Goddess

So Sunday I did shrooms. It was life changing.

If I know one thing, it’s that yes - shamanism is my thing.

During my trip I had visions of the core of magic. Saw ancient symbols as glowing blue glyphs behind my eyes. I became raw energy. My soul left my body at least 3 times, if Jimmie hasn’t pulled me back I’m sure I would have died.

I was possessed by several animal spirits including bear (after which I wa able to be with a baby bear as he was dieing. He has been hit by a car and was scared and alone somewhere north where it was snowing and I could smell evergreen trees.) there was also snake, and fox and one other animal I’m not sure who it was.

Then there was the goddesses. The first spirit I channeled was snake, this opened me up for the Hindu/Buddhist goddess Nagini to take over my body. I was also possessed by an Aztec or Mayan goddess - and she was interesting and terrifying. Nagini was powerful and dangerous but actually had no intent to harm Jimmie - just the opposite, she wanted to keep him forever; although she might have picked up on my feelings for him. The other goddess wanted blood. Either his or mine - she didn’t care but she felt she was owed blood. I was able to take control over my body out of fear for jimmie - but she still was with me.

Jimmie, being the empath that he is took one look at her/me and asked if she wanted blood. All we could do was nod; and he pointed out that she had already been given blood - my menstrual blood. as soon as he said that she was gone.

Both goddesses left and didn't return, but they left me with a gift. Every person had divine masculine and feminine energy.... they left me with the ability to access my divine feminine energy. After they were gone, i became a goddess on my own as divine feminine energy coarsed through me. It was peaceful and euphoric and chaotic and demanding and i felt more alive than i ever had before. It was similar to the other two goddesses but it was my own energy, not the energy of another. Jimmie saw it all. He says he can't unsee it and that he still sees me in that way... and he seems truly sincere when he says it. His eyes get more green and take on an almost humbled look.

when the trip ended i was worried that i wouldn't be able to feel that way again without the aid of mushrooms, but last night in my sleep i felt the divine energy take over me and i felt like a goddess again. I felt at peace again. I felt powerful despite my human body. the feeling lasted for hours before fading just before i had to get up for the day.


I would also like to point out that i have not had a single suicidal thought nor felt the desire to die since sunday. I actually have a desire to live. its a new feeling.