you look, but do you see?

when you see my smiling face

you do not deem to give the grace

of actually looking. 

but what when behind the smile

i'm not that person all the while,

i am actually me.

when people look into the future they see themselves falling short or standing tall.

when i look into the future, i see absolutely nothing at all.

as if i'm not there.

some might say this is just a fear,

but what of this voice that no one hears?

the one that speaks to my heart?

that i will die before i am wed,

before i bare a child to bed,

before i live a  future.

there are several ways my life could end,

turning to fast or to slow when the roadway bends,

or in my sleep.

or i shall know the feeling of a bullet

going into me, for the paper in my wallet.

or rather a knife?

i feel my life will end by blade or gun or car crash

but maybe that is how i've died in lives past,

maybe it will pass.

maybe i'm a foolish child who knows nothing of fate,

and you'll just smile and say "poem is great"

but we'll never know.

at least until the time has come

when my time in this life is done,

when i die.

i do not fear this, i do not cry,

i do not get angry, or wonder why,

i just accept this feeling as a knowing.

when i bid this world so long,

simply miss me,'when i'm gone.

please grant me that one wish.

when i'm lost to time and space,

when i am taken from you,

while i'm in this place,

tell what you see...

when you truly look into my face.