun [doing nothing]’ – one of the translations of the principle of wu wei that Weber adopts (Weber, 1920: 465) – as well as their sense of cosmic order and direction of nature, or dao. In both his translations and interpretations of these two principles...., perfection is ‘emptiness (hü)’ and ‘nothingness (wu)’, and it is achieved by suppressing desires and passions, removing knowledge, striving for nothing through ‘inaction (wu wei)’, ‘quiescence (tsing)’ and ‘taciturnity (puh yeh)’, and thereby becoming free from ‘cares..., inasmuch as dao is not action that causes any movement, it is therefore the law of movement itself, of inward spontaneity, and therefore was also interpreted as a principle of rulership. Abiding by inaction therefore translates into the spontaneous transformation of myriad beings. (ng, 224)
  • For Weber, ‘the religion of China’ lacked a theologically-based despair at the universe and was therefore devoid of the creative impulse to dominate over nature and transform the world, which confirmed for him – in the language of a Daoist elite seeking to define itself in opposition to the eschatological practices of its popular counterpart – how the Protestant ethic and its facilitation of impersonal and universal trust alone could have been conducive to the genesis of modern capitalism’s entrepreneurial spirit and depersonalized credit system. ...  capitalism was not only ‘a religiously conditioned construction’ but ‘an essentially religious phenomenon’ with no need of ‘special dogmatics’ to underpin its meaning (Benjamin, 2021: 90). Capitalism itself has the features of a religion for Benjamin; its existence is independent of the ‘special’ structures of Christianity as such – and hence as defined by Weber. Whereas Weber argues, inversely from his analysis of China, that capitalism is conditioned on a salvation religion featuring a supramundane God and tension between earthly conduct and afterworldly compensation that are exclusive to Protestantism, Benjamin maintains that capitalism shares an ‘essence’ with that which also brought about salvation religion and that capitalism might thus take root anywhere this essence can be found. (225)
  • Gu identified in the imperialaristocratic class the potential to renew the movement and rescue ‘culture’, so Benjamin paraphrases, from ‘a chaotic time’... Nevertheless, Gu left an important trace in Benjamin’s oeuvre: his conviction that in both East and West there exist internally divergent tendencies, including the tendency to decline, suggesting a deeper consensus between the two traditions than can be adequately explained by the model of a clash of civilizations (Gu, 1911: 6, 22–7).14 In fact, Gu’s popularity in Europe – and probably his attractiveness to Wyneken and the Free Student Movement – may have been due in no small part to his idea that Western imperialism and the ‘westernization’ of China alike could be traced back to the reintroduction of liberal ideas in the 19th century in both Europe and China after they had been corrupted by utilitarianism and the interests of financial capitalism...For Gu, Confucianism expressed values that were analogous to those that the West had abandoned in the name of modernity, and which stood in direct contrast to those espoused by classes that were driven by work, convenience, and unchecked consumption. As an antidote to both the modernized West and westernizing China, classical Confucianism was presented by Gu as a resource for restoring values. (ng 227)
  •  the West is caught up in an internal struggle against its decline and that ‘a kind of askesis’ might be retrieved from Chinese thought as an antidote (Ng, 228) 
  • Caught up in the all-consuming presence of everyday events, chance occurrences and obligations, the ‘I’ loses the ‘youthful and immortal time of thousandfold opportunities’ to the serial progression of the days and seconds. Then, in response to this condition of ‘despair’ in which he finds youth, Benjamin makes a radical proposal: the one who is in such a condition of despair should look down into the ‘current’ from which they emerged and ‘lose, slowly, finally and redemptively, their comprehension’. It is out of this ‘forgetting’ that the ‘diary’ emerges. In response to the loss of the time of thousandfold opportunities and the time of maturation to the emptiness of having and striving, the youth, according to Benjamin, should keep a diary, the act of which, he writes, will ‘transform’ all that has been inadequately lived into something ‘perfected’ and ‘completed’, in the sense of being ‘brought to an end [Vollendeten]’ (GS 2: 97). Herein Benjamin can be seen to radically depart from Wilhelm but also Gu, who had recommended a return to tradition as an antidote to modern, middle-class ‘pseudo-liberalism’. Benjamin, by contrast, finds in the act of diarizing ‘an act of liberation, secret and limitless in its victory’ because it will have discovered in its ‘perfection’ of life a ‘life that has never been lived [eines nie gelebten Lebens]’. The diary, the ‘book of life in whose time everything that we inadequately lived is transformed into the perfected-completed’, is an ‘abyssal book of a life that has never been lived’ because in its act of recounting all the ways in which the self consumes itself in its desires, willing, lust for power, idleness, and however else self-consumption occurs under the regime of ‘calendar time, clock time, and stock-exchange time’, another ‘I’ emerges altogether to whom none of this has happened because it is, precisely, the no one who has not consumed itself in ‘calendar time, clock time, and stock-exchange time (Ng  229)



Thursday, March 6, 2025

Academic Planning UPDATE: Spiritual Direction

 Okay so I was show a differenrt academic planner which shows a pretty different outline of whats needed compared to what the degree page shows. So i''m going to start from scratch

  • Semesters: 2 classes each? (maybe add a third in spring?)
  • Semester 1 - Fall 2024
    • Spiritual Personal Development
    • Intro to theology 
  • Semester 2 - Spring 2025
    • Spiritual and Pastoral Care
    • Intro to religious texts
  • Semester 3 - Summer 2025
    • Contemporary Paganism
    • Art, theology, and contemporary culture
  • Semester 4 - Fall 2025
    • Pagan Ritual? 
  • Semester 5 - Spring 2026
    • Interreligious diaolgue seminar
  • Semester 6 - Summer 2026
  • Semester 7 - Fall 2026
  • Semester 8 - Spring 2027
  • Semester 9 - Summer 2027
  • Semester 10 - Fall 2027
  • Semester 11 - Spring 2028
    • M. Div. Capstone
  • Semester 12 - Summer 2028 - Walk in May?




  1. Religious texts (4 needed)
    1.  Intro to religious texts  
    2.  Buddhist texts  - every other year (2026)
    3.  Pagan Ritual  - Fall 2025 only?
    4.  Hebrew Bible - once a year 
  2. Theological Tradition (3 needed)
    1. Invitation to Theology 
    2. Contructive Theology - once a year
    3. History of Modern Theologies - once a year
    4. Contemporary Paganism  
  3. Ethics/Justice (2 needed)
    1. Comparative Religious Ethics - once a year
    2. Queer and Trans Theologies - once a year
  4. Formation and LEadership (2 needed)
    1.  Intro to Spiritual and Personal Formation
    2.  Organizational Leadership and Administration - once a year
  5. Cultural Context 
    1.  World Religions - once a year
  6. Art and Theology
    1. Art, Religion, and Contemporary Culture 
  7.  Social Transformation
    1.  Leadership and Strategies for Social Change - once a year
  8. Integration (End of degree)
    1. MDiv Capstone Seminar - Spring Semester once a year
  9. Vocational:  (6 needed)
    1.  Introduction to Pastoral and Spiritual Care 
    2.  Trauma, Suffering, and Care - every other year (fall 2025? if not then 2027?)
    3. The Art of Discernment - once a year
    4. Spiritual Direction/Companion 1 - Every Fall? Every Spring? - once a year
    5. Spiritual Direction/Companion 2 - Every Spring? Summer? - once a year
    6.  Practicum -- 2 semesters for 3 redits - once a year
      1. practicum 1 - Every Fall
      2. practicum 2 - Every Spring?
  10. Electives (2)
    1. Interreligious Dialogue w/Dr. Wheeler - Spring 2026
    2.  Sex and Religion in the Public Square, What is Religion, or if I end up having to have Contemporary paganism as my elective if they don't sub it in. 

Wednesday, March 5, 2025

Ingredients

  •  creme brulee: omfort, calmness, and nurturing, sweetness, love, pleasure, attraction, and positive energy, healing, comfort, mental clarity, personal empowerment, good luck
  • coffee: heightened awareness, energy, clarity of mind, and the ability to focus, making it a tool for meditation, prayer, and creative endeavors; hospitality
  • Jasmine: love, purity, beauty, spiritual awakening, dream magic, intuition, creativity
  • dragons blood: protection, cleansing, healing, and manifestation, courage, passion, vitality, eroticism (my own meaning)
  • thyme: protection, purification, courage, and positive energy, emotional healing, connection to earth/nature/life and death (my own meaning), power (my own meaning), faeries
  • elderflower: protection, warding off evil, new beginnings, faeries, connection to the dead, spiritual evolution, dream magic
  • lavender: intuition development; its purple color further links it to the crown chakra, signifying higher spiritual connection and awareness, healing, emotional well being, cleansing, protection, love, faeries, Brigid
  • Rose
  • Turquoise: protection, communication, inner peace, and spiritual grounding, personal development; connecting between spiritual and physical world
  • Burgundy: deep passion, richness, power, sophistication, and grounding, signifying a connection to the earth's energies, power, confidence 
  • Olive Green: balance, harmony, connection to nature, longevity, new beginnings, rebirth
  • Pink: unconditional love, compassion, tenderness, nurturing, and inner peace
  • Faerie: 
  • Luck: Bayleaf
  • Chill Pill: anxiety pill & bipolar pill
  • physical ties: sacral energy...
  • Sacral energy/intuition: peach, apricot, mango, carnelian, citrine, tigers eye, ORANGE (intuition, playfulness, sensuality, magic)
  • Tiny bells on golden thread if possible
  • Alligator Claw, alligator stone or charm if possible
  • Rattle snake skin if possible; snake skin at least. Snake charm at very least 
  • Claireaudience: blue, purple, bells, Music
  • Claircognisance: gold, purple, white
  • Clairtangency: brown, green, earth (my own idea)
  • Moon & Sun
  • tarot card sticker? (do I still have them?)
  • Sigils: Clairtangency, Clairaudience, playfulness, wonder, joy, divination, witch, 
  • Patchouli or Cedar (Cernunnos) 
  • List aspects from the gods I wish to emulate 
  • Music:


Poppet made out of gold (silk if possible), silk dyed in tumeric, or if I find something of mine i'm willing to cut up. Tie string of bells around it. Add charms if I can. Wrap Lilith and Brigid’s necklace around it

Sunday, February 23, 2025

Ritual

 Order: 

1) invite elements in the create sacred space 

2) light Aine’s candle And invite her to the space 

3) place necklace between candle and me 

4) read the rewritten poem & burn it 

5) wear necklace 

6) close (thank Aine, release elements, blow out candle)

***notes:

Aine i need that -> Aine id love that 

The line or so before that one I also say love. Change it to be more cohesive 

Tuesday, February 18, 2025

Discussion Board that I wanted to share: Genesis and Human Potential

 The story I will use is the classic story of the garden of Eden, however it is specifically the end of that myth that I want to examine through Sod (esoteric) perspective. After Adam and Eve have eaten the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, God speaks to someone about why they should be cast out into the world.  

Then the Lord said "See, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil; and now he might reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever" - therefore the lord sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from which he was taken." - GEN 3:22-23

The annotations at the bottom summarizes this as "The Lord God's fear of humans becoming godlike...The term 'us' probably refers to the heavenly court." This is the second time that The Lord God has used the term "us" - the first was when he said "Let us make human kind in our image" (GEN1:26).  Now... the annotations are a very literal/Peshat interpretation. I however want to dig a bit deeper, pas the moral of "right and wrong because God said so", and into the deeper spiritual meaning. 

As a pagan I believe in multiple gods and there are hints every so often that The Lord God is not the only God in heaven - just the only one humans are supposed to worship. Even the annotation cannot discredit this - both times in Genesis where The Lord God said "us" the notes could only say that he probably refers to the heavenly court. However - we know that angels making up the heavenly court do not resemble humans at all and are terrifying to behold (hence the constant "do not be afraid" greeting when they come bearing messages). So it stands to reason that the other gods that The Lord God is speaking with exist. However, this is still once again a literal view. 

I want to go a step deeper and focus on is the fear that The Lord God has of humans becoming godlike, and the connection to the two magical trees in the garden. We know of Two trees that humans were not supposed to eat from, The Tree of Knowledge (of right and wrong) and the Tree of life (immortality). God is so afraid of Eve and Adam becoming equal to him that he lies to keep them ignorant and submissive (GEN 3:2-4), then out of fear of their potential power he banishes them before they have a chance to fulfill that potential. For me personally, this speaks to the esoteric knowledge and power found in nature.

These trees represent a path to reaching godhead (def: divine nature or essence). Humans are already halfway there after Eve took from the tree of knowledge - symbolizing that humans are naturally halfway capable of reaching our own divinity simply through the exploration of knowledge and understanding what is good and what is evil. This is a common thread amongst various religious and spiritual denominations - such as Buddhism and Taoism that we've explored and their emphasis on the good and wise way to live. (Whether one can attain godhead through only good is up for debate.) 

The other half of our work to reach godhead is not so easily reached.

Since Eve and Adam were cast out of the garden (which I would say represents the spiritual plane/otherworld) and are forced to toil in the earth (the physical plane/mortal world) there is much to keep them from pursuing godhead, if in fact they are even aware that it was a possibility. Many people do not seem to realize it is a possibility or if they dare to realize it seem to think it is a sin to aim for. For humans to fulfill their potential spiritually, to transmute their divine soul from simply human to that of a god, they must find a way back to "Eden". There are too many theories and methods to attempt this to cover - one might say that doing this is successfully rejoining the Tao or reaching Nirvana.

I would look to the story for the answer - if we already have the capacity to get halfway through connection and knowledge given by nature (the tree) then perhaps it is through connection and following nature that we will find our way back to Eden, giving us a chance to "become like one of us" as The Lord God put it. 

Monday, February 17, 2025

Symposium week official plans

 Okay so symposium week is officially 


Mon Feb 24-wed 26th 8am-9pm 

Then there is a mixer the night of the 23rd

And a morning coffee and bagel meeting with Dr wheelers class from last semester on the 22nd. 

So I could either leave 

Saturday the 21st at like… 6am and arrive for the coffee social. Get to say hi to everyone and give hugs. 

Then I might sight see for a bit, see what everyone else is doing. See if anyone wants to play your guide… if not, google is a thing! I’ll especially see what Mike has planned, since I’ll be crashing at his house. 

Play most of Saturday and Sunday by ear - maybe make it to a chapel in person on campus?

Monday - Tuesday 8am on campus till 9am

Wednesday 8am and then I’ll probably leave around 4/5 and get home about 9/10 and then work on Thursday. 

Naturally I’ll do my homework while there and bring my laptop to check work emails. Can help pass any free time 

Eternal Flame - Interfaith Church: A Community for shared ritual, spiritual care, and spiritual direction.

 Here are my thoughts.... This would be once I have a brick and mortar location. Until then I would be limited to an online presence and public meeting locations such as library study rooms and parks. 

Something like this would be a DREAM

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/3-Lakeside-Dr_Columbia_VA_23038_M69569-10277?from=srp-list-card


Business Card/Sign Idea:

Eternal Flame: Interfaith Church

*Flame Logo*

A Community for shared ritual, spiritual care, and spiritual direction

-------------------------------

Quotes that Contribute to Mission:

  • "Spiritual, or pastoral, care should not be circumscribed to "faith" traditions"... unless that faith  as it was understood in medieval times: "faith refers to a concept of trust in someone", not belief in a higher power. (Lartey & Moon, 5)
  • Self awareness is as crucial to spirituality as God-awareness (Lartey & Moon, 22)
  • What is spiritual about us is our ability to relate, and to speak of spirituality therefore is to refer to the characteristic ways in which we relate across various dimensions of our being and different forces of existence. (Lartey & Moon 21)
  • Spirituality refers to the human capacity for relationships with self, others, and God... (Lartey & Moon 22)
  • Spiritual care practices need, among other things, to be directed at nurturing and enhancing our deepest sense of the divine or of transcendence in our human experience. (Lartey and Moon 23)
  • ...relationship with God is strengthened or developed within the group. (L&M 25)
  • Spirituality very clearly has to do with the way in which we encounter the created world. (L&M 27)
  • Spiritual care giving has to do with caring for what is spiritual about us as human beings. Spiritual care then is concerned with facilitating healthy relationships - with God, with self, with others, and with the environment. (L&M, 27)
    • Put this on the back of business cards

Services: Shared Ritual and Spiritual Direction

  • Weekly Interfaith rituals on Monday Nights (6pm start)
    • Hospitality hour done via potluck style
  • Solitary Worship (free)
    • Multiple altars available for personal devotion each with candles to light, prayer request boxes, and offering stations 
  • Rituals and Ceremonies offered ($ income)
    • Home Cleanses 
    • Weddings/Handfastings/Secular Commitment Ceremonies 
    • Initiations/Coming of age (Spiritual or Secular [birthdays, proms, divorces, etc.)
  • One on One Spiritual direction by appointment ($: Sliding Scale income)
    • Possibilities:
      • Just conversation and care plan 
      • Guided Meditation
      • Ritual
      • Divination readings
      • Custom Spell craft
      • Custom Spell work 
  • Group Spiritual Direction Workshops ($ income)
    • Basics of Witchcraft
    • Candle Magic
    • Divination  
    • Guided meditation and Journeying
    • Ecstatic Dance
    • Joining of Voices (drum circles, night of songs [themed], jam sessions)
  • Group Programs Weekly 
    • If I can find one to rent to: AA/NA group ($ income, free to members)
    • Interfaith Youth Program ($ income: price per kid per day, includes a snack)
    • Interfaith Devotional: Men & Masc Identifying - "Men's Circle" (free)
    • Interfaith Devotional: Women & Fem Identifying - "Women's Circle" (free)
    • Interfaith Devotional: Community (free)
  • Retreats ($ income per person and level of activity planning)
    • Youth Retreats with overnight stay
    • Daytime Youth Retreats 
    • Silent Retreats with overnight stay
    • Daytime Silent Retreats 
    • Devotional Retreat 
      • Interfaith 
      • Singularly Religious (Christian, Buddhist, Taoist, Muslim, Hindu, Etc) 
  • Room Rentals - Outside of Retreats, no planned activity ($ income)
    • Per room for devotional reflection + Meals
    • Per room for devotional reflection - no meals 
Services: Community
  • Monthly Drag Brunch ($ income)
    • Themed (Family Friendly) - 3 performers; 2 act each
    • Brunch: FREE WATER
      • $15 show, no food - 1 mimosa
      • $10 show only, no food or drink
      • $25 show, meal, and mimosa 
      • $20 show and meal
    • Followed by Drag Story hour  - additional $10 
    • Performers keep their tips & I pay each a cut of the door evenly. 
  • Monthly Drag Night: ($ income)
    • Sacrilege: Religious Catharsis/ Healing Religious Trauma
    • 18+ 
    • $10
  • Community Voices: 
    • Local artists perform, could be music, poetry, writing, art 
    • free..... donations welcome. 
  • Retreats  - Secular ($ income)
    • Trust Building Retreat (Groups or Couples)
    • Devotional Retreats [self love/trust building/romantic/healing relationships]
  • Group Activities
    • Weekly Game night ($ space rental)
      • Community Dungeons and Dragons - 3 times a month
      • Family Game night  - Uno, board games, etc - once a month
  • Volunteering (free)
    • Food Pantry
    • Soup Kitchen
    • Habitat for Humanity
    • Environmental Cleaning 
Interfaith Ritual Layout

  1. Welcome to all - take a moment to greet one another 
  2. Call in elements (directions not necessary, as different faiths have different directions)
  3. Recite Eternal Flame Poem
  4. Sing a song of welcoming 
  5. Community Celebration: recite words of focus
    1. Ask if there are any birthdays
      1. sing birthday song (the one moira showed me, the sing & repeat)
    2. Any engagements, weddings, Promotions, or Positive News to share and celebrate 
  6. Invitation for Grounding ("light body exercise")
  7. Words for reflection (could be a readings from a sacred text, poem, quote, etc.)
    1. Silent Meditation and Reflection
    2. Community Reflection and discussion & Sharing of other readings
    3. This can be as long or as short as the group wants. This is the bulk of the ritual
  8. Joining of Voices  - Song on theme 
  9. Time for Community Healing : Recite words of focus
    1. Prayer for healing - Invitation to speak out loud the name of anyone we wish healing towards or remain silent and as the divine to bless those on our hearts
    2. If anyone would like to receive love and support from the community please stand or come to the front. If you have extra love to give, please go to someone standing and embrace them. If you are not comfortable doing this now, please feel free to see me after the ritual and I would be happy to remind you that you are not alone and how loved you are. 
  10. Discuss Upcoming Week's schedule or changes to the routine 
    1. Topic or Theme for next Ritual so anyone who wants to bring a quote or reading to share, can
    2. Which devotional Group meeting 
    3. If Any retreats are being offered or Workshops coming up 
    4. Which Volunteering opportunity is planned 
    5. Any cancelations 
  11. Parting of ways
    1. Recite closing words releasing the elements and asking the divine to bless the space and bring prosperity for the following time until we meet again. 


Thursday, February 13, 2025

Spiritual Text: Childrens Book

 Each book must:

  • Be 15-20 pages long in length, with 2-5 sentences of carefully crafted content on each page (which can be typed or hand-written)
  •  Contain a clear and overarching storyline that communicates the selected idea
  •  Include original illustrations/artwork to accompany every 1-2 pages of the book (each student must illustrate their children’s book, but can choose to do so via hand-drawing, painting, digital illustration, or even a medium such as collage; no AI generated illustration)
  • Be accompanied by a 1-1.5page (double-spaced) analysis of the book that addresses: who the audience of the story is (age range, community, demographics, etc.); how the story engages an idea or belief found in a religious text we’ve read in this course; how this story contributes something new/necessary to children’s education; why you wrote this story in particular and how your own situatedness influences your interpretation of this text/idea.
    • salamander symbolizes transformation, rebirth, the ability to withstand intense heat or challenges, and the power of inner fire, passion, inner strength,  change
    • Owl Medicine is wisdom, insight, mystery
    • Otter medicine is friendship
    • Hold not a deed of little worth, thinking “this is little to me”. The falling drops of water will in time fill a water-jar. Even so, the wise man becomes full of good, although he gathers it little by little.  - The Dhammapada 122

Presentation: Students will post a 5 minute video presentation to share their children’s book in the corresponding Discussion Thread on Canvas. Presentations should include a reading of the book (pictures included!) and a brief summary of the idea they aimed to convey through the story.


I wrote my childrens book around the basic message of Dhammapada 22:  how to be good can come in little actions over time. To me this verse or lesson speaks of redemption, as many people think after a troubled past that there is no way to be good or to redeem onself. On a personal note both my mom and I are recovered addicts and when you are in recovery somtimes you have to take life one step at a time, one day at a time, or if you're having a particularly bad day, one minute at a time to prevent yourself from slipping back into harmful habits. No act of resistence, no act of improvement, no act of healing, or work of good is too small. Little by little you move forward in the same way a jar is filled with water one drop at a time. 

In my story I focus on other disruptive patterns or habits that might be arising in children, based off how my friends' kids behave. All three of them are starting to develope a sense of independance and stronger ego leading to them developing strong emotions and rising tempers. So I used a reputation for being mean and angry as the "bad" behavior that needs correcting in my story. I played with different options for this, but ultimatley chose to write something all 3 of the kids I am close to would want to read/have read to them. So I aim to have the target age group be between 6-9 years old. 

I have noticed that in the many childrens books I have seen at my friends' houses there are books on kindness, on why its important not to bully, on acceptance, but I havn't seen any on self forgiveness and deciding to do better in the future. There have been plenty of books on why not to bully, but I havn't seen any that tells the bully they can change their ways. So I thought this would be an easy addition to teach on goodness and kindness from another perspective, while also hinting at the way anger should not be displayed. 

For my book I chose to go back to my own roots. Although I was cut off of it from a very young age, I was originally raised within the indigenous faith. Still to this day it has influence on my beliefs and ways of thinking, one such example is that stories were often told through animals and their medicine. So, I chose to tell my story in a similar way that indigenous fables were told to me as a child. Salamnder was not an animal I was familair with, so I can't speak to its medicine but its metaphysical meaning (which usually is the same or similar) is that of rebirth, change, overcomming obstacles, passion, and inner strength. They are also heavily associated with the element of fire. I also use the owl, which has many aspects to its medicine including wisdom, insight, and guidance as the teacher in the story. I do want to say that I have not been involved in the indigenous community since I was a child and want to apologize if this comes off as offensive in any way. When I think about teaching and childhood this is where my mind goes, so that is why I chose to tell the story this way. Feel free to email me or message me if you feel this was done in error, as I am always open to learning more. 

Wednesday, February 12, 2025

I am magic - self empowerment poem

I am Magic, 

My words hold great power, 
I know that I'm worthy of all I desire. 

I am Magic, 
I am one of the fae. 
I feel their presence and hear what they say. 

I am Magic, 
Though human I remain,
To walk amongst them and return love again. 

I am Magic, 
I commune with the gods, 
To pass on their wisdom and even the odds. 

I am Magic, 
I dance with my guides, 
With a shawl of starlight, I need never hide. 

I am Magic, 
I feel this in my soul, 
In this, may doubt never gain hold. 

I am Magic, 
May the wild within be set free, 
By the power of spirit within me, So it will be! 

Tuesday, February 11, 2025

Letter about Taoism

Lexie,

In class we are learning about Taoism and its various core values; one sticks out to me more than any other: action/non-action or being/non-being. In our lecture a specialist explores various ways to look at what The Tao, the 6th reinforcing this value:  "Tao is the original state of the thing." You know my thoughts about how our modern culture is not sustainable to the human spirit and goes against our innate natures.  

So we have "tao" - "a way" to reach "The Tao" - "original state".  Action/non-action/being/nonbeing is the way of trying to describe the core value of Taoism that pursuing purposeful action is a way of self-undermining. This has a lot to do with the overarching theme of humility and warns against ambition. This seems radical but think about it... ambition is the root of a lot of suffering. We work hard so that we can survive, but the system is set up to feed the ambitions of the wealthy. Greed & ambition go hand in hand... but if we were allowed to just exist we would be in a utopia. There are too many examples to list. Instead of us chasing ambition to change our lives, Taoism would say to exist and what is meant to be pursued will come to you. If you don't accept the identity thrust on you then you will eventually find who you are in your natural state. Action is born out of non action, being is born out of non-being.  

 Tao Te Ching warns against ambition, taking glory, accruing excessive wealth, using force to form authority... this is clearly about politics. What we have been dealing with today was taking shape in China when the book was written (6th century BC China). This was a feudal era in China, so naturally there was wars and structural changes, caste systems that allowed for corruption and internal power struggles, and a King with total control. The Tao has a lot of critique when it comes to these things... and honestly I wish this was applied more in today's society.  

Miss you always, 

Pixie

Saturday, February 8, 2025

Spiritual Direction

 Okay so..... I am thinking of changing my major to Spiritual Direction.


Spiritual Direction and Interreligious Chaplaincy have the same class requirements except for 3 classes:

Chaplaincy:
  • Preaching and Your Public Voice --- I have ZERO interest in preaching. Zero. 
  • Intercultural Approaches to Chaplaincy
  • Interreligious Approaches to Chaplaincy
  • 2 Semester of CPE

Spiritual Development:
  • The Art of Discernment
  • Spiritual Direction/Companionship 1
  • Spiritual Direction/Companionship 2
  • Spiritual Direction Practicum --> Maybe get an intership through sacred well?

At the end of the day.... a chaplain is a pastor, just not at a church. 

https://nacmc.org/2023/12/29/comparativeanalysisontherolesofchaplains/
https://www.b-ing.org/direction/difference.php
  • Chaplains are typically sought out in times of crisis, critical incidents, trauma, or when an individual feels that something is not right. The patient does not choose a chaplain; rather, the chaplain is often assigned based on the nature of the situation. In contrast, spiritual directors operate in a realm of personal choice, where clients actively seek their guidance for contemplation, meditation, and self-awareness.
  • The role of the director is to provide a safe, caring environment, as well as to truly ‘be’ with and listen to the directee and to help the directee explore and sit with what God/Divine is offering. The focus of spiritual direction is not teaching or problem solving.


I would have to do the chaplaincy program to get ordained through Sacred Well as a clergy person. 
HOWEVER I could take their ordination program at the deacon level and be considered ordained/backed by a denomination... which means I could still be a chaplain as a back up at a hospital or hospice. 

So.... 4 years seminary and then I'd take their year long course for $200 and get ordained as a pagan deacon. 

In either case its the same time, 90% same classes, and boils down to 

Friday, February 7, 2025

Pastoral care midterm

 LOLOLOLOLOL


Well... This midterm paper was almost 12 pages but I had to cut an entire section out of it and then play with the margins to keep it within the 7 page limit... 


also somehow its 3am. Class ended at 9.


Fuck me. 

Thursday, February 6, 2025

For presenting my chapter

 How the proesentation goes:


1.    Give a summary of the reading (The co-leaders can divide the pages for the summary) 

2.    Raise ONE reflective question the reading evokes within you or offer a critique (i.e. point out weaknesses, and/or strengths) that you have noted and ask for comment from the class. (The co-leaders should bring the question or critique) 

You have about 10 mins for your presentation and then you can lead the discussion about 5-10 mins.

Wednesday, February 5, 2025

Wedding day dream

 Ya know what? I’m watching say yes to the dress and I’m daydreaming again. 


I think I’d want a small intimate hand-fasting ceremony, as a commitment ceremony before the gods. 

Then have a really big engagement party. 

Year and a day later 

Have an actual wedding ceremony with the signed certificate and everything with guests. Still want it relatively small, but I would pretty much be doing it for the friends and family. Then a dinner with the wedding party afterward instead of a  reception. 

I’d want a cruise for the honeymoon~ somewhere where we get to go on excursions and swim in the ocean and just… live and exist together in bliss. 


Previously I said Champaign and dusty blue with a burgundy accent… what I’d I change it even more?

Light/dusty blue and champagne, maybe some burgundy accents? 

Like I wear a blue dress and my brides maids wear champagne. 


Thinking something like this: 

https://www.wedtrend.com/products/blue-spaghetti-straps-corset-mermaid-long-prom-dress-with-appliques?currency=USD&variant=42258135711814&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Google%20Shopping&stkn=ee18a9f46d34&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAo_hFHzkFjgJyviLtxQMhyjjFaBCx&gclid=CjwKCAiAtYy9BhBcEiwANWQQLyQgU6KKZdnRpsKtW0yJgQgHhWdq37rsHuRq3MuDOIuE1LbIzAsi0hoCpSIQAvD_BwE#1

https://www.flormiss.com/a-line-straight-long-sleeves-appliques-lace-sweep-train-tulle-dress-f23p1145.html

https://www.laveliya.com/a-line-long-sleeves-tulle-sweetheart-appliques-lace-sweep-train-corset-convertible-dress-jmp0124.html

-https://a.co/d/bUsFym6

https://a.co/d/fzs6oxD


With this brides maid dress:

https://a.co/d/iJpTHT1

And something like this for my bouquet 

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1806825627/dusty-blue-natural-and-ivory-sola-wood?gpla=1&gao=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_ps-b-weddings&utm_custom1=_k_CjwKCAiAtYy9BhBcEiwANWQQLyGFz_DBpq7Y2fBR3Qc0DaDIQccvy3C5S-_-Rgs0mylkJD4x8Ty_1BoCIk0QAvD_BwE_k_&utm_content=go_21791667537_169566885798_716586690708_aud-2007167693269%3Apla-298195655715_m__1806825627_136076952&utm_custom2=21791667537&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADtcfRKD4A111P6v_gz0h_qmMPOld&gclid=CjwKCAiAtYy9BhBcEiwANWQQLyGFz_DBpq7Y2fBR3Qc0DaDIQccvy3C5S-_-Rgs0mylkJD4x8Ty_1BoCIk0QAvD_BwE&variation1=4831627422

Tuesday, February 4, 2025

Notes from Generation to Generation - Friedman (yuck)

Introduction:

  • ... involved in three distinct families: the families within the congregation, our congregations, and our own [family]. Because the emotional process in all of these systems is identical, unresolved issues in any of them can produce symptoms in the other, and increased understanding of any one creates more effective functioning in all three. (1)
  • From a family systems point of view , stress is less the result of some quantitative notion such as "overwork" and more the effect of our position in the triangle of our families. (1)
  • "The family model, on the other hand, conceptualizes a system's problems in terms of an imbalance that must have occurred in the network of its various relationships, no matter what the nature of the individual personalities [as opposed to pitting character traits of people against one other]" - Friedman 23
  • The basic question family theory always asks, therefore, is not do these personalities fit, but, rather, what has happened to the fit that was there? Why has the symptoms surfaced now? This is not a static concept, but a dynamic one, as when a thermostat controls the temperature balance, not at a fixed point but within a range. - Friedman 23
  • Two types of interdependence
    • Series - If one component goes bad, they all go bad. If one is depressed, the others are as well or all overcompensate. less togetherness, more stuck-togetherness. Friedman 25
    • parallel - different components are less dependent on each other, when one person is in dysfunction they are able to heal independently and more easily. - Friedman 26
    • No family is totally in series or parallel, but on a continuum between extremes, with most families closer tot he series end. - Friedman 26  
  • Generally the human component of  a family system have the capacity for some self- differentiation, the capacity for some awareness of their own position in the relationship system, how it is affected by balancing forces, and how change in each individual's functioning can in turn influence that homeostasis. - Friedman 27
  • ... differentiation means the capacity of a family member to define his or her own life's goals and values apart from surrounding togetherness pressures, to say "I" when others are demanding "you" and "we". It includes to maintain the capacity.... for maximum responsibility of one's own destiny and emotional being... the concept should not be confused with autonomy or narcissism. differentiation means the capacity to be an "I" while still connected.  - Friedman 27
    • While still living at home, I attempted to self differentiate which through off the homeostasis of our system. In the end I was not able to achieve self differentiation, so I had to achieve autonomy instead. 
    • This does not mean I would have more problems or be less functioning as a person but it would mean I am less equipped to handle crisis and seek to restore homeostasis as fast as possible instead of being open to change. (28)
    • Self differentiation allows for total independence in a relationship, while the opposite breeds codependency. Most couples are closer to the latter but fall in the middle - paraphrased - page 29
  • Anxious systems are less likely to allow for differentiated leaders, leaderless systems are more likely to be anxious. (29) - instead of coaching the leader to leave, coach them to stand firm in their goals/values/differentiation and that strength will ease anxiety once resistance dies down leading to healing. 
  • Differentiation from generational patterns  = breaking generational curses. What he describes on page 32. All three of my sisters have done this... we have a generational curses of childhood abuse, mental illness, sexual assault, and low to lower-middle socio-economic class. While none of us escaped sexual assault or mental illness, my twin sister has broken the generational curse of economic status and is determined to break the cycle of child abuse and neglect. To break the latter cycle both my younger sister and I have decided to be child free - myself going so far as to get sterilized. 
    • The most significant aspect of the extended family field is the role it can play in the process of self differentiation. the position we occupy in our family of origin is the only ting we can never share or give to another while we are still alive. It is the source of our uniqueness, and, hence, our basic parameter for emotional potential as well as our difficulties. (34) 
  • Emotional triangle is formed by any three persons or issues....basic law of emotional triangles  is that when two parts of a system become uncomfortable with one another they will "triangle in" or focus on a third person or issue to stabilize their own relationship with one another. A person may be said to be "triangled" if he or she gets caught in the middle of such an unresolved issue....the emotional triangle focuses on the process rather than content- Friedman 36
    • We can only change a relationship to which we belong - Friedman 39
  • When family members use physical distance to solve problems of emotional interdependency, the result is always temporary, or includes a transference of  of the problem to another relationship system. - 40 
  • For it is the feedback of an anxious other that gives any chronic condition its shape and continuity, and thus, its homeostasis. Where the person in the feedback position (me) can he helped to reduce his or her anxiety about the others condition and to change his or her way of adapting or reacting to the symptom.... the problem will seem to get worse at first and it will take longer to go back to its previous best. Related here is the notion that it is not possible to eliminate any chronic condition without going through a phase that is acute. - 47
    • Example on 49 demonstrates this... "I will stop trying to force your hand to resolve the issue, instead I remove myself from the triangle by taking X measures and you can continue to do what it is that makes me anxious" - I did this with Jimmie. 

Mid term notes for Pastoral Care - Family systems theory

 Outline:

Option 1: Organized by community - perhaps one day I will end up writing this paper, very in-depth. This one would be too traumatizing to do at the moment as it relies more heavily on Friedman than Wimberly. Given how common Friedman and family systems theory is, I don't doubt it will come back up. Plus I feel this paper would end up being too long. 

  1. Introduction
    1. Opening: carrying on the "stories metaphor" and what myths I fall into overall.
    2. The layout of the paper: 
      1. looking at my role in each community group and what "myths" are involved and how that shapes my behavior and fulfillment of this role
      2. the cultural, socio-economic, geographic, religious context of each community. (Historic context is provided by how I break up the communities I examine)
  2. Family of Origin : *warning: mentions of mental, emotion, and physical abuse
    1. Growing up, my role in the family from what I can remember
      1. the myths that were perpetuated from a young age
    2. triangles, anxiety, and how I learned to handle it (which has remained the same, even now)
      1. conflict in the face of trying to self-differentiate (closeness and distance)
  3. Past Community (time span 2016-2023)
    1. North Carolina: Close friendships, Drag Family, The "College Coven", Romantic Relationships
    2. What "myths" are involved and how that shapes my behavior and fulfillment of the roles in each (Primarily will talk about my Drag family)
    3. Finally achieving self differentiation through Spiritual mean. 
    4. triangles, anxiety, and how I learned to handle it at the time and the consequences of that(closeness and distance)
  4. Current Community (2023-present)
    1. Leaving North Carolina and Moving to Wisconsin... how Distance changed everything.
    2. The two small groups I am a part of, a new myth that has emerged and how it affects my behavior. 
    3. Anxieties and challenges that have emerged over the last year
  5. Conclusion:
    1. How this will affect my future community - family, social, and minstry
    2. Reauthoring and room for improvement
    3. the importance of self-care
Option 2: Organized by Myth 
  1. Introduction:
    1. Opening: carrying on the "stories metaphor" and what myths I fall into overall.
    2. Structure of the paper: What Myths I fall into 
      1. How the myth developed
      2. the socio-economic, cultural, historical, and religious context involved
      3. Anxieties that occur because of it and how they are addressed 
  2. Personal Myths
    1. Examine each myth and how it came to be
    2. how they manifest: behavior, anxieties, conflicts, and consequences (closeness vs distance)
    3. How I self differentiated
  3. "Family" Myths
    1.  Examine each myth and how it came to be
    2. how they/might manifest: behavior, anxieties, conflicts, and consequences (closeness vs distance)
    3. How I self differentiated/plan to self differentiate 
  4. Ministry Myths 
    1.  Examine each myth and how it came to be
    2. how they/might manifest: behavior, anxieties, conflicts, and consequences (closeness vs distance)
    3. How I self differentiated/plan to self differentiate 
  5. Conclusion:
    1. Summary
    2. Reauthoring and room for improvement
    3. The importance of self care

----------------------------------------------------------



As a fiction and poetry writer, I found a great appreciation for Wimberly's method of exploring family systems theory in his book Recalling Our Own Stories. His explanations of the consequences of social triangles and anxious behavior through archetypes was in sharp contrast with Friedman's methodical approach. Wimberly's approach encourages a written story highlighting the consequences of anxious behaviors when gone unchecked, while Friedman examines the fine print as to why such behaviors manifest. I have long associated writing with my spiritual practice and have found writing to be the best method of shadow work (1). Through shadow work one is able to examine their lives and personalities and are able to identify our own mythologies as Wimberly puts it. "By mythology, I mean the beliefs and convictions that people have about themselves, their relationships with others, their roles in life, and their ministry." (Wimberly, 8) Inspired by Wimberly's metaphor, I continue to use vocabulary commonly used amongst modern fiction writers and readers, building on his metaphor and making it my own as I reflect on my own life through the family systems lens. 

Thesis sentence for options 1: In this paper I will deep dive into the "myths" and roles that I have played throughout my life in various communities chronologically, focusing on the development of each myth and the consequences of the anxious behaviors they bring, and ending with how my future communities in ministry would be affected if I do not complete my re-authoring of such myths. 

Thesis sentence for option 2: In this paper I will deep dive into the various "myths" and roles I have played throughout my life; I will analyze what communities the anxious behaviors arise in, the consequences of such behaviors,  the various influential contexts that lead to their development, and end with how my future communities in ministry would be affected if I do not complete my re-authoring of such myths. 

Stress is a top contributor to the chronic issue of caregiver burnout found amongst the clergy, which is why self-care has become such an important aspect ( Walker-Barnes, 8).  Family systems theory is a unique tool for self-care that one has to examine areas in their life that addresses the cause of the stress as opposed to the symptoms (1). If a clergy member were feeling intense stress in regards to their job, Friedman would suggest that instead of changing jobs to remove the perceived stressor, such as overworking, the best approach would be to look at the connections within the clergy member's system of relationships to see which were forming triangles and adding additional pressure to their job (Friedman, 18). Friedman's approach to family systems theory allows a objective view of a person's life to diagnose and treat anxious behavior, which is vitally important for those called to spiritual service because when there is a dysfunction in a system it will then bleed into other systems such as interactions with care-seekers or congregates unconsciously (Friedman 21). While Friedman's approach looks at the details of the system of a relationship, Wimberly categorizes anxious behaviors into his archetypical myths. As we move forward in this paper, I will use a combination of both approaches to examine my own. 

------------------

Other quotes that will come in handy as I describe my role in the communities around me:

  • Perfectionistic thinking is so strong that we deny our own need for healing and resist the efforts of others to help us see our vulnerability and suffering. (10)
  • take on premature adult responsibility are often victims of ideal or perfect-child expectations. They [walking wounded] become overfunctioners and take on the major responsibility for maintaining and cultivating relationships. They learn to neglect their own needs, repress deep resentments about being taken for granted by others, and seek caring roles as a way to deal with and medicate their hurts and unreturned love. They often seek relationships that perpetuate their family-of-origin roles; close relationships are a frustrating and unrewarding experience. (37)
  • The sources of ministerial mythology range from the religious caregiver’s private inner life to a sense of calling, to family roles and dynamics, to religious upbringing, to theological and ecclesiastical traditions, and to sociocultural roles. self-differentiation is the ability to take the “I” position in the context of family, that is, the maturity and ability to know who we are apart from others ...(32) --> then lead into how I learned to self differentiate (Lilith).  
  • Additionally, the ideal expectations that we bring to marriage and family life may be very similar to those we bring to relationships with parishioners and people for whom we care. As we have seen, unresolved family-of-origin issues are often transferred to the ideal mate or ideal child, who is then expected to make up for the deficits we sustained in our own early childhood. The same expectations can be transferred to caregiving settings, with the person receiving our care expecting us to make up for her own deficient childhood needs. It is important for us to note that the transference can work in either direction, to or from the caregiver. (29) -- on how this can affect me in the future. 
  • Reauthoring recognizes that change in convictions and beliefs is possible; we are not totally at the mercy of our early childhood experiences, unconscious processes, and cultural conventions. While altering our myths is a slow process with much struggle and resistance, reauthoring moves forward as our resolve grows that we are neither totally passive in creating and formulating myths nor acquiescent in living out the stories that myths entail. (38) --- conclusion.. how I am working on it. 
  • As we mature and grow older, however, we discover that unique and personal attributions are not only possible but can be different from those shared by others. Ultimately, as adults we combine shared and private attributions to shape our understanding of reality and experience. Personal, marital-family, and ministerial myths are shared and private attributions in a storied formulation, a mythical pattern. They develop socially and personally, based on interactions with others as we participate in life. As social creations, myths are not just socially inherited or passed on to others without being personally modified. In fact, we make subtle shifts in them as we develop our own private attributions. (38) --- this is true! If in a negative way the sunshine character emerges, then that means we can change and emerge a better version of ourselves as well! -- makes me think of "no self".. 
  • While transformation is inherent to the formulation of myths, it is not always easy. Myths function to interpret reality and events that take place throughout life...if we understand how myths evolve and see how we participate in their creation, we can discern the possibility of transformation. In the actual process of editing myths, we are surprised to discover that what was once considered closed and permanently fossilized in our being is not only changeable but actually awaiting transformation. (38) --> shadow work 
  • Attribution, or assigning meaning to life experiences, is the result of our encounters with life transitions and traumatic events. Myths are formed from attributions that help us make sense of things. Life transitions and traumas such as accidents challenge our existing, attributed structure of meaning. Existing attributions are often inadequate in helping us respond to new challenges; they need to be modified to “explain” the new situational demands (Rediger 1996). (38) ---> Tower tarot card. My aloofness developed to counter the sunshine character... now I need to create a new myth to ease the aloofness. 
  • As we face challenges to our existing mythic formulations and interpretations of reality, not all of us will do the necessary editing and updating. Some of us resist changing them, feeling secure with what we already have done regarding our beliefs. Others of us, however, readily welcome the challenges and grow as a result. We see the new challenges as opportunities rather than dangers. (38) --> The lesson behind suffering. 
  • Where in the steps of reauthorizing am I?
    • Identify the themes that make up our personal myth:  The most important one is to set a proper environment or context for the reauthoring process. --> done: therapy
    • Assess the influences: The second phase is mapping and assessing the impact of the personal myths on our lives. The myth we create is related to how we carry out our lives and live in our relationships. We begin tracing the themes of our personal myths: how they are associated with experiences we had early in our lives. --> Currently tip toeing on this. 
    • Attempting to Discern God in the process: Identifying God’s presence and work in our lives is a process unique to each of us. How we discern depends on a variety of things relating to how we carry out our spiritual discipline....We may see God working through a slow process as we examine our lives in segments, in the different periods of time. (40)
    • Make plans to alter the themes in our stories to increase growth possibilities: The goal of reauthoring personal myths is to revise the story that runs through our personal behavior, to heal wounds and transform them into sources of strength in service to others. The identification, assessment, and discerning phases of the reauthoring process are all essential components to altering personal myths. Making plans is the final phase, wherein we outline the specific steps that will modify the myth. -- not there yet. Thats to come. 
    • Returning home: This dimension of the reauthoring process is meant to gather information to fill in the gaps in our understanding of personal myths...Some people do not have the choice to return home....We can see that reauthoring personal myths has no specific timetable. It varies with each person, depending on the level of maturity, the severity of the problems involved, and other complex factors. Some people are able to revise their myths in a weekend retreat, while others may need much longer. --> part of me fears that I may never be truly successful with this. But one must be brave! (40)
  • Possible problems I will face ministry wise:
    • There are two quite common causes: the student has to commit emotional energy to the seminary experience, or the curriculum work precipitates their personal growth. In the second instance, the pace of personal growth accelerates because of new and intense experiences that the student undergoes with peers, in the classroom, and in supervised ministerial encounters. (41) --- I can see both already happening. 
  • "The family model, on the other hand, conceptualizes a system's problems in terms of an imbalance that must have occurred in the network of its various relationships, no matter what the nature of the individual personalities [as opposed to pitting character traits of people against one other]" - Friedman 23
  • The basic question family theory always asks, therefore, is not do these personalities fit, but, rather, what has happened to the fit that was there? Why has the symptoms surfaced now? This is not a static concept, but a dynamic one, as when a thermostat controls the temperature balance, not at a fixed point but within a range. - Friedman 23
  • Two types of interdependence
    • Series - If one component goes bad, they all go bad. If one is depressed, the others are as well or all overcompensate. less togetherness, more stuck-togetherness. Friedman 25
    • parallel - different components are less dependent on each other, when one person is in dysfunction they are able to heal independently and more easily. - Friedman 26
    • No family is totally in series or parallel, but on a continuum between extremes, with most families closer tot he series end. - Friedman 26  
  • Generally the human component of  a family system have the capacity for some self- differentiation, the capacity for some awareness of their own position in the relationship system, how it is affected by balancing forces, and how change in each individual's functioning can in turn influence that homeostasis. - Friedman 27
  • ... differentiation means the capacity of a family member to define his or her own life's goals and values apart from surrounding togetherness pressures, to say "I" when others are demanding "you" and "we". It includes to maintain the capacity.... for maximum responsibility of one's own destiny and emotional being... the concept should not be confused with autonomy or narcissism. differentiation means the capacity to be an "I" while still connected.  - Friedman 27
    • While still living at home, I attempted to self differentiate which through off the homeostasis of our system. In the end I was not able to achieve self differentiation, so I had to achieve autonomy instead. 
    • This does not mean I would have more problems or be less functioning as a person but it would mean I am less equipped to handle crisis and seek to restore homeostasis as fast as possible instead of being open to change. (28)
    • Self differentiation allows for total independence in a relationship, while the opposite breeds codependency. Most couples are closer to the latter but fall in the middle - paraphrased - page 29
  • Differentiation from generational patterns  = breaking generational curses. What he describes on page 32. All three of my sisters have done this... we have a generational curses of childhood abuse, mental illness, sexual assault, and low to lower-middle socio-economic class. While none of us escaped sexual assault or mental illness, my twin sister has broken the generational curse of economic status and is determined to break the cycle of child abuse and neglect. To break the latter cycle both my younger sister and I have decided to be child free - myself going so far as to get sterilized. 
    • The most significant aspect of the extended family field is the role it can play in the process of self differentiation. the position we occupy in our family of origin is the only ting we can never share or give to another while we are still alive. It is the source of our uniqueness, and, hence, our basic parameter for emotional potential as well as our difficulties. (34) 
  • Emotional triangle is formed by any three persons or issues....basic law of emotional triangles  is that when two parts of a system become uncomfortable with one another they will "triangle in" or focus on a third person or issue to stabilize their own relationship with one another. A person may be said to be "triangled" if he or she gets caught in the middle of such an unresolved issue....the emotional triangle focuses on the process rather than content- Friedman 36
    • We can only change a relationship to which we belong - Friedman 39
  • When family members use physical distance to solve problems of emotional interdependency, the result is always temporary, or includes a transference of  of the problem to another relationship system. - 40 
    • Mom and I got along better but she and cara started fighting more... as I was no longer there to be caras verbal punching bag and I was not longer there to be momma's support. 
  • For it is the feedback of an anxious other that gives any chronic condition its shape and continuity, and thus, its homeostasis. Where the person in the feedback position (me) can he helped to reduce his or her anxiety about the others condition and to change his or her way of adapting or reacting to the symptom.... the problem will seem to get worse at first and it will take longer to go back to its previous best. Related here is the notion that it is not possible to eliminate any chronic condition without going through a phase that is acute. - 47
    • Example on 49 demonstrates this... "I will stop trying to force your hand to resolve the issue, instead I remove myself from the triangle by taking X measures and you can continue to do what it is that makes me anxious" - I did this with Jimmie. 
  • Love of self is a prerequisite for love of neighbor - Lartey & Moon 24
  • Spiritual care then has to be accounting for, reviewing, and exploring the dyadic relational dynamics that are typical for anyone seeking help. Spiritual care providers need to assist people examine ways in which these one-on-one relationships can promote or hinder health and wholeness.  - Lartey & Moon 25    
  • Spirituality very clearly has to do with the way in which we encounter the created world...Spiritual care has to do with the caring for what is spiritual about us as human beings. ... what is spiritual is our capacity to relate. Spiritual care then is concerned with facilitating healthy relationships - with God, with self, with others, and with the environment." - Lartey & Moon 27                                                                                                   
--------------------------
In my current community

I am a part of a small group of Druids and Druid-aligning people, the closest thing to a "spiritual community" I think I will have for the foreseeable future. However, despite how much I love talking about religion and spirituality with them I find that the level of trust I truly need to feel a sense of community is not there. Instead of being able to lower my guard and discuss spiritual healing I hide my vulnerability, and instead seek to help those in the group while still being unhealed myself. This manifests itself in my interactions with both this group and others through the need to be "the sunshine character" (footnote). The sunshine character's role is to be the source of joy, relief, and uplifting energy to help keep up the spirits of everyone around them. The sunshine character must always be happy, perceived to be sunshine personified, sharing their never ending smile and spreading it freely. This takes enormous amounts of energy and most often comes at my own expense, leaving me feeling burnt out and overwhelmed with the emotions I have been unable to express. 

The sunshine character is a great example of when the myth of jubilation mixes with the "walking wounded." 

 the walking wounded describes a person, usually in a caregiving or supportive role, who denies their pain and vulnerability so that they can fulfill their supportive role. (Wimberly 11) The danger of this comes from the building anxiety that stems from this unsustainable way of living. 
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What can I do as I move forward, feeling disconnected from my community and thus struggling to maintain spiritual renewal? I should default to my hidden community - those that I call my spiritual support system. This is made up of the gods that I work with and connect to, my ancestors from both this life and previous, as well as a group of individual spirits I call "my host of friends". It is through my intimate connections and moments with them through private practice that I am able to reauthor my story as I continue to write it moving forward. (Wimberly 13)

Our task is to reedit, or reauthor, our own mythologies where they make it difficult to carry out our call. In reauthoring the myths in our lives, we assume that the call from God is ongoing. God’s call is like an unfolding drama in which new meaning is disclosed daily, and as the called we are invited to participate in these new meanings and possibilities. (13)

I am finding that without community to share it with, I struggle to hear "the call" and receive spiritual renewal. 

Spiritual renewal is finding a fresh, novel, and creative way of allowing the call to reorient our present lives so as to bring replenishment and hope. Spiritual renewal is a process of connecting with our original motivation for ministry, and then moving systematically into examining areas of our lives in light of that call. (Wimberly, 8)
A third thing I learned about spiritual renewal from my father is that it requires not only reflecting on the call but also rehearsing and recounting the story in a community or public setting. My dad chose the pulpit, and Paul had to use the courtroom. Spiritual renewal is greatly enhanced when it is done with others present. (Wimberly, 8)

Myths that I fall into:
  • Personal:
    • The Myth of the Good Girl: The myth of the good girl is the conviction that you must be good and gracious at all costs. It is rooted in feelings that you cannot be angry or upset because this will make others uncomfortable. The goal is perfect goodness.(17)
    • The Myth of Invulnerability: The myth of invulnerability is a major theme in the lives of most ministers. I have found it the most prevalent myth in my teaching in seminary. Even in retreats, ministers seem to need permission from the leader and others to be open about their vulnerability. In a competitive and success-oriented culture being vulnerable is a liability. Not recognizing our vulnerability and using it appropriately is a liability as well. (18)
    • The Myth of Aloofness: The loner is convinced of their ineptness in close relationships. In the myth of aloofness, we believe that emotional closeness is dangerous. We must stay disengaged or disconnected from relationships in order to be a self. As aloof persons, we fear being swallowed up in relationships. We are intimidated and overwhelmed by the perfectionistic expectations of others, so we must remain aloof in order to survive emotionally.(19)
  • Family:
    • The myth of dire consequences: This myth is a belief, shared by all family members, that the family cannot survive unless a selected person plays a specific—for him sacrificial—role. What makes the myth negative is just this need to sacrifice his own growth and development while actually thinking that the sacrifice is essential for the family to survive. This is often the case with caretakers who are expected to take on premature adult responsibility. The family as a whole believes that it cannot function well without that person performing this essential role.(28)
      • The myth of the family mediator: The myth of mediation finds a particular family member selected to be the family reconciler, to whom every family member turns when there is conflict.
    • The myth of jubilation: This myth of expectation is commonly found among religious caregivers who were assigned adult responsibility as children and who lost their childhood as a result. One ideal-mate image is the expectation that our spouse creates an environment of joy that compensates for the childhood we lost while growing up. This unconscious myth holds that the spouse will stimulate unlimited joy and happiness. (23)
    • The myth of settling: An important theme in ideal-mate expectations is that of settling. In my experience, settling is more commonly found among women ministers. Its themes grow out of cultural expectations of women...With regard to the image of the ideal mate, settling dictates that it is sufficient to find a mate who allows one to retain a vestige of the role played in the family of origin. Thus, one settles for no more than what one experienced in childhood. In the language of ideal-mate expectations, the myth of settling essentially says, “If I can’t have my ideal or perfect mate, I’ll settle for the next best thing.” (23)
    • The myth of repudiating family-of-origin pitfalls:  It is typical that we want to avoid the pitfalls and problems we witnessed in our family of origin. Therefore, at the conscious level we make an effort to marry someone who we believe can potentially help us avoid repeating the past. This is a common expectation for many religious caregivers. The myth of repudiation is an ideal-mate image wherein we expect our mate to repudiate something of our negative family-of-origin experience. Our family-of-origin experience has been so negative that we not only want the positive experiences to be repeated but also want to avoid the repetition of the bad family patterns. It is intuitive that our desire to avoid the negative family-of-origin patterns is stronger than our desire to repeat the positive family experiences. (25)
  • Ministry:
    • The myth of pleasing at all costs: It sounds ironic, but the myth of pleasing is related to the theme of self-sacrifice. We often sacrifice who we are to make sure that others are happy; we place their need for nurture and growth before our own. The desire to please and be liked becomes so overwhelming at times that we literally lose our sense of self. As caregivers, we are prone to living out this myth. (34)



For paper structure....


Title Page:

PM1001

Mid-Length Project: Ecomap

Pixie Sawyer


Ecomap Reflection: A Genogram Alternative Assignment 









Table of Contents

  • Title page and Ecomap

  • Introduction: Family Systems Theory

  • Part 1: Personal Myths

  • Part 2: Family Myths

  • Part 3: Ministry Myths

  • Conclusion: Re-authoring and Self-Care


1) Write a paper describing yourself in its larger cultural, socio-economic, geographic, and historical contexts, including a brief account of your religious history.

3) Examine the strengths and assets, as well as the sources of conflict and challenges, within

your network of important people, close relationships, and key connections.

4) Finally, indicate what you have learned concerning issues you may need to be aware of in

your own interpersonal relational styles and dynamics and in your styles of pastoral/

spiritual care-giving.


Length: 6-7 pages


Organized by Myth 

  1. Introduction:

    1. Opening: carrying on the "stories metaphor" and what myths I fall into overall.

    2. Structure of the paper: What Myths I fall into 

      1. How the myth developed

      2. the socio-economic, cultural, historical, and religious context involved

      3. Anxieties that occur because of it and how they are addressed 

  2. Personal Myths

    1. Examine each myth and how it came to be

    2. how they manifest: behavior, anxieties, conflicts, and consequences (closeness vs distance)

    3. How I self differentiated

  3. "Family" Myths

    1.  Examine each myth and how it came to be

    2. how they/might manifest: behavior, anxieties, conflicts, and consequences (closeness vs distance)

    3. How I self differentiated/plan to self differentiate 

  4. Ministry Myths 

    1.  Examine each myth and how it came to be

    2. how they/might manifest: behavior, anxieties, conflicts, and consequences (closeness vs distance)

    3. How I self differentiated/plan to self differentiate 

  5. Conclusion:

    1. Summary

    2. Reauthoring and room for improvement

    3. The importance of self care


Citation/Bibliography


Lartey, Emmanuel Y., and Hellena Moon, eds. Postcolonial Images of Spiritual Care: 

Challenges of Care in a Neoliberal Age. Eugene, OR: Pickwick Publications, 2020. 


Friedman, Edwin H.. Generation to Generation : Family Process in Church and Synagogue. New York: Guilford Publications, 1985.  ProQuest Ebook Central.


Wimberly, Edward P. Recalling Our Own Stories: Spiritual Renewal for Religious Caregivers

Minneappolis: Fortress Press, 2019. 978-1506454771