ill mood.

huh.

so while shopping i got hit with a pang of lonliness.

then i got reminded that my birthday is in a week.

i'm going to be alone. on my birthday. with nothing to do.

and now i'm just in a foul mood. not even criminal minds really interests me right now.

ugh.

you know.

i havn't had an actual relationship since jake. which was over a year ago. (october 20th - i had to go look it up to be sure)

yes i dated Mary... but it was never more than friendship for me. i tried to feel more but i didn't.


its been over a year since i was in an actual relationship.

fuck.

you know they said it would get easier in college.

finding a girlfriend would be easier.


everyone needs to shut their fucking mouths because that is a damn fucking lie.

i'm on dating sites. nothing. just assholes of both genders looking for sex.


i was already lonley and then the realization that i am going to spend my birthday alone pushed me over the fucking edge, i just want to punch somethign and cry.

and this has nothing to do with jake. itys just that i am so lonely and fed up with being alone.

and i'm going to spend this birthday alone. i'm going to spend yule, and christmas, and new years all single and i'm scared that i am going to start getting bitter because this is hurting my heart.

i don't like this feeling.

i'm tired of being lonely.